by Aubrey Cara
I yank my hair at the roots and blow out a frustrated breath.
God, I wish I had a cigarette. Hell, every day I wish I could have a cigarette. Lord, but I chose a lousy time to quit.
Grabbing my purse up, I hop out, locking the door behind me.
I’m halfway to the door when I hear, “Hey, Candi, can we talk?”
My back stiffens, and I turn.
The universe is definitely against me. Or maybe this is karma.
“Cody, what are you doing here?” I didn’t think I’d ever have to see his face again, and I’m not a bit happy to have to him standing in front of me.
“I miss you.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re going to keep on missing me.”
“Why you gotta be like that, Candi girl?”
“Like what? An ex-girlfriend? We’re over, Cody. Hell, I’m seeing someone else.”
His hand slaps across my face before I even realize what’s happening. He snarls a fist in my hair yanking me around to face him. “You’re not seeing anyone else,” he snarls. I clutch my stinging cheek and flinch away from him and his sour beer breath. His crystal-blue eyes I used to think were pretty blaze feral and mean.
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re my girl, and it’s time you start acting like it.” He starts dragging me to his truck and I claw at his wrist.
Anger and spite rage through me
“Get the fuck off me, Cody!” I kick fight with everything I’ve got. I’ve had my quota of being manhandled by insane assholes. “I’m never taking your shit again!” Or anyone else’s, for that matter.
“We’re through whenever the fuck I say we’re through. Get in the fucking truck, now, bitch.”
Pulling back my foot, I kick him as hard as I can. I’m wearing boots, and I know it has to hurt, but it’s like he doesn’t even feel it.
“Ugh, are you high, you money-stealing bastard?” I finally wrench out of his hold. Of course, he’s high. And now I’m pissed he’s robbed me of the satisfaction of hurting him. “You have no idea how much you fucked up my life! I hate you so much. Why don’t you go do another line of coke and let me get back to work?”
Pain explodes over my face with the crack of his fist. Gravel bites into a million places on my body as I crash down. Stars dance before my eyes.
“You’re a stupid girl, Candice Dawson.”
My vision swims as I move to hands and knees.
“Oomph.” All the air leaves me in a rush when his boot connects with my stomach.
“What we had was good. You’re going to pay for leaving me.”
Coughing, I curl into a ball. Fighting for breath, I clutch my middle as he kicks me again.
Oh god. I survived being taken and almost sold by slavers, and I’m going to get killed by this asshole. This is karma. I didn’t turn him in to the police, and I’m being punished for it.
Out of nowhere, I hear a banshee scream and look up just as Kat cracks a mop handle over Cody’s back. She’s like a madwoman, her fiery red curls a riotous halo around her head like an avenging angel. She’s not a big person, but hell if she doesn’t pack a wallop. Cody stumbles and comes back swinging. He punches Kat in the face hard enough she’s knocked to the ground with an umph.
She scrambles back up from the gravel and grabs the mop. Murder in her eyes.
Holy crap, Kat’s a badass.
From out of nowhere, a huge guy railroads Cody into the tailgate of his truck. His fist is like a sledgehammer, smashing into Cody’s face again and again. I’m pretty sure that’s Kat’s boyfriend, Caleb. He was a Navy SEAL or something, and he’s a beast of a man.
I scrape myself off the gravel and wobble out of the way on shaky legs. There’s a sick crunch of bone breaking and move to stop the guy from killing Cody, but Kat holds me back.
Hank runs out the back door, moving much faster than he should be with his foot still healing.
“Stop him. He’s going to kill him!” I scream at Hank, but not because I care if Cody lives. I’m more worried about Kat’s boyfriend being sent to prison.
This is all my fault. I didn’t call the cops on him the second I learned what Cody had done.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I’m not sure who I’m saying it to, I just can’t stop saying it.
Hank pulls Kat’s boyfriend off Cody, who is lying on the ground trying to lift himself back up. I’m not paying attention to him. My eyes are on Hank. He walks over and smooths my hair out of my face.
