by Dalia Wright
In Emily’s car on the ride home, Anna sat in the passenger seat, asking her more questions about her own experience. “How did you even know how to apply? What did you do? I wouldn’t even know where to start.” She thought of all the students they’d seen, walking around the campus so confidently, secure in their intelligence. She didn’t know if she could ever be like that.
“It wasn’t easy,” Emily admitted, “but I’d made a few older friends during my rumspringa. I told my parents that I got a job at a small market, but really I began sneaking out of the community every day to go to the library. I checked out dozens of books, many to help me study for a test called the GRE, and sometimes my English friends would meet me and help me study and complete my applications. The process was challenging, but I think it actually worked in my favor that I had such a unique personal statement. My essay ended up earning me a full-ride scholarship, which is the only way it would have even been possible for me to go. It all feels like so long ago now,” Emily said, smiling, “but I’m so glad I did it.”
Anna thought it over on the rest of the ride back to Emily’s. She had loved her school, and continued to read and write a lot more than any of her friends. Going to college seemed like a great way to find, and get into, any career she wanted, although she wasn’t sure what that would be yet. But she didn’t know if she could leave her familye. She would miss them so much, and she feared that if she left the Amish community, she would never be welcomed back.
Later that evening, Connor came by Emily’s haus again. The weather was warming up and it was shaping up to be the first warm, spring night, so Anna and Connor sat outside together drinking lemonade and eating cookies that Anna and Mary had baked after Connor went home the previous night.
They were absorbed in conversation as usual, and Anna almost didn’t notice Connor’s phone light up on his chair when he got up to use the restroom. The flash of light just caught the corner of her eye, and she couldn’t help but to glance at it.
It was a text message from someone named Katie, and it looked like a long message. It faded back to the black phone screen before Anna had a chance to read it, but she noticed a couple of smiley faces in the message. Anna’s stomach churned. Something didn’t feel right, and she felt tempted to press a button on the phone to light it up again and read the message. But just then, Connor came back outside and sat down. He pressed a button, glanced at the screen, but quickly put it into his pocket.
Anna sat, waiting for him to explain or at least address the text message, but he didn’t; he just launched right back into their conversation. Not wanting to seem paranoid, Anna tried to forget about the message and just go back to enjoying her time with Connor, but it bothered her for the rest of the night up until he left.
She told Mary about it afterwards, and as she was talking, something suddenly clicked in her head. There had been a girl at Jake’s party named Katie. She had come in with a boy named Mark, and Tony had rushed over to say hello to them but Connor hadn’t.
“But Katie and Mark are a couple, right?” Anna asked Mary, already feeling a little bit reassured.
To her dismay, Mary shook her head. “Nee,” she said, “Katie and Mark are brother and sister.” Seeing the disappointment on her friend’s face, Mary quickly added, “But you still have nothing to worry about. Connor clearly really likes you. He even told you that! And he kissed you! I’m sure he and Katie were just talking about school or something.”
Anna nodded, trying to cheer up and take Mary’s advice to stop worrying. But it still seemed strange to her. If Connor and Katie were just friends from school, why hadn’t he said hello to her at the party? And why wouldn’t he have mentioned to Anna that they were talking about a school project or something? The whole situation didn’t sit right with her, and she tossed and turned restlessly that night.
Chapter 10
The next morning, things took a turn for the worse. Anna and Mary had walked from Emily’s house to a nearby café. They had now been staying with her for just over a week, and were more familiar with the town and the good places to eat.
Anna was starting to feel more optimistic about Connor, and was already beginning to look forward to him stopping by Emily’s that day. But as they approached the café, Anna suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Mary stopped too. “What is it?” she asked Anna.
Anna pointed. There in the distance sat Connor at one of the café’s outdoor tables, and a tall, redheaded girl was sitting with him. It was Katie.
Mary shook her head. “There’s got to be some explanation for this,” she reasoned. “Maybe they’re studying!”
“They don’t have any books or papers or anything with them,” Anna pointed out. “They’re on a date.” She turned around and began walking briskly back towards Emily’s haus, as if her fast pace would hold her tears back.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” Mary said, having to nearly run to keep up with Anna. “I think you should talk to him later today; figure out what’s really going on.”
“No,” said Anna, letting tears roll down her face now in defeat. “I already know what’s going on. He told me he likes me, but he probably told her that, too. Maybe other girls as well! He knew I was leaving, so has other relationships going on at the same time. That’s why he avoided Katie at the party. He’s just a good-for-nothing liar and cheater!”
Mary, probably surprised at this outburst from the usually even-tempered Anna, was quiet, and they walked the rest of the way back to Emily’s, where Anna went straight into their room. Mary didn’t go in, giving Anna her space. Anna laid face down on her air mattress, letting the tears flow freely. She was mad at Connor, of course, but she was mostly disappointed in herself. She had come to the English world just to explore and see what it was like, not to fall in love. And here she was; she’d let herself fall too hard and get this upset over the first English boy she met.
