What was it Conan had said? ‘Now you can be master in your own house and make your own decisions.’ How could he be master in his own house when it was owned by his wife and the bank? Had Conan been mocking him? No, he had truly believed he knew what was going on at Glens of Lochandee. Conan was not the type to jeer at a friend and they had been friends for a long time, in spite of their differing ambitions as business partners. Now that their partnership at the garage was being dissolved their friendship would be more likely to continue. Nick’s pace slowed as his thoughts began to see the more positive aspects of his new situation. It was not as though he had received an ignominious dismissal from a job. He and Conan had done well in the short time they had been in business together and Conan had been generous in his praise and fair in his valuation of their accumulated assets. No, he would not be a pauper once his own share of the capital was returned to him.
On one side of the narrow road a steep hill rose out of the darkness. Nick could see the eyes of a few sheep glowing yellow through the gloom and he vaulted the roadside fence and went to join them, panting as he reached the top of the hill. He stood looking down, his eyes accustomed to the darkness now. Below him he could see a few twinkling lights in farms and cottages, with the lights of the village hidden from view. He took out his pocket watch and tried to see the time. He held it to his ear. He had forgotten to wind it again and it had stopped. He shrugged and put it back in his pocket and sank onto his haunches, and eventually more comfortably onto the grass with his back against a rocky outcrop. A quarter moon had appeared in the dark November sky and the world was silent all around him. Nick rested his head in his hands. It was up to him what he did with his life. Always he had felt his parents were everything to each other. He had not allowed himself to think of his mother since her death. In his heart he was convinced she had not fallen into the river – her drowning had not been accidental. Would it have made any difference if he had been at home with her, if he had even been free to go home to her for a while after his father’s death? The memory of her sing-song lilt came clearly to him now, ‘Life is what you make of it, boyo, or so I always believed, but war …’ She had shaken her head in bewilderment. ‘War now, there’s cruel, it is, taking away you all. Boyos still, all of you barely from out the schoolroom.’
It was true he had never really lived any of his adult life in his native Wales, but he had retained his Welsh accent along with the passions of his Celtic ancestors. Since the war, he had taken the Glens of Lochandee to his heart, along with Bridie. Did he want to live without her now? Without her and the land she loved? Could he? No, no, no! His heart cried out. Well, then, you foolish boyo … Go to it. Make of life what you will. He could almost hear his mother’s voice as though she was standing at his side.
Nick stood up and stretched, aware now of the chill seeping into him through the seat of his trousers, the increasing dampness in the air, settling like dew drops on his woollen jersey and his tweed cap. He looked around him, trying to get his bearings. He must have walked miles and it was impossible to see far in the darkness. He turned around on top of the hill. He and Bridie had often stood together at the northern boundary of the Lochandee land and she had pointed out the various landmarks. Was this the hill to the north of Lochandee then? Had he walked round the twisting narrow roads in a semi-circle? If he had, then Lochandee lay somewhere to the south-west of where he stood. He looked up at the sky but the stars were hidden by the lowering clouds. What had he to lose? He wasn’t even sure of finding his way back along the twisting lanes in the darkness. He would follow his instincts and cut across country. He did a few exercises to loosen up his stiff limbs and warm himself, then he set off at a jogging pace down the hill.
There were several hedges and fences to bar his way, but the farther he went the more certain he felt he was heading towards Lochandee and home. Home! What was it Bridie had said when he had greeted her? He had been too angry and tense to listen to her.
‘I only knew for sure myself today.’
His footsteps slowed and stopped. Bridie didn’t lie. She might have deceived him by keeping silent, but she wouldn’t lie. He stopped dead, his heart pounding. Had she been trying to tell him she was expecting another baby? Was it possible? Usually he had a fair idea about her monthly cycles, but he had been away with one of the buses for five days, as well as two three-day trips and had lost track. There would be no more sudden departures at two hours notice. Conan would have to find another stand-in for emergencies now. So could it be? His heart leapt at the possibility. Was that the reason Bridie had been reluctant to commit them to two singing engagements next March?
