by Kailin Gow
“Sam!” He called. “Thank God you’re alright…” he stopped in mid-sentence as he looked around and assessed the room and situation. His eyes rested on the slumped body of Tate on the ground. Then, his eyes widened as he attempt to grab me to pull me outside of my apartment.
I turned around, and it was Billy. And he was armed with a knife the size of a butcher’s knife.
All my suspicions of Billy were confirmed. He was a raving lunatic. A madman. A psychotic criminal.
“Watch out!” Collins called, running towards me to push me out of the way of Billy’s knife. The knife grazed Collins’ shoulders, cutting through his suit, but missing any vital parts.
Collins turned around, stepped out of the way of Billy’s arms, and grabbed Billy’s wrist with lightning speed. He pulled Billy’s arms into an angle against him that made it so painful, Billy’s hands opened, causing the knife to drop to the ground.
Collins kicked the knife away, and Billy tried to retrieve his arm, but Collins held it tightly in his, still at an angle where he could easily break Billy’s arm in half.
He used his leverage to bring Billy down to his knees. “Try anything right now, and you kiss your arm good-bye,” Collins said, making Billy bow low.
Collins’ eyes found mine, and it was full of love mixed with relief. “Come here, Sam,” he said.
I walked over to where Billy was on his knees, bowing.
“Now, does this guy owe you an apology?” Collins asked.
I nodded.
“You heard what the lady said,” Collins said to Billy. “Apologize.”
“Oh, he’ll need to do more than that,” I said bitterly. I walked up to Billy and looked him in the eyes. “I could give into this overwhelming feeling of hate for you, Billy, for all the years of fear and loathing you’ve caused me, but I refuse to give you that power over me.”
“Slut,” Billy said when I had walked away.
“What?” I asked.
“Slut,” Billy said. “For leading me on, for leading all men on, for being the dirty slut for that perverse SOB boyfriend you have there!” Billy winced. “Owe, man!”
Collins eyes seethed with anger, as he jerked Billy’s arms up further, painfully.
“You keep going with that charming attitude, and I’ll break your legs, too,” Collins said. “Don’t think I’ve never put a man into the emergency room clinging to his life before.”
Collins nodded at the butcher knife on the ground where he kicked it. I went to pick it up to keep it out of reach from Billy and anyone else. “I carried a knife like that with me all the time, Kid,” Collins said. “Was well-known on the streets as Daggers because of it. Anyone who messed with me, got a taste of my dagger. It’s as simple as that.”
“You’re not so tough anymore, Suit!” Billy said.
“Want to test that theory out?” Collins said. “I can carve your initials on your penis so quickly, your penis would have whiplash.”
“Yeah? You think you’re so tough?” Billy asked. “Look how much fear I instill in her. She still trembles when she hears my name. That’s real power.”
Collins punched Billy’s smug face once, stunning Billy, before he said, “You will live to regret ever doing that to Sam, asshole.”
Collins looked at me again. His eyes tender with love. “What do you want to do to him, Sam? This is your closure. How would you like to grant retribution to this filth?”
I walk up to Billy. I wanted to stab him with the butcher’s knife, right through the heart. I wanted to castrate him so he’d never try to rape another person again.
I reached over, ran my hand through his hair to the back of his head, grabbed his head and said, “For years you tormented me, made me cower just by hearing the sound of your name. For years you haunted me, never making me forget the memory of your filth. Today, you will let me go, as I will let all power you hold on me go.” I leaned into him and spat into his face, “Where you’re going, pretty boy, you’ll make a real nice girlfriend for someone. Guess who’s the bitch now?” I rammed his face down on my knees so hard, I swear the entire building could hear me break his jaw before he slumped to the ground.
*****
The police swarmed the room soon after, and Billy was handcuffed and taken away, while a nurse was called in to tend to Tate when Collins and I decided not to press charges on him.
“I saw everything,” Tate whispered to me when I stopped by to check in on him. “Collins…wow. He’s amazing. I’ve never seen moves like those before. And you, you’re amazing. Who knew you were such a fighter…you’re so petite.”
“Strength comes in many sizes,” I said. “I didn’t know I was so strong until I was tested. I guess I’m just now finding out more about myself because of it.”
“Do you mean what you said earlier about me moving in with you and Collins and helping me get a new start?” he asked, his eyes pleading. His mask was off now, and I was still getting used to the fact that I knew him from Sawyer House. Pierced boy. I didn’t like what he did there, but then again, him being a prankster was consistent to what he knew, especially when he had a criminal like Billy for a role model. He was the boy I was supposed to train to become a peer counselor. He was “Billy” the kid who told me guys were calling Sawyer House to get their jollies off, talking to me.
“Nothing is guaranteed,” I said. “You’ll have to make most of the effort, Tate, if you want to turn your life around. You can’t blame anyone else for the way your life turned out. Not anymore. If you’re serious about wanting to start over again, you have to do everything you can, change your way of thinking, change habits, whatever it takes to turn that around, to get there. Collins and I will only be a support group along the way, but most of the work is on you, do you understand?”