In some ways, though, this made Anna’s life easier. She missed home more than ever and knew she needed to go back. The English world was tempting with all of its possibilities, but now she realized that it was probably full of people like Connor. Men who were smart and attractive and interesting enough to get what they wanted, and take others’ feelings for granted. Maybe all Connor had been for her was another temptation to leave her life behind. Anna realized she was strong enough to resist temptations from now on, and as her tears subsided, she packed up her belongings and came out from the room to tell Mary and Emily that she wanted to go home.
Chapter 11
Emily drove Anna and Mary back to Lancaster that evening. Anna told them she was fine taking the train again, but Emily had insisted on driving, seeing that Anna was heartbroken, and Mary had wanted to go home too.
“I’ll visit you again soon, Emily,” Mary promised her cousin, “but I miss home a lot, too. Thanks so much for letting us stay with you!”
Anna also managed to thank Emily for everything, but remained quiet for most of the car ride home.
Emily dropped them off at the edge of their community, where they changed back into their Amish dresses and kapps in the corn field again before entering. Even though they’d been gone for just over a week, it felt like a lifetime for Anna. She felt sick at having spent her whole time in the English world with such a lousy person like Connor, and even though she would miss Emily, Will, and Avery, she didn’t think she’d ever want to go back.
When Anna got home, she told her familye that Mary’s great-aunt was feeling a lot better. They were happy to have her home, and if they noticed that she seemed sad, they didn’t say anything. Anna was glad for that; she didn’t want to talk, or even think, about Connor anymore.
Throughout the week that followed, Anna tried to get back to her old routine. She cooked for her familye, took care of her younger siblings, and did a lot of the chores around the haus. She even attended one of the church sings that Wednesday evening. All of the other teenagers were in high spirits, talking and mingling with one another. She notic
ed that the girls and boys were beginning to pair off. Several of the single boys there made attempts to strike up a conversation with her, but she didn’t feel up to talking to anyone, and knew that her short responses came across as cold. She wasn’t interested in love - not after Connor.
Yet she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She replayed that night over and over in her mind: the night where he told her that he really liked her and they had kissed so passionately. She had felt such a spark, like the beginnings of love. And Connor’s eyes had seemed so honest when he spoke to her, so genuine and sincere. After all of their time and conversations together, Anna never would have taken him for the kind of person to be secretly dating someone else. She bet that Katie didn’t know about her, and felt badly for her, too.
Mary came around to Anna’s haus a few times that week to try to console her and cheer her up, but Anna’s mood still didn’t change. “I’m sure your heart will heal in time,” Mary said reassuringly, and Anna tried to believe her, but it still hurt so badly.
Even Anna’s maemm had begun to talk to Anna about potential suitors. They would be doing chores when Anna’s maemm would ask about boys and suggest a few of them who she thought might be a “good match” for Anna. “Why don’t you talk to James at the next church sing?” she prodded. “He is such a nice young man, and I’ve heard that he fancies you.”
Anna nodded and changed the subject, but she knew she had no intention of speaking to any potential suitors. She could still only think of Connor.
Chapter 12
That Friday, it was early afternoon and Anna was alone in her haus doing chores. Her younger siblings were at school, and her parents were working outside. She was folding laundry and moping in silence when she suddenly heard a knock on the front door. She got up to answer it, and found Mary standing there holding a white envelope.
“It’s a letter from Emily,” said Mary excitedly. “You’ve got to hear this, Anna.”
Anna opened the door wider and led Mary to the living room, where they sat down. She figured that Emily had sent something about colleges, and she felt a wistful, longing feeling as she remembered their college tour. She would love to attend college, to walk across one of those beautiful campuses teeming with knowledge. But she knew that sadly, the English world was not for her.
As Mary began to read the letter, though, Anna soon realized it had nothing to do with colleges. “Dear Mary,” Mary read the letter aloud, “Will you please share this message with Anna? After I came back from driving you home on Saturday night, I found Connor sitting on my porch, waiting. He was looking for Anna. I told him that I had driven you both home, and he was disappointed, and asked why. At first I didn’t want to tell him. I thought he could figure out what had happened on his own. But he kept pleading and begging me to tell him why you had left. He honestly didn’t seem to know why, so I told him. I said that Anna had seen the text message from Katie, and then seen them together at the café, and put two and two together. He looked like he could laugh and cry at the same time. He explained that he suspected that both of you were Amish. He wasn’t even too close with Katie, but Tony is, and Connor remembered Tony mentioning that Katie had done a huge research project on the Amish faith and communities. He only contacted her and met with her to learn more about the Amish! He wanted to learn more about Anna.” Mary paused, looking up at Anna.
Anna’s mouth hung open in shock. She couldn’t quite process what she was hearing; it was all so much and so unexpected. How had he known she was Amish? Why hadn’t he told her that he knew?
Mary looked back down at the letter and continued reading. “Connor wanted to travel down to Lancaster and tell Anna all of this in person, but I advised him against it since I don’t know how Anna is feeling. Still, I think he might visit. And I really hope Anna gives him another chance. I think he’s in love with her. Tell me everything that happens. I miss you already and love you, Emily.” Mary put down the letter and looked at Anna again, this time waiting for her to speak.
But before Anna got the chance to string her thoughts together, there was another knock on the door. Anna and Mary both got up to answer it. This time, it was Anna’s neighbor, and older farmer named Robert.
