Gator

by Bijou Hunter

  The hotel concierge brings Mia three bikinis to try on. While she’s in the bathroom, I stand on the balcony and fight a desire I can’t quench. I need to make Mia mine in every way. It’s not enough to have her follow me around like a puppy. I don’t want an assistant. I want a woman who accepts me in every way I accept her.

  “Jake,” she says quietly behind me.

  Turning towards her voice, I really wish I hadn’t decided to take her swimming. The sight of her in the pale green bikini nearly undoes me. I grip the railing and hold on to avoid grabbing her and tearing off the skimpy fabric keeping me from the satisfaction I desperately need.

  “Can I have this one?”

  I say nothing, pushing past her into the room. The concierge stands nervously at the door like he’s nearly pissing himself in terror. I grab the two she doesn’t want and toss them to the guy.

  “Take them back.”

  I hand him cash and he disappears out the door like I’m chasing him. I like his fear. It distracts me from my erection as I change into swim trunks and a tank.

  With a towel wrapped around her waist, Mia follows me into the elevator and down to the indoor pool. A young flirty couple is goofing around in the water until they see me. Their splashing stops immediately and they make a quick getaway. Now, I’m alone with a barely dressed and soon to be wet Mia.

  My nasty glare has led me into a trap.

  I yank off my shirt and rush into the water, hoping a few hundred laps will douse my hunger for all the flesh I know she’s hiding under her towel. After a dozen laps, I stop and stand at the five feet level.

  I know by her expression that Mia can’t swim. Yet, her eyes aren’t on the water. They’re on me. She’s staring at me in horror like I’m the monster emerging to ravish her.

  Seeing through her eyes, I hate myself. I’m too big, dark, and scarred. I’m a beast and a thug. She is the lily white damsel terrified of the knight who came to save her.

  I’m ready for full fledged self-loathing when she sets down the towel and returns her gaze on me. Gnawing on her lower lip, she’s still staring, but I understand now.

  The rock hard nipples are a dead giveaway. It’s not cold in the room. Balmy in fact, but she’s aroused at the sight of me. The swamp rat I wanted to berate fades and the powerful man she’s admiring takes his place.

  “Come,” I say in a low deep voice.

  Mia inches into the water. I see the struggle between her lust and the fear of the water. When it reaches her waist, she stops and looks at me like she’ll cry.

  I reach out my hands to her and say as softly as I can, “I won’t let you drown. Do you trust me?”

  Mia smiles and the fear is gone. Reaching for my hands, she moves forward until I’m holding her against me. She looks at me and knows what I want. She’s a little frightened, but mostly curious.

  My fingers test the loop on her bikini top then slide down her back, making her shiver.

  “Mia,” I say and she understands.

  “I’m yours or I’m dead,” she whispers.

  “No,” I say, my hands resting on her hips. “You’re just mine.”

  Smiling, she stares at my chest then starts breathing so fast I think she’ll hyperventilate. Suddenly, her hands rest on my skin and I think I’m the one with breathing problems. Her fingers barely get a chance to explore before I step back. Turning away from her, I swim to the other end of the pool. One lap after another, I try to work out my frustrations because fucking her in the pool isn’t an option.

  When I finally come up for air, Mia is doggy paddling around the midway point of the pool. She takes to water quickly, but I suspect she’d drown after a minute in the ocean. Still, I enjoy seeing her smiling so much.

  “Having fun?” I ask, slicking back my wet hair.

  “Yes,” she says, jumping up and down.

  “Can you stop doing that?”

  A smiling Mia lowers herself until the water reaches her chin. “Does this help?”

  I can’t believe she’s messing with me. “Be careful about teasing the bear.”

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  “I’d fuck you right here,” I nearly growl. “Is that what you want?”

  “No.”

  The look on her face kills my passion. I hate when she returns to the hell of her past. A past she’s only been free from for a few days.

  “I’m not going to fuck you in the pool,” I say, but my mind is already imagining our wet bodies moving together.

