Gator

by Bijou Hunter

  When I tell him to follow me outside, Tommy gets really nervous, just until I say Carz sent me. Suddenly, the fucker is Mister Helpful. He clearly doesn’t view his boss as a threat. Tommy learns his trust is misplaced once I get him into an ally and fill his chest with my blade.

  Dumping the body in Tommy’s shit car, I cover him in lye then set a fire. No one notices. Not in an area like this one. The locals hate the cops, even when the pigs are the only ones standing between them and death.

  I return to the dentist’s office to find a miserable Gidget. Her cheeks are bright red from crying, but her eyes are dry. The chick in the front office starts complaining about Gidget’s crying until I give her my most evil look. After paying the bill, I walk out with Gidget holding her little bag of dental goodies.

  Once in the car, she whimpers while holding her mouth. The look she gives me causes a pain deep in my chest.

  “Did he hurt you?” I say, throwing the blame on the dentist. “Want me to kill him?”

  Gidget’s exhausted and heartbroken eyes brighten and she smiles awkwardly with her numb lips. After shaking her head, she looks at the bag in her hand.

  “Most places in Nicaragua don’t have those bells and whistles,” I tell her. “We can afford it, but I don’t want to be worrying about the dentist for a while. We’ll be busy settling into our new home.”

  Gidget stares at me until I feel uncomfortable. Finally, she smiles a little.

  “You’re taking me with you,” she says, stating the obvious.

  “You’re mine. You go where I go.”

  Gidget’s eyes nearly glow as she accepts how her life is different now. A man owns her, but isn’t her pimp. She belongs to someone, but isn’t a slave.

  I understood how it felt to struggle with new truths. After I murdered the monster who gave me life, I found myself in a world without the rules I knew growing up. Laws meant different things in the city. A man like me could make money in certain ways, but we weren’t part of society. We lived on the fringe, something I did understand. I prefer being on the outside actually. Don’t need anyone digging their boot into the back of my neck. I’m no one’s bitch.

  On an average day in a city I don’t know, I wander. From stores to restaurants to theaters, I work my way around the area near my hotel. In a grey city with tall buildings blocking out the sun, I’m a restless animal. I need to be outside to remind myself I’m not trapped. I wasn’t powerless against the power of so many people in such a small space.

  While I long for the quiet of the wild, I’ll never return to the swamp where I was born. A place where I lived under that vicious boot and left with blood on my hands. I’m a free man and refuse to be chained to old memories. No, the swamp is a long ago place. For me, my home is Nicaragua.

  Why there rather than Honduras or El Salvador or any other still untapped part of the world where a man could hide from the slow death of modern civilization? I couldn’t answer this question, much like I can’t explain why Gidget is mine. I’m a man of instinct. My instinct says Nicaragua is my paradise and she is my woman. I learned long ago to never second guess my gut’s declarations.

  Gidget leaves her doll behind in the car and follows me around for two hours. She says nothing, but often stops to stare at things alluring to a child. Despite the hungry look in her eyes earlier, I feel like a babysitter.

  In a Dollar Store, I search for a cleaner I prefer for my kills. It’s something Devil Doyle taught me and I think back to how clueless I was when I arrived in New Orleans. I already knew how to take a life, but the hunt and cleaning up afterwards were things I still needed to learn.

  Returning to the front of the store with a full cart, I find Gidget transfixed by a little fairy snow globe.

  “Want it?” I ask, running my hand gently down the back of her head. My mind imagines nuzzling my face in her thick hair.

  Gidget stares at me, but doesn’t answer. Her silence means something and I like how I understand her.

  “You like more than one and can’t choose.”

  No sunrise ever looked as stunning as the smile she gives me.

  “How do I choose?”

  “It’s the Dollar Store. You get them all.”

  Gidget glances between me and the snow globes. I know she can’t pick. Even now, it’s too much for her to choose. When someone has nothing for too long, choices can overwhelm. I remembered how much trouble I had picking a pair of shoes, choosing an entrée at a restaurant, or selecting a hotel on a street lined with them.

