Gator

by Bijou Hunter

  “I’m a regular James Bond,” I tell him as Mia shuffles after us.

  When she peeks out from behind her hair, Vic reaches to touch her face. His hand nearly grazes her cheek and she makes no effort to dodge him. She will submit and I understand why she’s scared.

  I smack away Vic’s hand. As he frowns at me, I lift Mia’s chin to force her gaze to meet mine. She’s lost in her head, remembering her life as a whore. She’s so deeply back in her old hell that she’s forgotten who she is now.

  “Who are you?” I ask, needing her to remember.

  Her blue eyes blink twice then she shakes her head. Seeing her trapped in the memories, I answer for her.

  “You’re Mia.”

  Vic grumbles under his breath, but I don’t hear him. I just wait for Mia to understand. When she breaks through the past horrors and sees what we have now, the light awakening in her eyes distracts me. I can’t see anything beyond her. She’s Mia and I don’t share.

  “What’s the fucking deal, Gator?” Vic bitches. “Don’t get greedy, man.”

  “Stop calling me man,” I say, breaking free of Mia’s gaze.

  Vic starts to bitch again until my fist meets his throat, breaking the windpipe. He makes a weird noise and falls against the wall. Seeing Vic reach for his back pocket, I kick him hard in the stomach and the fucker topples forward. He’s turning a shade of grey and I know he’ll be dead soon. I don’t care about him though.

  Cradling Mia’s face in my hands, I whisper, “Did you forget who you are?”

  The fear and pain her eyes rip me up until I want to rip Vic limb from limb. She nods while tugging gently at my shirt.

  “What do they call me?” I ask.

  “Gator.”

  “Does a man like me share his woman?”

  Mia shakes her head. “I’m yours.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sorry I forgot.”

  Kissing her forehead, I glance at a now dead Vic. I look back at Mia and find her staring at my face as if memorizing it.

  “After I got out of the swamp, I’d forget sometimes too. People would treat me like I wasn’t used to being treated and I’d feel weird. Like I didn’t know how to be Gator. I only knew how to be my dad’s punching bag.”

  Mia reaches up and caresses my lips. Though her gaze hypnotizes me, I look away and deal with Vic. The sewer grate pops up with minor effort and I toss it aside. A moment later, Vic flops into the sewer and floats away with the other trash. After Mia stares down the hole the bastard disappeared inside, she looks up at me and reaches for my lips again.

  “He hurt you,” I said.

  “He wasn’t so mean.”

  “He fucked a child prostitute. That quick death was more than he deserved. Besides, he’d have squealed to Carz. I want to get paid by the fucker before I kill him.”

  “I’m sorry I forgot. I’ll remember next time.”

  Returning the grate to its place, I take Mia’s hand. “There won’t be a next time. We need to finish up and get the fuck out of this place. I don’t want you thinking you’re Gidget ever again.”

  Mia nods, but she seems tired now. Fear will wear down a person until they can’t fight any longer.

  “He liked toys,” she mumbles in the car as we drive back to the hotel.

  “What kind? Show me and I’ll make you only see me when you think of them.”

  Mia glances at me and I can’t read her expression. She is someone different as she watches me and I don’t know what will happen next. It wouldn’t even surprise me if she jumps from the moving car. In that moment, she’s a mystery.

  “Okay,” she finally says. “I hate this place.”

  Mia leans her head against the window and I think she might cry. She doesn’t though. Instead, she stares at the sky and struggles with the past.

  “Our house has a big front porch,” I tell as we drive to the shop where I will find what I need to make her mine. “It faces towards the ocean, so we can sit out there and watch the water.”

  When Mia glances at me, I see a little light breaking through the darkness in her eyes.

  “I like the ocean,” I tell her, pulling into the parking lot of Lola’s Sex Emporium. “It feels like forever and I can breathe. When I’m near the ocean, I’m free of the swamp in a way no other place allows.”

  “I’ll like the ocean too,” Mia says like she’s challenging the world to stop her. “I’ll sit next to you and be free too.”

