by Lucy Coleman
Well, that’s a real surprise and I can’t wait. I wonder, though, if it’s Sam’s way of diverting attention away from himself.
*
It’s lunchtime when we arrive at Neil and Sarah’s farmhouse. Sam doesn’t seem apologetic for the timing and, after brief introductions, Sarah insists we stay for lunch.
Neil and Sam take us on the tour of what turns out to be yet another total surprise. Set in a clearing among a swathe of tall pine trees, the original farmland extends to the rear and right hand side of the property. Only one and a half acres still belong to the house, and this is leased out to the farmer who owns the remainder of the surrounding land.
Built on the side of a hill, the original stone farmhouse is level with the road but as the land behind it slopes gently away, the extension to the rear is one storey lower. This wooden structure is on stilts and the wall-to-wall windows give a panoramic view out over the tops of the trees and the fields, far into the distance.
‘Wow,’ Daniel mirrors everyone’s reaction. ‘This is unbelievable. I’m guessing only the farmhouse bit at the front is original?’
Neil nods. ‘Yes. It had three quite basic rooms downstairs and two bedrooms upstairs. Now the old part of the building houses the kitchen/diner downstairs and a master bedroom and en-suite upstairs. The annexe has two further bedrooms, two bathrooms and a large, open plan sitting room.’
We’re all staring up at the rear elevation in awe.
‘How long did it take from start to finish?’ Daniel asks Neil, appreciating the sheer amount of work involved.
‘About four and a half years, give or take. A local French builder sorted the permits and put up the shell, as at that point we were only getting here about five times a year. I was working seven days a week back in the UK so we could then come out for a month at a time. Each of my three sons have lent a hand, but Sam was my right hand man. A lot of the ideas here are his.’ He stretches out his arm to give Sam’s shoulder an appreciative squeeze.
‘Now I understand,’ Daniel says, looking in Sam’s direction. ‘Something worthwhile can’t be rushed.’
Neil leads the way to a wooden staircase which climbs up to a raised deck. We access the rear of the house through huge bi-folding doors, which open up almost the entire rear wall to the sitting room.
Inside the décor is simple and uncluttered. A lot of the oak framing for the new annexe has been left exposed, which adds lots of character. In the original farmhouse the chestnut beams have been sand-blasted back to bare wood and it’s a joy to behold. The ground floor of the original building is a spacious kitchen/diner looking out over the front garden. But as we sit eating a delicious lunch at the long, lovingly stripped farmhouse table, the now glass–less former rear windows give a tantalising glimpse down through to the sitting room level of the new annexe. Beyond which, the eye is drawn to the amazing view. It works so well and reflects the thought and time that has been put into making this renovation so impressive.
I realise that Sam’s vision for his own home will come to fruition when he’s ready. Maybe the problem is that the plans he has on paper aren’t quite right and that’s all that is blocking his progress. Or maybe it is just the funds, in which case why doesn’t he sell the motorbike? I’m sure his granddad would have understood, given the circumstances.
Anyway, it’s a puzzle that’s for sure and one that will remain unsolved long after I’m back in the UK, I should imagine.
We spend a leisurely afternoon taking a long walk before heading back to Le Manoir. I’m relieved that during the entire time I was never alone with Sarah. I’ve done all I can and now even Lizzie has tried, so she must accept that Sam is his own man. As I told Lizzie, you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to be changed – and why should he? The only person he’s potentially hurting is himself and maybe even that isn’t the case, as he seems happy enough with things how they are. But in the summer his life is bearable; winter, as he admitted, is a very different story, of course.
Reality Dawns
When we arrive back at Le Manoir, Mum is ironing bedding and Dad is weeding the front garden. I leave Lizzie and Daniel setting up two loungers in the little garden in front of the gîte for a leisurely evening, to give them some time together alone. Tomorrow, it seems, I will be working alongside Sam again, while they head off to visit Nantes. Tonight, however, I’m hoping to fit in at least five hours’ work on the laptop.
When I check my emails there’s a response from Tom.
Hey, Anna,
You certainly work fast! Great idea using the same logo but swapping around the animals. I can’t wait to see what you come up with for the website and blog.
Today I’ve been conducting a tour of the facilities here, showing some well off patrons where their money is being spent. It included a very bumpy, two hour bus tour and when I say “bus” I mean bone-shaker. Still, they could see that not a penny is wasted; as long as a vehicle can get from a to b, then it’s fit for purpose, out here.
Tomorrow I’m teaching some volunteers about post op animal after-care.
I’m conscious that you know quite a bit about me, but I don’t know anything at all about you. Other than you are kind enough to sort out my online presence for free. And I need to talk to you about that, because that’s a lot of your time you are giving up just to use me as a case study for your new business. We must discuss a fee.
Tom
Eek! I suppose it’s only natural he’s beginning to wonder about my background. He’s assumed I found his blog and that’s where my interest originated. Time to be honest with him before I go any further, I think.
Hi Tom,
Well, your days are never boring, that’s for sure!