  “Get them all. What’s that, ten dollars? I think I can manage it,” I say, winking at her.

  Gidget moves quickly, adding them to my cart as if I might change my mind. She’s nervous the whole time we’re in line. Her gaze remains on the floor and she holds her breath while the cashier rings up the snow globes. Gidget doesn’t relax until I dump the bag in her lap in the car.

  “Thank you,” she whispers, staring at me in fear.

  “I’m not your pimp daddy. I don’t play games. If I say you can have something, you can have it. Get it?”

  Gidget studies my face then nods. She does get it. Her whole demeanor shifts and I catch her smiling the whole drive back to the hotel. It’s an infectious little grin and I find myself smiling too.

  6 Spent Shells

  Gator

  Back at the hotel, the positive mood ends. Gidget lines her snow globes on a side table then sits on the ground and stares at them. She occasionally reorganizes them before staring again. All the while, the doll rests in her lap.

  I don’t know what to do with all the need I feel for her, so I retreat to the hotel’s gym. Two hours of cardio and weight training later, I can barely lift my arms. Exhausted now, I’m only slightly aroused at the idea of what hides underneath Gidget’s nightgown.

  I find her asleep on the couch with the doll cuddled in her arms. The snow globes have been moved, so she can see them from her new position. I consider leaving her where she is and spend the night in the bed alone. During my shower, I decide she’s mine and belongs with me. Even if I can’t touch her, I want her close.

  Gidget nearly screams when I pick her up. Once her wide eyes notice it’s me, she instantly goes lax in my arms.

  “You came back,” she mumbles.

  “I was working out.”

  Gidget rests her head on my shoulder. Once I lay her on the bed, she watches me and waits for the fucking. I turn off the light, climb in, and turn my back towards her. She must get the message because I hear her breathing soften and know she’s asleep.

  For me, sleep is elusive. I hurt all over like when I was a kid in the swamp, hunting for food. Killing little animals is a hell of a lot harder than killing people. Some days, I could barely move and ended up sleeping out in the mud, rather than crawl back to our dump of a house.

  As my mind returns to the swamp, the memories corrupt the man I am now. I feel dirty like I need another shower. Hell, the thought of ever touching Gidget disgusts me.

  The girl is digging her way out of hell. She shines now. Smiles easily as if it’s something she’s done forever. The way she rested her head against my shoulder when I held her means more than empty words. She’s learning to trust me.

  Me. Gator. A man who kills without a second thought. A man with no heart. A man who claims her as his property.

  I doze off thinking I should let her go in the morning. Take her somewhere safe and leave her to live a good life without me. I really believe I’ll walk away from her.

  When the sun wakes me hours later, I find Gidget curled up against me and instantly know I can never let her go.

  We remain in bed for another hour before she wakes and smiles at me. She looks like a sleepy child until I see her notice I’m in only boxers. There’s a wary look in her eyes that a child shouldn’t know.

  I tell her to shower first. Gidget obeys while I rest in bed and think about how willing she is to spread her legs for me. She would obey my request for fucking like my order to take
a shower. She wants to please me, but that doesn’t mean she wants me inside her. I refuse to watch her go through the motions like I’m any other man. By the time she appears from the bathroom, I’m under control again.

  After I clean up, we go downstairs for the breakfast buffet the hotel offers. This morning, Gidget is quicker to fill her plate and doesn’t look to me for permission before adding food. Trust is something she wants, but I catch her sometimes watching me with a look that says I scare the shit out of her. I don’t blame her. During her shower, I wasn’t sure I could stop myself from taking her whether she said yes or not. I feel like a starving animal and only she will sate my hunger.

  We don’t speak during our meal. Gidget looks around and I see a few business types checking her out. Before I can make my claim on her and scare them off, she frowns really ugly at them. I’m surprised to see that from her and it makes me smile.

  When she catches me smiling, Gidget stares like she’s seeing into my soul. I stare back, pushing her out of there and keeping my distance. She smiles bigger like I’m funny.