  I want to say something. Mia is hurting and the night will bring more pain. To own every part of her and destroy the power of her past, I’ll have to hurt her tonight. She knows this fact, but gets out of the car anyway. Mia demands to be free and I’ll help her, even if I can’t find the words.

  22 Spent Shells

  Gator

  Mia sleeps so deeply I find myself checking to see if she’s breathing. The blinds are open, allowing the morning sun to brighten everything including her relaxed face. I plan to close them, but first I admire my woman.

  I notice a little scar just past her hairline. Even after so much time exploring her body this last week, I still discover little things. My mind wanders to the freckle behind her left knee. I remember how she’s ticklish and jumps when I nibble at the tiny mark.

  In the brightness of the morning, the toys look ugly, obscene even. I plan to throw most of them away. Only one will stay. The purple vibrator causes Mia’s eyes to roll back and turns her body to jelly. Yeah, we’ll keep it. The rest is trash.

  I’d used them on her. More than once, I caused her pain and Mia struggled to remain with me, instead of returning to her hell. The worst moment of the night was when she took one of my belts and wrapped it around her neck. After I fucked her and she endured the feel of the belt around her throat, I threw it in the trash. I never want to see any of that crap again.

  Leaving her to sleep, I grab the toys. The balls, plugs, pins, whip, and all the vile tools of pain go into a bag I place at the door. Once the shades are closed, I crawl back into bed and watch Mia in the dark room.

  She’s my gift. When I got away from the swamp, I demanded good things for myself. I didn’t settle. The last year, I wanted a dream home in a warm and friendly place. I also wanted a woman. Someone who wouldn’t give me shit for being quiet or rude. Someone who accepted my flaws because I’m not good at hiding them. Someone who’s perfect yet flawed. I wanted what didn’t seem possible. Before Mia, I figured I’d end up alone.

  I feel unworthy of Mia. She feels the same way about me. We’re so perfectly fucked up that I hate thinking of a time when she wasn’t mine.

  I doze off with my hand covering one of hers. A small gesture of protection after a long night of darkness.

  When I awake, the sun still hides behind the shades, but I sense it’s much lower in the sky. I roll over to see the clock. Half of the day is gone and we’ve missed breakfast. In the corner chair, Mia works on her tablet while wearing headphones, so not to wake me.

  Seeing me awake, Mia rushes to the bed. Something about her expression worries me. Overeager like she’s afraid. Did a night of rough sex change the way she feels about me? Did I remind her of the ugly things in the world, rather than stealing them away?

  “What?” I ask when she sits next to me with one hand on my chest and the other into a fist.

  “I love you.”

  Like the wind is knocked out of me, I can’t respond at first. She isn’t afraid of me, but for me. Worried I’ll feel bad after our dark night together, Mia reassures me how I’m still hers.

  “Did you eat?” I ask, sliding off the bed. “Did you go to the buffet?”

  “No, I ate out of the fridge,” she says, following close behind me as I head for the shower.

  “You could have gone or woke me up. It’s not healthy for you to skip meals.”

  Mia ignores my words and strips down. As we step into the hot water, I wonder if she thinks I’ll cry soon. She looks so worried about me.

  “Last night…” I
start and Mia runs her hands down my chest.

  “I love you,” she says again, her eyes bright as she watches me.

  Refusing to say the words she wants to hear, I maneuver her so the water cascades down her hair until it’s soaked. We switch and I wet my hair. Soon, we’re back to staring at each other.

  “You’re a good woman.”

  Mia smiles as her fingers tease the patch of hair above my cock.

  I share her grin. “Do you know what I want?”

  She begins to kneel until I lift her up and onto my hips. The laugh she gives me is music.

  “You were close,” I say, rubbing my cock between our wet bodies.

  “You’re a good man,” Mia whispers then adds before I can complain, “You’re good to me. I don’t care what you do to bad people. When I look in your eyes, I’m special and you give me that.”

  Wrapping her tighter in my arms, I fill Mia with my cock and she murmurs my name. Even after last night, I’m her hero and she comes so perfectly for me.

