Bryan barely made a sound, and when I squinted in the rearview mirror, he was grinning as blood dripped down his cheek to drip off his lip. “Why are you making him angry?” I couldn’t freaking believe him.
“Because that’s what he does,” Ford said. “You don’t know him, do you? He doesn’t give a fuck. He messes with people because he’s an evil, psychopathic mother fucker.”
Bryan raised his eyebrows. “Wow, you really have me built up in your head, don’t you? Do I drink blood? I hope it’s only from virgins.”
“I swear to God—“
“Does your dad know you’re here?”
“No.”
Bryan tsked. “He’s gonna be pissed.”
“He’ll understand.”
“Yeah? Because I have enemies, Ford. I got plenty. But I also have allies. Allies you and your father rely on not to fuck with you. They find out you shot me in the face in front of my pregnant girlfriend? They find out that my girl has the imprint of your fingers on her jaw?” The last sentence sounded strained, and Bryan rolled his shoulders before speaking again. “Well then I’m not sure how long you’ll live.”
“Seeing you beg for your life’ll be worth it,” Ford said.
I glanced at Hoop, but he was staring straight ahead, no longer relaxed. His jaw was tight, fists clenched on his thighs. I prayed he’d be a weakness in this. I prayed really hard.
“I don’t beg,” Bryan said.
“You will beg,” Ford gritted out. “Because I have her.”
Bryan fell silent as we entered Big Muddy River park. The trees stretched over our heads, blocking out the sun except for a few small patches on the road, like natural spotlights.
“Park up there,” Ford said, pointing to a small emergency pull-off.
I slowed and crept the car over, gripping the wheel as the tires drove over rocks and roots. Hoop direct me to stop, and he got out of the car, only to open a gate that blocked off a path. He got back in the car. “Drive down there.”
“But that sign says no cars.”
Hoop looked at me like I was stupid. “That’s why we’re going down there.”
Right. I swallowed and drove down about twenty feet, until the footpath narrowed too much for a car. Hoop made me walk with him back to close the gate. When we returned to the car, Ford and Bryan stood at the trunk. His face was swelling, cut on his cheek oozing, eye swelling. But he was smiling.
“Feeling okay?” he asked me. “Lime?”
I ran my hands over my belly. “We’re good.”
I reached for his eye, but Hoop threw his hand in front of me. “You’re close enough.”
“Are you serious?” I leveled him with a furious glare.
He gave it to me back. “Yeah I’m serious. If you’re with him, who knows what you’re capable of.”
“I’m a librarian, so I’m capable of telling you where the self-help section of the library is located. Which is a place I think you both need to spend time in.”
Hoop blinked at me for a moment, then turned to Bryan and laughed. “Librarian humor?”
“That’s my girl,” Bryan smiled. His teeth were stained with blood, and I shivered.
Ford poked Bryan in the shoulder with the gun, forcing him to walk. Hoop and I followed. I didn’t really know how long we walked. It could have been minutes, an hour. All I knew was that my back hurt, my feet were blistered, and I was growing tired of Bryan provoking Ford. He spent most of the walk taunting him, then telling stories about Ford’s dad, and finally giving him a play-by-play of what he had been planning to make for dinner tonight. It was maddening, but I kept quiet, hoping Bryan had a plan. Tara had told me Bryan was highly intelligent, but poured all of that into street smarts and mind games. It was how he’d stayed alive this long.
I hoped he had one more mind game left in him, because I wanted us to get out of this alive. Except the deeper we walked into Big Muddy River park and the closer we came to the rushing water, the less confident I was.
We came to a clearing right by the bank, and Ford directed Bryan to stand facing the river, his back to us. I couldn’t see his face, and that was probably the worst part about all of this. What was he thinking? I looked around, wondering if there was a fallen branch or something big enough to save us. I couldn’t just stand here and watch Ford shoot Bryan? An image of his body falling into the stream crossed my mind, followed by a sob rising up my throat. Hoop caught me looking around, and shook his head, a silent reprimand.
