‘Well, well, well,’ Bridie breathed, still astounded by the news. She looked across at Conan’s white, strained face. ‘Now that I know, it seems so obvious. I mean Lucy’s musical talents, her looks and mannerisms … I just never thought about you – you … It must have been just before you went away to the war, Conan …’ She suppressed a smile when she saw his face redden guiltily.
‘It was only once,’ he muttered.
‘I should hope it was only once!’ Rachel raged. ‘Once was more than enough.’
‘I think we’d better go,’ Bridie said, sensing Fiona’s uneasiness.
‘Yes, your mother needs time to get over the shock,’ Ross said gently, and gave Conan a signal to leave with them. He nodded and followed them with some relief.
‘Phew! That was even worse than I thought it would be!’ he sighed. ‘I expected Dad to be outraged, but it’s Mum who’s making the most fuss. She makes me feel like a criminal, and that’s a bit unfair, considering I’m illegitimate and all the doubts and confusion I suffered until I understood. She can’t have been an angel either.’
‘I think I’d better go,’ Fiona said awkwardly but she had driven Bridie over and she couldn’t leave without her. Bridie seemed more intrigued than shocked by the family skeletons tumbling out of the cupboard.
‘I didn’t know that!’ she said. ‘When did you find out?’
‘Oh, once when Mum and Dad were quarrelling and I jumped to the conclusion he wasn’t my father and got all upset about it. Apparently the law is a bit different now, but at the time I was born, birth certificates couldn’t be changed to the father’s name if it was not on at the time of registration, and if the father was not present. I was too young to understand when I overheard Mum and Dad arguing about it. We went to stay with Aunt Meg for our holidays and I told Polly. When Mum heard what had been worrying me she explained – well, sort of. Of course, I needed my birth certificate later and she told me that she and Dad had been separated and I had been born before they could get married.’
‘Well, they certainly love each other, even after all these years,’ Bridie said loyally, ‘so I don’t suppose they could help it. But it does explain why Mum gave me so many lectures about, well, about waiting until I was married to Nick.’ She blushed, remembering all the times Nick had wanted to make love to her, and how often she had been tempted, and always there had been her mother’s firm injunctions at the back of her mind. ‘It seems to me you’re the one she should have been lecturing, big brother,’ she teased. Conan didn’t mind the teasing though. He was relieved to find that neither Bridie nor Fiona seemed to condemn him as his mother did.
Surprisingly it was Ross who reminded Rachel of their own situation and gently pointed out how unreasonable she was being.
‘Oh yes?’ Rachel flared with all her old spirit. ‘You men are always in the right in matters of desire, but you d-don’t know how much we women s-suffer in consequence.’ In consternation, Ross watched as she burst into tears. He gathered her in his arms, as though she were a child and all the old protective love flared in him. He stroked her hair gently back from her brow, noting absently that there were scarcely any grey hairs yet among the red-brown tresses.
‘We don’t mean to make you suffer, dear Rachel. You know how much I loved you then, and how much I love you still.’
She looked up at him through a mist of tears. ‘I know, a-and we’ve been fortunate. But supposing Harry had ever found out …’ She trembled at the prospect. ‘Whatever would Beth have done then? She really loved him. It must have been Conan who …’
‘But it does take two,’ Ross protested mildly. ‘I expect there were circumstances we shall never understand. Anyway, Harry didn’t find out and Lucy gave him a lot of pleasure.’
‘She did and …’ Suddenly she leaned back in Ross’s arms and looked into his face. ‘You know, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Meg saw the resemblance between Lucy and Ewan and guessed there was something … At Bridie’s wedding, she made one or two comments I didn’t really grasp at the time …’
‘Well, they do say an outsider often sees more of the game,’ Ross nodded slowly. ‘We saw Lucy almost every day so we never considered the resemblance, but now that we do know, I can’t think how we could have missed it. The fact remains that Lucy is our granddaughter, and soon she’ll be an orphan. We must see Beth soon and reassure her that Lucy will still be as welcome here as she has always been.’ He looked down into Rachel’s troubled face. ‘You do agree, my love?’