Nick tried to control his mounting excitement but the more he thought of it the more signs he seemed to remember. He had heard that women often went off drinking tea and he couldn’t remember when Bridie had last drunk tea at breakfast time. Supposing he was right, that didn’t alter the fact that Bridie had gone behind his back to buy her father’s share of Glens of Lochandee.
When Nick crept into the house, the warmth from the big Aga cooker came to meet him and he realised how wet and chilled he was. He glanced at the clock and whistled softly. Two in the morning! He must have walked for 20 miles or more. No wonder he felt so stiff and weary, not to mention hungry and cold. He pushed the kettle onto the hot plate and foraged in the larder for some bread and cheese. He ate it standing up and swallowed the hot tea in great gulps, feeling it warming his whole body. He stripped off his wet clothes and crept naked up the stairs to find the warm wool dressing gown which Bridie had insisted on buying for him when she knew he would be staying away with the tourists.
‘What if somebody needs you during the night?’ she had said, ‘You can’t go about naked in a hotel with all those ladies around.’
He reached behind the bedroom door and pulled it on, glad of its comforting warmth now. He looked towards the bed, expecting to see Bridie curled up and sound asleep, but the bed was empty, undisturbed. His heart plummeted. Where was Bridie? He turned and ran swiftly down the stairs. He pushed open the door of the little sitting room and there she was, curled up like a child, her cheek cradled in her hand. He opened the door wider and, even in the dim light, he could see the signs of tears where they had trickled down her cheek and onto the cushion.
‘Bridie?’ He called her name softly, afraid of startling her. He moved and knelt beside her, laying his hand on her arm. She was so cold. He glanced at the fire but the grate held nothing now but cold grey ash. ‘Bridie! Wake up. There’s frozen, you are …’
Slowly she opened her eyes and blinked like a sleepy child. Then she sat up and stared at him. He saw the dawning awareness in her eyes and she drew back from him, hard back against the settee.
‘Nick …?’ she said his name uncertainly.
‘Yes, it’s me. So cold you are, Bridie. Let me help you through to the kitchen and I’ll make you a cup of cocoa.’ He lifted her effortlessly in his arms. ‘You shouldn’t have waited up for me.’
‘You were s-so angry. I was afraid you m-might …’
‘I know, I know. It was pride, I suppose. I’m a silly bugger for minding so much, I know, but never mind that for now. Bridie? What were you going to tell me when I bawled you out?’
‘About the baby? How did you know so soon? I was going to tell you over supper.’
‘I didn’t know about that.’ He set her on her feet close to the cooker but he kept his arms around her, trying to warm her with the heat of his own body. ‘Are you sure then?’
‘Yes. I went to see Doctor MacEwan this afternoon …’ She glanced at the clock and gave a wan smile. ‘Yesterday afternoon. He thinks I’m nearly three months and I think that’s about right too. Oh Nick …’ She snuggled against him and his arms tightened.
‘Thank God,’ he murmured against the crown of her head, burying his face in the soft curls. ‘I’m so sorry, Bridie. I should never have lost my temper like that. I was just so – so hurt that everyone but me seemed to know what
you were up to, and Conan was so triumphant.’
‘I-I don’t understand what you’re talking about?’ She frowned and leaned away from him, staring up into his face. ‘No one else knows about the baby except Doctor MacEwan, but I’ll tell Mum soon and I promise I shall take the greatest of care this time.’
‘I know. I know you will, but I was talking about the bank loan you’ve taken on.’
‘O-oh …’ Bridie’s eyes widened. ‘But who could have told you about that? It couldn’t have been Dad because he and Mum understood why I didn’t want to worry you, and …’
‘Worry me?’ Nick almost exploded again but he bit his lip and strove to keep his anger and his hurt to himself. ‘Why should I be worried?’
‘Well, maybe not worried exactly, but I didn’t want you to be under … I didn’t want you to feel forced to stay in the garage business with Conan, because I had created a huge burden by taking out the loan. I’m sure I can repay it in the time Mr Craig has arranged, and all I want is for you to be happy too and do the work you really want to do, whether it’s partnership with Conan or a little workshop in a corner of the farmyard. I know you’re unhappy and I hate to see you like this … Nick? Wh-why are you looking at me like that?
