by Mia Ford
“Good. I went to the bar with some friends after work.” No real date but who was I kidding? Perry looked younger than his forty-two years and with his dark tousled hair and cerulean eyes, women were likely falling at his feet daily. Not to mention the time that he spent in the gym near the architecture firm that he owned, making him muscular, toned, and insanely sexy. “Did you hide in your cave and study all night?”
“You know it. I live such a glamorous life,” I quipped as I felt him come to stand near me, smelling like the forest that we lived in along with that peppermint soap that he used. I silently inhaled the scent that promised me so much warmth, annoyed that coffee got in the way of my enjoyment.
“You’ve worked your ass off for this degree. Don’t ever feel like that isn’t an accomplishment, Caroline.” His voice was lightly reprimanding, and I smiled at him as I looked into his model perfect face. “You’re twenty-one now and graduating soon. There’s plenty of time for fun.” Did Perry realize that I was a mature twenty-one-year-old woman as much as he sounded like he did? I was skinny with acne when I moved in here, but now I had generous curves and my mom’s pretty caramel hair and Dad’s light green eyes.
The immature boys at UCCS told me that I looked like a pin-up girl as they looked me over as though I was a piece of steak. They compared me to Bettie Page or Dita Von Teese, but it didn’t work on me. I grew up with one of the most handsome and caring men in the world, so their words were not going to get them in my pants. Nobody ever had, making me the only twenty-one-year-old virgin on the planet; at least in my mind. I was saving myself for Perry, and he would more than likely never see me that way. “I know. I don’t mind sticking around the house since it’s amazing here.”
Perry built this place in Colorado when I was ten, tucked in the trees of the spread-out forest but close enough to get into town for whatever we needed. It was beautiful and private, but sometimes it felt like a prison to me. I started developing all kinds of feelings for Perry once I turned sixteen and hid them since that was wrong in every way. I should have probably slept with someone and gotten it out of the way, but no guy in school, high school or college, ever appealed to me. I just lived with my growing desire for the man that was something of a stepfather to me, using it to get myself off so much that I was satisfied with it in a sick way. It was like that for years, but once I was turning twenty, it made sense that it could happen for us. He was the only one that respected me the way that I needed to give myself to somebody.
I guess it went back to my mother telling me about having strong feelings for someone before I gave them that since it was meant to be so much more than physical. For women, it was emotional and no matter what, Mom warned that I’d have some attachment to the first person that I had sex with. I kept that in my mind after she was gone and the years flew by. Perry gave me a safe place to live and all the stability that a girl could ever want and I felt guilty that I wanted him so much.
Now that I felt like I was going to be a real adult soon, I found it hard to ignore this attraction. I wanted him to see me as more than a daughter figure even though he’d been raising me as such so long.
“Caroline? Where are you?” His voice broke into my thoughts as I blinked and realized that I was still staring at him. I was obsessed or headed there, and I laughed as I shrugged.
“I guess I’m in bed mentally. Studying and all,” I smiled weakly and sipped the coffee that suddenly didn’t taste as good. “I need to get to school and take that test. See you later?”
“I’ll grill some chicken and those marinated veggies that you like for dinner,” he assured me as I nodded and smiled again. I poured the coffee into one of the Starbucks travel cups that I kept myself stocked up on for the drive, grabbing everything I needed before I walked out to my early graduation gift.
Perry bought me a brand-new Lexus LX, telling me how proud he was that I’d kept my grades high through all the years in school, something that he was worried about after I lost my parents. He’d seen to it that I got the best grief counseling then and told me to talk to him whenever I wanted.
I didn’t ask him about the things that I’d go to Mom about. I was an only child since she suffered an accident after my birth that prevented her from having more children. I knew that they could have adopted a child, but Mom always told me what a great little family we were, able to travel and see the world when I was young. I went to all the kid-friendly places from the time I turned four, in the states or otherwise. My father worked hard as a psychologist and wanted to show me various cultures, places and for me to have an open mind about life in general.
I wondered what his advice would be to me as a patient that just lost her entire family sometimes. The therapist that I did get worked through all my emotions didn’t tell me to repress them. She wanted me to feel grief, anger, sadness, and anything else that came along and acknowledge that. It was the only way to move forward.
I joined a gym in my teens, finding that exercise helped me immensely during my bad times. Perry found the best one in that case as well. He always took such good care of me. He did everything that my parents would and more, slowly showing me that he was there for me until the end. There would always be a part of me that feared him dying or leaving me, but Perry took the time to prove to me that he had no intentions of that.
I was secure to the fact that he cared for me, though I wish that it was in the same manner that I wanted him.
Perry
I watched quietly as Caroline left for school, finishing my coffee. I thought back to the night before when I’d met a woman who offered me a night with no strings after I’d drunk a few beers. She was attractive enough with blonde hair and a hot little body, but I was tired from a long day at the office and just wanted to be home. This was the place that I felt the most secure and comfortable, loving the relationship that I had with Caroline. I knew when she was a baby that she was going to wrap me around her little finger and she did, breaking my heart when I had to tell her that her parents were dead. Her eyes filled with tears, and I pulled the girl that still seemed so small in my arms, even though she was well on the way into growing into a woman.
