by Sophia Lynn
Finally, the grief eased, though it felt like it took forever. Distantly, she thought that it was simply impossible to sustain that amount of emotion without actually going mad. Slowly it drained away from her, and then with every passing moment, a glittering rage started to take its place.
No. No, he couldn't do this to her.
He wouldn't do this to her.
She knew that she loved him now. She had loved him for what felt like a very long time, and right now, as terrible as it was, that didn't matter. No matter how he felt for her or how she felt for him, she couldn't let him treat her like this. It was unworthy of the love between them, and of the love she felt for him.
Anna bit her lip so hard that she was surprised she didn't taste blood. Did he love her? If he loved her, how could he say the things that he said? How could he tell her that he wanted her kept at the mountain palace like some kind of prize mare?
She shook her head hard. It didn't matter. What did matter was getting away from him, getting away from all of this. Anna knew herself, and at this point, she knew that if she stayed, she would be lulled, entranced by his touch and his smile and the need that she had for him. That meant that she needed to get away, and she needed to do it right now. She couldn't take the risk that he would find her and convince her otherwise. Hell, knowing Rakim, he might simply forbid her from leaving, and he certainly had the power to stop her.
She got up and moved quickly towards her apartment, her mind racing. No, she needed to leave, and she needed to make sure that he didn't know about it until it was too late. He had told her that he would be in conferences all day, and that meant that there was little to no risk of running into him in the hallways. She could prepare as she wished, and by the time he came to speak with her that evening, she would be gone.
“All right,” she said to herself. She felt hollow and light as a bird, as if any breeze would quickly blow her away. “I need to move. I can't stay here.”
Hearing it like that took her breath away, but she forced herself to keep moving. Her heart felt like it was being broken in two, but she knew now what needed to happen.
Chapter Thirteen
Forty minutes down the trail that led into town, Anna was a little startled by how dark it was growing. Winter was coming on fast, but yesterday it had been so bright.
The pack on her bag was light, but there was enough in it to keep her going for a few days as she got on the bus from led from town to the next airport. If she hurried, she could be on the evening bus, and from there, she would be on a plane back to the United States by morning. The idea of leaving a country that had become so dear to her made her heart ache, but she knew that this was what had to happen.
She would never be happy being Rakim's mistress, and if she stayed with him that was exactly what she would be doing. She would stay in the mountains while he lived as he liked. She would be a woman who waited for her man, and the idea left her both cold with grief and burning with rage.
Anna tried to clear her mind. If she allowed thoughts of Rakim and what had passed between them to consume her, she was going to slip and that might be disastrous.
Instead, she tried to think of the future. When she got on the plane, she would be severing all ties with this country and what it had represented. It would be a whole new world in some ways. She thought with a pang of how excited and nervous she had been when her plane had left Chicago. She had been so certain that she was going towards something new, something beautiful and amazing. In a very real way, she was right, but she couldn't have predicted how that was going to go.
She swiped furiously at her eyes, wishing that she wasn't tearing up at every opportunity. No wonder Rakim thought that she would accept his ridiculous offer if she acted so weak.
Her foot hit an unexpected hollow on the path, and she stumbled briefly. She caught herself, but it only served to make her angrier. Despite her earlier concern about being careful and making sure that she arrived at her destination uninjured, she caught herself speeding up again.
Anna had left most of her things behind. She assumed that someone would eventually ship them to her, or perhaps they would be thrown out. She had wanted to leave quickly and easily. Her pack was light, and with no encumbrances, she started walking just a little faster. It was like she was trying to outrun what had happened, even though she knew that only time would heal her heart.
No matter how fast she walked, however, her eyes kept welling up with tears and her heart cried at her to return. It said that they could make up, that she could explain how terrible what he had proposed was, and that he would understand.
Her mind knew the truth, though. Her mind knew that the exact features that attracted her to Rakim would prevent him from ever admitting he was wrong, and besides, why would he decide to make her his mistress if that wasn't exactly what he wanted? He had the whole world in the palm of his hand.
In the distance she could hear some noise from the town. She was almost gone. She reached up to swipe at her eyes just as her foot came down. However, instead of coming down on solid ground, her foot slid to the right, spilling her weight forward. With a muffled shriek, she tumbled down to the ground, her arms circling in an attempt to keep herself from hitting as hard as she might.
There was a brief blinding moment of relief when her palm caught on the ground, but then it slid away and she tumbled forward. Her head struck a protruding rock sharply, and she didn't even have a moment for a regretful thought before everything went black.
***
Rakim first became aware that something was wrong when there was a series of rushing footsteps in the hallway. The conference call had just ended, and he looked up with irritation.
For a moment, he thought about letting it go, but then with a snarl, he stood up and strode towards the door.
The meeting had been a disaster. He had been unable to keep track of what anyone was saying, and after an hour, he had given up. He dismissed everyone on the call, telling them he would reach out for more information later, and ended it. He could hardly say that he was waiting for a decision on something more important, but he had certainly considered it.
He had just pulled open the door to find a young maid on the other side, her hand poised to knock. She blanched a little when she saw his face, and he realized that he was scowling as if she had personally offended him.
"What is it?" he snapped, and she took a deep breath.
