“We can try and give you something to calm it down, if you like?” The doctor suggested.
No! You can’t do that. It won’t work anyway. Besides, you need us.
“Like I need a broken leg…” I muttered under my breath. “I… I don’t think I need that.” I kind of felt bad for giving in to the voices, but there was something there that made me feel like just getting rid of them was a bad idea.
“Okay…” The doctor hesitantly agreed.
“Thank you,” I said as we walked out of the room.”
“You’re not going back to your school, Emilie,” Mum asserted.
“Raven’s still there. She could wake up any minute. I’m going to be there when she does.”
“You’re not in any condition to go anywhere but straight home.”
“I’m safer at Foxway, with Dr Birchwood there to observe me.”
“I’m a nurse, I know how to take care of someone.”
“That’s not the point. The point is…” I trailed off. “It’s my fault she’s like this. Whatever I did, I’m the reason that she’s still unconscious.”
“What do you mean?” Mum questioned. “You saved her…”
I pulled mum into the toilets, for some privacy.
“I know I saved her, but whatever magic I used to do it, it… It was pretty hard on her body. That’s why she hasn’t woken up yet. It’s my fault…” I was doing everything I could to hold back the tears. Not that it made any difference. I sobbed into mum’s arms.
“It’ll all be okay…” she tried to comfort me. That was the worst part of this. I know that she needed to hear the same thing. I still can’t really think what it must be like to see your child in a condition like this.
Of course it won’t… You’re broken… The voice laughed… There’s nothing you can do…
They were getting louder at this point. It was too much. I stumbled back and backed myself into a wall, blocking my ears in a completely futile attempt to stop the noise.
“Emilie?!” Mum rushed to my side.
“Be quiet!” I shouted. But it didn’t make a difference. Nothing did. I knew they weren’t there, I knew that it was just in my head, but that didn’t stop them. I bit my tongue as I tried to push the voices from my head. I ended up trying the only thing I could think of. I did my best to concentrate on anything but the voices, and held out my arm.
“Archaeus, Invoco, Elementum, Gelus…” I awkwardly mumbled as I called my ice. I felt the magic energy flow out of my body, and it genuinely did help, for a moment.
From what I’d heard from Dr Birchwood, a Magical’s brain was slightly differently wired, compared to a normal person. There were more electrical connections, more shortcuts, and plenty of new pathways to transfer magical energy. Letting a bunch of energy flow out kind of worked like a soft reboot, I guess. But it did give me the first moment of full silence in a while.
I looked down at my frozen arm. “That worked…” I stood up. Mum was standing at a distance, almost catatonic. “I’m sorry… I…”
“No, its fine. Don’t worry about me. Are you okay?”
“I… I think so… The magic… It’s like it’s kind of reset the voices. They’re still there, but they’re kind of… fainter than they were just then.”
“What happened?” Mum asked.
“I don’t know… Maybe I just got myself too worked up, it set something off…” I let my ice fall away.
“Sorry… I shouldn’t have pushed you…”
“No, it’s fine. It’s not your fault. This doesn’t change anything though. I’m still going back to Foxway.”
Mum looked down.
“I know you’re worried, but I need to be there for Raven. And whoever attacked us… They could still come back. I don’t want Raven to have to handle that herself…”
Mum sighed.
“Fine. You can go back. I get what you’re coming from, and, honestly, I think I’d do the same.”
“Hey, you raised me well.” I smiled.
“I didn’t do bad, did I?” she chuckled. “I’ll take you back. But be careful, okay?”
“I will. I promise.”
Good. You need to be there… “
Why do you think I’m going back...” I muttered.
When mum dropped me off at Foxway, I headed straight for the infirmary. And the first thing I saw when I walked in? Raven. Awake. I sprinted over and threw my arms around her.
“Holy shit… You’re okay… I’m so relieved…” I breathed as I slowly pulled away. I turned to Birchwood. “How long since she woke up?”
“Only a few minutes.” The doctor replied. “You came just in time.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s weak. It’ll take quite some time for her to get back to full strength. But she should make a full recovery,” he assured me. “What about you?”
“There’s definitely some damage, but we’re not quite sure what it is,” I explained.
“Anything else?”
“Voices… I’m hearing voices…”
Birchwood sighed.
“I suppose that would make sense…”
I looked at Raven. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot.
“You… You’re…”
“I’m fine…”
“But you… It’s because of me…”
“It’s not that bad, really.” I lied. “I’m starting to get used to them already…”
“But…”
“Raven, I’m fine. Seriously. It all could have been a lot worse. I’m going to stay here overnight so Dr Birchwood can keep an eye on me, but nothing’s going to happen. You need to worry about yourself right now.” I sat down on the bed.
“Emilie… About that man… The one who attacked me…”
I sighed.
“Who is he?”
“His name’s… Elijah Blake…” she slowly squeezed out. My eyes widened in shock. “He’s my brother… My adopted brother at least…”
Ooh! How exciting! I wonder what else she’s kept from you... The voices questioned.