  We leave the hotel in my other rented SUV. Before I deal with the next name on the list, I stop at a spa the hotel recommended. Gidget is all wide-eyed and open mouthed as we enter.

  The chick behind the counter flinches at the sight of me. After looking me over, she decides I’m worthy of her approval.

  “The hotel called,” I mutter, uninterested in the lust of a nobody like her. The only woman of importance is hiding behind me. “Someone named Kayla is supposed to be here.”

  The lusty chick nods and scurries off to get Kayla. I turn to Gidget who clutches at her shirt since she doesn’t have the doll to soothe her.

  “This place is going to give you a haircut. Clean up your nails and other girl shit. I have work to do.”

  “Can I go and be your assistant?”

  “No,” I say in a grumpy tone and she flinches.

  When I first met her, Gidget rarely flinched. Now, I frighten her with little effort. I guess that means she’s waking up from the daze she lived in for so long. Or she no longer expects people to hurt her.

  “I’ll take you on the next one,” I say, appeasing her. I step closer and lean down to whisper in her ear. My breath on her skin causes Gidget to shiver and my already hard cock thickens. “Don’t tell anyone who we are. Don’t say shit about the past, present, or future. You just nod and smile. Assistants don’t blab.”

  Gidget stares into my eyes with a look that nearly tears away every ounce of my self-control. Steely determination shines from her fair blue eyes and I know she won’t blab. She’ll make me proud and do as she’s told.

  Fuck. I want her on the floor, up against the wall, over a chair. Anything will do. I just need it now.

  Fortunately, Kayla arrives with a big smile. She’s cute and I might normally give a shit, but this blonde doesn’t distract from the blonde eyeing me like I’m candy.

  “She needs that whole package thing the hotel talked about. I’ll be back in a few hours,” I tell Kayla who smiles like she thinks I’m candy too.

  Needing to get the fuck out of the place, I leave without saying goodbye. Gidget watches me leave. She actually stands at the window as I pull away. Her little kid routine helps with my hard on, but not much.

  7 Spent Shells

  Gator

  The next name on the list is a woman. She’s a whore like Gidget, but older, meaner, and in the process of beating another prostitute into a coma when I arrive. Too busy bashing in the younger girl’s head, she doesn’t see me approach. Outside the alley and only a few yards away, decent folk ignore the violence. They also ignore me snapping the bitch’s neck.

  The younger whore is in a bad place when I kill her attacker. I don’t know if she’ll make it and I know I shouldn’t care. She’s not my problem. When I think of Gidget on the dirty ground, surrounded by trash with her head bashed in, I hesitate before leaving the alley. I imagine how others might let her die without a second thought.

  After calling the cops from the dead whore’s phone, I toss it on my way to pick up Gidget. Making that call isn’t me. Gator doesn’t weep for whores. He doesn’t help anyone who isn’t helping him. I’m going fucking soft and the girl is the reason. She’s my weakness, but I can’t give her up.

  Returning to the spa in a rotten mood, I only want to grab Gidget, pick up dinner, and return to the hotel. I hate the city and feel it crowding me. Normally, I’d fuck my way to calm, but Gidget doesn’t allow for a normal situation.

  I find her in the waiting room, looking scrubbed and primped. Her short nails are decorated pink with white stars. Hair a few inches shorter, she is a cleaned up version of the woman I saw the first day in my rifle scope. Even from a distance, I know she smells like perfection and I’m rock hard as I approach her.

  Gidget hurries to me, eyes wide again like maybe I wouldn’t return. Those baby blues study my face and I sense a hint of panic even upon seeing me.

  “You done?” I ask, feeling like hitting something. “I’ll pay.”

  Even sensing she wishes to tell me something, I ignore her. What if she asks me something stupid? What if she wants to leave me? What if I realize she isn’t what I need and my gut steered me wrong?