‘Yes, Lucy will always be welcome. She’s a lovely girl, but I still feel very angry with Conan.’
‘I know, but what’s done can’t be undone, at least not in this case. I expect Beth will be worrying until she knows how we feel.’
‘Yes, I suppose you’re right,’ Rachel sighed heavily. ‘I’ll go down to see her soon, but not today. I need to sleep on it. It’s such a shock – I need time to get used to it and think about what I shall say to Beth. Since she’s so ill and has so little time, I wouldn’t like to upset her.’
Chapter Twenty-seven
RACHEL HAD PONDERED DEEPLY on the question of Conan’s involvement with Beth. In her heart, whatever her personal feelings, she knew she must do all in her power to ease Beth’s mind during the time she had left. It must surely be the hardest thing in the world for a loving mother to know she was about to leave her child alone and she resolved to do her best to offer reassurance for Lucy’s future.
She decided they should all celebrate Christmas at Nether Rullion. It would be easier for Bridie, as well as having the whole of her family under one roof, and reassuring Beth of Lucy’s place among them. She was a little hurt that it had already been decided Lucy should make her home with Fiona. Although she knew she should not interfere, she was filled with misgivings. Fiona was attractive and intelligent and Rachel felt there was every likelihood that she would marry. Would Lucy still be welcome in her home with a new husband and perhaps children of their own? Yet it was plain to see the two of them got on well together and Fiona treated Lucy like the younger sister she had never had, and often craved. Gravely, Lucy seemed to accept her circumstances must alter and Rachel’s heart ached for her as she changed from carefree schoolgirl to responsible young woman almost overnight. She gave Beth all the care and consideration she could when she was not at school. In doing so, she earned the respect of Doctor MacEwan and most of the people in the village, all of whom rallied to help in their various ways, once they understood the seriousness of Beth’s illness.
Only with Conan did Lucy seem uncomfortable. The morning after she had discovered that Harry Mason was not her natural father she had demanded to know who her father was and whether her mother had truly liked him. She was shocked to discover she was Conan’s daughter. Beth explained as well as she could. She knew Lucy was still too young and inexperienced in the emotions of men and women to understand the temptations. Even less could she explain to her the stress of those wartime days, the grief of partings, the hunger and yearning, the fear, the confusion, the uncertainties.
It was a tremendous relief to Beth when Rachel called to visit and reassured her nothing would change between them. They had known each other too long and helped each other through too many trials to affect their relationship now.
‘So you and Lucy and Fiona will come to Nether Rullion for Christmas, Beth? Bridie and Nick are coming, and of course Ewan will be there and Conan. We shall do our best to reassure Lucy that she’ll always have a family to turn to when she needs us. You know how proud Ross is of her musical talents. I suspect he’ll be more proud than ever now.’
‘Ye’re very kind,’ Beth said wearily. ‘We’ll come for a wee while, and I thank you – I thank you from the bottom o’ my heart for everything you’ve done over the years. I havena long now, but … but …’
‘Hush, Beth,’ Rachel said huskily, clasping the thin, restless fingers in hers. ‘There’s no need for words between us.’
* * *
&n
bsp; So the whole family gathered at Nether Rullion and each and every one of them made an effort to make it a Christmas to remember, hiding heartbreak beneath the laughter and teasing banter.
Fiona had changed her car for a new Austin so Nick and Conan were eager to examine it from front to back.
‘If you’d asked me I could have got you a new Ford Popular at £390,’ Conan said. ‘I’ll bet this one was a hundred pounds dearer.’
‘Nearly, but not quite. I liked the Austin I had, so I thought I’d stick to the same make.’
‘Well, she’s a nice little job,’ Nick said admiringly. ‘If I’d known you were thinking of selling your last car, I’d have bought it for Bridie. It’s time she had one of her own. When the baby arrives she’ll not be able to go everywhere on a bicycle.’
‘Oh I don’t know,’ Conan grinned. ‘Mum had a seat on the back of hers and a basket on the front. She took me with her when she delivered eggs and butter in the village – not that I can remember that, but that’s what I’m told. As a matter of fact, it was Beth’s grandfather who fixed the seat so I could accompany her.’
