by Kailin Gow
Derek’s eyes hinted at the disappointment and hurt he felt when I turned my face from his kiss, but I had to let him know. “Derek, thank you so much for watching out for me and being here right now. I better go, though.”
“Sam,” Derek said, “Are you going to be fine with driving or do you want me to drive you home?”
“I don’t live too far from here now,” I said. “I have an apartment.”
Derek’s eyes widened. “Sweet. Now I know where to crash with you when we’re studying late into the night for a final.”
“I’d like that,” I said smiling, thinking of how great it would be to be in the same classes as Derek, studying Psychology. For the first time since turning down Stanford and staying, I was happy to go to college at UC Irvine.
I leaned in and hugged Derek tightly. “You’ve just made everything a whole lot better, Derek. Thanks.” I left and walked out towards the door. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
“I’ll take you on a tour around campus and we’ll shop for textbooks together.”
I smiled. That sounded so good, so safe, and so normal right now. As I glanced back at Derek, I could see how he was smiling sadly at me. My dear dear friend Derek, whose arms felt so good and secure around me…I wish I can turn that sadness away, but that would mean I’ve abandoned Collins, which I couldn’t imagine ever doing.
Chapter 13
I drove as fast as I could to my apartment, racing up the elevators and to the front door. When I opened the door, I knew something was different. The lovey dovey atmosphere it had was gone, replaced with a sense of dread and despair.
“Collins!” I called out, running through the rooms. “I’m here, Collins…where are you? Are you here?”
I ran through the living room, the library, the kitchen, and into my room. I couldn’t find him there. Was he even here?
I checked my last messages from Collins, sent an hour ago, right before I received Billy’s call.
CollinsM: I’m at your place. Come home soon. I miss you. I need you. Love you so much my heart is empty without your love.
Did I waited too long to get here? Did he waited too long to see me and finally left? Why did I sense he’d be here, waiting for me? My head started hurting, and my throat was dry. I felt so thirsty all of a sudden. Drained.
I walked over to the kitchen to get a glass of water when I noticed the leather tray on the kitchen counter. Collins usually puts his car keys in that tray. Why didn’t I check before? Sitting in that tray were his set of keys. But where was Collins?
My heart started pounding, thinking the worse. What if something happened? Billy…he said he’ll find me. He knew about Collins, too. What if Billy did something to Collins?
I called Collins’ phone and it went directly to his voice mail. “Collins,” I said, “Where are you? Call me!”
There was a faint beeping sound from down the hall. I walked down there with my phone, and called Collins’ phone again.
Voicemail. Then that same beeping sound in the hallway…a little louder this time because I was closer.
When I turned the corner to stand in front of the wall, I knew where it was coming from…the Production Room.
I unlocked the door, and saw it slid into the wall, opening it up until it was large enough for me to walk through and into the dimly-lit room done in sensual red silk and black velvet. In the middle of the room was a large medieval four-poster bed with intricately carved wooden posts. An antique. In the corner was a gilded gold cage, large enough to fit a person. There was a reclining padded wall that looked like it can be angled.
Where did that beep come from? And where was Collins?
I walked into the middle of the room, right up to the bed. It was magnificent, a piece from the Renaissance. The bed had red velvet curtains tied to the bedposts. I touched the fabric, and luxuriated over the softness like doe’s hair. I peered through the curtains to look at the bed. Maybe Collins was sleeping there? I didn’t know what to expect.
No one was there, except for the softest, most luxurious sheets. I wanted to lay down in it and sleep, feeling all the exhaustion of this afternoon at Sawyer House hit me. So soft, so inviting.
Go find Collins, Girl! My Susan conscience screamed at me. You promised Gail you’ll find him and talk to him.
That was enough to jar the sleepiness out of me. “Collins?” I called, looking around.
I heard a click, and I turned around.
From where I was standing right at the foot of the bed, I could see out of the raised platform the bed was on up to the back of the room. It was as though the bed was on a stage, and there was an entire control room in back.
I was right! As soon as I spotted it, there was a door at the back. I began making my way to the back of the room, right when I heard a familiar voice. “Sam, you’re here.”
I turned around and see Collins standing in the doorway. Large Bose noise-cancelling headphones around his neck. He was dressed in black slacks and a black silk shirt that was opened, as though he had just thrown it on. The sight of him like that with his gloriously chiseled tanned abs on display, pushed all thoughts of worry out of my mind replacing it with my need to run up to him and jumping on him until my legs straddled his hips. He caught me and pulled me closer while I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. “Thank God you’re alright!” I breathed into his face.
“Why shouldn’t I be?” Collins asked, caressing my cheeks with his thumb. “Why were you so worried?”
“I couldn’t find you…”
“I was in the control room,” Collins said.
“The control room in there?” I asked pointing to the Production Room.
“Yes, but I went through the back entrance to get into your bedroom to shower and change,” Collins said. “I didn’t hear you come in at all. The control room and Production Room is soundproof, and I was listening to some music to relax.”
“The control room leads into my room?” Ingenious and sexy at the same time.
“How else are we to make a quick getaway to the Production Room from our bedroom?”
