by Bijou Hunter
Lowering her head, Mia balls her hands and hides them in her lap. “She liked drugs and drank too much. We were always moving and she never had money. She was a whore to make money, but that wasn’t enough.”
Lifting her gaze to mine, she finishes her sentence with a pained expression in her eyes.
“How did you end up with Rodent?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
Mia blinks a few times and opens her mouth, but she doesn’t respond right away. When she does, I feel her leaving me. She is in the past, instead of in the hotel room.
“She took me to a party. I was scared and told her there were too many men. I was scared, but she didn’t care. She said we needed money. She always said that. I just want to go to school, but she said I’d snitch. Teachers were too nosy, so I couldn’t go to school.”
Mia squirms then pushes back until she is against the arm of the couch.
“I said there were too many men and I just wanted to go home, but she said she would use the belt if I wasn’t good. She drank beer with some men and I was supposed to be nice to the other men. Rodent was there and I thought maybe he would help me.”
Mia looks at me. “He didn’t help. He had his turn then he took me with him. He said he’d take better care of me than Mom. I still didn’t go to school and now he was my boss. When I was twelve maybe, he said Mom died from drugs. I didn’t care because she never loved me. No one ever loved me. I asked the old woman in our building why no one loved me and she said I was just bad that way.”
Mia looks ready to stop talking, but I see how the words need to be said and she continues, “One time, I thought someone cared about me. He said he would help me and I could go to school. I didn’t know how to read or write and I didn’t think I could go to school being big and knowing nothing. The man said he would take me away from Rodent. He lived in our building and gave me food and let me watch TV. He said he’d help me, but he never did. He was the one who put the belt around my throat and made me stupid. He said he would make everything better then he broke my brain and I don’t understand things. He’s worse than the others, I think. He made me believe I’d be free then he took my chance to understand things.”
“Is the fucker still alive?” I ask, wiping the tear from her cheek.
“Yes. He still lives in the building and he still likes to put the belt around my throat. Even after he broke my brain, he kept doing it. After I knew he wouldn’t help me, I hated him, but he hurt me if I told him no. They all hurt me. I try…” she says, her voice growing stronger as she holds my gaze, “to make people understand. I tried to get help. I wanted to get away so bad when I had the baby in my tummy. No one listened. Maybe I was too stupid and they couldn’t understand or maybe they just didn’t care. I did try to get away. Then, the baby was dead and I didn’t care anymore. I waited to die and I never think about getting free. I just wanted to sleep forever. Then, you came.”
Mia’s tears rush down her face even while her expression remains unaffected. I’m her savior and she will give me anything to repay this gift.
“I’m going to kill the man who hurt you,” I promise. “I’d kill them all if I could, but I’ll kill the one who put the belt around your neck.”
Her eyes brighten. “He told me not to piss myself when he was killing me. He said that and I knew he was stupid. How can I control what I do when I’m dead? I knew he was stupid even after my brain was broken. He’s a bad man.”
“He’ll be a dead man soon.”
“What if he hurts you? Maybe you should let him live, so you’ll be safe.”
“Screw that shit. Anyone who hurts a kid is a fucking coward. He can’t hurt me. I’ll make him suffer before I kill him and I bet you he pisses himself too.”
Mia doesn’t smile with vengeful glee. She sits up on her knees again and scoots closer. Her wet face shines in the light of the room and I want to see the fucker who hurt her cry too. I want him to suffer and beg. I need Mia to have vengeance, even if she can’t want it for herself.
“You are beautiful,” she whispers, looking at my lips. “I never thought a man was beautiful before. Even when the bad man was nice to me and touched me, I didn’t like him. I just wanted to be free, so I pretended. I never pretend with you. You are beautiful and I want to be close please.”
“No,” I whisper.
Mia can’t understand. I see the confusion in her eyes. The guilt of her being undesirable to me.
“I’ve never looked at fucking as anything more than a bodily function,” I tell her. “It’s something I do to relieve stress. It’s not anything special. Even saying special feels wrong like something other people do. Making love and that crap isn’t for me.”