His jaw tenses as he gets a good look at me. “I should have let that guy kill him.”
“No, no, this is my fault, all my fault.”
Hank’s brows scrunch up in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“I knew, I knew what he’d done, and I didn’t say anything—”
“Baby, you’re not making sense.” Suddenly Hank’s attention is on something over my shoulder and he shoves me, knocking me over. We’re still falling when the shot rings out like a canon, followed by a scream that makes my veins run cold. Hank’s body wraps around mine as we hit the ground.
Seconds later, Cody’s truck peels out of the parking lot.
And then I see Kat on the ground and there’s blood, so much blood.
She’s been shot.
Oh God, Kat’s been shot.
Everything blurs. There’re police sirens, and Hank is calling an ambulance.
Two squad cars pull up, and there are people everywhere. There are officers helping Kat. One of the officers asks if anyone knows who the assailant is. It snaps me out of my numb daze.
“Cody Matthews,” I say with more strength than I knew I had in me. “He’s my ex-boyfriend. He was also the one who attacked Kat back in December.” It feels good to say it out loud. To know he’s going to prison.
On the ground, Kat hears me and screams, “I’m going to kick your ass! You knew. You knew and you said nothing, you bitch!”
“I’m sorry!” Sorrier than Kat will ever know. I could have prevented all of this.
Hank’s frowning down at me, and I know he’s wondering why I never turned Cody in. Why I didn’t say anything.
“He was blackmailing me, and I had to protect my brother,” I try to explain. “I had to protect my brother.” I’m fisting his shirt over his chest, praying he’ll understand, but his face goes hard.
“You’ve taken protecting your brother way too far, way too many times. You’ve known this for months, and you said nothing to me. Again. When are you going to start trusting me, huh, Candi?”
“I do. I do trust you.”
“Really, that’s why I’m finding out about this now? ’Cause you trust me?”
The ambulance arrives, and we watch as Kat is loaded up while giving the police our statements. There are still squad cars in the parking lot when Hank starts getting people to shuffle back inside.
“Come on Candice, let’s get some ice on your face.”
I clutch my stomach as we walk inside and head to the back room. Hank notices and moves my hand, lifting my shirt.
“Jesus,” he curses, scrubbing a hand over his face and stalks out. Bruises are already forming over my abdomen. An imprint of a boot showing clearly.
He strides back in, his face dark. He says nothing as he hands me ice wrapped in a bar towel.
“I’m sorry, Hank.”
“Sit down and put the damn ice on your face.”
I do what he says, and miserably stare up at him scowling down at me. “Are you going to talk to me?” I hate that he’s angry at me. I know he’s got every right to be pissed, but I at least want him to yell at me or something.
“I can’t do this right now. I have a bar to run, and I’m sure John’s caught wind of this and is on his way. We’ll talk about this later.”
“But, Hank--”
“I said later.” He gives me one last disappointed glare before striding out the door.
HANK
Life is fucked up.
I’m fucked up.
Candi…Candi is definitely fucked up.
Jesus, for such a smart girl, she gets stupid when it comes to Dylan.
I think I might be pretty stupid, too, because I can almost understand why she didn’t turn in Cody. The things I’d do to protect her are idiotic. Illogical. Illegal.
What I don’t understand is why she didn’t say anything to me. I would have thought she knew she could talk to me.
“Do you hate me, now?” she asks in a small voice.
The bar is closed. We’re sitting in the back room on the old couch, side by side. I didn’t want to have this conversation at John’s. My old man is pissed as shit that one of his employees got shot at his bar. Luckily, Kat is going to be all right. The bullet just grazed her ass, but still, it could have been much worse. And Candi could have prevented it, if she’d turned in her dumbass ex to begin with.
I can’t deal with John’s anger right now. I’m barely processing my own. I’m not sure if I can take her back to my place and not wring her little neck.
