Ray pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head ached. “I really fucked things up.”
“How did you two leave things tonight?”
The pain in her head intensified. “I yelled at Carly to get the fuck out of my house. So I was a complete asshole, and I’ll be lucky if she ever speaks to me again.”
“You don’t think she will?”
“She said she would call me. That she wasn’t going to abandon me.” The thought was cold comfort. “But I don’t know when I’ll be ready to talk to her.”
“Listen, you had a bad day. Tomorrow you have a chance to start making things better. You said Carly deserves better, right? Start taking steps to feel more confident about being in this relationship. That might mean talking to your family. It could also mean starting to challenge your negative predictions about what will likely happen if you go out in public with Carly. Once you get to a place where you feel you’re worthy of Carly, you’ll probably find that you’re ready to talk to her.”
“And what if I can’t?”
Dr. Evans smiled. “You can.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Carly sewed one last suture, completing an uneventful neuter surgery on the six-month-old papillion puppy who was stretched out across the table. She handed the needle holder and scissors to Susan, who took them to be sterilized. Carly gently picked up the puppy and carried him to the kennel where he would recover. “All done, little guy.”
“Beautiful work, Dr. Warner,” Susan said. They walked out of the recovery room together, stripping off their caps and masks. “You make it look so easy.”
Carly chuckled. “Only after a lot of practice, I assure you.”
“I’ll bet.” Susan took off her surgical gloves and gestured for Carly to do the same. Throwing both pairs of gloves in the medical waste bin, she said, “You heading out to lunch now?”
“I was thinking about it. I’m sure Jack is dying to get out of my office for a bit.”
Susan gave her a sidelong glance. “Your friend isn’t watching him for you anymore, huh?”
Carly tried to keep her smile painted on, but faltered. She hadn’t spoken to Ray in over a week, not for her lack of trying. Though she was careful not to flood Ray with phone calls, she had definitely made enough overtures to let Ray know she didn’t intend to cut off contact. Unfortunately, Ray’s silence sent a strong signal that she didn’t want anything to do with Carly at the moment.
“No.” Carly tried to sound casual. “She’s got a lot going on, so Jack gets to hang out here for a while.”
“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be nosy.” Susan stopped in front of the restroom door so Carly also paused. “Or bring up a sensitive topic.”
“Not at all.” Carly knew from Susan’s cautious tone that she had guessed the nature of her relationship with Ray. No matter how much Carly hated keeping it secret, she wanted to respect Ray’s limits. “Nothing to be nosy about.”
“Good.” Susan put her hand on the bathroom door. “I’ve got to make a quick stop, so have a nice lunch.”
“Thanks. Talk to you later.”
Dr. Patterson poked his head out of his office down the hall. “Dr. Warner, did I hear that you’re heading to lunch?”
“I sure am. Unless you need me to stick around?” She didn’t mind. At lunch she had nothing to do but think about Ray. At least when she was working she could keep her thoughts focused on something other than her broken heart.
“Not for too long. But if you could spare a few minutes, I’d like to talk to you.”
“Sure.” Carly stepped into his office and shut the door behind them. She noted the ever-growing stacks of travel books on his desk with amusement. Now that the tallest pile leaned precariously to one side, it was probably silly not to say something about them. “Planning a vacation?”
Dr. Patterson grinned widely. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Okay.” Carly read the spine of one of his books as she sat down. “I’ve heard Ireland is gorgeous. Have you been before?”
“I haven’t.” Dr. Patterson sat with a groan and a tired smile. “I’ve never been anywhere outside the country except Australia. A travesty I’m eager to put right.”
Carly suspected where this conversation was going, and it sparked a heady mix of excitement and anticipation. “This will be a long trip, won’t it?”
Dr. Patterson’s smile became a toothy grin. “My wife has been begging me to retire for five years now. I’ve decided that she’s probably smarter about these things than I am.”
“Congratulations.” Carly admired and respected Dr. Patterson, and she would be lying if she said she wouldn’t miss him. But this could be an incredible opportunity for her, if she hadn’t misread his desire for her to take over. “You’ve had a long and successful career. You deserve to enjoy everything else the world has to offer.”
“I appreciate that. As much as I’m looking forward to globetrotting with my wife, I’ll be sad to let this practice go.” He raised a thick white eyebrow. “But it’ll make it a heck of a lot easier if I know it’s in good hands. I was hoping that you might consider taking it over when I leave. I’m prepared to offer it to you for a very reasonable price. That is, if you’re interested in sticking around Bodega Bay.”
For the first time since her fight with Ray, joy welled up in Carly. When she’d graduated from Davis, her goal was to one day own a private practice. To have her dream within reach was amazing. “I would like nothing more, Dr. Patterson. I love it here, and I love this practice.”
“You’re a very fine vet. I knew when I hired you that I could finally start thinking about retirement. I’m not sure I could bring myself to do it unless I knew someone like you would carry on for me.”
“It means a lot to have your confidence. Thank you. And tell your wife that I’m happy for her.”
Dr. Patterson snorted laughter. “Oh, she loves you for this. We should get together for dinner soon. Maybe you and I can spend the evening talking logistics about transferring the practice, then we can grab something to eat after.”