Cupping her face, I caress her lower lip with my thumb.
“With you, I want it to be special. I want it to be more, but I don’t know how to make it that way. When I know how to make it special, I won’t tell you no,” I say then add, “I want you, Mia. You’re mine and I’m never giving you up.”
Her breathing shifts, coming faster like she’s excited. She looks around again then the corner of her mouth lifts into a half smile. Mia understands enough to see how I know her and still want her. She’s mine and will never return to the hell of her old life.
We fall into silence for a long time. Mia eventually gets up to take a shower. I know she doesn’t need one and soon her sobs echo through the door. Hearing anger and sorrow in her cries, I want to burn down the world. In my mind, I see us in the car with Mia pointing out every person who hurt her. I even want to destroy the old woman who told her she had no value. Every cop who looked away. Every neighbor who turned a blind eye. I want them all dead. I need to lay waste to the city to find vengeance for my woman.
Unable to sit still, I pace around the room like an agitated animal. I know myself well enough to understand if I go out to kill tonight that I’ll make a mistake. I’ll be reckless and end up dead or in jail.
Where will Mia be when I’m gone? She’s alone in the world without the skills to survive. The rat father kept her dumb to make her easier to control then the fucker with the belt ruined any chance Mia had to care for herself.
Death and suffering await them all. Rodent was lucky with a quick bullet to the head. He died too fast for my taste and I wish to kill him a million times. I need to feel the blood of the guilty, so I can look into Mia’s eyes and know I’m worthy. She must be avenged.
When she appears from the bathroom, Mia’s face is bright red from crying. Yet, she’s smiling and her eyes are happy. I see hope in her expression and my rage fades. My need for vengeance is quenched for now. When she looks at me and smiles because I freed her from hell, I’m worthy.
15 Spent Shells
Gator
Mia is happy most of the time. She smiles a lot until dinner. A little girl catches her attention at the restaurant like a ghost of her past stealing away her smiles. I glance at the kid and wonder about having one with Mia. Ours won’t be blond or blue eyed. I imagine my kid looking like me, but hope it has Mia’s soft smile. I miss that smile.
When I place my hand on hers, she finally looks up from her lap.
“I would have been a bad mom, but my baby isn’t better off dead.”
“I know.”
Mia nods then glances once more at the girl. I know even after our meal and the walk back to the hotel that her mind is on the baby she lost. I can’t imagine bringing a child into her hell. Rodent barely kept Mia alive and I suspect the baby wouldn’t have lasted more than a few months.
“I love you,” Mia says as we sit on the balcony.
The words cut into me and I can’t remember ever hearing them before. My mother must have told me at least once that she loved me. I know she did, but I can’t remember it.
Mia’s depressed now because she wants me to say I love her too.
“Words aren’t my strong suit,” I tell her instead.
Mia nods then stands up and walks inside. Figuring she’s angry, I don’t follow. So
on, her absence bothers me and I must chase after her.
Mia sits on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. Joining her, I can’t say what she wants to hear. I don’t know if what I feel is love. I want Mia to understand me enough to know I can’t pretend.
“I wanted to die when Rodent killed my baby,” she whispers from farther down on the couch. “Tonight, I feel sad.”
“I know.”
“I need to be close, but you push me away,” she says, standing up and moving in front of me. “You think I’m a little girl because I have my doll. The toy was the only thing that was ever mine. I’m not a child and I want you. Don’t push me away anymore, Jake.”
Mia opens the blanket and I see all her flesh before me. My gaze takes in the sight of so much pale skin then my hands reach for her as she straddles me.
“I’m yours,” she whispers and I sense her fear.
“Beautiful Mia.”
When I cup her right tit, her hips buck on my lap then settle back down. She’s focused on my face while I caress her nipple between my thumb and index finger.