“Oh you had that planned out, did you?” I teased, happy to find him safe and in a good mood, not at all what I expected from my earlier conversation with Gail.
“Of course, Sam. That was the plan when I bought this building.” His beautiful blue eyes burned into mine. “I wanted everything perfect for you. I want to take care of you, make sure you have everything.” He inhaled a deep breath. “I don’t want you to feel any anxiety or fear. I want your first time with me perfect.”
“Collins…” He was so sweet and thoughtful, and I’ve never felt so much care and love from anyone before. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it last time. I rushed home…to find you. I was worried about you especially the way after we left off last night…”
Collins’ eyes widened with surprised. “You’re worried about that?”
I searched his face, looking for any signs of Daggers, but it seemed Collins spending an hour or two with Gail in therapy earlier today had him back on his feet again.
“Well, we couldn’t get to your Next Step, and…”
“Baby,” Collins said, kissing me, “I’ll wait. I’ll wait for when you’re ready. I don’t want to pressure you. If you don’t want to have anything to do with it, I won’t push you. We have all the time in the world.”
“But…” I slid down his body, and led him into the Production Room. “Look, Collins. I can do this. I can walk right on in and not feel nervous or scared.”
“You’re not even the slightest bit uncomfortable here?” Collins asked, his icy blue eyes assessing me with concern. “Last time you were here, you almost bolted out the apartment. You had me so worried that I offended you that much.”
“I didn’t know what this was all about,” I said. “I pictured something else entirely, but it’s not so bad. This is all new to me, Collins. I’ve never seen or experience this kind of set up before, so it took me by surprise. That’s all
it was, Collins. I was surprised.”
Suddenly Collins’ eyes gleamed with excitement as he took my hand and led me to the bed. “I want to show you everything in here, let you experience everything in here, Sam,” he said excitedly like a kid who couldn’t wait to show off his new toys.
“This bed, it’s a replica of a bed once used by Casanova and his lover Henrietta, whom he described as the perfect woman. Out of God knows how many women Casanova had sex with, Henrietta was his best and greatest love.” Collins’ voice dropped as he said, “I thought of you when I had this bed commissioned while I was in Europe.”
“Collins, this is magnificent,” I said, admiring the craftsmanship of the carvings.
“It’s ancient, but modern at the same time,” Collins said. He gave me a mysterious smirk and I couldn’t help smiling back at his youthful enthusiasm.
“Look at the panels built into this bed,” he pointed out a hidden panel in the bed with buttons. “This one dims the light. This one brings out music, and this one tilts the bed at different angles.”
My goodness, this was something I didn’t expect. But it wasn’t outrageous to the point I felt uncomfortable. My mind began imagining different uses for all of these buttons, and when I made eye contact with Collins, I could tell he was thinking the same thing.
“Let’s forget the tour and I’ll just demonstrate the bed’s uses instead?” Collins whispered into my ears.
“But there’s still so much to see,” I joked, wanting just as much to jump into bed with Collins. “Show me the Control Room and how that leads to my bedroom. I want to see how that works.”
Collins pretended to acted disappointed, but the gleam in his eyes were evident, as he was eager for me to see the rest of the Production Room’s design.
“Come with me, then, up these stairs to the back of the room.”
We walked to the back where there was a black door hidden along the black wall. He opened it, and we walked into a modern day Control Room, like the kind you see in a studio. There were monitors, buttons, recording and taping machines, sound decks, tapes. Even a small refrigerator. He opened another door, a half door, the size of an attic door, and showed me where it led. It opened up into my bedroom’s closet, where the designer gowns Collins had given me for graduation were hanging. So that’s how Collins was able to get from one end of the house to another so quickly.
“Wow,” I said for lack of a better word. “You’ve impressed me with this design, Collins. All this for this room. Why?”
“It’s all for you, Baby,” Collins said. “Who knows when the mood will hit, and we want access to this room quick, and Barbara is busy tidying up our bedroom?” He almost winked. “Besides, I’m in the entertainment industry, Sam. I own multiple companies in all aspects of entertainment. Don’t you think I’ll like to have the best of them in here, in the home I share with my girlfriend?”
I noticed the tapes that I had watched of Collins, on the table in piles. They were the ones I had personally watched, the ones he gave me the key to the deposit box for…his most private moments.
“Are you…” I asked, indicating his tapes.
“Watching them?” he asked. “Yes, and I’m digitalizing them so I can destroy these.”
“Oh, for a moment there, I thought you said you were going to destroy them.”
“I was, because they’re of my past,” Collins said. “But, I don’t need to be watching that. I need to move on with my present and future.”
“You’re keeping them still?” I asked, thinking about what I’ve seen on them. If any of that ever leaked out…
Collins smiled wickedly. “Don’t worry, when I made those videos, I made sure no one can see the other participant. They can only see me. I’ll be the one who gets all the blame if any tapes ever get into the wrong hands.”
Collins saw the worry in my face, and came up to me to cup my face in his hands. “Those women in those tapes…they’re my past. I don’t keep and watch those tapes for that. You’re my here and now, Sam. I want to create a new feature just for us, about us.”