  Mia pops up from the water and looks me over. She’s torn between fear of the rough fuck I need and the lust at gaining access to the body she admires.

  “You scared those people out of here. I thought that was funny,” she says, moving to the shallow end and sitting on the steps.

  “Do I scare you?”

  Mia nods. “Most things scare me.”

  “You touched me,” I say, walking past her and climbing out of the pool. “Did you think you had to?”

  “No.”

  “You ever have a boyfriend?” I ask, handing her a towel.

  Mia doesn’t really want to leave the pool, but I need a shower. I plan to give myself a little relief to avoid having her give it to me.

  “I don’t like men,” she whispers, wrapping her body with the towel.

  Staring down at her, I mutter, “Why did you touch me?”

  “Because you’re not a man.”

  “What am I then?”

  Mia glances over my wet body then back to my face. “More.”

  I give her a little grin then head for the door. “You have no idea.”

  10 Spent Shells

  Mia

  Jake flinches when I touch him. I doubt he knows this, but he shrinks away from me like I disgust him. I think he doesn’t like gentle until I notice how he leans into my touch after a moment of uncertainty.

  I imagine him running wild as a boy in the swamp. I don’t know what a swamp is really, so I dream of a hot and muddy place. He hunts for his food because no one feeds him. I imagine him hungry and dirty. I think of those open wounds on his body and how no one tends to them.

  There are so many things I wish to tell Jake. I wish I had a way to explain how I feel, but my words are dumb. I also think he doesn’t want my pity. He’s too strong for sympathy. The boy I imagine is gone and the powerful man he became stands before me. This man doesn’t want to admit he misses gentle.

  Jake is restless and I realize the city bothers him. I sometimes worry he’s growing bored of me until I catch him watching me like I’m everything he wants. I keep offering, but he’s waiting for something special that makes it more than fucking.

  I don’t care about special. I just want to make him happy by soothing his restless nature. He wants to fuck. I see him adjusting his pants often and he looks at me like I can fix it all. Every time I offer to fix it, he says no. I don’t know what it will take for him to say yes.

  Jake is complicated and I’m not smart enough to understand. I won’t let him go though. He deserves better, but he is mine.

  11 Spent Shells

  Gator

  Setting Mia’s treadmill to the lowest speed and incline so she won’t lose her balance, I realize just how out of shape she is. Until now, I’ve never considered how much time and care she’ll need to get healthy. A few iron pills and big meals won’t do it.

  I work on the treadmill next to her. My settings are turned as fast and high as I can bear. I need to get a good workout to avoid giving one to Mia’s pussy. Occasionally, I glance in her direction and find her looking tired even at the slow speed. I focus my gaze back on the big screen TV. I don’t care about the local news, but I need to keep from thinking about Mia.

  The moment I think her name, I’m forced to turn my gaze to her again. She’s not walking anymore, but standing with her feet on the edges as the treadmill works without her.

  Mia’s watching me. No, she’s feasting on me. I keep running, sweat pouring down my bare chest while Mia st
ares in aroused awe.

  “You’re making me feel like a piece of meat,” I finally say.

  Mia’s blue eyes lift to my face and she seems surprised to see me. I can’t help grinning.

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbles, giving a little shiver as her gaze roams again.

  “No, you’re not.”

  Mia smiles, but she’s not really listening. I’m just a shirtless hunk of meat she wants to explore. She leaves the treadmill and stands next to mine.

  “Jake,” she whispers.

  “I know,” I say, returning my gaze to the TV.

  Mia says nothing more. She’s flustered by her arousal. It’s new for her and she wants to see what the next step feels like. My woman wants to play, but I can’t. There will be no mere taste if we return to the room. I will devour everything she has to offer and Mia will never be truly mine again.

  So I ignore her staring and the little sighs she makes as we walk back to the room. I shower first and satisfy a need I can’t have satisfied by her. Mia looks confused when I emerge from the bathroom. She says nothing then showers even though she never broke a sweat.