No longer are we waiting for that special moment. Hell, I don’t know how to make fucking special. Flowers, candles, shitty music feels wrong. Those are lies because we’re not romantic people. We are the children of evil. I’m a man with blood on my hands while Mia lives with shame in her heart. Broken by life, we can’t lie to each other. This realization is when I understand.
Mia knows me. For her, I’m not Gator. I’m not the scars or the fearsome look or the body women drool over. I’m not a killer or a man to be redeemed. I’m just me. Failed and fucked up. I’m ruined by life, yet live on to ruin others. I’m complicated and simple. I’m her savior and just the kid trapped in the swamp with monsters. I’m everything and nothing. Mia knows me in a way no one ever has and this is what makes our kiss special.
I know her too. Mia is ruined, but I see the light flickering stronger in her every day we’re together. Wanting to survive and flourish, she can be anything to others, but she’s real to me. I see the child crying in the dark and the whore hiding in her head while servicing evil men. I know her and she is perfect in her flawed fucked up way. She’s everything I need to make life mean something.
When she shivers violently under my touch, I know she’s not afraid. The arousal startles her. I see in her wide eyes how it feels so new. She is both frightened and amazed. The flicker of light inside her burns brighter as she leans into my caress.
My hands are filled with her warm flesh as I stroke her nipples until the pink nubs point at me. When I raise my lips to find hers, they meet mine eagerly. She moans into my mouth as I pinch her nipples playfully.
Once my lips leave hers, I tug her closer and suck her nipple into my mouth. Mia’s fingers slid into my hair as I suck harder. Her moans are soft and full of surprise. When my teeth tug at her nipple, she whimpers my name.
My arousal is nearly uncontrollable now. I pick up Mia in one easy movement and my lips never release her nipple. She holds on, her fingers gripping my hair. When I bite her nipple before resting her on the bed, Mia’s hips buck. I finally release her tit and stare into Mia’s eyes. They’re wide, filled with shock and joy.
My fingers test her pussy, finding it moist. Though not wet enough for me to work myself inside without causing pain. I don’t know if this is the best I can hope for with a woman so broken. She stares at me and smiles in a way that says I can have her now. I don’t have to wait, but I do.
My gaze locks onto her throat. There’s a short thick scar where her neck meets her shoulder. Is this a mark from when the bastard nearly killed her? Or was it from another horror in her short life? Either way, I lower my lips and suck at the flesh.
Mia shivers and opens up to me. Her whole body goes soft under my touch and her pussy warms and dampens against my fingers.
My lips suck at her shoulder then each hard nipple is bathed by my tongue. She’s breathing faster now, wiggling around like she can barely tolerate the pleasure. Smiling at her arousal, I slide down between her legs.
Her bare pussy spreads for me and I see just how aroused she is now. I enjoy a taste and Mia whimpers.
“You taste like mine,” I whisper and she lifts her head to see me.
“Please.”
Whether she wants more or for me to stop, I really don’t care. Her flavor is all I can think about as I lick again. I can’t hear over Mia’s moans, but there is nothing in the world more beautiful than the sounds of her pleasure. I suck at her clit and she loses control.
Mia comes hard. As her hips grind against my unyielding lips, she lets out a guttural noise like none I’d heard before. Wild and deep, the cry erupts from inside her and I nearly stop. Mia sounds terrified and broken. Ripped to her core.
I don’t yield. Instead, I bring her down from the powerful orgasm until she’s limp on the bed, her breathing ragged and expression lax. I climb over her and find her lips.
She doesn’t respond at first then her limbs wrap around me. Even weak from a lifetime of malnourishment, she holds me with power. Her lips respond to mine, lick and tasting. She savors what I created in a body accustomed to hating sex. A body never knowing trust. A body released from so much pain.
As her lips devour mine, Mia’s hips arch upward and my cock rubs against her stomach. She is unhinged, yet never more relaxed. I break free of her grasp and lick her chin, throat, and suck her nipple into my mouth. Mia shudders under me. Her hands are in my hair, teasing and soft. Her hips remain eager, searching for me.
