I’d seen him the last couple of days and never once let on that I was going to pull a fast one. In fact, last night he slept in my bed before climbing through my window this morning to go home.
This is probably a fucked up thing to do, but it’s all his fault.
Paula’s driver was there to pick me up at the other end. I have no idea if Joshua knew where exactly Paula lived, but the way he seemed to just know things, I wouldn’t be surprised.
I’d turned off my phone and planned to leave it that way, teach his ass a lesson.
Renée was her usual annoying self; she had a houseful of guests which is why she needed her little puppy to trot out to impress the masses.
“Oh Carissa you’re here.” She hugged me with her air kisses bullshit. Fake bitch.
“I’m checking my account as soon as I get upstairs, the money had better be there, or I’ll walk.” I whispered that in her ear with a smile of my own as she hugged me. That put a damper on her megawatt smile.
She introduced me to her jet setter buddies, her husband was cordial as usual, and I was already missing a certain someone.
I checked my phone because I couldn’t help myself any longer. Hmm, no missed calls from Joshua, five from Vanessa though. I smiled and put the phone away again, I’ll call her later, if he was using her to get to me, let him sweat a little, it’ll do him good, bring him down a notch or two.
As promised I checked my account online and saw that Paula had deposited the two grand into my account. Good, Christmas is almost here that will come in handy. Every time she wanted to trick me out the price was going to go up. All actresses deserved to be paid for their work after all.
I spent the next few days including Thanksgiving playing the dutiful daughter and bemoaning the fact that I didn’t ask for more money. This chick was off her nut.
There were times I thought I would just lose it and rip her a new one, especially when she tried to play the devoted mother, she was so bad at it she always overdid things.
There was lots of eye rolling and bitch please grumbles that’s for sure.
By Sunday I was ready to pull my hair out. Thank God her guests had left the night before and I could breathe again.
It was almost time to leave for the airport anyway.
“Why are you such an ungrateful bitch?”
“Excuse me, don’t you know how to knock, and what the hell are you talking about anyway?”
“I’m talking about you moping around here like a lost fucking puppy, you made me look bad in front of my friends.”
“Friends huh, did you know that at least two of your friends are screwing your husband?”
“That’s just not true how dare you?”
“Listen Paula, this little farce is almost over so you can kill the act already. Don already knows I can’t stand your ass and he’s the only one here so kindly get the fuck out of my room.”
“How dare you speak to me in such a fashion?”
“I dare because you’re a selfish bitch who only remembers she has a daughter when she wants to use her for her own fucked up purposes. I fucking hate you.”I was screaming and close to tears by the time I was done.
Okay, I’ve had it out with the monster mom before but I never really told her I hated her.
I knew this anger and frustration was coming from another place. I’ve long been over Paula and her bullshit.
The reason I was so out of sorts was because I hadn’t heard from Joshua in five whole fucking days and when I tried to return Vanessa’s calls, all ten times, they had gone straight to voicemail, so no I was in no mood to deal with Paula’s bullshit.
We pretty much left things as they were since Don came back from his golf game or whatever and she needed to save face.
On the flight home I was on pins and needles, I didn’t breathe easily until I saw Michael waiting for me, I remembered that he’d said something about Margaret inviting him to Thanksgiving dinner, maybe he had information.
I’d resisted calling him because I didn’t want him to know I’d lied.
I have no idea if crazy boy had said anything to him.
In the car he didn’t say anything and I didn’t quite know how to broach the subject. Finally I could take it no longer so I took the plunge.
“So how was your Thanksgiving?”
“Oh it was okay I guess, except......”
“Except what?” My heart started beating really fast waiting for him to say something about Joshua that would help me understand why I haven’t heard from him or why Vanessa seemed to be avoiding my calls.
“We’ve had a spate of attacks in the last few days out of nowhere. The profiler thinks the perpetrator has escalated his attacks, it’s not the first time he’s done this but he seems to have gone off the rails, maybe because of the holidays or something happened to trigger it, either way I need you to be careful. Some of the attacks were local; some in Port Angeles, there was even one out at Dormer’s Beach so please be careful, try not to go anywhere alone after dark. I know I don’t have to worry since you’re always with Joshua anyway, but still be on the lookout, and tell your little girlfriends at school as well.”
“So I guess you didn’t have much of a Thanksgiving dinner then huh.”
“Nope, had to work late, I missed you though kiddo.”
“Thanks dad missed you too.”
I felt really sad and alone all of a sudden.
When we got home I sent Vanessa one last text but again there was no reply. I was almost tempted to go to their house; I had a really bad feeling about this, like the kind of feeling when you’ve made a life altering decision that wasn’t necessarily the best one for you.
That night I tossed and turned miserably, I must’ve gotten five hours of sleep total. In the morning my stomach hurt from anxiety.
I waited for him to show up at his usual time to take me to school but somehow I knew he wouldn’t be here.