“That sounds lovely.” Eva Patterson was a sweet woman, and though seeing the two of them still deeply in love after thirty-five years of marriage inspired deep melancholy, Carly enjoyed their company. “Let me know when you two are free.”
“I don’t know if you have anyone in your life right now, but you’re welcome to invite her along, too.”
“Thank you,” Carly said quietly. “It’ll be just me, but I appreciate the offer.”
“Ah. Well, in that case, Eva tells me that her friend’s daughter recently moved back to the area and she’s looking to meet people here. If you’re interested, I can see if she wants to join us.”
Now Dr. Patterson was trying to fix her up. Incredible. “I don’t know if I’m up for that, but I’d love to have dinner with you and Eva.”
Dr. Patterson patted her hand. “I promised Eva I would ask.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I’m taking a break from my love life for a bit. Besides, I’ve got a new practice to tend to. That doesn’t leave much time for a relationship.” At least that’s what she planned to tell herself. Dr. Patterson’s retirement announcement couldn’t have come at a better time. If she couldn’t be with Ray, at least she would have plenty of work to bury herself in.
“I salute your work ethic. Just make sure to leave time for play. One day you’ll find yourself done with work, and it’s nice to have something else to look forward to.”
Carly swallowed the grief that Dr. Patterson’s gentle words elicited. “Point taken. Thank you.”
“No.” Dr. Patterson rose and she followed suit, shaking his hand firmly. “Thank you. From Eva and me.”
Carly left Dr. Patterson’s office feeling like she was floating. It was hard to process what had just happened. She looked around the back room silently, taking in the rows of kennels, the counters full of equipment, and the grooming tub. Matt clipped an excited mutt’s nails, and
Susan walked into an exam room with a chart in her hand. This would all be hers soon, a place where she could put down roots and build her career. Nadia’s death had left her feeling aimless for so long, but with this one conversation, that lack of direction vanished. This was her life now.
It wasn’t what she expected, not this place and not without Nadia, but she was happy. At least professionally. She burned to pick up the phone and tell Ray the good news, but she knew Ray wouldn’t answer. Seeing a dream realized wasn’t nearly as satisfying when you didn’t have anyone to share the moment with.
Carly sighed and walked to her office. She might not have Ray, but at least she could call Leeann. And Leeann would be happy for her, even if it wasn’t the same. Carly met Jack at her office door and clipped a leash to his collar, then pulled out her cell phone as they walked to the back door.
Leeann answered on the first ring. “Hey, girl.”
“Hey.” Carly walked to her car and got in. “I’m heading to lunch. You busy?”
“I can take a break. What’s up?”
“I just got some exciting news.” Carly pulled out of the lot and headed for the park down the street. Jack needed a walk more than she wanted food. “Dr. Patterson’s planning to retire. He asked me to buy the practice and I accepted. We still need to work out the details, but it looks like I’ve got my own business.”
Leeann whooped, making Carly grin. It wasn’t a hug from Ray, but it was something. “That’s awesome, honey. Just what you wanted.”
“It does appear that things are falling into place.” Carly quit smiling. Some things, at least.
“We need to celebrate. Let me buy you dinner.” Leeann paused. “That is, if you’re not planning to celebrate with Ray. You probably are. Just tell me when you’re free and I’m there.”
“Actually, I’m all yours tonight. How about I come to you?”
“Really? Is everything okay?”
Despite the concern in Leeann’s voice, Carly didn’t want to have this discussion. Not over the phone. “We can talk about it at dinner.”
“Okay. But you’re all right?”
“I’m fine,” Carly said, though that wasn’t true. “I can be down there by eight o’clock.”
“Great. I’m taking you to Sutro’s, if that sounds good to you.”
“Perfect.” Jack whined excitedly as they approached the park. Carly patted him on the head. “I’ve got a very anxious dog next to me who’s expecting a brisk walk. I’ll see you tonight?”
“Absolutely. And congratulations again. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks.” Carly pulled her keys from the ignition and relaxed against the seat. “I miss you. I’m glad we’re having dinner.”
“Me too. See you then.”
Carly hung up and got out of the car. Jack hopped out after her and strained against his leash until she gave him a verbal correction, then reluctantly walked by her side. He had been stir-crazy without Ray and Jagger to keep him company while Carly was at work. Carly knew exactly how he felt. Life was a lot more boring without Ray in it.
*
Leeann had secured a table near the window at Sutro’s, giving them a gorgeous view of the white-topped Seal Rocks. The late-evening sun set the ocean on fire and bathed their tablecloth in warm light. Carly stared out the window, frustrated that all she could think about was how she wished Ray could see the spectacular sunset.
“You seem awfully down for someone who just got handed her own practice.” Leeann sat with her hands folded on the table, staring at her cautiously. “Penny for your thoughts?”
Carly tore her gaze away from the ocean and shrugged half-heartedly. “It’s been a rough week.”
“I’m assuming it’s not work that’s been rough.” When Carly shook her head, Leeann asked, “Is this about Ray?”