Tate nodded.
“Then I’ll talk to Collins about it,” I said.
Chapter 19
After Tate left with a social worker, Collins turned to me. He looked tired and as exhausted as I felt. He fell on the sofa, and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me tightly, while kissing my forehead.
“Baby,” he said. “Want to talk about it?”
“What?” I asked, snuggling up to him and resting my face against his chest.
“Was that jerk the reason why you had issues with intimacy, with me touching you the first time we were together?” he asked.
I never told Collins about the Billy Incident. I never really told anyone about it, hiding it within me, too afraid to acknowledge it was there. ‘Yes,” I said.
“I kinda figured that out,” Collins nodded. “From the way you froze up around him. He put some major juju into you, didn’t he?”
“Collins,” I said, unable to suppress a smile at the word “juju”, which I would bring up later some day with him, “Billy stalked and tormented me throughout school, threatening to hurt anyone I cared about or slashing my throat if I’d ever tell. He would grab me in the hallway, pulled me into the bathroom and force me against my will to do things to him, and he would fondle me on threat of hurting me, on the threat of hurting Nydia.”
Collins eyes filled with tears as he realized what I was telling him. This was my Achilles heel, the guilt and shame I had carried with me throughout the years. The reason why I had so much fear in me. “I’m so so sorry,” he said hugging me tighter. “No wonder why you’re so afraid of me touching you. No wonder why you would break down at the thought of having sex.” He kissed my lips softly, and then my forehead. “I’m so sorry I didn’t understand. Now I know.”
“I wanted to tell you, Collins, but I honestly forgot some of the details. The last time I saw Billy was when he tried to rape me at my father’s old church. It was so traumatic, I couldn’t handle it, that any memories of it got pushed back into my subconscious. It wasn’t until I met you, and you evoked such feelings of passion in me that these feelings surfaced.”
“I never thought I could feel anything again after that,” I continued. “I didn’t think
I could get intimate with anyone and have a real romantic relationship,” I said. “So for the longest time, I avoided it. I stayed friends with every guy I met, even if I thought I could take it further than friendship. I was too scared to venture beyond friendship and into anything that would be too intimate. Until I met you, Collins.” I sighed, taking in Collins’ warmth, his beauty, and his vulnerability. Seeing Tate today was like seeing a younger lost Collins. Now I understood what his life was like before he was found. It was a living hell, but from that, emerged the beautiful complex man that I was now in the arms of.
Collins answered by kissing me on the lips, a lingering kiss that showed how much he wanted me to know he loved and supported me. “You are an amazing woman, Sam. You could have become a bitter person, a shy recluse, or even a bully like Billy yourself; but you turned that incident into a triumph for everyone, including you. You became a better person, helping other people deal with their issues. I’m so very proud of you,” he said.
“But what about Tate?” I asked. Now that I’ve met him, I felt I couldn’t just let him fall into the cracks and become lost like the other young promising kids, who could have turned out like Collins.
“So you’ve met Tate,” Collins said. “Charming, isn’t he?”
“I didn’t think so when he pulled a prank on me at Sawyer House, but I have to admit even while being in danger from him while he was here in our apartment, I couldn’t help caring for him.” I touched Collins’ cheeks. “He has your charm, Collins. I think he can change, turn his life around like you did at his age.”
“You know I was planning on having him live with me at the Newport Coast home I have there and having him enroll at your high school. But you will not be his tutor, as I originally planned, nor be bait for him.” Collins sighed. “Although I think he’s already hooked. From the way he was talking about you when I sent him off tonight with a social worker, I think he may be a little half in love with you.”
“Psst! Nonsense,” I said. “That’s just because you’re my boyfriend so you think everyone is after your girlfriend.”
“Every guy I met around you seemed to be,” Collins said.
“Maybe I have pheromones,” I joked. “Like Cleopatra.”
Collins leaned in, smelling me, “No, not pheromones. You don’t smell like honey, but,” he kissed me, his tongue touching the corners of my mouth before delving in. “You taste like honey, so sweet, and nourishing.”
“Nourishing?” I asked. “Very sexy, you know.”
“It is to me,” Collins said. “You in a potato sack with green hair would be sexy to me.”
I turned around and placed my arms around Collins’ neck, and kissed him long and hard. Any man who thought I looked sexy with a potato sack on while having green hair is a man who loved me on my best days and on my worse.
Despite how tired we both were, we continued kissing heavily into the night until we fell asleep in each other’s arms, our lips touching.
Chapter 20
I didn’t bring up what I heard in the Courthouse between Collins and Judge Colleen Seevers. I wanted to trust Collins that nothing happened, that Colleen Seevers came unto him, and that was it.
But another trip to the Courthouse, this time about Tate’s custody and guardianship, made me think twice. Of all the cases like this, why did Colleen Seevers have to be the judge on these. It wasn’t fair how much control she had over everyone, especially on Collins.