“I was out in the corn field just now,” Robert said, scratching his head in confusion, “and then I ran into this English teenage boy. I thought he must be lost, but he said he was looking for you, Anna,” Robert explained, shrugging his shoulders. “I told him I’d relay the message. He really wants you to go out and meet him there.”
Anna couldn’t believe that Connor had traveled all the way down to Lancaster and found her community. She thanked Robert and headed out of the door.
“I’ll wait here,” said Mary. “Tell me how it goes. Good luck,” she smiled.
Anna smiled back and took off running. She could hardly believe the timing of everything. It all still didn’t feel real. After hearing Emily’s letter, she wanted to believe Connor’s explanation, but she knew she had to hear it from him.
She reached the corn field, breathless, with her heart beating out of her chest. She saw Connor standing there, and for an instant, became aware of her dress and kapp. But Connor didn’t seem to notice. The moment they locked eyes, he began running towards her, and her nerves and self-consciousness instantly melted away as they met in an embrace. Connor kissed Anna, and she kissed him back. As they stood intertwined, Anna suddenly knew that everything would be okay.
Chapter 13
The sat there in the corn field for hours, holding on to each other while Connor explained everything. “Of course I knew you were special right away,” he said, smiling at Anna, “but with everything you shared with me over that week, you didn’t seem like someone from Harrisburg. You seemed like someone from a different world.”
“How so?” asked Anna. She had thought she was fitting in pretty well.
“Just the little things,” explained Connor. “You don’t know how to drive. You don’t have a cell phone, or a laptop or anything. You don’t know any movies or TV shows, or even fast food restaurants!” he laughed.
“For a while, I thought it was all because your parents were strict and traditional,” he went on, “but then, the day that Emily let me in her house and I went to look for you in your room at first, I kind of saw some of your stuff. I wasn’t trying to snoop, I promise!” he added quickly, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “But that’s when I saw your dress and bonnet,” he said, pointing to Anna’s kapp. “I was probably acting strange because I wanted you to tell me on your own,” he explained. “But when you didn’t, I figured it was just because you weren’t fully comfortable with me yet. I wanted you to tell me on your own time when you felt ready. But in the meantime, I wanted to know more about the Amish, since I didn’t really know anything. And that’s when I remembered Tony mentioning something about his friend Katie doing a huge research project on the Amish. That’s the only reason why I texted her and met up with her at the café, to try to learn more about you. I see how it must have looked, though. Katie’s a nice girl, but I’m not at all interested in her in that way. Only you,” Connor said, looking into Anna’s eyes and kissing her softly on the lips.
Anna squeezed Connor’s hand. “I wish I just would have told you sooner,” she said. “We could have avoided this whole big misunderstanding! But I didn’t know how you’d react. And I still don’t know where we go from here,” she looked up at him, searching in his eyes for answers.
“I’m not quite sure where we go from here, either,” said Connor, “I think this is a pretty unique situation. But what I do know is that I want us to be together. Anna, I want you to be my girlfriend. I love you.”
Anna felt the words coming out of her mouth, and words had never sounded so right before. “I love you too.”
They kissed, and talked, and kissed some more, until the sun started to set. Anna knew what she needed to do. “Come on,” she said to Connor. “You need to meet my parents.”
Chapt
er 14
Luckily, between Robert and Mary, Anna’s parents had already been told about Connor, and they weren’t quite as surprised as they would have been upon seeing an English boy walk up to their haus with their eldest daughter.
They were a little skeptical about Anna being with an English boy, since they were so set in their traditional Amish ways, but Anna assured them that she and Connor were just dating for now, with no plans of an engagement or wedding just yet. This seemed to put them at ease, or at least somewhat. “Well, I guess that is the modern way,” said Anna’s maemm.
As Anna and Connor were talking to her parents, she found herself also telling them about college. She admitted that she’d gone on a college tour with Mary’s cousin, and that she was interested in applying to colleges herself.
Her parents nodded, taking it all in much more calmly than Anna would have imagined. “You’ve always been so bright,” her daed said.
“I want to be with Connor, and I want to apply to colleges,” said Anna, “but I’m afraid that if I do these things, and go out into the English world, you won’t let me in your home or speak to me again.” Anna felt tears well up in her eyes at just the thought of never seeing her familye anymore.
“That’s not true,” said Anna’s daed gently. “Well, you may not be so welcome at the church anymore, but you’ll always be welcome here with us. We’re familye, and we love you no matter what. And I know that Gott will always love you too.”
Anna’s heart felt like it could burst with happiness. By this time, it was late, so Anna’s parents let Connor stay over, in a separate room of course. The next day, they all talked about plans for the future.
For the first time, Anna felt excited about her future and not scared at all. She decided that she would continue to live with her parents for one more year to help care for her younger siblings. She would also use the year to study for the GRE and apply to colleges. Connor would also live with his parents for another year until he graduated from high school. After that, they would spend the summer traveling, and then hopefully attend the same college, or at least two that were close together. Like Emily had said, Anna knew that it was going to be a challenging year in many ways, but she and Connor would be in it together, and she couldn’t be happier.