Though she technically had permission to tell Leeann about their relationship, Carly hesitated. Ray had caved to her request only under pressure, and despite Carly’s conviction that she should have every right to talk to her best friend, she hated the circumstances under which she had gotten the okay.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Leeann said. “What happened? Did she find out you had feelings for her?”
Carly put on a smile that threatened to shatter her face. No point to lie now. Leeann would see right through her. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Oh, no.” Leeann reached across the table and took her hand. “I’m so sorry, honey. Was it bad?”
Carly shook her head as tears threatened to spill. “No. I found out that she had feelings for me first. When she kissed me.”
Leeann blinked. “Okay, back up.”
“I’m so sorry, Leeann. Ray didn’t want me to tell you—”
“Wait a second. When did this happen?”
“A couple months ago.”
Leeann collapsed back in her chair. “You’re kidding me.”
Carly shook her head. “No. We’ve been…well, I don’t know if you’d call it dating. We’ve been together, I guess, for that long.”
“Why didn’t she want you to tell me?” Leeann sounded as hurt as Carly knew she would. They had shared the details of their romantic lives for so long that it was simply expected.
“She was nervous. She has trust issues. It has nothing to do with you personally, I promise. She wanted to keep the whole thing under wraps.”
“So what happened?” Leeann took a sip of wine and rolled her eyes. “Based on your mood, I’m guessing there’s trouble in paradise.”
Carly gave Leeann a pleading look. The last thing she needed was sarcasm.
“Sorry,” Leeann said. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. I can’t believe I didn’t know something was going on.”
“I didn’t like lying to you. I apologize for that. I don’t like lying in general. Or being closeted.”
“But that’s the only way she feels comfortable being with a woman?”
Carly nodded. “At the moment, yes.”
“That’s rough. Especially for you.” Leeann paused when their food arrived, then continued talking after their waiter walked away. “Did you guys have a fight?”
“Yeah.” Carly took a bite of her dinner but had to choke it down. Her appetite had disappeared. “A bad one. She’s become even more isolated since we got together. I was worried about her. And our relationship was getting serious, even though she apparently didn’t want to be seen in public with me. So I told her I wasn’t comfortable with all the secrets and suggested we take a break. Until she felt like she could be with me and still face the world.”
“You broke up with her?” Leeann sounded incredulous.
“No.” Carly bristled at the accusation. “I didn’t break up with her. I suggested we spend some time apart. That was over a week ago. She hasn’t been answering my calls, but I’m not giving up on making them.”
“Wow. I mean, let’s be honest. You and I both know I’m not convinced she’s good for you. Especially after what you just told me. But I’m shocked that you ended things after only a couple months—”
“I didn’t end things. We’re taking a break.”
“After all your talk about not being able to abandon her, not wanting to step back, why now? Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s probably for the best. But I can’t believe you did it.”
“Could you be with someone who wanted to keep your relationship secret from the rest of the world? No matter how much you loved them?”
“Of course not. But I wouldn’t have gotten involved with Ray in the first place. That’s not to say I’m right and you’re wrong. The fact that you would be with her is one of the reasons I love you. You’re a good, sweet person who gives people a chance, much more than I do. That’s who you are at the core and it makes you beautiful.”
“Well, even I have my limits.” Carly took a hearty bite of food, barely tasting it.
“Do you think in this case, your limits have to do with Ray not turning into an out-and-proud lesbian
in a couple months? Or is it maybe something else?”
Carly frowned. When Leeann laid it out there like that, it did seem a bit unreasonable to cut things off with Ray after only eight weeks. Hell, she had known going in that this was Ray’s first relationship with a woman. Her first since Iraq. She knew Ray had issues. Hadn’t she anticipated they wouldn’t find their happily-ever-after without some struggle?
“It’s not that I expected her to be out and proud.” She had a logical reason for what she’d done. She just wished she could remember what it was. “I didn’t like the way she lost all the gains she had made.”
“I get that. I really do.” Leeann set down her fork and stared at Carly so intently she squirmed. “Still, I can’t help thinking that you’re partially running away.”
It stung because it had the ring of truth. “I would have expected you of all people to understand.”
“I don’t think you were wrong. You shouldn’t have to be in a relationship that you can’t even tell your best friend about. Most people wouldn’t accept that. But it’s interesting that you were steadfast until your relationship started to get serious. Then all of a sudden it became too much for you.” Leeann shrugged.
“We were about to sleep together for the first time,” Carly said in a low voice. “If I hadn’t said something, I would’ve had to say it after we made love. That would be a huge betrayal. I didn’t think that would be right.”
“Listen, you know the situation better than me. I’m just surprised. I know how you felt about her.”
“My feelings haven’t changed.” Carly put her fork down and pushed her plate away. No way would she get another bite down. “I love her, Leeann.”
“I know.”
“It scares me to death.”
“I know it does.”
“Maybe I am running away a little.” Carly rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I don’t know if I can take having my heart broken again.”
“Life never offers any guarantees, honey. You know that.” Leeann took Carly’s hand and kissed it gently. “Granted, Ray is a huge unknown. But you’d most likely be scared even if she weren’t dealing with these particular issues.”
Battle Scars Page 20
