by Kimi Flores
His smile didn’t falter while his eyes were still glued on Dani. “Nothing. Just enjoy the view.”
“Hmm.” I shook my head. “Damn shame.” We started up again toward the women who were probably there to plan the flower arrangements with a bride-to-be. They always arrived earlier than the brides they met. Not that I was paying attention or anything.
“Yeah, well you know I’m not up for any kind of relationship. I’ve got too much going on here at the vineyard and now taking care of dad.” He spoke matter-of-factly.
Sounds like an excuse to me but whatever.
“Believe me, I get it.” And I did. “No women for me either. No matter how breathtaking she is.” Of course, as soon as I said this, my mind and eyes went directly to the stunning woman shooting daggers at me from the distance.
Why was she so infuriated?
“Speaking of women, I’ve gotta ask. What’d you do to Bri?” He knitted his eyebrows together, looking back and forth between us. “I’ve noticed you’re the only one she looks at like that.”
“I know,” I replied, stumped. “Like she wants to kill me. I don’t remember her, but I have a feeling she wasn’t just a fan I denied an autograph to. Maybe I screwed over one of her friends or something.”
Man, I hope that’s it.
Zachary brought his hand up to shield the sun from his blue eyes. “How do you know it was a friend? Maybe you screwed her over.” He gave me a pointed look.
I shook my head. “Uh-uh. Nope. I’ve never met her before last year. There’s no way I’d ever forget a woman like that. No matter how drunk I was.”
Who am I trying to kid? Everything in me says I know her.
Tilting his head, Zachary teased, “If you say so, man.”
I huffed, lowering my shoulders. “Dammit, was I that bad, Zach?”
He held up his hands. “I only saw you wasted that one time when you showed up at my front door. We know how that turned out. I wouldn’t rule anything out if I was you.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering those days. How I’d spiraled, how I wasn’t sure if I was going to wake up some mornings. How I’d wished I didn’t in fact wake up and have to face the destruction I’d left behind the night before. “You’re right. Who knows what I did and who I did it to.”
I was a crazy mess for so many years, and there were a lot of things I didn't remember. That's why I left it all behind. Well, that and because none of it actually helped the pain. It was always there, throbbing in the background.
Dammit, Kai. I still couldn’t believe it sometimes. My throat muscles tightened whenever I thought about the night Kai died.
Why the hell did I introduce him to that scumbag anyway? I knew he wanted to score something that night.
Although I was never a drug user myself, I had friends who sold and several others who used. I preferred to drink until I passed out. It was my drug of choice, and nothing could pull me out of it. Nothing could make me want more. Even all the D.U.I.’s I’d been able to get out of and the near miss accidents. Everyone thought when Kai died, I would’ve calmed down. Little did they realize, it only intensified my need to numb my mind.
I used to drink myself into oblivion and wake up in bed with a different girl every morning, hoping I made it to the bathroom before I upchucked everything left in my system.
Lifting my hand to my chest, I realized the only thing I really remembered from that time was the large roaring tiger tattoo I got inked over my right peck. But that tattoo wasn’t for nothing. It wasn’t a drunken mistake. It had been my way of honoring my dead friend.
Kai was of Chinese descent and proud of the fact that he was born during the year of the tiger, often calling himself by the Chinese name for the large feline, lao hu. And of course girls ate that shit up.
Snapping me out of my thoughts, Zachary pointed out, “She’s gonna be around, ya know. Leah said she moved to Santa Barbara to be close to her family, and now she’s helping out with the weddings here. Maybe you should figure out what happened so you can both move on.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and gave a doubtful sigh. “I have a feeling that’ll be easier said than done. She looks at me like I’m a piece of shit she stepped in and can’t clean off the bottom of her shoe.”
Like Vans. No matter how hard you tried, if you stepped in shit wearing those, it was nearly impossible to get the soles cleaned.
Zachary gave me a slap on the shoulder. “Then it must be pretty serious and worth working out.”
I bit back a growl knowing that my cousin was right. Damn, why does he always have to make sense?
⁂
Bri
“I can’t thank you guys enough.” Leah looked drained as she gave Dani and me a weak smile. She looked up at the olive tree shading us from the sun. “I’m happy Amanda got married, but not that she moved away. I thought I’d finally found someone I could partner with.” Yawning, she looked over at me.
Leah was working non-stop. Her floral business had picked up just before her best florist got married and moved out of state. Since she was especially protective of the events at her friend, Zachary’s vineyard, she asked Dani and me to help out until her new florist was ready to take over. Which I was all for since I still didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my life. Plus, who wouldn’t want to hang out at a vineyard and call it work?