If only I wasn’t pregnant, I could tackle Hoop, try to get the gun…
“I need a souvenir of this moment,” Ford said. “I know you tried to make amends, but there’s a lot of people in Jersey who would celebrate your death.”
“Can I turn around?”
“Why?”
“If you’re going to shoot me, do it looking into my eyes.”
Ford hesitated, and I didn’t like the pallor of his skin, the sweat beading at his temples. “Fine.”
Bryan turned on his heel and rolled his head on his neck. “Do I get last words? Do you have a speech prepared? What’s the agenda for my final moments?”
“Shut the fuck up!” Ford screamed, and I wrapped my arms around my belly, shrinking away from this mad man. He lunged toward Bryan gun wavering. “Can’t you ever fucking be serious? Beg me, motherfucker. Beg me. Tell me you’re sorry. Tell me fucking something instead of standing there like this is all a fucking joke. Beg me to save her,” he swung the gun toward me, and I ducked as if that was going to do anything. “Because I’ll shoot her after I shoot you.”
“Will you?” Bryan asked, his smile fading slightly, but it was still there, a slight cold tilt to his lips. “Because here’s the thing. I’m not sorry I cut you. I did it because I had to, because it was the way to save my sister and her friend and to deliver a message to your father not to fuck with me and mine. Do I feel remorse for putting you through what I did? Sure. But I’m not sorry.” He took a step toward Ford, who trained the gun back on Bryan. “Let me tell you, though, what you’ll be sorry about. You will be sorry one day for shooting a man with his hands bound while his pregnant girlfriend watched. And you’ll be damn sorry for shooting a pregnant woman. I have a lot of shit on my conscience and it eats at me every day. I know what I did. I remember every scream. I remember the smell of blood, piss, and dirt. When I fall asleep every night, it all passes through my brain, like that’s my penance for what I did. I never forget.” He swallowed, and the smile dropped off completely, turning his expression into ice. “You will never forget this as long as you live. I don’t know much about you, Ford. But I know you’re weak, and I’ll be surprised if you’re able to live with yourself a full year if you follow through with this.” He spat on the ground. “Your call, man.”
His words wrenched open my ribs and exposed my beating heart to the elements. I felt every single syllable and every cold emotion. I was frozen, tears spilling silently over my lids.
Beside me, Hoop withdrew his gun from his waistband and cocked it.
“Please,” I whispered in the silence, the rushing water and chirping birds my background orchestra. “Please just let us go.”
“Shut up!” White spittle flew from Ford’s mouth. His gun wasn’t even pointed at Bryan anymore. He was flailing it about wildly before he pressed his hands to his head. “I hate your fucking voice. Just stop talking!”
I was so tired of hearing him say those words.
“I—”
“Put down the gun,” Hoop said. I whirled to see his gun raised and pointed at Ford.
What on earth?
Ford blinked at him. “What?”
“Put down the gun.”
Ford didn’t move. “What the fuck? You’re turning on me?”
Hoop blew out a breath between his teeth. “Man, I been turned on you. Called your dad from the gas station on the way down here when you told me the plan, and your dad called Drayer this morning.”
Ford’s entire body slumped, and his mou
th dropped open. “Y-you can’t be serious.”
“Deadly. Did you really think I was going to take the fall for you? Kill Bryan Fucking Drayer and his pregnant girlfriend? Boy, you are a special kind of stupid.” He gestured with his gun. “Now drop it. For real. Because I will shoot you, and I know you don’t want another scar.”
Ford’s gun fell amongst the leaves with a thud.
“Sweetheart,” Hoop said, his gaze focused on Ford. “Go untie your man. Knife is in my back pocket if you need it.”
Everything was happening so fast, but once I got my feet to move, I stumbled past Hoop, grabbing the knife out of his back pocket and racing toward Bryan as sobs wracked my body. Was this it? Were we going to make it out of this? I crashed into him, as my body wasn’t working properly, nearly sending us crashing into the river below. “Take your time, baby.” Bryan said softly. “It’s okay. Untie me.”
