On Wednesday Meg came down and stayed overnight, and the sight of her friend's homely face gave her the reassurance she so desperately needed at this moment.
' You're the only friend I've got,' she burst out as they sat together in the music room after dinner.
Meg did not hide her surprise at the remark, for Lucy Was not usually given to exaggerated statements.
' I'd have thought young women in love didn't care whether they had any friends or not—as long as they had the man of their choice!'
' I'm not sure I have,' Lucy said soberly. ' Got the man of my choice, I mean.'
' Don't tell me you've fallen out of love with Paul?'
' That wasn't what I meant,' Lucy explained. ' But I'm not sure it isn't the other way round. Paul's drifting away from me because of Cindy's elopement.'
' That's crazy I You're not to blame for it.'
' He thinks I am.'
'I'd like to tell him what I think,' Meg said vigorously.
' You mustn't! He'd be furious if he knew I'd told you. It's a secret at the moment. He couldn't stop the news about the theft of the vase leaking out, but he's doing everything in his power to keep Cindy's elopement quiet.'
Meg snorted. ' Surely he realizes you'll tell me. After all, even a man as self-contained as Paul must realize you have to confide in someone.'
Lucy did not answer and Meg poured herself another cup of coffee and lit a cigarette. Lucy watched her, acknowledging how much more easily a person like Meg would have coped with Paul than she herself. He needed someone not only with spirit, but with obstinacy and sufficient determination to stand up to him.
With uncanny precision Meg echoed Lucy's thoughts. ' The trouble with you, old girl, is that falling in love with Paul has made you scared of him. I remember a lime not so long ago when you'd have no compunction in saying what you thought, whether he liked it or not.'
' I'm scared of losing him,' Lucy said quietly.
' Do you think you'll keep him if you act like a doormat? You've no reason to feel guilty because Cindy's run away, and you should tell Paul so. For heaven's sake have it out with him! Argue, fight, blow your top, but whatever you do, don't let him walk over you.'
Lucy could not help smiling at the vehemence of the words. ' It's easy for you to talk like that,' she replied, ' but when you love someone you're willing to do anything in order to keep them.'
' Well, you won't keep Paul if you go on the way you are. You told me yourself he fell in love with you because you weren't scared of him, and now you're acting just as if you are!'
It was impossible to deny the truth of this statement, and Lucy decided to act on it. ' You're right, Meg, I will have it out with him.'
' Thank goodness for that. At least I don't feel I've wasted my journey down here.' She glanced around the room. ' You're a lucky girl, Lucy. Charters is a magnificent place and yet it feels like a home too.'
' I hope you'll look on it as your home when I'm married.'
' That's sweet of you.' Meg blinked back the tears that glittered in her eyes. ' I may take you up on that and come down for an occasional weekend once the first year of wedded bliss is over.'
Lucy giggled. ' There won't be any need to wait for a year. Charters is so big you could stay in it without my ever seeing you!'
' Thanks,' Meg said drily. ' That's what I call a real invitation!'
' I didn't mean—— '
' I know that,' Meg interrupted. ' Seriously though, what I meant to say is I won't be able to come down for a year. I'm going away.'
Lucy was startled. ' Where?'
' To America, on a teacher's exchange course. This time next week I'll be in Idaho.'
It was an unexpected shock to think of Meg going so far away, for in the few years since her father's death Lucy had grown deeply attached to her. Indeed, not until this last week had she realized how much she had come to rely on her friend's common sense. It was for that very reason she had asked Meg down to Charters today, realizing that a few hours in her company would make her see things in a less emotional and more logical way.
' I wish you weren't going. I'd counted on you being here for my wedding. Can't you delay your departure ?'
' I'm afraid not. If I don't accept this offer I might not get another one for a year. I have to leave on Friday.' She stubbed out her cigarette. ' Anyway, Idaho isn't all that far. I'm sure Paul won't mind if you want to telephone me now and again. You can even reverse the charges if you like!'
Lucy laughed. ' I wish Paul could hear you say that. He picks up the phone and talks to Tokyo as if he were ringing up someone in the next village.' Her expression grew sober again. ' I'll miss you. I wish you wouldn't go-'
' You're saying that because you're depressed and upset about Paul. Once you've made it up with him again you won't care if I'm in Timbuctoo.'
' You're so logical,' Lucy replied.
' That's why we're good for each other. You soften my hard-headed approach and I stop you from wallowing in sentimentality. Now promise me one thing, Lucy —bring things into the open with Paul.'
' Don't worry, Meg. I will.'
Lucy's determination to clear the air was more easily said than acted upon, for Paul telephoned on Friday morning to say he would not be home to dinner.
'Does that mean you're not coming down at all?' Lucy was unable to keep the tremor out of her voice.
' I didn't say that,' he said curtly. ' I have a board meeting that looks like going on until early evening and after that the insurance people want to see me.'
' I'll hold dinner back.'
' Don't do anything of the sort. I don't know what time I'll arrive.'
She stared at the phone, wishing she could see his face. ' Why do the insurance people want to see you?'
' I'll tell you later,' he replied, and hung up before she could ask any more questions.