“Shut up…” I whispered into my head. I think I scared Raven a bit with that. “What do you mean?”
“He’s… He’s my mother’s biological son. So, that makes him my brother, technically.” She clenched her fist.
“I’m not seeing much of the whole ‘sibling love thing’,” I attempted to joke. Probably should have picked better timing.
“He’s about 5 years older than me, and he’s part of the Syndicate. He’s the reason I joined them…” she admitted. “I was barely eighteen months when my mother took me in. He was six or seven then. And, growing up, he was the perfect big brother, for the first ten years or so, at least. Then he started going off at nights. Disappearing for months. It wasn’t long before we found out why. When we found out about Elijah… It broke my mother, more than I understood at the time. She left about two years later… I was only 13 when Elijah left, 14 when she did. I was a child, and I had no family left. I spent some time darting between places, searched for a bit. And that was when Elijah found me. I don’t know if it was coincidence or if he was searching for me. But he did. And he persuaded me to join the Syndicate. And… Well, you know that story.” She sighed.
“Yeah… I do…”
“I’m sorry, Emilie. It’s my fault… What you’re going through… Your head… It all happened because I lost control,” Raven quietly apologized. She was crying silently.
“It’s not your fault. Not at all. I wasn’t going to leave you. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s… his…” I trailed off. Knowing who the man who attacked us was kind of made it difficult to say his name. “I can’t think what it must be like for you. What you must have gone through to react like that in the first place. You don’t have to apologize to me.” I assured her. I tried to smile, hard as it was at this point. If anything, my voices were having a blast trying to get my attention. I sighed and dropped down on the other bed.
“You know, even with every
thing that’s happened, with how my brain is now, I’m glad we met. Sure, shit’s kind of hit the fan right now, but I still… I feel like there’s…” I struggled to find the right word.
“What?” Raven questioned.
“…Hope… That’s the word…” I semi-enthusiastically exclaimed. I closed my eyes. “Hey, Raven?”
“Yes?”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight…”
13
It had been a month since the accident. And, it had been a strange month. After spending the night in the infirmary, Dr Birchwood had decided that there were no lasting physical dangers to me. So, I wasn’t going to just drop down dead or keep passing out or anything.
What was still there was the voices. I figured that they were probably sticking around. Honestly, by this point, I was starting to get used to them. They were loud and mean and annoying, but I guess even the weirdest things feel normal after a while. I mean, I was in a magic school, and that felt totally normal at this point. Apart from that, I was totally fine, which was nice.
Raven still wasn’t quite up to her full strength, but she had been back in classes for two weeks by this point, and there wasn’t any danger to her health in the long run. Everything had started to go back to normal. Or, at least, it was normal for Foxway. People were getting to know me now, which was nice. I was getting to know people. I still didn’t quite feel like I had probably fit in yet, but I felt comfortable at least.
One thing that I noticed since the accident was that Raven seemed even more reclusive than usual. I hadn’t really seen that much of her at all. I’d obviously talked to her often enough, but I wasn’t meeting up with her for lunch or anything. It’s almost as if she was avoiding me. Mary told me that she’d basically just holed herself up in the dorms, which worried me even more. Raven wasn’t the most sociable person to begin with, but this felt different. Even when she wanted to hide from the rest of the school, she’d do it in the library.
Most of the time, nowadays, I was eating lunch with Matt and Leigh. Which was alright. Both of them, Matt especially, tended to be the kind of people who enjoyed getting in trouble. Or, at least, enjoyed the idea of trouble. They’d rarely start anything themselves, but on at least two occasions they’d joined in with cheering on a fight (Which was even worse when there was magic involved) and even joined in with an attempt to start a food fight (No one really joined in. I think it was too forced). It was kind of entertaining to watch, but honestly, I preferred a slightly calmer lunch. Helpfully, this was one of those days. Mainly because I was sitting in the lunch hall eating on my own. Then again, I say ‘calmer lunch’, but, of course, that’s not really true. Because, in the absence of anything or anyone to take my mind off them, the voices were, well, still existing.
You’ve got no friends... one of them whispered.
“You don’t even exist.” I noted. You’re all alone… “No shit.”
Even your own sister’s avoiding you…
“Okay, you can shut up now. Raven’s been through a lot. She just needs some space.” I assured the voice. “She’s been avoiding Mary as well.”
Whatever makes you feel better...
I was seriously worried about how conversational these voices were getting. I wasn’t sure if it meant I was controlling them or that they were fixing themselves deeper in my already screwed-up psyche.
You’re talking to yourself, you know… They all think you’re crazy… You are crazy…
“Well, who’s fault is that…” I muttered. “If you bastards would give me some peace and quiet, I wouldn’t be having this problem, would I?”
Yes, I know I was kind of proving their point, but I’d only been living with this for four weeks; The fact that the voices were only in my head, and not in the real world, slipped my mind sometimes. Shoot me.
Everyone’s staring at you… How embarrassing…
I looked around. To give the voices credit, they weren’t wrong.
They think you’re mad!