I slashed through the rope binding Bryan’s wrists, and he reached for me immediately, pulling me into his warm embrace where I clutched his shirt, soaking it with my tears. “I want to go home,” I murmured. “Please.”
“Soon,” he said. “Just gotta finish up here.” He rubbed my back, then set me away from him. “Stay right here. Hold the knife.”
I clutched it to my chest, shoulders still shaking, and nodded.
He walked over to Ford and picked up the gun. My heart seized in my chest. “Bryan,” I whispered. “No.”
He ignored me as he checked the clip for bullets, assessing the gun. His posture was casual, even while Ford began to shake. “Look, Drayer, please—”
“Who’s begging now?” Bryan said. “Do you think I want begging? Because I don’t. I never liked it. Don’t fucking give me that Drayer please bullshit when ten seconds ago, you threatened to kill my woman and unborn child.”
Ford clamped his mouth shut, but he was crying now, tears and drool mingling with the dirt on his face. Bryan closed an eye and pointed the gun at Ford’s head, then at his arm, then heart, and that was when Ford began to sob. Bryan kept aiming at different body parts, like he was deciding which one to shoot first.
“Bryan,” I said again, louder this time. He still ignored me. I looked at Hoop, but his expression was passive. Was no one here sane?
Ford’s lip trembled, and he collapsed to his knees. “You’d shoot me in front of her? In front of your unborn child?”
“Sam.”
I startled at the sound of my name in Bryan’s voice. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Ford.
“Y-yes.”
Bryan swallowed. “You know who I am, right?”
This was going somewhere I didn’t want it to go. Dread flooded my body like ice water in my veins. “I do.”
“So you tell Ford. If I think he’s any sort of threat to my family, what will I do?” For the first time, his hand shook slightly, but he shifted his weight and steadied it.
I didn’t answer right away, because this seemed like a test, but I wasn’t sure who he was testing, me or Ford. Or himself.
“What will I do, Sam? Who am I?” Bryan’s voice raised in pitch, and I flinched.
I glanced at Hoop, and he was no longer calm, his gaze locked on Bryan while he kept his gun gripped tightly at his side.
The sounds around me magnified—the sound of the rushing water, a squirrel chattering, and Ford’s heavy panting. I did know who Bryan was. He might be trying to start over and live a better life, but at his core he was that lion, ready to protect and kill for the future of his pride. I was his pride. Lime was his pride.
Bryan would always be who he was. Maybe it was an inappropriate time for him to reach this conclusion about himself, but nonetheless here we were, four people in a forest with two guns and a whole lot of vendettas.
“You’ll kill him,” I said, my voice surprisingly clear, rising from the floor of the forest like a swarm of bees. This wasn’t a compromise, this was a claiming. Bryan wasn’t someone else, because it wasn’t in him. I fell in love with all of him, this included. Maybe it was messed up, and ugly, but it was the truth. “Because you protect.”
Bryan’s entire body sagged. His arm flopped to his side and he leaned back, face to the sky, and yelled—and open-mouthed roar to the sky. The sound rattled my bones and sent a few birds scattering to the clouds. It was a holler of relief. I’d never heard anything like it in my life.
Ford stared at him until Bryan once again lowered his head, but his whole demeanor was changed now, less aggressive. Less angry.
“The only reason I’m not going to shoot you in the head is because I want this to end,” Bryan said. “When I talked to your dad, he made me promise not to kill you. If I go back on that word, then he’ll come after me, and then I’ll have to kill him. That sucks and it’s a lot of hassle. I don’t want to do that.”
“But don’t get it twisted that I’ve gone soft. That I am granting you mercy out of the goodness of my heart. Because fuck that.” Bryan wiped his mouth with his sleeve and held his arms out from his sides. He glanced at me, then back at Ford “Because this is who I am. I tried to act like it wasn’t, that my past was in the past, but that wasn’t true.” He trained the gun back on Ford, arm steady. Not even a tremor. “I’ll always be Bryan Drayer. I will also protect my family, and I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure their safety.”