Chapter Twenty-four
BRIDIE TREMBLED IN NICK’S arms and hoped he was not going to explode in anger again. Both her parents and Fiona had advised her to confide in him and now she wished she had. She imagined she could see the cogs of his brain working rapidly behind his narrowed dark eyes.
‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself,’ he muttered and hugged her tightly. ‘Let me make you a cup of hot cocoa and fill one of the stone pigs, then we can both get properly warmed up in bed. My feet are freezing and you’re shivering.’
‘I’m all right. Tell me what you’re thinking, Nick? I didn’t mean to hurt you …’
‘I’m thinking my wife is a genius!’ he looked down at her and his expression sobered. ‘Conan is buying my share of the garage business so now I can do exactly as I like. And you’ve just given me the best idea yet …’
‘Conan is what? Have you agreed to split up? When did this happen?’
‘You didn’t know?’
‘How could I know? When did you decide, and how will he manage to pay you your share?’
‘You really didn’t know …?’ Nick stared down at her and frowned. ‘Drink up. We’ll talk in bed.’
A little while later, Bridie snuggled into his arms and he ran his hand over her stomach where the muscles were still taut. As always, he delighted in her trembling response. ‘This is the most important thing in our world now, or at least in mine, Bridie.’
‘You must know I want our baby more than anything else. But I still want to know about Conan and what you are both going to do, if he is paying you out your share in the garage.’
‘I’m surprised you don’t know, because the money has come from you, even if it is indirectly. I’m still aggrieved that you didn’t confide in me,’ Nick added and Bridie could hear the hurt in his voice.
‘I’m sorry, Nick. I would never willingly hurt you, you must surely know that. I wanted to tell you several times, but then Dad refused even to think about my proposals and I thought there was no point in worrying you. I didn’t want you to feel you had to stay in partnership with Conan because I had a debt to pay to the bank. I wouldn’t have taken a loan if I didn’t think Glens of Lochandee could pay it back. I don’t think Mr Craig would have agreed anyway, but I thought you might feel under pressure to hang on at the garage, and I knew you weren’t happy with the way things were going.’
‘I have faith in your judgement, Bridie, but I didn’t like hearing about it from someone else. Promise me you’ll always confide in me in future?’
‘I promise. Now do tell me about the garage. Did you and Conan have a blazing row?’
‘No, as a matter of fact it’s all very amicable. I may need to help him out for a while until he gets another mechanic and a relief bus driver. Your parents gave him half of the money you paid to your father when you bought his share of the Lochandee land. That’s to be his inheritance. He’s over the moon because he didn’t expect anything more from them, and he certainly never expected to have it now.’
‘I wonder why they’ve given it to him already?’
‘I think they knew our partnership at the garage was not working out very well. They probably wanted to help. Apparently, your father is going to use the rest of the money you paid him to build a milking parlour and shed for a dairy herd at Nether Rullion. When it begins to pay, he hopes to leave you a little money too, or so your parents told Conan.’
‘Dad has been more than generous to me already. I’m not jealous of Conan, just surprised at them giving him the money now.’
‘Well, I’m beginning to suspect your mother may have had a hand in things. Conan has paid me most of my share of the capital and we shall both be happier. But more than that, even after I’ve set myself up the way I want to be, I shall have quite a bit of my money left. So, my dear wife, I have every intention of using the rest to help reduce your loan with the bank. Hush, hush …’ He placed a gentle finger over her lips. ‘Please don’t shut me out again, Bridie, and if you’re not too tired I’ll tell you what I would like to do. How I would like it to be for both of us from now on.’
‘I couldn’t sleep until I’ve heard everything.’