‘Well, I mean to buy Bridie a little car, so if you see a bargain you can let us know.’
As usual, Rachel had cooked a huge Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and two of the plump capons she had reared herself. The traditional clootie dumpling followed with silver threepenny pieces for lucky charms. Lucy got three in hers and Fiona and Bridie got two each. Ewan and Nick only found one and Conan got none. Still, there was much laughter over it all.
Afterwards, Beth fell asleep in the chair beside the fire while Lucy helped Fiona and Rachel clear the table and wash the dishes.
‘Mum treats me like an invalid,’ Bridie chuckled, ‘and I never felt better in my life.’
‘No, you’re really blooming, lassie,’ Ross declared, overhearing her. ‘When will the bairn be due?’
‘About the middle of May.’
‘Ah well, you’ll miss the turnip hoeing very nicely then, but you’ll be fit by hay time, eh?’ He winked at Nick.
‘I’ll do my best,’ Bridie promised with mock solemnity.
‘Aren’t any of you lazybones going for a walk to shake down all that dinner?’ Conan asked half an hour later.
‘Not me,’ Bridie yawned. ‘Nick and Dad are outside discussing some changes to one of the tractors. You wouldn’t think it was Christmas Day! Ask Fiona and Lucy. They’re just about finished in the kitchen. And take Ewan with you. He got a Monopoly board for Christmas and he’s pestering everybody to have a game with him.’
So Fiona and Lucy set out with Conan and Ewan to walk to the highest point of Nether Rullion and back, before it was time for afternoon tea.
‘Nick and I’ll be leaving then to be back for the milking,’ Bridie warned, ‘so don’t dilly-dally on the way!’
It was a crisp clear day and Fiona enjoyed the brisk walk. The ground was not really steep and Ewan and Lucy were like a pair of young puppies let off the leash as they raced ahead.
‘It’s good to see Lucy putting her cares aside for once,’ Fiona remarked. ‘She’s tremendously good with Beth.’
‘Yes, and it’s a relief to see Mum making them both so welcome,’ Conan said.
‘I never doubted your mum would do her best, however hurt she may be underneath.’
‘You really think she’s hurt? Are you wanting me to go on grovelling for …?’
‘No, no, of course that’s not what I meant,’ Fiona insisted. ‘I do wish you wouldn’t look for criticism where none is intended,’ she sighed, putting a hand on his arm. He trapped it with his other hand and then held onto her fingers as they walked along, swinging her arm as they stepped out briskly.
‘What are you two holding hands for?’ Ewan demanded, running back down the path towards them.
‘Och, Fiona’s getting an old woman and she needed a pull,’ Conan grinned.
‘Indeed, I’m not!’ Fiona contradicted. ‘And just to prove it, I’ll race you back to the farm, before Bridie and Nick leave.’ She set off immediately, her long legs covering the ground with remarkable speed. She arrived at the gate into the farmyard, gasping for breath but triumphantly ahead.
‘You cheated!’ Conan accused laughingly. ‘You had a head start.’
‘No, you’re too slow!’
‘We’ll see about that, one of these days,’ Conan promised with a grin, watching the colour rise in her cheeks as she met his eyes. ‘I must admit you can run faster than I expected, though. Tell me, Fiona Sinclair, is there anything you can’t do well?’ To his surprise, an awful bleakness came into her eyes.
‘Yes, there is,’ she said with a note of bitter regret.
‘Oh? Are you going to tell me what it is? Maybe I can help you …?’
‘I doubt if anyone could help.’ She shook her head vigorously as though wanting to empty it of memories.
‘Not if you don’t tell us what it is you can’t do.’ But Fiona just gave her head another vigorous shake and turned towards the house.
Bridie and Nick left soon after tea while Fiona, Beth and Lucy stayed on for the evening at Rachel and Ross’s request. Conan decided he would stay too.
‘I might stay overnight if you’ve a bed, Mum? My flat is not exactly welcoming in this weather and there’ll be nothing doing at the garage for the next few days.’