  Later, we sit at a little Mexican restaurant while I ignore her. Mia won’t stop staring. Her gaze demands attention, but I give her none. I refuse to go too far with her and I’m too tightly wound for baby steps.

  When Mia stands up, I’m startled by the gesture and think she’s leaving. I immediately switch to my alert killer mode as if I can take control and force her to stay. She walks to where I sit and stands over me. A little part of me wonders if she might attack. Does she want revenge for Rodent? My paranoia shocks me, but I can’t shake it.

  Mia stares down at me with a look I’m beginning to understand. It’s the gaze of a lost child mixed with a needy woman. Hell, I could stare into those eyes forever.

  “Come,” I say, patting my lap.

  Tenderly, Mia rests across my legs. She stares at me still.

  “You look scared.”

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  “And that scares you?”

  “I don’t want you to leave me.”

  I smile because we’re on the same page. “You’re mine.”

  Mia nods, but looks unconvinced. Her hand rests on my chest and I feel my almost uncontrollable lust return. If we were alone at this very moment, I think I might have taken her. Based on her gaze, she would allow me to take her too. She wouldn’t enjoy it and I want her to more than endure my touch.

  “You got hot and bothered from me flexing my muscles, huh?” I tease as she runs her delicate fingers across my lips.

  Despite the worry in her eyes, Mia smiles. “You’re funny,” she says then adds without the smile, “So perfect.”

  I clear my throat and fight the urge to laugh. “I’m not perfect. You know that too.”

  “Beautiful and smart and strong and funny. Perfect.”

  Mia is breathing too fast again. Excited more than aroused, I sense she wants me to hold her. I want to hold her too, but I worry about when we’re alone later.

  “After we get back to the hotel,” I say, caressing under her neck and ponytail, “I need some space from you.”

  “Why?” she nearly whimpers and tries to stand.

  I hold her in place by the waist. “I want you. The way I take a woman is rough. You don’t want that, do you?”

  “I don’t care.”

  “You’re lying. You need to know it’s me and I need you to feel safe. Right now, taking you the way I take other women will leave you scared and me angry. You don’t want to be scared, do you?”

  “I want you.”

  “You want it to be real,” I say, studying her features. “Special. Different than all those men before. I’m not them. You’re not the women I had before.”

  Wrapping my hand around her neck, I press her into the crook of my neck. Mia sighs and her warm breath against my skin feels perfect. This is how I need my life to be. With Mia, the world doesn’t suffocate and my past can’t haunt. I’m powerful and free. It’s why I’m keeping her. I just don’t know how to take her yet and it’s driving us both a little crazy.

  12 Spent Shells

  Gator

  Satisfying my needs in the shower, I close my eyes and think of Mia. The shower smells of her hair products and I imagine it’s her body giving me pleasure. I think of those lips that smile so easily for me now. I imagine her sweet pussy sucking at my cock. In my mind, I’m touching those hard nipples that react so strongly to the sight of me. All of her will be mine soon.

  Mia is back on the ground, looking at her snow globes. She picks up one, shakes it, and watches the sparkles. I admire her while she admires her cheap gifts. I think of giving her something more meaningful, but I don’t know shit about gifts. In thirty years, I’ve never had a girlfriend or a woman worth buying anything for.

  Sensing me, Mia looks over her shoulder and grins. I’m lost in that smile and wonder again if I should hand her off to someone better. A shelter for abused women or something. Am I any different than her old man or Carz or the other shitheads? Maybe, but I want her and don’t care about the rest.

  “I’m going out. If you get hungry, order something on the phone and it’ll be charged to the room.”

  “Can I go with you?” she asks, standing immediately.

  “No.”

  “How come?”

  I grab my keys and head for the door. “I’m going somewhere you don’t need to be. When I get back, we’ll go hunting for my next target. Just stay here and behave.”

  Hearing my harsh tone, I sound like a pissed father with a bratty kid. I pause at the door and find her staring sadly at me.