“Carrie is everything okay, where’s Joshua this morning? I missed my morning entertainment.”
“I don’t know dad, maybe he’s sick or something.”
“Well didn’t you talk to him when you got home last night? I’m surprised the boy wasn’t camped out on my couch waiting for you.” He grinned as he came down the stairs.
All of this just made me feel worse, what the hell was going on?
“I need a ride dad; I haven’t driven the truck in so long I’m not sure it’ll even start.”
“Not to worry kiddo, I’ll give you a ride and have someone look at your truck in the meantime. You need me to pick you up or have someone come get you?”
“I’ll call you if I do.”
In the school parking lot, seeing Joshua and Vanessa’s cars were like a death knell. I hoped Michael didn’t notice and start asking embarrassing questions.
In the halls the kids were their usual noisy selves, no one said anything to me, there was no pointing and whispering behind their hand.
I was shocked when Joshua was absent from biology first period though.
That feeling in the pit of my stomach just kept getting worse as the morning wore on.
By lunch period I think I got the message, but not as loudly as when I entered the cafeteria and found the Steeles and Patricia at the usual table but my chair was missing somehow, in fact the chair was there, but it was stacked with their stuff.
People were starting to look and the whispers began as I stood there with my tray in hand.
There were some snickers and giggles and Patti gave me a smirk and the finger. Matthew said something to her and she frowned and turned away.
I swallowed the bile that was beginning to rise in my throat as I made my way to a table in the corner where no one sat.
Chapter 22
Carrie
Okay now I’m pissed, I mean who does he think he is? What the fuck ever, he wants to play that role so be it. I was fine before I met him and I’ll be fine when he’s gone.
He’s the one who took an innoce
nt joke and turned it into something more, why the fuck should I feel guilty.
So what the other hayseed fucks in this town wanted to laugh behind their hands, I didn’t give a fuck what they thought before and I’m not going to start now.
That angry fume got me through the rest of the day and into the evening while alone in my room doing my homework.
Michael had picked me up from school, I didn’t say anything to him but when he saw Joshua getting into his car he’d given me a questioning look which I chose to ignore.
With my eyes focused straight ahead we’d driven out of the school lot to home.
Thank God Michael had to drop me off and go; I couldn’t stand to answer any questions right now especially since I didn’t have all the answers myself.
Right now anger is my friend I’ll hold onto that bad boy for as long as I could because to do anything else might break me.
I kept myself busy, but in the back of my mind, somewhere in my subconscious, I knew I was on autopilot.
My movements were somewhat mechanical as I geared myself up for the next step.
Homework done, shower over with, I made Michael dinner but nibbled on a carrot stick which I fought to keep down.
By seven o’clock I was curled up in bed under the covers.
I have no interest in my Facebook page or calling any of the friends I’d left behind in Arizona.
I have no friends here to speak of except for the Steeles and I learned today that they weren’t my friends after all.
Vanessa hadn’t even looked at me, Matthew had given me a few furtive glances here and there as I sat at that table alone and chewed my way through an apple, fighting nausea every step of the way.
Joshua, well....... he took the cake.
It’s as though I never existed, he passed me in the hall on the way to one of his classes which I’d gathered he’d somehow changed to get away from me.
I looked; I couldn’t help looking at him that one time to see if there was anything there anyway to reach him.
He’d been stone cold; I could only wish to be that merciless.
I finally fell asleep after anger had kicked the shit out of melancholy and won.
Fuck him then, the whole fucking school could fuck off.
The next day I drove my piece of shit truck since Michael had had his guy look at it and they’d decided other than the fact that it was an eyesore it was drivable.
I got a sick sense of satisfaction out of knowing that Joshua hated the truck, he was going to hate my outfit even more.
Not that I was dressing with him in mind but my gear is my armor and the princess bitch was back in full force.
My thigh high, low heeled Hermes boots over skinny jeans, an off the shoulder Cashmere sweater in my signature winter white with large diamond hoops and matching bracelets, hair flowing down my back and blown pin straight, lips glossed to a high sheen. This bitch was fierce. Fuck if I needed someone else to tell me that shit.
I have a mirror, I have eyes I can see that shit.
Mother fuckers knew to stay out of my way when I walked down the halls with my Chanel shades and attitude popping off of me like neon signs.
Bitches better not say anything loud enough for me to hear, the little mouse Steele tried to turn me into was nowhere to be found.
I was me again, the fact that I had to fight to hold onto that attitude didn’t faze me, I pushed that shit back hard.
I was back to saying fuck you to everyone and everything.
Three and a half hours later when I walked into the cafeteria I found out I’d gone through all that for nothing. He wasn’t here.
In fact he missed the next two days as well and each day was a stab to the heart.
I almost preferred to have him here giving me the cold shoulder than not seeing him at all.
I missed the fuck out of him, his laugh, that cocky smirk smile of his, his wild as fuck hair, even his annoying bossiness.