‘You’re welcome to stay whenever you wish, you know that, Conan,’ Rachel said, ‘but you’re right about your flat. To be honest, you can barely call it that. I don’t know why you don’t build yourself a proper little house. You’ve plenty of land near the garage. It would be a good investment, wouldn’t it, Fiona?’ Rachel turned to look at Fiona and was surprised at the unhappy, faraway look in her eyes.
‘Sorry?’ she jumped as though coming back to the present was an effort. Rachel repeated her suggestion.
‘Yes, I’d say a house would be an excellent investment if you ever wanted to sell the garage, Conan, or even for yourself.’
After supper Lucy and Ross played Christmas carols and they all joined in until Fiona felt Beth was tired and ready for home.
‘It’s been a lovely day,’ Beth said, turning to Rachel. They both knew what was in her mind. Next Christmas, they would celebrate without her. For a moment her new serenity deserted her and her eyes filled with tears. Rachel squeezed her hands in a warm grip, then gave her an unexpected hug. Lucy watched anxiously and Rachel turned towards her and embraced her too.
‘You know there’ll always be a place for you here, lassie,’ she said softly.
* * *
Three and a half weeks later, Beth slipped into a coma and, two days after, into the final sleep. Lucy, who had been incredibly brave throughout her mother’s illness, sobbed as though her heart would break as she watched the coffin being lowered into the grave beside Harry Mason. It was the Scottish custom that the women did not go to the graveside but waited in the house for the men to return. Lucy had insisted she must go and none of Conan’s attempts to dissuade her could change her mind.
‘In that case I’ll go too,’ Fiona said quietly. Rachel nodded approval.
‘I’ll come with you.’
Later, Fiona was glad of her help as they supported the sobbing girl back to the cottage. Doctor MacEwan had attended the funeral and he saw at once how Lucy’s composure had cracked at last.
‘It’s better this way,’ he said quietly to Rachel. ‘I’ll leave a draft, though, to help her get a good night’s sleep.’
In the days that followed, Fiona helped Lucy sort through her mother’s possessions and pack the things she wanted to keep. Conan came and helped them move the boxes and her own books and clothes to the little bedroom Fiona had prepared especially for Lucy.
‘This is lovely,’ he said as he looked around the pretty bedroom with its flower-sprigged wallpaper and pale pink curtains, with a bedspread made to match. Lucy gave him a wan smile.
‘Fiona helped me choose the paper and the material. We sewed th
e curtains and the bedspread together,’ she added proudly. ‘But Fiona put the paper on the walls.’
‘Mmm, you’re a lucky lass. I shall have to come and ask the pair of you to advise me when I get a new house.’
‘Are you going to build one then?’ Fiona asked in surprise, knowing he had gone ahead with the takeover of the Turner family’s buses and that consequently money must be tight, especially with his insistence on making her generous contributions towards Lucy’s keep.
‘Some day I’ll get around to it,’ he shrugged.
As the weeks passed and the days lengthened, Fiona did her best to stimulate Lucy’s interest in things beyond the village, hoping it would help to take her mind off her great loss, remembering all too clearly how bereft she herself had felt, and still did, when she recalled her mother’s death. Sometimes Ewan accompanied them, and Fiona enjoyed a visit to Edinburgh Zoo almost as much as they did.
‘I wish I’d known you were going,’ Conan said when he heard. ‘I might have come too. It would even be a good idea for a day trip with one of the buses,’ he added, brightening. ‘The next time you have any good suggestions, Miss Sinclair, perhaps you’d share them with me?’
‘All right, we’ll do that, won’t we, Lucy?’
They visited the museum and the camera obscura in Dumfries when Lucy was doing a school project concerning local history, and the ancient ruins of the 13th-century CaerlaverockCastle.
‘I’m so lucky to have you, Fiona,’ Lucy said one night when they were sipping cocoa before going to bed. ‘You make ordinary things seem so interesting. You would have been a really good teacher.’
‘A teacher?’ Fiona considered that. ‘I don’t suppose I should have the patience. Not all students are as intelligent as you are, Lucy, and they don’t all work hard either. As a matter of fact I think I’m lucky to have you too. It’s far more fun doing things when I have company. Is there anything you would like to do in the Easter holidays?’
The Legacy of Lochandee Page 26