  I pay the huge bill and wonder why women spend so much on so little. Gidget doesn’t look that different than when I left her. Realizing I’m nitpicking like a hormonal bitch, I walk outside and stare up at the afternoon sky.

  “Jake,” she says and my skin breaks out in goose bumps. Gidget’s voice is music and I hate how I might not be able to keep her.

  “Yeah?” I ask without looking into those eyes.

  “I don’t like the name Gidget. You said you need a name for me, so you can get the passport. I don’t like that one. Idget Gidget means I’m stupid. I want another name.”

  “What name?” I ask, peeking at her and finding the scared expression still plastered on her face.

  “Kayla looked on her phone for names. I want to be Mia. It’s easy to spell and I can learn it fast. Also, it means mine.”

  Our gazes meet and she looks so fucking scared that I nearly hug her. Maybe I should hold her, but I don’t.

  “When you say Mia,” she whispers, “you’ll be saying I’m yours. I want you to say that.”

  I finally understand her fear. She needs me to promise. I showed up in her life and destroyed the monster controlling her. I said she was mine and we were moving to a place she never heard of. I paid for doctors, dentists, and spas. It’s all so fast and she wants to believe. I’m a dream she needs to know is real.

  “Mia is your name now,” I say, rubbing my fingers against my jeans to keep from touching her.

  “I want to be yours. Not cause of what happened with Rodent. I like looking at you and I want to look at you every day.”

  Fuck. My self-control disappears and I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck and tug her against me. I don’t dare kiss her. If I feel her lips on mine, I’ll likely fuck her right there on the street. A part of me figures we could just go to the car. Another part of me tells the out of control part to fuck off.

  Nuzzling my lips in her soft hair, I smell coconut. She feels warm wrapped in my arms. Soft and delicate, Mia is mine, just as my gut promised.

  8 Spent Shells

  Mia

  I’m Mia now. My old name doesn’t matter. It belongs to the girl owned by Rodent. Mia belongs to Jake.

  When he holds me, I feel different. Warm and excited, I’m aroused like the men always get around me. Jake makes me feel like my body is meant for more than to be used like a toilet. I’m pretty in his arms. I have value because I belong to him.

  Jake likes to walk and we wander around the city for a long time. Into one store then another, we look, but never buy.

  I want nothing more than Jake now. He is like the sun. In my old life, I slept all day and worked all night. I never saw the sun or felt its warmth. I lived in darkness. Since Jake swept into my life, I can se
e the light.

  He never touches me. Not like he held me at the spa. Jake doesn’t ignore me though. He always knows where I’m at, even in a crowded place. His mind is alert and I know he will keep me safe. I never wander far from him. The darkness would swallow me up, if not for Jake’s light.

  After stopping myself many times, I finally reach out and touch Jake. At the Build-A-Bear Workshop, when he stares at the bears as if confused, I make my move. My courage soaring, I reach up to touch where a scar runs along his chin. The scarred skin is soft while the bristles are rough. They both feel wonderful against my fingers. I don’t know why, but I shiver and breathe too fast.

  Jake’s gaze locks on mine and I think he might hurt me. The look in his eyes is full of emotion. If he hurts me, I won’t leave him. I’ll always stay because nothing in the world has value like Jake does.

  His big hands hold my face, cupping it gently. I think he might kiss me. I even think he might fuck me. The look in his eyes isn’t anger. It’s lust and he wants to fuck me right there. I would give Jake anything if he’ll let me remain in his presence.

  Jake doesn’t kiss me. He only holds my face and stares at it like I might go away and he needs to memorize what I look like. Jake leans down and presses his lips against my head. I want more and reach for him, but he’s gone.

  Jake turns away and walks from the store. Outside, I find him staring at the traffic. I want him to see me again. I want everything because this is a dream and I never want to wake up.

  “I’m Mia,” I whisper, hoping he’ll touch me again.

  Jake glances at me and smiles just a little. “I know,” he says then gestures for me to follow.

  I do follow him and I always will. Jake is my sun and I can’t bare the darkness ever again.

  9 Spent Shells

  Gator