Even if I weren't the caregiver, I’d have fought for her. I knew her parents well and what they wanted for her. I offered for her to move in as soon as it felt appropriate and she told me that she would no matter what the will said. Her parents, Brandon and Mila Jameson weren’t close to any of their family because of dysfunction and they kept their daughter away from all of that.
I smiled as I thought of my best friend. Brandon was focused and driven since the moment that I met him and he got through school with honors, at which point we collaborated in the architecture firm together with money from our trust funds. Luckily, we did well from the get-go, and our money stayed in the investment accounts, and we could add more as the success just grew.
I slowly saved enough to first buy a condo near the office and then I had this house built. I never expected it to be Caroline’s home, but I was glad that it was when the accident happened. The house always brought me peace and it seemed to do the same for her as she got through the hard months following the loss of her parents. I didn’t hover with Caroline because I knew that she was a strong girl deep inside as well as the fact that I didn’t want to bother her. I made it clear that I was always there for her and did the best I could, wishing that I was married so she would have something of a mother in her life. It just never happened, not with my working as much as I did once I had to replace Brandon. He was a hard worker, and we just knew each other so well, and I made it my life’s work to keep the company doing as well as it always had. I was around for Caroline as far as having dinner together and seeing what she needed as far as help with school, but once that was done I would often be up late working from home.
I never had to worry about her in school too much. Caroline was brilliant and was always in honor classes from middle school and on. She was a teacher’s favorite every single year and a goo
d friend to her small group of people that stayed together all through high school and college. They were all rather introverted people and kept to themselves, not partying too much or causing any trouble.
I was surprised in Caroline’s senior year when she brought home a guy that could only be described as your textbook bad boy. He was tall and careless in nature with tattoos covering the skin of his arms. We had a few dinners together, and it was evident that he wasn’t a smart guy like she was as well as older than she was by more than a couple of years. He wasn’t her type, and I sensed that she was not all that into him despite his handful of appearances at the house.
I expressed my concern about her dating such a guy and she stared at me with an unreadable gaze before disappearing to her room. Soon after that, the guy didn’t come around any longer. Did she dump him because of what I said or did something happen between them? The idea of him hurting her made my blood boil, but she merely told me that it didn’t work out when I asked a couple of weeks after not seeing him. Nothing more and nothing less.
I was glad not to see her in his presence. I didn’t know what guy would make me happy when it came to Caroline like any father figure might think. I stepped into Brandon’s shoes as best as I knew how and tried to see things as he and Mila would. They were such a close family and while I couldn’t replicate that, I tried to be constant for her.
Caroline met a few of the women I dated for longer than a few months, getting closer to some, more than others. She seemed to like to have another female to cook with, talk with and just be a girl with. I couldn’t offer that.
Then the relationship would seem to end naturally, and Caroline looked like she was relieved. Was she judging the women as much as I judged her one boyfriend? I didn’t understand, but at least Caroline wasn’t upset. I worried about her getting close to one of the women and feeling lost when she was gone, never able to forget the look in her eyes when she knew that her mother was gone. It broke my heart.
I sensed that Caroline built walls around herself after her parent’s death, even with me. She went to her therapist, and I assume that she spoke a lot about her feelings in that room, keeping quiet at other times. We’d talk about her parents sometimes, sharing laughter over memories and holidays spent together and I could tell that she enjoyed it. It just wasn’t frequent.
She’d grown into a beautiful woman and a mix of both parents. I hated the curves that came with age, knowing that men would be breathing down her neck. Persistence would get them close to her, and Caroline would give them what they wanted of her, resulting in tears and a broken heart. It would lead to me wanting to kill a kid that was just starting his life. Brandon used to joke about cleaning a shotgun when boys came over later when his daughter was older, and it all made sense now.
I didn’t want to see her get hurt. Nobody would when they were raising someone the way that I was.
Caroline seemed to have an interest in men before and after the one senior year. I noticed a few late nights out that went unexplained and some calls and texts here and there, but she always seemed to be focused on me and the house. Caroline seemed to observe me, and I’d watch her as she’d frown and leave the room, hating that someone was making her sad. I wanted her to be comfortable in this house since it was hers as well as mine, and never understood why she was downstairs with her phone instead of in her own room like most teenagers. Colleagues complained to me that they never saw their kids and that it seemed like a fight to spend time with them, but Caroline was around a lot. She enjoyed cooking and cleaning, taking care of me and seeing me happy. She did it even when I was dating someone and sometimes it bothered the woman. I wondered if a few relationships didn’t end because I was raising a teenager.
I would always choose Caroline. She lost the two people that meant the most to her, and I wasn’t going to abandon her. If I didn’t find something perfect that would suit the situation, then I’d just wait. I was in no rush to get married. In truth, Brandon and I had both been interested in Mila when we met her in a college class. She was a bubbly and beautiful girl, but he won her over within just a few moments. There were times when I was bitter and a bit envious, but they fell in love quickly and were married within a couple of years. Once they had Caroline, I had someone to spoil and love, and I felt like it was my life that was complete.