Once more Lucy spent a lonely evening. She remained in the music room until nearly two a.m., but when Paul had still not returned she went to bed knowing that even if he came back now, he would be in no mood for conversation.
Eight o'clock next morning saw her in the breakfast room. She was sipping her second cup of coffee when Paul came in. He was wearing slacks and a sports jacket, yet there was nothing relaxed about his attitude or his expression, for his face was completely colourless and the vein in his left temple was throbbing the way it always did when he was upset.
She half rose to go over to him, but when he made no move to reciprocate the gesture, she sat down again.
' I—I waited up for you last night,' she said, ' but you got back very late.'
' The meeting went on longer than I'd thought.'
' The one with the insurance company?'
'Yes.'
' What happened?'
' Nothing.'
She drew a deep breath. ' You're not telling me the truth. I know something's wrong, I can tell by the look on your face. What is it ?'
He took a step towards her, but before he could speak the door opened and the butler came in. Paul swung upon him angrily. 'What do you mean by bursting in like this?' He stopped and put a hand to his forehead. ' I'm sorry, Barrett, I'd no right to talk to you like that.'
' Don't worry, sir, I know you're upset. But the postman has just brought a letter and I've a feeling it's from Miss Cindy.'
Paul stared motionless at the envelope on the silver salver and it was left to Lucy to step forward and take it.
' It's from Tangiers,' she said breathlessly. ' I think it's Murray's writing.'
The butler went out and Paul took the letter from Lucy and slit the envelope. He took out two sheets of closely written paper and started to read.
Watching him, she marvelled that a man who looked so weary and pale could grow even wearier and paler before her eyes. Fear burgeoned inside her and she dug her nails into her palms and fought for control, trying to think what dreadful news could make him look like this. At last she could bear the tension no longer and sh
e moved close to him and put her hand on his arm.
'What is it, Paul?'
Without raising his eyes he passed the letter over to her and sank down abruptly in a chair.
' Read it for yourself.'
With trembling hands Lucy took hold of the thin airmail sheets and began to read:
' Dear Harlow,' Murray had written.
' It's obvious by now that you must have tied up my elopement with the theft of the jade. And though I didn't intend to write and tell you where we were just yet, I owe a duty not only to myself but also to Cindy to tell you the truth. I know it's going to hurt you, and believe me, though you've consistently withheld your consent to my marrying Cindy, I wish you no harm. But I can't stand by and have my character maligned. I'm a beatnik maybe and by your philosophy a loafer, but I'm certainly not a thief. The thing that riles me, though, is that if I'd had the sense to put two and two together I might have been able to prevent the whole thing from happening.
' You won't like what I'm going to say, but I've got to say it Lucy fell in love with me. That's why she took the jade. She believed that if she had money of her own I'd run away with her. And that's where my own guilt comes into it, for I'm afraid I flirted with her. But I swear I'd no idea she'd go overboard for me the way she did. When she told me she'd taken the jade I didn't know what to do. My first impulse was to tell you, but she threatened to frame me for the theft if I did. If you hadn't made your dislike of me so obvious I'm sure I'd have acted differently, but instead I panicked and ran. I hoped that this would bring Lucy to her senses and that she'd replace the jade. It was only when I saw the newspapers this morning—news reaches Tangiers rather late, I'm afraid—that I learned she'd done nothing of the sort. I talked it over with Cindy and she insisted I wrote and told you the whole story.'
The letter fluttered from Lucy's nerveless fingers and for a moment she was speechless, unable to believe that Murray could have concocted such a story.
'Why would he do such a thing?' she whispered, ' I never harmed him. I only tried to help him. Why would he do this to me ?'
' To clear his name,' Paul said quietly. ' He knew that if I thought him a thief I'd make it impossible for him to return to England.'
It took a moment for the meaning of Paul's words to dawn on her, and when they did she was engulfed with such horror that she swayed and clutched at the table for support.
' You don't believe him, do you ?'
' Is he lying, Lucy?'
'Do you have to ask me?' Horror receded and in its place came a fierce anger that gave her strength. ' Do you need me to tell you that I'm not the vicious creature Murray says I am? Do I have to defend myself to you, the man who's supposed to love me?'
' I do love you.'
' No!' She shook her head. ' If you did you couldn't believe this letter. I see now why you've been behaving so strangely ever since Cindy ran away. You suspected me from the beginning.'
"That isn't true!'
'It is. You could hardly bear to come near me.' Tears poured down her cheeks and she dashed them away with the back of her hand. ' I thought it was because you blamed me for Cindy's elopement, but I see now it was because of the jade.'
' It wasn't,' he reiterated. ' I was upset about Cindy and I suppose I partly held you responsible. But I never suspected you of being a thief. Never.'
' Never is a very strong word to use,' she said icily. ' And it's far too strong for you, if you can doubt me so easily.'
' Easily?' he echoed, and with a groan sat down as though he could no longer support himself. ' Do you think it was easy for me to doubt you? Do you think I haven't fought against the suspicion ever since I heard about it?'
She pointed to the letter. ' You didn't fight very long.'