  23 Spent Shells

  Mia

  At the Italian restaurant, I practice my name on a pad of paper I found in the hotel room. Jake glances at my attempts and nods his approval. I feel such pride when I write “Mia.” Suddenly, I’m like other people.

  My pride fades when Jake reads me the menu and I don’t understand what he’s saying. He reads it again, this time slower, but the words are jumbled in my head. Finally, he orders me chicken.

  Looking at the three letters, I feel nothing like other people. Without a doubt, I’m the dumbest person in the room.

  “I don’t know what half of the shit is on the menu either,” Jakes whispers in my ear and I shiver at the feel of his hot breath. “Those sauces have fancy fucking names, but they all end up tasting like ketchup, barbecue sauce, or mustard. Someone tries to be clever and creates hoity-toity names. Big whoop. I just choose something then bitch if it tastes like shit.”

  Staring up at him, I twirl a lock of his dark hair in my fingers. “So you’re stupid too, but you just hide it better.”

  Jake frowns at me. “I’m not stupid.”

  “You’re a little stupid.”

  “No, I’m not,” he growls.

  Finally, I can’t help laughing. When he realizes I’m teasing him, Jake smiles at how he fell for my joke. Jake is too sensitive and makes it easy for me.

  “You’re not stupid either,” he says, wrapping an arm around my waist and tugging me closer. “You’ll need to practice your other name too.”

  “What name?”

  “My last name is James,” he murmurs in my ear then takes my pen and writes five letters on the paper. “It’s your last name now. Better start practicing.”

  Grinning, I take the pen and study the letters. I don’t tell him how the first letter is a mystery to me. I just copy it the best I can while Jake frowns at a man nearby.

  “People make you mad,” I say, working on the “A.”

  “Stupid people, yeah.”

  “I guess it’s good I’m not stupid, huh?”

  Jake smiles and kisses my head. “How old are you?”

  “I don’t know,” I mumble, stuck on the small “M”

  “I’d guess at least eighteen. Maybe twenty.”

  “I don’t know,” I say again and look at him. “I never had birthday parties and I forgot how old I was after my brain got broken. I think I was thirteen, but I don’t remember how many years have passed. Ten maybe.”

  “I doubt ten.”

  “Maybe not,” I say. “How old are you?”

  “Hell, if I know. I told people I was eighteen when I showed up in the city. Got fake papers saying I was eighteen, so I’d be thirty now. I never went to school either. My mom taught me a little reading and math,” Jake says, running his fingers down my back. “Do you know your birthday?”

  “Rodent said I could have the same birthday as America, so I’d have the fireworks.”

  “Shit,” he whispers, “I wish I could kill him again.”

  “I would hold him down while you do it.”

  Jake grins. “Yeah, you’re pretty tough, aren’t you?”

  When I flex my arm, Jake’s smile widens. When he flexes his arm, I forget how to spell my name.

  “You’re so easily distracted,” he teases as I caress his hard muscles. “I want to be inside you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Soon.”

  “Okay.”

  “You need a new birthday.”

  “When is your birthday?”

  “August sixteenth. It’s the day I killed the asshole and walked away from the swamp. My rebirth.”

  Cuddling closer to him, I smile. “What was the day you saved me from Rodent?”

  Jake frowns as he does the math in his head. “May second. I guess you have a new birthday.”

  Grinning, I look at my new name and try to memorize my new birthday. “Will you help me remember?”

  “You don’t have to ask, Mia.”

  “Because I’m yours.”

  “Because I’m never letting you go.”

  Jake’s voice is hard and demanding. If I didn’t know him, I’d think he was angry. I do know him, so I realize he’s desperate to be alone. He wants to touch me. He wants me to touch him too. Soon, we’ll be alone. For Jake, it’s not soon enough.

  24 Spent Shells

  Mia

  Jake is restless like an animal caged for too long. Even in the pool after he does his laps, he can barely stay still. At first, I think to leave him alone. What can I do to help him? Barely able to soothe myself, I rely on Jake to make me happy. No doubt I’d fail such a powerful man.