I snapped at this point, slamming my tray on the table. Now people really were looking at me. I grabbed the remnants of the sandwich I had been eating and stormed out of the lunch hall.
Taking a leaf out of my sister’s book, I opted to go to the library for some peace and quiet. And to cry. Mostly that last one. I was just completely fed up with everything, though I was, I thought, doing a pretty good job keeping up an image that everything was normal. I knew that Raven was struggling with what had happened, and I didn’t want to put any more on her than she already had. I needed her to know that everything was normal. That I was okay. But that wasn’t true. I was falling apart. I had almost died. I had voices bouncing around my head 24/7, and I honestly didn’t feel like I could trust my own brain. It sounds cliché, but you hear this shit for a reason, and that’s because it’s true. When you’ve got a dozen different people in your head, all saying different things, it quickly becomes hard to know which ones are hallucinations and which are your actual thoughts. So, I just hid myself away in the top level of the library and got everything out of my system. And it was going great until I heard footsteps behind me.
“I can’t believe you’ve made me come all the way up here to calm you down…” A girl sarcastically informed me. I turned around. August sighed and sat down next to me on the floor. I wiped my eyes.
“I haven’t seen you around much?” I questioned.
“I’ve been busy with work. I’ve been putting a lot of work into my Card Magic recently…”
“What are you doing up here?”
“I saw you going away from the lunch hall. I wasn’t sure what had happened, so I followed you.”
I slid down the wall until I was lying down.
“I haven’t seen you since before the accident, have I?”
August shook her head.
“I almost drowned… I guess you know that part, thinking about it… I’m lucky to be alive…”
“What about your sister?” August asked. I was shocked at that one. I know we were fine, but I wasn’t expecting her to be concerned about Raven.
“Raven’s… She’s alive… I wish I could say more, but she’s barely left her room all month…”
“Sounds rough…”
“I thought you hated Raven?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“I admit, I’m hardly her biggest fan… But didn’t we decide we were friends? If something’s worrying you, then I want to help,” August assured me.
“I think… I think Raven blames herself for what happened to me…” I admitted. “I mean, I almost died. It’s a miracle I didn’t to be honest.”
“But you didn’t. You’re alive. You’re fine.”
“But I’m not…” I muttered. “Don’t you see? I almost died… and… And, something set off… I’m hearing voices. That aren’t there.”
August’s eyes widened.
“Wow… Was not expecting that…” she admitted. “Shiiiit…” she dragged the ‘i’ out in the silence that followed.
“Tell me about it…” I grunted. “I had a scan after it happened, but they couldn’t even work out how it happened…”
“So there’s nothing they can do?” August asked. I shook my head. “That’s… That’s pretty terrible…”
“I’m getting use to the voices being there. Not that I have much of a choice. But coming to terms with it… That’s taking some time,” I admitted. “It’s just… Everything that happened… And knowing that somewhere, whether it’s in my actual body or just in my head, there’s something that doesn’t work how it’s supposed to… It’s hard to deal with.” I was doing everything I could to keep myself from completely breaking down.
August put her hand on my shoulder.
“It sounds like you’ve been through hell… I don’t think anyone would expect you to just forget about it all. Don’t rush yourself.”
“You don’t know what it’s like…” I mumbled.
“I don’t know what it’s like to hear v
oices, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it’s like having to deal with shit. And I know what it’s like to have to do that alone…” She sighed and stood up. “You don’t have to do that. You have friends, you have the fire-bird, you’ve got your family. Try and lean on others sometimes, okay?”
“I can’t do that. I’m not going to just make others deal with my crap. And I’m not having anyone pity me,” I snapped.
“There’s a difference between pity and wanting to help a friend.” She started to walk away. “No one’s pitying you, Emilie. I’m definitely not,” she called back as I was left on my own in the library.
I stood up and looked over the balcony. Even after a month, the library was still by far the most impressive part of Foxway. The spiralling architecture was just incredible. I figured magic must have been involved in its construction; I couldn’t see any other way that they’d be able to build it. There was something calming about the view, especially on the third floor. I felt… Detached from the rest of the world, which was something that I really needed at that point. I stared out across the library.
She’s right, you know… You can’t deal with everything by yourself…
I was confused for a moment. I think that was the first time that the voices had said something that didn’t make me want to find a way to hurt them.
“I know… I just… I don’t want to be a burden to anyone… I don’t want to be treated like the crazy girl that needs everyone to bend over backwards to help her…”
But you are crazy, Emilie…
“I’m not crazy…” I tried to persuade myself.
But you are, aren’t you? You can hear us…
“I… I…” I stuttered, not really being able to argue with that point. “I’m… I’m not crazy…” I sighed. “I’m not…”
“Well, talking to yourself isn’t doing a whole lot to prove your point…”
I turned around to see Greyford standing in the doorway.
“Professor…” I mumbled. “What are you doing here?”
“Am I not allowed to explore my own school?” he remarked.
I stood up and turned back around, looking back over the library.
The Arch Stone: Foxway Academy: Book 1 Page 9