It wasn’t fair she was taking advantage of Collins over these favors.
I didn’t know what was going on, but when I accidentally picked up Collins’ phone lying next to mine on the nightstand, while he was in the showers, I saw a text message from Colleen Seevers to Collins.
CS: That favor you asked of me, considered it done. Tate’ll be released under your guardianship. Now for a favor in return, you know what I want. Meet me at Casanova Club. Usual spot.
I knew I shouldn’t do it, but I had to know, so I texted back.
CollinsM: What do you have in mind?
She took the bait.
CS: Some heavy loving, lover boy.
My blood boiled beyond control. How dare she? Collins was with me! How dare she use her position of power to make Collins sleep with her? My poor Collins. I knew he would do it just because he was trying to help me with Nydia and now Tate. I couldn’t let him do this.
I had to help Collins break free from women who were using him purely for sex like Colleen Seevers was doing. She had a hold on him, that must have stem way back to when he was young and vulnerable. I had to confront this woman and get her claws off of him.
I texted back.
CollinsM: When? Date? Time?
CS: Tomorrow night. Find an excuse to meet me. I’m desperate for your tongue fucking.
My stomach curled and I suppressed my urge to text her back a go F Yourself message.
Instead, I text back.
CollinsM: All this pleasure for me? I should ask you for more favors, Judge.
CS: Lover Boy, you are the best. Can’t wait.
I sent the text thread over to me. Then deleted her text messages.
I knew Collins would be upset if he found out what I planned to do, but it was for his own good. This woman would no longer have an emotional and physical hold on him, if I can help it.
It was time to set Collins free. This was the first step. He’d helped free me from my imprisonment, now it was my turn to return the favor.
Epilogue
I stepped into the lavished club done in Italian Renaissance décor. This was the Casanova Club. I didn’t know what I was doing here, except I wanted to confront the woman who was Collins’ own version of Billy. From the conversation I gleamed that day in the courthouse, this woman took away Collins’ innocence; she abused him, took advantage of him when he was a minor and she was the judge of his case. It was time to put a stop to her hold on him.
I asked where the usual spot was for Colleen Seevers from one of the hostesses dressed in a Burlesque outfit, and she directed me to a table where the woman I came to confront sat in a tight black leather corset top and leather black pants. I gulped. She was a Dom. I was so out of my league. Did I actually think I can talk her out of seeing Collins?
Colleen Seevers took one look at me and smiled. “I was expecting you, Kitty,” she said.
“What?” I croaked. What had I gotten myself into. How did she know I was coming?
“Collins never answers me by text,” she said. “So I thought it was you. So you want to play, Kitty?” She got up and came over to me, towering over me in her six-inch heels. “Looks like you need to be taught a lesson. Collins hasn’t trained you, yet,” she said, “or you wouldn’t have any problems with him. But you see, you being what you are, an innocent is causing him a lot of pain. He can’t have you this way. Sooner or later, Kitty, he’ll leave you or get tired of you…so the choices you have are: leave him now and go away or join us here and be trained to be exactly what he wants and needs…consider it a lesson in love.” She ran her emerald green eyes down my face, neck, and cleavage, looking like she wanted to devour me. “Collins sure knows how to pick them. You are a treat. A virgin, gorgeous, and just what I had wanted to play with for years. No wonder Collins latched onto you like a possessive puppy. You are a catch. It would be my pleasure training you.” She licked her lips before she brought down the rod in her hands hard against the table. “What will it be?”
I gulped, wishing the floor would swallow me whole. What have I gotten myself into now all for the sake of love?
You & Me Series continues with Sam, Daggers, Derek, and Collins in Book 3
Freeing You Freeing Me
Summer 2013
About Kailin Gow
Kailin Gow was a peer counselor at the Women’s Center during her undergraduate years. She produced and hosted a women’s issues radio show and ran workshops and seminars in the community for women covering women’s issues including self-esteem, sexuality, identity, and gende
r roles. She was an intern at Juvenile Court, working for the public defenders with teen charges. As an undergraduate at UC Irvine, she was also teacher’s assistant in Criminology and Constitutional Law.
Never thinking she would be interested in the topic, she took her human sexuality class in college, and aced it, being voted by her group as the girl most of the classmates wanted to be stranded with on an island. She’d like to think it was because she knew so much about the subject, of course, not just because the college class was made up of mostly men.
Kailin Gow today is the author of several books for women, New Adults, and Young Adults. She divides her time living in the OC, Las Vegas, Dallas, and London, England with her Alpha husband and her Bad Ass in Training little girl.
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Resources
Saving YOU Saving ME brings up several social subjects since it takes place at a crisis teen and young adult call center. While the advice given through the scenarios Samantha Sullivan encounters at the fictional Sawyer House is a good starting point to explore the actual issues, here is a list of resources to help you or a friend learn more about some of the issues brought up in this book:
