by Lane Hayes
“Johnny, tell me sweetheart,” she coaxed.
I sighed deeply and looked out the huge picture window to the green pastures of our property. From my chair I could see a couple of quarter horses grazing in the nearby field. The Thoroughbreds would be out closer to the barns. I was about to ask my mom how many had been sold recently when she stopped me with a motherly shake of her head.
“Don’t try to throw me off track. I know you too well.” She stood briskly and came back to the table with a bowl full of peas. “Here, we’ll work shelling these peas while you talk.”
I picked up a pod and got to work. My mother did know me well. Confessions of the heart came more easily when I had a little diversion. I sighed and told her all about Peter. Well, within reason. She was still my mom, after all.
“Poor boy. He has to deal with his own demons, darling. There really isn’t anything you can do.”
“I know. That’s what I hate. It’s not my fight. It’s his. He has to want a future. Hell, maybe I’m deluding myself. Maybe he doesn’t want me….”
“Well, that would be his loss then.” She stood again and kissed the top of my head. “No more mopin’ about. There’s bound to be stalls to clean or….”
I stuck my fingers in my ears and screwed my eyes shut tight as I sang a chorus of “la la la.” My mom ruffled my hair and chuckled at my childhood mantra. Suddenly, I was very happy to be here. I knew it had been wise to come home. It was a good place to heal and plan my fresh start.
I WASN’T so sure I was thrilled after my brothers put me to work later that day. All three of them worked for my dad on the farm. David and Luke both worked training the horses, while James was in charge of operations. My sister Anna and I were the only ones who craved city living. I loved where I grew up, but I had no interest in spending day after day amongst the equine population. Plus, this was damn hard work.
I wiped perspiration from my brow with a bandana David threw at me and took a gulp of water from a canteen nearby.
“I’m heading back to the house for more water,” I announced.
David and Luke shared a look and rolled their eyes at me. Yes, I was aware that I could get water at the barn. I wanted to escape, and I wasn’t making a secret of it. Luke tossed a carrot stick meant for one of the horses at my back. I flipped him off without turning around and began my trek back toward the house.
I knew the moment I stepped into the kitchen that something was up. I could hear voices in the front parlor, which was a room used only for formal entertainment. Our family estate was huge, and there were many rooms that weren’t frequented by those who lived there on a daily basis. I listened intently, wondering who the caller was when the door to the kitchen opened and my mom came in, followed closely behind by none other than Peter.
“Hey.”
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was rendered speechless… though not for long.
“What are you doing here?”
“Johnny! Where are your manners?” My mother muttered something about city manners versus good country manners and excused herself. Before she left she took Peter’s hand and I swear, fluttered her eyelashes at him as she gushed about how lovely it was to meet him. Oh brother. I had to admit he looked as handsome as ever dressed in casual jeans and a lightweight navy V-neck sweater. His dark, wavy hair was longish, but I decided I liked that look best. He was dreamy. No wonder my mother was taken by him.
“Johnny?” Peter smile was almost shy. He looked out the window before turning back to face me. “You said your parents lived on a farm. This is not a farm. This is a freaking palace!”
“It is a farm. We raise Thoroughbreds. Well, not me, but…. I already told you that months ago and…. Why are you here?” I repeated.
I brushed my hand across my forehead feeling grimy and generally yucky from a few hours out in the fields. Of course, Peter would turn up here now when I looked far from my best and when I would never in a million years expect him. I had a déjà vu of that night he came to Aaron’s and my rescue. Suddenly there when I needed him.
Peter remained stubbornly silent.
“Well?”
“I’m sorry to drop by like this. Aaron….”
“I should have known! That little shit is in so—”
“Don’t be angry with him. It’s me. I….” He massaged the back of his neck and looked around the room as if for inspiration as to how to begin. I went to the sink and poured a couple glasses of water to keep myself busy. Now that the shock had worn off, I was feeling skittish.
“Jay, I want to try… and before you turn me down, let me say a couple of things.”
He paused, so I nodded thinking he wanted my okay. He picked up one of the glasses I’d set on the table and took a sip.
“I… I want everything with you. I do.”
“Why are you saying this now? What…?”
“Shh. Please let me talk. Okay?” I tilted my head in agreement and he continued. “Jay… I don’t know how to be what you want. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never….” He seemed frustrated as though the right words weren’t within reach.
“Never done what?”
“I’ve never loved anyone before you.”
My heart went into overdrive. I wasn’t sure if he’d really said what I thought he had. The silence went on longer than I was comfortable with but I couldn’t speak if I tried.
“You’re so….” Peter looked like a caged animal suddenly. All energy and no space to wander. He paced the length of the farmhouse table, stopping once to stare at me, then started all over again.
“You’re special. You’re different from anyone I’ve ever known. You…. Look, I have hang-ups and issues I need to deal with or leave behind, but I don’t want to leave you behind. I know we are more than just friends with benefits and… if you’re willing to give me a chance… I want what you want.”
“What do I want?”
“Us?”
“Is that a question? I’ll tell you what I want, Peter. I want it all. I want a boyfriend.” I stopped to see if he would flinch at the word; he didn’t react at all, so I continued, “Who is committed to me and proud to be with me. I don’t want to be a secret lover. I want the real thing. Can you really handle that? Or me for that matter? I know I’m….”
“You’re perfect. I mean, don’t get me wrong. You’re high-maintenance, headstrong, stubborn, and you never shut up, but somehow… you are all I want. Jay, it isn’t a matter of whether or not I can handle this or you. Yes, I can. But it’s also… a matter of what I need. I need you, baby.”