Because we arrived fairly early this morning, there weren’t any other cars parked around us. There was, however, a dark brown horse tied to a post, which seemed out of place. I frowned, watching its long black tail twitching impatiently like it was tired of waiting for its owner to show up. Having leisurely ridden horses most of my life, I was drawn to the magnificent animal the moment we’d gotten out of the car.
“Oh, there’s Zachary.”
My attention was pulled away from the beautiful creature as Leah pointed out to the distance, beyond the archway of the vineyard entrance.
I was impressed with Zachary when I’d first met him. He was extremely handsome in that rugged, works with his hands sort of way and had a confidence that was very attractive. As he headed in our direction, a sexy smirk broke out on his face when he locked eyes with Dani. I caught her gawking back at him, just as she’d done when we first met, last November.
Is she blushing? I’ve never seen her blush.
I elbowed her to get her attention. Snapping her head toward me, she grimaced. “What?”
Snickering, we turned back toward Zachary in time to catch another guy jogging up to his side. He took his baseball cap off, smoothed his messy light-brown hair down, then slid it back on.
Son of a bitch. It’s Josh.
I gritted my teeth, wanting to pull my gawking eyes away but couldn’t.
When I’d originally fallen for him, neither of us were old enough to even be in the bar we’d met at. Now that we were in our late twenties, I took in all of his once boyish features that had become more masculine.
His brown hair was tucked into that baseball cap with a few curls flipping up along the edge. Back in the day, he kept his baby face clean shaven, but each time I saw him at the vineyard, he had a bit of a scruffy look going which gave him a more mature appearance.
Today, he was wearing low hanging dark jeans, black boots, and some sort of extreme sports T-shirt. Watching him and Zachary head toward us, I noticed that Josh was just a few inches shorter than his cousin. Zachary had to be well over six feet tall. Both men did however have the same well-toned body frame and wide shoulders. Their physiques seemed to come from hard work though rather than time spent at the gym.
I felt an elbow jab my ribs. “Ow.” I turned to see both Leah and Dani staring at me. Dani raised an eyebrow as I rubbed my sweaty palms on the back of my shorts.
“What’s caught your attention, Amiga?” Dani smirked.
I narrowed my eyes, huffing, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
Been there, done that, will not repeat. Ev-er.
“Hey girls, so glad yo
u came early.” Zachary leaned forward to hug Leah as a bushy dog nudged her hand, wanting her to pet him. Zachary smiled shyly at Dani and gave me a friendly nod. “You remember my cousin, Josh?”
“Of course, it’s nice to see you again, Josh.” Leah greeted the asshole with the same hand she pet the dog with.
Hopefully she’s transferring fleas from the dog.
“How ya doing?” Dani asked warmly. If she knew the whole story, she’d punch him in the balls the way I wanted to.
I didn’t want to be a bitch. I really didn’t, but when it came time for me to greet Josh, all I could do was look down at my cute, embellished nails while slowly shifting my hips back and forth. I heard the amusement in his breath before Zachary redirected the awkward tension.
Freaking great. I can’t even behave like a civilized woman in front of him.
“Leah, I wanted to connect you and Josh,” Zachary said.
My head snapped in Josh’s direction. His eyes were on me like he was trying to figure out a puzzle. It was the first time I’d looked straight at him since he’d ordered me away so many years ago.
Just thinking about it made my heart ache as it picked up speed. How can he still have this effect on me?
Zachary continued, “Josh owns a few horses, and I told him about the equestrian therapy you asked about.”
As Josh’s deep voice vibrated through the air, goose bumps broke out on my skin.
“Yeah, I have the horses and space but not the knowhow, equipment, or manpower to help. I’d love to offer the ranch if you can make it happen.”
He’s a humanitarian now?
I closed my gaping mouth as Leah pressed a hand to her heart. “Are you serious? We’ve wanted to connect the kids with different types of therapy and equestrian was one of the things we were hoping for. We can definitely make this happen.” Leah’s giddiness was palpable. She loved her dance students who had special needs and would do anything she could to further their development.
Moving his eyes back to me before speaking to Leah, Josh seemed like he was trying to hold in his excitement. “This is pretty amazing actually. A few months back, I came across a story online and wondered if I could somehow help in the same way. It was about a teenage boy with cerebral palsy and autism. That amazing kid’s motor skills and concentration improved after he started the equestrian therapy. I figured I could be a small part of helping another kid achieve the same things.”
Leah’s mouth opened in surprise. “Wow, I saw that same story. It’s what made me start asking around to see if anyone I knew could help.”