Mia cups my face and tugs me upward. Her hands move to my hips and she wants me higher. Understanding, I crawl over her, so my hard cock is at her lips.
Mia sucks at my flesh hungrily. She must know how close I am because she doesn’t tease. Her hands stroke me rhythmically while her lips wrap around the head of my cock. A few wonderful deep sucks and I let go. My hands caress her hair as I close my eyes and enjoy the relief.
Mia sucks me dry, yet doesn’t pause. She licks the head and caresses my cock and balls until I’m hard again from her touch.
When I kiss her, she smiles and wraps me tightly in her arms. I sense she’s proud at bringing me pleasure. After a lifetime of serving the desires of people she hates, she wants to give to the man she loves. Sucking me off isn’t about carnal needs. It’s about sharing herself in a way I’ve never had a woman share before. So much more than fucking, this is intimacy in its basest form.
“Jake,” she whimpers when my cock spreads her pussy.
“Mia,” I whisper because she needs to know I see her. No one else. Only Mia exists for me now.
Propping myself up over her, I thrust deeper until I fill her completely. Her pussy is so hot and wet that I pause just to enjoy the feel of it sucking softly at my cock. Mia’s hands are on my arms, stroking my shoulders and chest. She’s awake in a way I’ve never seen before. She’s completely here with me and her expression is stunning when I begin to fuck her hard and deep.
By the time I come, Mia has cried out so many times I’ve lost track. She even laughs at one point at the pleasure she’s found. I know how she feels. Her pussy is like nothing I’ve ever felt because it is mine. I own everything that is a part of Mia especially her heart.
After we fuck as much as our bodies allow, I hold her in my arms. Her back is to my chest. Her legs curl around mine. My cock remains deep inside and unwilling to leave her body. Mia wiggles her ass to push me deeper then closes her eyes and dozes off. I follow her into sleep and dream of her smile.
16 Spent Shells
Mia
Jake loves to fuck. This doesn’t surprise me. He’s a primal man who devours his passions. I know Jake would have waited forever, but life is short and ugly. Once I offer him a chance at relief, he takes it hungrily.
Until Jake, I hated fucking and having something inside my body. Leaving me sticky and sore, men acted as if I was no more important than the trash they scraped off their shoes.
Jake is mine t
hough. He makes me come and come until I feel like I have no other reason to live. As if my whole existence is to enjoy his body as he enjoys mine. We don’t have candles and flowers. It’s not the romance I saw on TV, but it’s more beautiful than I ever dreamed.
I don’t understand how something as vile as fucking can now be so magical. Jake makes it happen while I try to keep up.
Jake loves me, but can’t say the words. Maybe he doesn’t know he feels the same way I do, but I know he loves me. Jake needs to love and be loved. He can’t understand this yet.
I wish I could tell him these things. Barely able to explain what I want for dinner, I can’t express how important he is to me. So I hold on while he fucks me and I smile at his pleasure. He looks at me like I’m magic and I feel like a different person.
Despite his pleasure, I sense a darkness wanting to destroy what Jake needs. While he demands the world bow to him, he is his worst enemy. The only time I fear Jake is when I wonder if the darkness will ruin me to keep Jake from being truly happy.
17 Spent Shells
Gator
After hours of hitting every dive on the list Carz gave me, I can’t locate my last target. I do hear someone talking about the cops looking for information about Rodent. The men are laughing about the dead loser and wondering if his kid is getting fucked properly. My temper isn’t always something I can control and those two bastards learn this fact the hard way when I shove their heads together. No one in the bar gives a shit as they fall to the ground and I storm out.
Returning to the hotel, I find Mia sitting on the couch with her tablet. The snow globes are lined up on the table and the doll rests next to her. Any thought of her as a child ends when I see her face.
Her mind is on fucking. She’s thinking about me inside her. I know she feels me between her legs.
She’s afraid now. I see that in her eyes too. Taking off her headphones, she focuses on the bag in my hand.