  “I’m in a weird place up here,” I say, tapping my head. “I need to fix that. Let me have this, okay?”

  Mia’s expression mellows and she smiles. I’m asking her to help me and she wants to be useful. I like how willing she is to make me happy and wish I knew what to do about us. While I don’t know the answers, there’s someone who might.

  Flame is like a mentor. Mostly because he’s older and been in the business longer. He met me when I was a twitchy kid, still learning to hold back rather than go into a situation guns blazing. Flame started young too. I never heard the whole story. I just knew he must be around fifty, yet claimed to be in the business for over forty years.

  He lives in a corner apartment in a big grey building near a manmade nature preserve. I never understand how Flame can tolerate the city. He’s like me in that he comes from the wild. He grew up in Georgia, killing squirrels and possums for food. Now, he lives surrounded by yuppies and their little dogs.

  Flame answers the door in his robe and slippers. It’s nearly eleven and he doesn’t look sleepy. With him lounging like on a vacation, I wonder if he’s retired from setting people ablaze.

  “Gator,” he says, his weathered black face warming at the sight of me. I also notice he loosens the grip on the gun in his robe pocket.

  “I need to talk.”

  “You in trouble?” he asks, allowing me inside. I see his eyes twinkle at the idea of me running to him like a scared bitch. “You piss off the wrong amigo?”

  “That’s not why I’m here.”

  The thing I like about Flame is he doesn’t talk just to hear his voice. He can shut up for long periods of time until he has something real to say. Today, he pours himself a cup of coffee then walks to the balcony with the view of the pond. I join him and notice the ducks he often feeds. The same ducks he occasionally uses for target practice to keep himself sharp.

  “I met someone,” I say and wait for him to laugh.

  Flame doesn’t disappoint. He actually wipes his eyes afterwards. I let him enjoy the moment then get to my point.

  “I don’t know why I want her. There’s no rational reason she’s mine. I also think maybe I shouldn’t keep her. She’s all kinds of fucked up. I think she needs therapy and someone better than me.”

  “Therapy? What’s her problem?”

  “
Child whore pimped by her dad. Carz paid me to kill her and her fuckwad old man.”

  “Dad dead?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What’s the problem?”

  “Carz thinks she’s dead too.”

  “So fucking what? Men like us take what we want and get benefits with the job. You want this girl, you take her. Fuck Carz and his job. He’s lucky you don’t kill him instead. I’ve killed for less.”

  Rubbing the back of my neck, I want to make myself clear. The thoughts in my head remain jumbled up.

  “I saw her through the scope of my rifle and I wanted her. I’m convincing myself it’s more now. I don’t believe in delusions.”

  Flame nods, but I can see how my problem amuses him. “Any two people can be more, Gator. Don’t overfuckingthink these things. My first woman was a simple girl. Shy and a little cold. My second woman was a firecracker who fucked like a pro. How does a man love such different women? He just fucking does. No reason to think about it. You feel what you feel. You take what you want. Life is too damn short to worry about it much more than that.”

  “She’s messed up and I’m making her fit my plans. She doesn’t even know where we’re going. Hell, she doesn’t know how to read a map.”

  “What else you gonna do, boy? Drop her off at some shelter and let them tell her it’s all better now? She’s your woman. You need to make her happy and a normal man would make her feel like a freak. She spent too long in hell.”

  “I don’t know.”

  Flame gives me a sideways glance. “You think therapy would help you?”

  “Fuck no.”

  Flame just grins like he knew my answer and was fucking with me. “Two kinds of visits to hell. A day spa and the extended stay. A person has something bad happen to them and they can pick up the pieces. Therapy fixes those minor trips to hell. You stay in hell too long and it fucks you up permanent. All you can do then is make a new life that doesn’t return you to hell. You hurt this girl?”

  “No. I’m not really nice either. I can’t be all gentle and shit. I want to, but my hands don’t know how to do that.”