"Sheikh Rakim, it is Miss Anna, the librarian. She was on the path to town, and she slipped and fell..."
"What?" Even to his own ears, his voice was flat and dead, and he didn't blame her for going pale.
"She was unconscious when some men from the town found her, and they brought her up here. Someone is sending for a doctor and—"
She yelped as Rakim closed his fingers around her wrist.
"Where is she?" he growled, sounding like a beast unleashed from hell. "Where has she been put?"
"She is in her own room, sir," the maid began, and that was all he needed. He pushed her aside, and as he ran, a chant began to echo in his head.
This is all my fault. I have been a fool.
***
Two hours later, they were in a state-of-the-art hospital in Abu Dhabi, and Rakim felt as if he had gone ten rounds in the ring with an opponent who did not care for him at all. He sat in an uncomfortable chair next to her hospital bed, and he couldn't take his eyes off of Anna.
In the enormous expanse of crisp white sheets, she looked unspeakably tiny and fragile. Someone had expertly bandaged the bloody wound at her temple and washed her, but she looked battered. He concentrated on the slight rise and fall of her chest, which, combined with her heart monitor, was all that told him she was alive.
In his hand was a packet of letters.
No matter how rich or powerful he was, there had been some time before they could get the helicopter up to the palace. Rakim had had a bevy of maids pack her things in case she wanted them, and one had approached him timidl
y.
"Excuse me, Sheikh Rakim, but these are addressed to you," she had said, handing him a handful of letters.
There had been no time to look at them before this, but he had held on to them like grim death, clutching them tight in his hand. Now, though, the ward was quiet, and this was as close to peace as he was going to get.
"She is young and strong," the doctor had said. "As long as she wakes up soon, she will be fine."
"But she will wake up?" Rakim had demanded. "Surely there is something you can do."
The look that the doctor had given him was both stern and sad.
"The human body is a wonderful thing, Sheikh Rakim. She has every chance of waking up."
When he had heard those words, it was as if something in Rakim had died. That meant that there was also a chance she wouldn't, and everything he had done wrong erupted in his heart.
Now he was alone, the door closed and the light dim. She had written him letters, and somehow, he was afraid to read them. He almost wanted to put them aside so that he could show them to her later, so that they could perhaps read them together, but what if she never woke up?
In the end, the temptation surpassed the dread and he opened the first one. Rakim's eyebrows drew together when he saw the word idiot, but then he laughed. Just a few moments ago, he had thought that he would never laugh again.
Shaking his head, he went back to the top of the letter and began to read.
By the time he had finished with the stack, there were tears in his eyes and he clung on to Anna's tiny hand.
"God in Heaven, but I have been a fool," he whispered, reading the words she had written over and over again. "I have been a blind fool..."
He was nearly sick when he realized what had really happened between her and Iriq. Iriq had gotten off too lightly with a single strike, but when he read her letter, he realized that someone should have beaten him down as well. She had been afraid and ill-used, and when she had seen him, her heart had lifted. Then when he had shouted at her and abused her for nothing at all, that faith was broken, and he had no idea how he would ever be able to fix it.
The letters stopped shortly before he had come back to the palace in the mountains. He had seen the question in her eyes, and at the time, he had been too full of himself and his own misguided and unjustified rage to answer. Now he turned to her dreadfully still face and took a deep breath.
"You wanted to know why I came back here," Rakim said, his voice low. "The truth was that I came back because I could not bear to be apart from you. Once you were gone, I felt as if I had sent a part of myself away. I felt as if life had turned dull and colorless without you, and that no matter what I did to try to fill the void, it would never be enough because you were not there.
"I suppose that should have told me all that I needed to know, but I still wouldn't believe it. God, I cannot believe how idiotic I was. You call me an idiot several times in your letters.... I would give anything for you to open your eyes and call me that again."
He paused, but she was as still as she had been before. After a moment, Rakim continued.
"I refused to see what should have been obvious to me weeks ago. In some way, I think I knew it when I first saw you. Some things you know with your mind, and some things you simply feel with your heart, and I was too stupid to know how blessed I was with you.
"Anna, I love you. I love you. I cannot believe that I have never said it before, but I love you so much. Please, please do not leave me now. Please wake up."
He had intended it to be a confession, but now that the words were out of his mouth, he couldn't stop saying them. They were true and right, and she deserved them, even if she couldn't hear them. Even if she woke up and never said them back to him, he had to say them.
"I love you, and I would give everything I have if you would..."
He froze when her small fingers curved around his, squeezing first once and then again with more strength. Hardly daring to believe, Rakim looked from Anna's hand to her eyes, where he saw a familiar glimmer of green.
"Anna?" he asked, his voice shaking.
"Rakim," she whispered with a smile curving her lips. "Rakim, you brought me back. I could hear you. I was somewhere dark and I could hear you."
He was pressing the alert button. He knew that doctors would need to see her right away, but he couldn't stop himself from leaning in to kiss her gently.
"Will you say it back to me, darling?" he asked, tears running freely down his face.
Her eyes were green and brilliant, and he knew that if she could have, she would have laughed.
"I love you, Rakim," she said with all the strength she could muster, and he knew that everything would be all right.
THE END
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