‘All right. Well, you just put the idea into my head. You mentioned a workshop in a corner of the farmyard. The empty shed and the small barn up at the little farm your father added to Glens of Lochandee would be ideal. It has access onto the side road from Lochandee village, so it would make an ideal workshop for farmers to come with the tractors and implements for repairs. I could work on them under cover there, and I wouldn’t even need to lay out money for premises. I enjoy getting my hands on things, adapting them, finding out how they work, and even improving some of the machines. Farming is becoming more and more mechanised since the war.’
‘Oh it is, and my Dad thinks you’re an excellent mechanic.’ She felt Nick smile against her cheek.
‘I’m glad he approves. I have a lot of regular customers already and I know they’ll keep coming if I can set up locally. Conan will be pleased to get rid of them from the garage. I intend to buy a cattle lorry too. I shall never be a farmer, but I’d like to be around to help you when you go to market, Bridie, or to your shows with the cows. I reckon there’s plenty of business to be had transporting other cattle. Most of the farmers are too busy, or too short of labour, to walk them to market now. Taking them by lorry is quicker and easier. Then there’s the tractor driving to do here, the ploughing and cultivations, the mowing and rowing, harvesting the corn. I know Sandy Kidd and Frank understand cattle better than I ever shall, but neither of them is much good with the tractors.’ He chuckled in the darkness.
‘They would both agree with you there. In fact, they’ll be relieved if you take over some of the cultivation, but, Nick, I don’t know how you’ll ever fit in everything you plan to do.’
‘When I get established, I can always train an apprentice, or employ a driver for the cattle lorry – maybe even two or three if there’s a demand. Who knows? It’s not that I’ve no ambition as Conan thinks; I just don’t share his ideas any more. Most important of all, I intend to spend more of my time looking after my wife …’ His hand moved back to Bridie’s stomach, ‘and my family,’ he said softly as he sought her lips in a kiss which promised everything Bridie had dreamed of.
While Fiona had not seen Beth for more than a week, Lucy had been over twice after school, and both times she had remarked how tired her mother seemed to be. Even though she was young and had her own school work with its attendant problems, Fiona sensed she was more than usually concerned by Beth’s constant need to rest whenever she was at home. She hardly ever cycled now – both Bridie and Mrs Maxwell collected her in the car on the days she worked for them. Conan would have liked her to help him
at the garage but Beth said she simply hadn’t the energy for anything more. So Fiona made a point of going across to the cottage later that evening.
‘I’ve just lit the fire, and I’m ready for a seat and a chat.’ Beth greeted her with evident pleasure. ‘Take that chair, Fiona. It’s dark so early now and it’s getting colder.’ She shivered. ‘Or is it just me?’
‘The days are certainly short but I haven’t felt the cold too badly yet. In fact, I love crisp mornings and bright, clear days.’
‘Aye, each season has its charm, I suppose …’ Beth said slowly and stared into the fire. When the silence lengthened between them, Fiona looked at Beth uneasily. ‘I-I just thought I should ask you, Beth … Well, I wondered whether you had changed your mind about wanting me to be Lucy’s guardian, I mean now that she’s getting older and …’
‘No! Oh no. You haven’t changed your mind, have you, Fiona?’ There was no doubting the desperation in Beth’s face, the leap of fear in her eyes.
‘Of course I haven’t,’ Fiona said softly and drew her chair closer to Beth’s. She patted her hands where they lay turning and twisting in her lap. ‘I’m growing very fond of Lucy and she works so hard. You must be very proud of her getting both piano and violin lessons through the school?’
‘Aye.’ Beth sighed heavily. ‘Her music would have been a great benefit to her, if she’d been able to go in for teaching.’
‘Well, don’t give up hope of that. I’ll make enquiries about grants and scholarships, if you like, when Lucy gets nearer to deciding what she wants to do. Is she doing her homework just now?’
‘Yes, she’s in her room. She spends hours with her books. I shall not see her until bedtime.’
‘I’m sure she enjoys it,’ Fiona smiled. ‘Don’t worry about her, Beth.’
‘I can’t help it,’ Beth whispered despondently. Her thin fingers were clenching and twisting restlessly. Fiona reached forward and clasped them in her own hands.
The Legacy of Lochandee Page 23