My eyes watered, and I felt almost light-headed at his declaration. I could barely breathe.
“I’m a mess, Jay. I work an insane amount of hours, and I’ve done it for years. I’ve never thought I was running, but really… I think I was going through the motions. Everyone has crap in their family lives, so I certainly won’t place blame on my mother, but I will say that learning to accept myself, who I am, and whom I choose to love has been really fucking hard.” He paused and looked out the window for a moment. “For so long, I wished I could be what everyone wanted. I wanted to please my mom, but I couldn’t do that and be myself. And Jack… I just didn’t love him the same way. I couldn’t be what he wanted because I didn’t share his vision of a future together. So I overcompensated in my career. If I couldn’t please the people I cared about in one way, maybe I could still make them proud. Maybe then I didn’t have to lose them completely.”
“That’s sad to me. I… wh-why is this any different? How can you know I’m not the same?”
Peter chuckled softly and smiled. “I guess the truth is I don’t know. But it’s equally true to say that I just know. That’s all. You’re different. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I want to come home. To you. I want to talk to you, laugh with you, go on silly adventures. I want it all. I want to try to have it all with you.”
“You’re sure?” I didn’t stop the tear that leaked down my cheek, but Pete
r stepped close and wiped it neatly with his thumb. He let his hand slip around my neck as he brought his beautiful face close to mine.
“Very sure. Will you give me a chance?” His voice trembled as though my answer mattered much more than he wanted to admit.
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes!” I flung my arms around his neck and clung for dear life, showering Peter with kisses. He laughed and returned my embrace, then held my head in his hands as he kissed me properly. I felt the promise in his touch. I knew at that moment he wanted us to work as much as I did and that he would do his part to make it happen.
The rest would be left to chance.
Epilogue
OUR WEDDING was unforgettable and completely magical. The romantic in me wouldn’t settle for anything less. We were married five years after we first met. It was a glorious spring day in DC with cherry blossoms in full bloom and the air ripe with possibility. Our guests were reduced to tears with poems, stories, and songs dedicated to Peter and me. To our union, to our future.
I looked out at the crowd that had gathered to celebrate with us and was grateful that Peter and I were blessed with so many amazing people who loved and supported us. Aaron was my best man, of course, and his hunky boyfriend, Matt, played guitar and sang a Jason Mraz song Peter and I loved. Katie was there with a date du jour. I asked her to be in charge of the flowers, which resulted in a lot of pink petals, but thankfully Peter didn’t seem to mind too much. His best person was Kelly. She was a mother now to two beautiful toddlers, Blake and Petra, and had a serene all-patient countenance that only a few parents ever seem to achieve outside of a sitcom. Jack was there too. He was single again, and I noticed him flirting shamelessly with one of Matt and Aaron’s friends at one point. Jack was a good man and a good friend. But Kelly had been right when she confided all those years ago that Peter and he hadn’t been a long-term match. There was something that didn’t fit, which was good news for me because Peter and I did.
We had experienced our share of relationship growing pains over the past five years. I had moved into Peter’s row house in Adams Morgan about six months after we became a real couple. I loved his home, and there wasn’t much I wanted to change, but the things that I did were a little hard for him to adjust to at first. Or maybe it was talking about paint swatches incessantly that bugged him. It was a test, but we passed.
Family stuff was more difficult. My family welcomed him with open arms, which was a little overwhelming at times. There are just so damn many of us that Peter had to adjust to the sheer number. His family was a harder nut to crack. His dad was kind but distant, and his mother and I… well, we were a work in progress. Thank God for Maggie. His sister was sweet and loving, and accepted us in a way that I knew Peter still hoped his mother would one day. Who knew? Stranger things have happened.
“Hey. There you are.” Peter came up behind me and wrapped me in a warm embrace around my middle. I turned in his arms and smiled up at my husband.
Husband. Wow.
“I can’t believe we’re married.”
Peter smiled and kissed my forehead sweetly.
“Me either. It’s a little late for cold feet, you know,” he teased.
“I have no regrets, husband.”
Peter chuckled softly. I must have called him that twenty times in the two hours since we’d been declared legally wedded men.
“Me neither. I’m where I belong.” Peter gently lifted my chin and kissed me properly. Sealing his lips over mine with a passion that required no words.
My favorite movies and books all had happy endings and that would never change. But what I knew now because of Peter was that happy endings were only worth a damn when you worked for them. Or when you finally took a chance.
About the Author
LANE HAYES is a designer by trade but is spending more time these days doing what she loves best: writing! An avid reader from an early age, Lane has always been drawn to romance novels. She truly believes there is nothing more inspiring than a well-told love story with beautifully written characters. Lane discovered the M/M genre a few years ago and was instantly hooked. Her first novel was a finalist in the 2013 Rainbow Awards. She loves travel, chocolate, and wine (in no particular order). Lane lives in Southern California with her amazing husband, three teenage kids, and Rex, the coolest yellow lab ever.
Contact info:
Website: http://lanehayes.wordpress.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lane.hayes
Twitter: @LaneHayes3
E-mail: [email protected]
Romance from LANE HAYES
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Table of Contents
Title page
Copyright
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
Epilogue
About the Author
Romance from Lane Hayes
Also from Dreamspinner Press
Table of Contents
Title page
Copyright
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
Epilogue
About the Author
Romance from Lane Hayes
Also from Dreamspinner Press