' It wasn't only because of the letter,' he said quietly. 'Yesterday I heard…' He stopped and leaned his head on his hands as though he could not bear to look at her. ' It all began last night. That was the reason I didn't come back for dinner.' Again he stopped speaking, as though fighting for control, and Lucy watched him without any compassion.
' Go on,' she said. ' Tell me. I want to know everything.'
Paul raised his head. ' Last night the insurance company gave me a description of the person who took the jade to the antique dealer. She was a tall, slim girl with —with silver-gilt hair.'
The words crashed round Lucy like a living force, destroying her security, her happiness and her future. She tried to speak, but no words came, and she closed her eyes and fought for control.
' I'd give every penny I possess if I didn't have to tell you this,' Paul went on. 'When I heard it last night I wouldn't believe it. I'd the devil's own row with the insurance people and told them to forget the whole thing. If I hadn't received this letter from Murray today I'd never have told you what happened last night.'
Lucy opened her eyes. 'You mean you'd have married me even though you believed I was a thief?'
' I didn't believe it last night.'
' But. you must have had some doubts about my honesty,' she retorted, 'otherwise you wouldn't have asked the insurance people to forget the whole thing. It isn't like you to write off sixty thousand pounds!'
' I'd rather have written off a million than have to tell you what I'm telling you now.' He leaned forward, his eyes as bleak as his voice. ' I built my life around you, Lucy. I love you.'
' You don't know me enough to love me,' she cried. If you did, you couldn't doubt me. Do you think I would ever believe you could be a thief?'
' It wasn't until the letter came——- '
' Stop talking about the letter!' she screamed. ' You didn't trust me before you received it. There's no point denying it. You've always been scared that I only loved you for your money. And how right you were! Why should anyone love you for yourself? You're; nothing, nothing! You've no compassion or warmth, you're a money-making machine and you don't even know the meaning of love.'
In silence he stood up and walked over to the sideboard. There was a box of cigars on it and he took one out and cut off the end. Lucy watched him as he slowly lit it, and marvelled that even in this moment he could act with such precision and coldness. Yet the very normality of his behaviour helped her to regain control of herself. Her anger receded, leaving in its place logical questions that needed to be answered.
' Am I the only girl in the world with hair this colour?' she asked quietly. 'After all, you can easily buy a silver-gilt wig.'
He kept his back to her. ' It wasn't only the hair. The—the woman was also wearing a chinchilla coat!'
Suddenly, inexplicably, Lucy felt laughter bubble inside her. Someone could easily have hired a wig, but how many chinchilla coats were there in the world? Two—three? Why, it would have been easier to have hired the Crown Jewels. Hysteria mounted. Funny to think that Paul's most expensive present, given to her with such love, should be the very thing that would destroy his love.
' Aren't you going to tell me someone hired that coat too?' he burst out, and swung round to look at her. ' My God, Lucy, that chinchilla's priceless. There are only three like it in the world 1'
Lucy shook her head. ' Do you really think that if I'd wanted to sell the jade I'd nave gone into the shop wearing a coat that was so easy recognizable? You judge me a thief, so at least give me the cunning to go with it.'
' I do,' he said heavily. ' If you'd tried to sell the jade wearing an old mackintosh the dealer would have been suspicious. It was because of the coat, because you looked rich, that he bought it from you.'
'And what am I supposed to have done with the money? Surely you can trace the cheque?'
Paul banged his hand down so hard on the sideboard that the silver serving dishes rattled. ' They paid you cash,' he exclaimed. ' Don't pretend not to remember that.'
' Then perhaps you'd like to search my room to see if you can find the money. Or do you think I've already j given it to Murray?'
' I don't want to think. All I want to do is to forget you.' He walked
over to the window and stared out at the lawns. ' I'm not going to prosecute. I consider myself lucky that I found out about you before it was too late.'
'It was cheap at the price, wasn't it, Paul? Only sixty thousand pounds to find out the sort of person I am. Just think of it, if you hadn't had Murray's letter you might have married me—and then I'd have had millions!'
' I tell you it wasn't only Murray's letter,' he retorted in a dead, toneless voice. ' The description the dealer gave is of yourself and so is the coat.'
Words of denial throbbed in her throat, but would not be uttered. She longed to run to him, to force him to look at her and deny all he had said, but she remained where she was, hoping against hope that he might turn round of his own volition. But he did not move and he did not speak, and the silence between them lengthened.
At last she could bear it no longer and she murmured his name.
' Paul, Paul, look at me.'
' I'd rather not. I hope I never have to see you again for the rest of my life.'
It was these last words that gave her the impetus to act. Dragging the heavy emerald from her finger, she placed it on the table and then walked to the door. At the lintel she paused and looked back at him.
' There's nothing I can say in my defence except that I'm innocent. But it doesn't really matter what I say, for you judged me a thief before you'd even given me a hearing.' She swallowed painfully. ' In your place I'd have believed you innocent no matter what the weight of evidence against you, but that's because I love you.'
' Please go,' he said. ' I can't bear to look at you.'
' Poor Paul,' she murmured. ' You can say that to me now, but there'll come a time when you'll realize how wrong you were about me, and then you won't be able to look at yourself.'
Rachel Lindsay - Love and Lucy Granger Page 16