I wondered if I would meet someone and want what my friends had. Everything was so casual with the women that I dated, and I never felt that connection and the years flew by before I found myself as the caretaker of a young girl that needed me more. I didn’t even think about dating for the first couple of years once she moved in with me, too focused on making sure she was okay. I got her a grief counselor, a membership to the best gym when she expressed interest in that, and instruments and technology as she expressed interest in anything. I had money, and I could give her any material thing that she needed. It was all that I knew how to do and what I’d done all along.
Now that she was going to be graduating soon, I wanted to do something special for Caroline. I was going to take her to dinner somewhere around the ceremony, but I needed to go bigger. She made me so proud, and I knew that her parents were watching from above. I know that they’d do something special for Caroline and I wanted her to feel as important as she was to all of us.
I’d start tonight by making her favorite dinner. She loved it, and I wanted to make her happy. I’d figure something else out for the rest.
Caroline
I got through the test and felt good about it, driving home yawning with every intention of taking a nap. I knew that I was focusing too much on my feelings for Perry and longed to just let them go. That was difficult, given what he’d come to mean to me over the last several years. He was one of the best uncles for the first thirteen years of my life, always doting on me and taking me out to ice cream or the movies. He went to any game that I played in my early years, rooting me on from the stands as I grinned and looked over several times at him and my parents. It was the greatest childhood a girl could ask for, and I felt lost when it ended so abruptly.
I knew that Perry was the only person that could take any kind of care of me. My family was distant from my parents, so why would they want me? How would I know that they loved me the way that he did, and not the money left to me by my parents? They saw that I’d be okay in life, at least financially as well as surrounded by love when they left me in the care of Perry. There was no better place for me even if he was a bit awkward about it in the beginning.
Looking back as I parked my car, I had a lot of happy memories here. He gave me everything that he could and made sure that I was set in life. Perry did the best that he could, and I loved him for it.
I just loved him in the wrong way.
I pulled off my jeans and sweater, dropping on my bed as I took a slow breath. I shoved one leg under my rumpled sheets and closed my eyes as my body heated up. I had been overwhelmed with thoughts of Perry all day and my hand slipped between my legs, needing the release. I imagined him as I worked my clit, having saved some of the best images over the years in my mind. Perry was sexy in all states, but when we spent time in the pool in the summer, it took all my self-control not to get myself off right there, not to mention attack him. He went to the gym regularly and looked amazing. He was proud of his body, almost to a fault and had no issues showing it off. I wanted him to notice me in the bathing suits that got smaller when my courage grew, but he never seemed to. Perry would just tell me not to wear them out in public with that familiar protective tone in his voice.
I wanted to go down naked to make him see what I was feeling.
We worked out at the same gym as well as our home one, and I’d sneak peeks as he lifted weights and worked out every part of his masculine form. Perry wasn’t going for the build of a bodybuilder as much as he had toned muscles and lean planes in his body. He just wanted to keep up with his busy life and be as healthy as possible. I knew deep down that a lot of that had to do with me and was ba
sed on some belief that he couldn’t leave me as well. That made me sometimes cry because I couldn’t imagine life without him. I was twenty-one and had all the money that I needed to live as an adult, but I needed Perry. It twisted my insides when I thought about that and how much I wanted him. It wasn’t right, at all. I wanted to push all the desire and emotion away, but it had grown steadily after living here with him. It was powerful and real to me, and I struggled inside as a human being, as a woman.
I came to the image of him sweaty as he lifted some weights, every muscle in his back taut. I held in my cries, never knowing if he was close in this big house. I wanted to scream his name and give Perry credit for what he did to me. Not here, though. I rocked against my hand, prolonging the pleasure until I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I dropped back onto my pile of pillows and gave in to my exhaustion.
I must have slept hard because I woke up to the sound of Perry’s voice, turning my head to see him looking at me with shocked eyes. “Huh?”
“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” he stammered before leaving my room and pulling the door closed. I glanced down and saw that I was dressed only in a tank top, bra and a pair of panties that were askew from my earlier activity. I was barely covered with my sheet, running hot on a regular basis, and always kicking blankets off to begin with. There was a part of me that was admittedly ashamed that he’d seen me in such a state. There was another deeper part of me, a carnal part that loved the way that he was looking at me. It was a part of me that wanted to do it again, to break him down so that he wanted me as much as I did him. I knew there was something in his gaze that told me that he did, even if it was a part of him that he was denying.
I hopped out of bed and changed into some leggings in the bathroom after I freshened up. I could still smell the lingering scent in my bedroom of my masturbation, and I suspected that he could as well. I pulled a longer t-shirt over the pants, wearing only a camisole underneath with no underwear under the leggings. It wasn’t the first time I’d done this. It was my home, and I deserved to be comfortable.