I wanted so badly to know where he was, what he was doing, was he back with that Josie bitch?
That thought made my stomach feel like I’d swallowed battery acid it also made me livid.
This was so unfair, he’d fucked up so why should I pay, why should I bend to his will?
What had I done that was so bad? I had no answers and no one to turn to to get them.
I felt like getting the fuck out, like just packing my shit up and heading out.
I had a nice little nest egg from all the times I’d made Paula pad my account when she wanted something. Shit she could afford it, or at least Don could.
I could just disappear somewhere, leave all this craziness behind, forget I’d ever met the golden boy of the beautiful eyes and the hot as fuck body.
Yeah, I had about as much chance of doing that as I did forgetting my own name.
The weekend was the worse this fucking rinky-dink town had nothing to do to begin with, add a touch of the blues and I was fucked.
Sunday evening I just decided to drive around Sea Crest, no destination in mind just something to do to break up the monotony.
I ended up at the diner where some of the other kids from school were hanging out.
Over a plate of Pasta Primavera which I barely touched, I listened to the snickers and hoots of laughter around me.
I was just about to throw a glass of water in this one dude’s face when I heard a gruff voice say from behind me.
“Leave her alone guys.”
Matthew pulled up a seat next to me as the assholes piped down. For some reason I felt like crying, he was the closest I’d come to Joshua in almost two weeks.
“What’s going on lil C?”
“So you can actually speak to me, that’s allowed?”
I was feeling bitchy, so sue me.
“Something you missed about our family, we’re clannish, if one breaks away we all break away, we might not all agree but that’s just the way we are, family sticks together. That doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t all try to get the other person to see the error of their ways if it’s warranted but, I’m sorry
lil C, I think you really fucked up, he’s not playing, and when he gets like this only God knows what he’ll do next, I’ll try to reason with him but I can’t promise anything, when lil bro gets like this not even mom and dad would fuck with him so......”
I took a deep breath as my brow furrowed in confusion, could he really be this pissed off at what I’d done, would he give up on me that easily on us, the us that he swore he wanted?
“Where is he Matt, why hasn’t he been to school?”
“He went away for a few days to clear his head but he’ll be back at school tomorrow. He really loves you, I know this, there’s no doubt in any of our minds so I’m thinking he’ll come around eventually, but please for the love of God don’t do anything else to piss him off, at least not any time soon.”
He loved me still, hearing those words from someone else, someone that would know, was like balm to my soul, it eased the pain just a little. Until.....
“Oh shit.......”
Matthew jumped out of his chair his attention focused in the doorway; I turned my head to see what was going on and looked into the ice cold eyes of a very pissed off Joshua Steele.
Chapter 23
Carrie
I waited with bated breath to see what he would do, like Bambi caught in the headlights. He took one step towards us before turning on his heel and walking back the way he came.
“Fuck, I’ll see you later B keep your chin up.” Matthew turned to the table closest to mine.
“Any of you fucks mess with her and I’ll fuck your shit up.”
I didn’t hang around too much longer after that, paying my bill and heading home.
There was a car behind me the whole way but I couldn’t make out who it was because they kept a distance between us. When I pulled onto my street the car stayed at the end until I went inside. Strange.
Michael was there on the couch with beer in hand watching som
e game on TV.
“Out with Joshua tonight?” “Uh, no, Uhm.....” I wanted him to stop asking me about Joshua but I didn’t want to get into a big discussion with him about what had happened.
“Joshua and I are cooling things off for a little bit dad.”
I looked at the TV so he wouldn’t see the sadness in my eyes.
From the side of my eye I could see that he was studying me...enough of this shit.
“I have some reading to catch up on so I’ll see you in the morning.” I rushed up the stairs and got ready for bed. All of a sudden I had no energy.
I counted back to the last time I ate and I think it had been more than two weeks since I’d eaten a full meal, but the thought of putting food in my mouth made me sick to my stomach.
The next morning I tried to get excited about dressing for school but my heart just wasn’t in it, of course I still had my full armor on, but I wasn’t feeling it the way I was supposed to.
In the halls I found myself wishing people would just ignore me as opposed to my usual wanting to confront them head on.
This went on for a week, a week in which I never saw Joshua Steele, oh he was there, I heard the whispers, but by some miracle I never ran into him, not even in the cafeteria where the rest of his family still ate lunch. Where was he?
“Carrie are you ill?”
“What...no, why?”
“You’ve lost a lotta weight, you sure you’re okay, you need a doctor?”
“No dad I’ve just not been very hungry lately, I’m feeling kinda tired I think I’ll go to bed early.”
I went up the stairs and flopped onto the bed in my clothes, this was so not me, the real me was inside jumping up and down screaming at me to snap out of it, I just didn’t have the strength.
Josh
The Captain was downstairs, I have no idea what he could possibly want with me, I had nothing for him. I walked down the stairs already pissed off, whatever he had to say I was pretty sure I didn’t give a fuck.
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