Seems I’m not sure how to deal with Candi at all right now, because we’ve been sitting in silence for ten minutes. Her words, however, snap me out of my thoughts.
Do I hate her? No, I could never hate her. But I’d like to spank her. And not just a little spanking. A “tie her up and make her scream and cry and beg for me to forgive her” spanking. Just another way I’m fucked up because, after everything she’s been through, all the things I want to do to her would break her.
“I don’t hate you.” I hate myself. She’s broken and needs me to be gentle. I don’t know how to do that. She’s been creeping around every night like a ghost, not sleeping. Not eating. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.
I’m careful with her, make her eat, go see a therapist, try to get her mind into the present, but it doesn’t seem to be enough.
“I’m disappointed in you,” I hear myself say.
“That’s worse,” she says in a small voice.
“I don’t know how to help you if you won’t tell me. I’m getting the feeling you don’t tell me anything about what’s really going on with you.”
“Why would you think it’s your job to help me?” she asks, her voice thick with tears.
“Why do you think it’s your job to protect your brother?” I’m so sick of her putting herself in danger because she’s appointed herself Dylan’s savior. I may understand why the hell she’s doing it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t piss me off.
“It’s not the same,” she says, picking at a loose thread on her shirt. “I’ve always had to protect Dylan. He’s all I’ve got.”
Her words slice me to the bone. “If that’s what you really believe, I guess we’re done talking.”
Candi looks up at me in horror, grabbing my hand when I stand up. “Hank, please, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I think you did, princess,” I snap. “You don’t trust me, or think of me as someone you can rely on.” I thought she’d been growing to love me, but I mistook dependency for love.
“But I do trust you, I really do.”
“I made you move in with me, and maybe that was wrong.” I wanted her close. I wanted to be able to slay her dragons and take care of her, but it was a mistake. “I’ll help you find your own place. Not that shit house your dad rented. That place is a pit. We’ll find you a decent apartment.”
“What? You want me to move out?”
“I’m not a masochist. I’m not going to beat my head against the wall. I’ve tried to help you. To love you. You’re not in the same place. I get it.”
“It’s not you, Hank. I’m messed up right now. I should have told you what’s been going on with me, but I was scared.”
“I understand.” I take her hands and pull her up, and kiss her forehead. “I can’t help you. I thought I could, but obviously you don’t want that from me.” I shrug like it’s fine, but I want to punch a hole in the wall. It’s anything but fine. “Why don’t we go home?”
“No, we still need to talk, I’m not ready to go home.”
“I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
“I don’t want you to sleep on the couch.” A tear slides down her cheek.
“Then why don’t you tell me what the hell you want because I’m not a mind reader, and all the signs I’m seeing are pointing to a girl who doesn’t want to be in a relationship.”
Her mouth opens and closes, and I turn to leave. “Come on. let’s go home.”
“I want you to punish me,” she says in a small voice. “I need you to punish me.”
I don’t think I heard her right, but one look at her face, full of pain and anguish, and I know. “Now?”
“God, yes. Please.”
“Do you really think you’re ready for that?”
She nods. Taking my hand, she puts it to her cheek. Kisses my palm. “I feel this numbness creeping in. It’s getting worse. Sometimes I feel like it’s going to wrap its arms around my throat and choke me to death.
“Every time I close my eyes, I’m on the floor of that SUV struggling to breathe, or seeing my brother strung up and bloodied or...” Tears track down her face, but she only holds my hand like a lifeline. “I know not turning in Cody was wrong, but I couldn’t deal with that. Not after everything.
“Kat’s never going to forgive me. And I don’t blame her. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for knowing what Cody did and not speaking up, but if you could forgive me… I need you to forgive me. Forgive me for not trusting you. Forgive me for keeping things from you. Help me forgive myself, ’cause how I feel right now…I’m so empty.”
“Candi,” I start then pause, at a loss for words.