I’m helping my parents finish off some renovation work at Le Manoir d’Orsenne. That’s how I came to read your blog. To cut a long story short, I found a small wooden box in one of the stone outbuildings which I believe belongs to you.
I left my contact details with your practice in Nîmes and they mentioned your blog. No fee necessary, it’s my pleasure and I’ll drop the box off when I’m down that way one day next week. I didn’t want to risk putting it in the post.
Anyway, if you’re happy with the logos I’ll make up some jpegs for you in various sizes and I can then start designing a new website. My idea is that your blog should be accessible from the front page. What do you think? It would make it easier for you to have everything on one dashboard.
Best regards
Anna
I press send and cursor on down through my emails. To my dismay there’s one from Karl.
Hi Anna,
I know I’ve messed up in just about every way possible but I’m hoping you don’t delete this without reading it first.
I’ve been appointed as a director and this changes everything. I did it, Anna, I made the dream come true! But it means nothing without you by my side.
I promise not to send any more flowers and I admit the ring thing was idiotic. I sort of hoped you were secretly missing me and that it would touch your heart. What a fool I’ve been. You deserve a romantic proposal and all I need is the chance to prove to you that I’m the one for you.
Anyway, please just give it some thought. You need time to sort out your feelings and I respect that. I’ll try my best to wait patiently and not to get in touch – that’s about the best promise I can make, because I’m missing you so much.
I love you, Anna, and I always will.
Karl
My head tips backwards as a loud groan escapes my lips, seemingly drawn from the very pit of my stomach. Now I’m the one who feels bad because I know I don’t love Karl and I never did. That was the real reason I never said those words to him, not the fact that I doubted he was for real when he said them to me. Guilt, I realise, is an uncomfortable feeling.
Dear Karl,
I’m happy for you, I really am. But I don’t love you and you must accept that. I never meant to hurt, or mislead you.
&nb
sp; This is a time you should be celebrating, so please forget about me and look to your future.
Anna
I press send without even a moment’s hesitation and instantly notice a response from Tom sitting there in my inbox.
Hi Anna,
Wow – it seems fate made our paths cross! If that’s the wooden box I think it is, then I’m in your debt BIG time. It disappeared years ago and I thought it was gone forever.
Great idea to put the blog on the main website. It has been a pain, to be honest. I’m flying back at the weekend, so I’ll be in Nîmes next week. Talk about a coincidence. Maybe if it’s all ready, you could talk me through it over lunch? When you know which day you’ll be around, let me know and I’ll make sure I’m free.
Take care,
Tom
My heart starts to beat just a little bit faster as I re-read his email again. Lunch? Of course, it’s only to thank me for the work I’m doing for him but even so – this is exciting! All thoughts of Karl are banished as I turn to designing a website that’s going to reflect the personality of a guy who seems to believe anything is possible. Good job that I’m up for a challenge!
*
‘You’re quiet this morning,’ Sam throws the words over his shoulder.
I’m leaning against a large piece of plasterboard while he’s screwing it to the studding.
‘I started work on a new website layout last night and I’m not one hundred per cent sure I can make it do what I need it to. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough time to code it from scratch.’
Sam gives me a look that infers he didn’t understand a word of what I said.
‘You can design a website using code, so like starting with a blank page?’
I nod. ‘But it takes time. Or, you can start by choosing one of the endless stream of templates that can then be personalised and within a day or so you have a pretty decent looking result. As I’m doing this job for free I want the best result I can get, given the time I have in which to do it.’
He reaches into his pocket for another screw.
‘And these are the case studies for your new business website? Is it that easy to find candidates?’
‘Well, this one was easy. It’s Tom Laurent’s blog and website that I’m working on at the moment.’
Sam places the last screw and I step away from the wall. We go to get another sheet.
‘I didn’t realise you were talking to him. Does he know you’re going to drop the box off next week?’
Oh. Awkward. I should have told Sam about this beforehand, given that he’s been so involved in tracking Tom down.
‘Yes, I did mention it. Which day do you think you’ll be free to take me over to Nîmes? I was wondering if you’d rather I hired a car for the day and drove myself, as I’ll probably need to spend a couple of hours showing him how to access the new website and load stuff.’
Sam doesn’t look put out. ‘It’s entirely up to you but I’m more than happy to drive and I can kill a couple of hours, no problem. How about Wednesday? That way we get a day either side with no travelling unless we want to. It’s going to be a ten hour drive from here to Cannes, so a day off from driving would be a bonus.’
‘If you’re happy to share the driving I’m up for that,’ I respond. ‘It might be easier to put me on your insurance for five days and I can then cover the cost. What do you think?’
‘Great, thanks – I’ll do that. I don’t mind driving all the way but in this heat, even with the aircon going, it might be nice to hand the wheel over to someone else for a bit.’
‘I’ll be glad when the box is in Tom’s hands, to be honest. He seemed pleased. Curiously, he said it disappeared one day and he thought it was gone forever.’
As we negotiate the doorway and twist the plasterboard panel around to swing it up against the wall, I see Sam’s expression is non-committal. Why I feel awkward about this, I don’t know.