  I need to try to help him though. Jake is mine and I love him. Love isn’t like I saw growing up. It isn’t using people. It’s not lies and manipulation. Love with Jake is strong and fair. He gives to me and I must find a way to give back.

  “Come,” I say with authority like he does with me.

  Jake is glancing around the pool area like he wants to hurt someone. He ignores my command and glares at men walking by the door. They are dressed in suits and look ready for a meeting. Jake hates them because he needs to hate someone. The city is making him crazy.

  “Jake,” I say stronger and he glances at me in a weird way. He knows I’m challenging him. “Come here.”

  Sitting on the steps of the pool, I relax with the water up to my waist. When Jake walks to me, he seems bigger. I know he wants to intimidate me. He’s in that kind of mood. Everyone is the enemy and no one is safe.

  Despite what Jake feels, I’m safe.

  “I won’t bite,” I say, holding out my arms.

  Jake stares at me like I’m trash. He’s so angry and I want to run away. I know he says he will never hit me, but I think maybe he’ll forget and hurt me anyway. His eyes are filled with hate and I’m still weak. Even afraid, I don’t give up.

  “I love you,” I whisper, “but you’re being an asshole.”

  Jake’s eyes narrow and I know he’s ready to say something mean. He’ll hurt me then feel guilty later.

  “Am I still yours?” I ask before he can lash out. “Do you not want me anymore?”

  Jake blinks a few times then looks around like I’m an idiot. When his gaze focuses on my face, I see him calming. His long fingers caress my cheek and his eyes lose some of their rage.

  “Come,” I say again, holding out my arms.

  Jake sighs like he’s humoring me by obeying. He doesn’t want soothing. He wants to rage, but the anger has nowhere to go.

  Resting his head against my chest, he lets me hold him. He is too large to play the role of a child, yet I comfort him like I might a little boy. Caressing his head, my fingers gently play with the wet strands of his dark hair. Jake adjusts in the water and relaxes against me. He’s in my hands and it’s my duty to sway his heart from the fury of the past. I know the anger he feels can never be satisfied. No death or vengeance will bring him true peace. The swamp child knows only pain and hate.r />
  “You are so beautiful,” I whisper, consoling the boy whose mother never consoled him. “I love you so much.”

  Jake says nothing. His gaze is focused on the sign displaying pool rules. His mind is far away to a time when he was powerless and alone. As my fingers tenderly trace his face then graze his shoulder, I remind Jake the swamp is gone and he’s free. No longer powerless and alone, he is a fearsome man with a woman who loves him.

  I hum Jingle Bells because it’s the only song I know. Jake looks up at me and his gaze is free of the anger from earlier. The corners of his mouth lift into a hint of a smile then he sighs and returns to staring at the sign. We are together in the now because of me. For once, I have the power to make the past fall away.

  Jake has saved me and I can save him too.

  25 Spent Shells

  Gator

  The city is driving me crazy and I need to get Mia to Nicaragua. The only way to be free is to finish the job, so I end the life of the final target on Carz’s list.

  A big man with little eyes, he doesn’t die easy. He fights me, but I’m more than big. I’m strong and he only prolongs the death he deserves. After he’s dead, I look around his apartment and see pictures of small undressed children. Many are smiling, so unaware. Those who understand don’t smile.

  Leaving behind the dead pedophile, I think about Carz who ordered these deaths. All of them, except Mia, were people who deserved to die for their crimes against others. However, Carz didn’t kill them for their evil. These people were his friends and employees. He killed them to protect himself from paying for crimes he’s committed. These people were innocent of his suspicions, yet guilty of so much evil.

  Thinking back, I remember how I almost didn’t take the job because of my hatred for Carz. Now, I have Mia and have reduced the amount of filth in the world. With Carz’s death, I’ll make the world a little better too.

  A gift is given to me as I drive away from the big man’s building and see the woman who gave Mia life. She is standing on a corner, frowning at everything. Worn down by a long life of selfishness, she looks smaller than Mia. I stop my car and leave it without thinking. My mind focuses on how Mia only wanted to go to school, but her mother forced her to satisfy the desires of monsters.