He pressed a few buttons on the control panel, and the bed rotated to the center, the lights dimmed, and soft pulsing music played with a sultry woman’s voice singing about love. I can see the monitors in the room power up, and the bed clearly in focus. Collins had trained three cameras to the bed, from different angles. One from the front, the other from the side, and one from the top, which gave the most amazing view.
Despite my original trepidation of being taped while having sex with Collins, I was fascinated. Intrigued. It wasn’t any ordinary homemade movie, sex tape, whatsoever. Whatever it was, with Collins’ touch and taste, it would be beautiful.
Don’t you even think of doing it. My brain warned.
But my body was saying, What are you afraid of? Why are you always living in fear? This is Collins, the man you love. It isn’t with a stranger, it’s with Collins/Daggers…who you want to help. Remember, he needs you to help him get through abusive women. He needs you to prove to him he can have a satisfying relationship, especially a sexual one with a woman who can love him.
“Collins,” I was overcome with emotions. He did all this for me. I rested my hands on his bare chest, while I tiptoe up to kiss his soft warm lips. As soon as our lips touched, we were on fire.
Chapter 14
Collins lifted me up and sat me down on the control room table so that my legs straddled his waist, as he deepened our kiss with his tongue. My hands ran up and down his chiseled chest, his rippling abs, and tight butt. The Casanova bed was magnificent, but I’d rather be on top of Collins than the bed anyday.
Being in this room made me bold, reckless, and brought out a different side to me.
Collins could sense it. “Do you want to try where we left off last time?”
I nodded, unable to take my hands off of Collins, pressing closer to him. “I want to get closer to you Collins. You let me in to see a tiny bit of your world when you talked to me as Daggers, and I didn’t know what to expect at first, but now…I think I can do this. I’ll try, as long as I don’t get hurt.”
Collins kissed me tenderly. “I would never hurt you, Sam. That’s the furthest thing I want. All I want from this room is to be able to bring you the most pleasurable loving experience you’ve ever had, to love you, to satisfy you, to take away all the pain you’ve ever felt and just focus on me loving you the best I can.”
“But what if I want to be spanked? What if I enjoy it so much that I’m asking for you to hurt me?”
“You control it,” Collins said. “I’m only here to please you, Sam. That’s what I desire to do.”
“Why?” I asked, the idea foreign to me. The only time someone had tried to be intimate with me was when Billy tried to rape me. My body shuddered again with the thought of Billy.
Billy. Oh crap. Billy…he’s still out there, and he’s threatened me again after all these years.
Collins gripped my shoulders, “Hey, are you okay?” He pulled me to him and enveloped me in his large warm arms. “Sam, talk to me, are you alright? What happened?”
I pushed all thoughts of Billy out of my head and let the room, the lights, the music, and Collins’ arms engulf me. No wonder why Collins built a room like this…this fortress of fuck, and all that. Pure sensation, pure getaway, pure obsession. Nothing but pleasure.
I can get lost in here. Forget all my worries.
“I’m fine,” I said, gripping Collins’ shirt and pulling it off. “Nothing I want to think about.”
“Then don’t think, just feel,” Collins said, unbuttoning my pants and pulling it down with my panties. “Aren’t you glad you didn’t wear a dress?” he asked. “Saved a panty from being ripped off you just now.”
“I didn’t know you were into conservation,” I said, kissing his bottom lip.
“Very much so,” Collins said. “I’m into conserving your wardrobe so I have things to tear off.”
“You can always get edible
panties,” I smirked, my hands unbuttoning his pants, and pulling down his zipper.
“Believe me, I have some of that already,” he said. “When I knew you were moving out of your parents’ home to live on your own, I stocked up.”
“Think you’ll be that lucky all the time?” I teased, pulling down his pants.
“What do you think?” he asked, his eyes smoldering as I take in his magnificent body from head to toe.
Not only was he beyond gorgeous, hot and sexy, smart, and a billionaire; he was the most confident man I’ve met, wearing no underwear underneath his slacks. “You weren’t going to dress like that going to your office?” I asked.
Collins chuckled. “If you were going to be there, I might, but no, all this, is because I knew you’d be here.” He smirked. “Do you think I’ll get ‘lucky’ tonight?”
“We’ll see…” I said, wanting Collins more than I’ve ever wanted. Wanting him to erase every thought of Billy from my mind, wanting his love for me to fill me so my body memorize and associate sex and intimacy as something beautiful and good, rather than something to be feared.
Collins slowly undressed me and lifted me up so he was kissing my breasts. My mind went blank, immersed in the intense pleasure he was lavishing on them. When he raised his head to focus his smoldering eyes on mine, he said, “Which bed, Sam?” I knew he meant which room. My normal bedroom where it seems we would have plain sex or the Casanova bed in the Production Room?
I looked at my bedroom…comfortable, nice, everyday. Nothing like a total immersion.
Like strong coffee, you need something to help you get over your fear of Billy. My body and mind converged in agreement.
“Casanova,” I whispered, looking into Collins’ surprised, but adoring eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “Don’t do this because you think I want it, which I do, but because you want it, Sam. What you want matters more than what I want, Baby.”