‘If you want to spend time this week with Lizzie and Daniel, you don’t have to be here every day working alongside me, you know. Their time here will fly by, so make the most of it.’
We exchange glances.
‘Thanks, Sam, but I want them to have quality time together and this way they don’t feel they have to invite me along on their trips out.’
‘Fair enough. Did you know Dad offered Daniel a job?’
I’m stunned and my face shows it.
‘Oh, he didn’t commit or anything,’ Sam confirms hastily. ‘But I think he’s beginning to consider it as a potential option. Did you say Lizzie is an estate agent? If that’s the case they could do well over here.’
As I lean against the board and Sam works his way down with the electric screwdriver, my thoughts are whirling. If my parents and my best friend end up over here then life could feel very lonely once I’m back in the UK. For a few brief moments, I feel almost panic-stricken. Is this IT – the thing that continues to hold me back? That major blow to my confidence after the most humiliating moment of my life has never left me. As strong and capable as I am there’s still this little demon ready to whisper in my ear, “What if everyone leaves you? How strong will you look then?”
‘What’s wrong? I checked it with the spirit level and it’s spot on.’ Sam is looking at me intently.
I didn’t realise I’d stepped away and am now gazing rather blankly at the new wall in front of me.
‘It’s perfect. Sorry, my head was somewhere else.’
He grimaces. ‘Care to share?’
I laugh. ‘I think I just had one of those light bulb moments. You know, when you realise something that was staring you in the face all along. How can anyone know what they want out of life if they don’t understand who they are? I’ve always been a daughter, a girlfriend, a best friend, a colleague or an employee, first. Somewhere along the line I forgot that sometimes it’s important to understand who I am, rather than what I am to everyone else.’
Sam looks at me and frowns. ‘So, what’s the solution?’
I pause, my hand automatically flying up to my chin as I rest my lips on my fingers in reflective mode.
‘To stop using people as a crutch, or as an excuse not to face up to my insecurities.’
‘That sounds heavy; are your thoughts always this intense?’
‘I’m trying to be honest with myself for once. The truth is I’m scared of rejection because I need people in my life; I need to be needed and the thought of being alone terrifies me. If it’s just me, what happens if I don’t like the person I am, deep down inside?’
One look at Sam’s face confirms I’ve said too much and he’s shocked by my admission.
‘Well, if it makes you feel any better my fear is having people around me. Sometimes they terrify the hell out of me. When I’m alone I either turn up the radio and blast out the music, or I’m head down working and then nothing else matters. You should try it sometime.’
He’s trying to lighten a dark moment and I’m grateful.
‘Have you finished screwing?’ It isn’t until after I finish speaking that I realise what I’ve said, but by then Sam is laughing.
‘I think so; I can only hope you think I did a good job.’
He’s still chuckling as he walks out the door and heads off to the garage.
Owning It
This morning is going to be spent filling gaps and making the pristine new walls as smooth as possible. Shortly after half past ten Daniel and Lizzie saunter in. It’s another blisteringly hot day and even with the door and windows open there’s little movement in the warm air surrounding us.
‘I can’t believe how different it looks already,’ Lizzie exclaims, walking from the main room into the newly partitioned double bedroom. This is the smaller of the two gîtes and won’t have its own kitchen, just a sitting room, bedroom and shower room.
I stand back, trying to see it with her eyes. This building is squarer and it’s a real shame that none of the internal walls were good enough to repoint.
‘T
his is the boring bit,’ I reply, holding up the tube of filler and the small trowel.
‘How about I take over for a couple of hours and you ladies have a relaxing coffee break to catch up?’ Daniel throws in.
Lizzie and I exchange glances.
‘But it’s your holiday—’
‘I can find out a little more from Sam about what it’s like to live and work in France. Seriously, ladies. We can take a trip out later in the day when it’s a bit cooler. It’s too hot to walk around in this, anyway.’
I’m more than content to hand over my tools and Sam seems happy enough. Lizzie and I go to the kitchen for a jug of water and some glasses. I squeeze in a little lemon juice, add a handful of baby strawberries fresh from Dad’s kitchen garden, or potager, as he prefers to call it, now his French is getting quite good. As we make our way down the garden I pick a few tips of mint to finish it off.
‘This is bliss,’ Lizzie sighs as she adjusts her hat and sinks down onto one of the benches around the table.
‘I know. It’s not much cooler out here than it is inside, though. Even the slight breeze is blowing hot air. Daniel is obviously keen to quiz Sam, then.’
Lizzie’s face lights up. ‘I know! I can hardly believe it myself. He’s gone from being shocked it was even something I’d thought about, to wanting more information. The drawbacks are big, though.’ She mimics a sad face, pulling down the sides of her mouth.
I fill the two glasses, pretending to be quite laid back about the conversation, although a part of me is hoping this will come to nothing. And I know that’s totally selfish of me.
‘It’s hard to leave your family behind, isn’t it? I understand now how your parents felt, but then you had Karl and they thought you were settled.’