He held out his hand to Hoop, who placed a cell phone in his palm. Bryan threw the phone at Ford, and it smacked him in the thigh before falling to the ground. “Now call your dad.” He shoved the gun in the back of his jeans and walked to me. After throwing his arm around my shoulders and tossing Hoop’s knife back to him, he said. “We’re going home. This is the last time I fucking see you, Ford. You hear me?”
Ford nodded, sufficiently cowed. Bryan saluted them both, and then we began to walk.
I peered up at him when we were out of earshot of the two men. “Bryan?”
He sighed heavily. “Yeah, Peaches.”
“I know who you are. All of who you are. And I love all of it.”
He didn’t skip a beat, he stopped us, pressed me back into a tree, and kissed the daylights out of me. He wiped my cheeks with his thumbs, brushing away the leftover salt from my tears. “I love all of you too, and I will protect every single bit of us. Which includes Lime.” He reached for my hand. “Plenty of stuff to say, but let’s get out of these goddamn woods, get a shower, and a nap, all right?”
I took in the path ahead of us, and inhaled deeply. “Deal.” We walked another five feet before I said. “Doctor said I gained a little extra weight last week anyway. This is good exercise.”
Bryan’s deep laugh bounced off the tree trunks around us.
Twenty
I slept for hours. When I woke up, the sky outside my bedroom windows was dark. I rubbed my eyes and reached for my phone. Seven at night. I heard voices from the front of house, then the slam of my door.
“Bryan?” I called out.
Footsteps approached and then Bryan filled the doorway. He wore only a pair of jeans and his hair was damp, like he’d just taken a shower. He looked pretty tough with a bandage over his cheekbone where Ford had elbowed him. “Hey-a sleepyhead.”
“Who were you talking to?”
“Police. They wanted to talk to you. I told them to get the fuck out because you were sleeping.”
“I’m awake now.” My stomach growled. Loudly.
Bryan laughed. “They can wait. You need to eat too. Your sister brought over some sandwiches from Greta’s.”
I peered around Bryan down the hallway. “Is she here?”
He shook his head. “She’ll be back later. You were snoring like a foghorn.”
“Was not.” Wow, that was mortifying.
“You can pretend you weren’t if it makes you feel better, but believe me, baby, you were.”
“That’s embarrassing.”
“We’ll blame Lime. Now give me a minute and I’ll get your food.”
He was back in a minute with a plate and glass of w
ater. With his help, I sat upright with some pillows behind me and set the plate on my stomach. “Who needs a tray when you have a pregnant belly?” I muttered.
Bryan sat on the edge of the bed, watching me eat. He rubbed his hands together and didn’t look at me when he asked. “You feeling okay?”
“I’m kind of groggy, but I guess so.”
He looked at me then. “You sure?”
I took a large bite of my sandwich to give me time to think. Once we’d made our way to the road, we’d continued walking until the police cars finally arrived, thanks to Meredith and Harriet calling.
“Are you asking if I’m okay about what happened with Ford or with us?” Because there’d been some revelations out there, about Bryan, me, and us together.
“All of it,” he said.
“I don’t think that I’m quite ready to process everything yet. Maybe I’ll go see a therapist.”
“That would be good.” He still seemed unsure, his eyes studying my face.
“Are you worried that things between us changed?”
He swallowed, and inhaled sharply. That was what he’d been worried about, I could read it all over his face. “I guess I am. I’ve been spouting for months that I’m changed. But in that moment, standing in front of Ford, I knew exactly who I was.”
“Did that make you angry?”
He shook his head. “No, it didn’t. And that’s the kicker of it all. I knew who I was and I was so damn happy I had it in me. That I would still fight to the death to protect you. I had no moral problem with it. But I should, right?” He circled his finger by his head. “My moral compass has always been whacked.”
“It is,” I admitted. “And mine must be too, because in that moment I was happy that you are who you are. So I guess we’ll have whacked moral compasses together.”
He laughed and leaned forward. With his fists on either side of my hips, we kissed over my half-eaten sandwich. “Thanks for being whacked with me.”
“Well, we didn’t get whacked,” I said.
He rolled his eyes with a grin. “I told you, I’m not in the mafia, Peaches.”
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