She’s not just asking for forgiveness. She’s asking me to punish her. Push her. Drive the demons from her head.
I rub the back of my neck to help release the tension building up. I thought I’d been helping her slay her dragons, but I’ve been going at it all wrong. By being gentle with her, it seems I’ve failed her.
“Please, Daddy,” she whispers, her face so earnest. So beautiful.
I’ve been holding back. But I won’t be holding back anymore.
Pulling her to me by the back of her neck, I take her mouth with all the rough desire pent up inside me, until she’s gasping for breath. Her eyes full of desperate longing for the kind of relief only I can give her.
I run a thumb over her already swollen lips. “Don’t worry, baby girl. Daddy knows just what you need.”
I just hope it will be enough.
24
CANDI
When I was fifteen, my older brother Robby taught me how to drive. I rewarded the kindness by stealing his car. It was an old 1993 Pontiac Firebird, and his pride and joy. I took it out on the back roads and felt like I was flying on top of the world. Then I hit a patch of gravel and lost control. Joy turned to terror as I spun, round and round, having no idea when I’d stop. If I’d crash.
I eventually stopped spinning. No crash. But Robby’s car it was scratched to hell and the exhaust was caved in.
That’s how I feel now. Like I’m spinning out of control. I’m hoping to come out of this unscathed, but know from experience even when you don’t crash and burn, unscathed is a long shot.
The only thing keeping me from crashing now is my hand in Hank’s. It’s an anchor. A lifeline.
The car ride here was quiet. His face is hard, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking, but his eyes…the spark of fire that’s been missing is back. It’s that fire that fills me with hope that everything is going to be all right, and he really does know what I need and is more than willing to give it to me.
We walk into his apartment, but he doesn’t turn on any lights. He guide me through the dark to his room. Only then does he turn on a lamp.
The inside of his bedroom is as plain as his room at John’s, but instead of a double bed, he has a king. In the corner sits a low-backed wooden chair with a heart cutout on the seat and backrest. It looks l
ike something he got at a country flea market. He calls it the naughty-girl chair, but I haven’t seen him use it thus far for anything other than sitting when he’s putting his boots on.
He lets go of my hand and rummages around in the closet. He throws a pile of things on the bed and before I can take a full inventory, he grabs my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Eyes on me. Take your clothes off and kneel at the foot of the bed.”
I’m suddenly reminded of when I had to strip for Dom and wonder if I should be sexy. My hands are shaking, and I don’t think a strip tease would be appreciated at the moment. Shirt, skirt, bra, and panties all get thrown in a pile before I sink down at Hank’s feet.
“I said eyes on me, young lady.” He lifts my chin, forcing my gaze to his again. His voice is cold, but the way he looks at me is anything but. His look alone warms me. “So, my little princess wants me to punish her?” he says, running his thumb over my bottom lip again.
Hearing him say what I want out loud makes me wonder if I’m crazy. “Yes, Daddy.” My voice is a shaky whisper.
“Hands behind your head.”
I lift my hands and watch as he picks up a length of rope off the bed. I spy nipple clamps before he jerks my gaze back up to his. “What part of eyes on me, did you not understand, young lady?”
“I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“Oh, you will be,” he says, binding my wrists together behind my neck. The rope is soft, and I startle when he wraps a doubled-up strip around my neck, then secures the ends to my wrists. I experimentally pull back my wrists and feel the ropes tighten on my throat, instantly constricting my breathing, and I feel my sex flood with wet heat even as my heart feels like it’ll beat out of my chest with fear.
My panicked gaze shoots up to his.
His smile is feral as he runs a finger down my cheek. “I know how my baby girl likes choking on Daddy’s cock. You might like this, too.” He says the last part running the pads of his fingers over the length of rope across my throat. “But make no mistake. This is part of your punishment. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was going. Now you’re going to have to trust me to let you breathe… This is going to be more than anything we’ve ever done before, princess. Are you ready for that?”