Josh clapped his hands, then rubbed his palms together. “Fantastic, then it’s meant to be.” His eyes darted nervously to me once more before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cell. “Here let me give you my number.”
Even I never got that. I recognized that I was letting my bitterness show and had to step away.
While numbers were being exchanged, I quietly whispered to Dani, “I’ll meet you by the wedding site so we can put together our plan.” I turned to walk away, watching as she rolled her eyes, obviously irritated by my behavior, but it didn’t stop me.
Josh still didn’t remember me. It was obvious, and I needed space before I made an even bigger fool of myself.
I’m so pathetic.
Chapter Four
Sign Me Up
Josh
Josh Tucker, Brianna Hunter, reclining in my leather computer chair, I typed that name combo for the millionth time since I’d encountered the stunning brunette last fall. The first day we all met at the vineyard, her brother casually mentioned that she and I traveled in the same circle when she was in college. Supposedly, we were even pictured in a gossip magazine together.
I scoured the internet, looking for that particular picture. The same shit came up every time. Photos of me leaving different clubs, bars, and restaurants with random girls, way back when I was partying hard.
Recently, I’d even joined a few of the social media sites under a fictitious name to see if I could find out more. It wasn’t a total loss because I found a profile picture of her that I may or may not have printed out. The settings were so secure on her profile that the only thing I could see was that she was from Chicago.
I’ve never been to Chicago. I wonder where she went to college.
Closing my eyes, I let out an aggravated breath. The devastated look on her face when we made eye contact earlier today killed me. I tried to convince myself once more, there’s no fucking way it’s her. Those eyes haunted me though.
Shaking that thought away, I scrolled down a little further. There was a different girl in every picture. Blonde, brunette, red head. Apparently I didn’t have a certain type and took home the first girl of the night. What a bastard I was.
Frustrated, I leaned forward, rubbing my face. Why do I keep torturing myself? A new picture isn’t going to magically appear.
Touching the images on my screen, I grumbled under my breath, “I wouldn’t recognize any of these girls if I ran into them.” Which made me wonder—who is that guy? I’m nothing like him.
Huffing, I decided to get to the task I’d originally sat down to take care of. I opened a new search window and typed ‘equestrian therapy for kids with special needs’. I had plenty of time on my hands and was happy to fill it with something that actually had meaning. When my cell rang, I reached in my pocket, answering candidly, “Hello.”
“Hey whatcha doing?” Zachary asked.
Tilting back once again, I held my phone between my ear and shoulder as I stretched my arms forward. “Online trying to see what modifications I may need to make for the kids to come ride the horses.”
“Fantastic! I’m glad Leah asked me about it.”
There was a slight lull in our conversation before he broke the silence, “So Dad and I are headed out for pizza and thought you might want to join us.”
I snickered, well aware of why they were inviting me. “You only want me to go because Patty makes sure to give you a kick ass pizza when I’m there.”
“Hey,” he chuckled. “I can’t help that the girl has a celebrity crush on you. If you aren’t going to use your fame to get good pizza, then you better believe we will.”
Narrowing my eyes, I grumbled, “I’m not a celebrity anymore.”
“Maybe not the way you used to be, but you’re definitely still the star of Patty’s dreams.” He laughed.
I rolled my eyes. “Ha ha.”
“Okay, in all seriousness, want us to come get you on our way?”
“Sure, why not.” I needed a break from the internet anyway. And from the girl who clearly didn’t want me around. “I could use a little ego boost.”
⁂
Bri
I laid on the exam table while my gynecologist maneuvered the internal ultrasound wand around, looking at the images on the machine.
“Yep, there it is. That’s the reason you’ve had difficult menstrual cycles lately.” Dr. Chang pointed to the screen as if I could actually make out the fuzzy black and white image. “You’ve got what appears to be a submucosal fibroid on your uterine wall.”
“Are you serious?” I ran my hands through the tangles in my long hair and looked up at the white panels on the ceiling. “I thought the birth control pills took care of those.”
I’d had issues with fibroids and cysts since I first started my period. It wasn’t until I was put on birth control as a teenager that everything seemed to be fine. The past year, though, I’d stopped taking them to give my body a break. Low and behold, my issues had come back.
“I’m sure they did, but according to your chart, you’ve been off them for a while now. Unless you’re looking to start a family soon, you might want to consider starting them up again.” Dr. Chang removed the wand and handed it off to her nurse.
I scrunched my nose. Blech, I’d hate to have that job. “Nope, no family.” I sat up, shaking my head.
She took another quick look at my chart. “Okay,
then how about the birth control shot?” She leaned against the sink counter to the side of the exam table. “In time, you probably won’t even have a period. It can be difficult getting pregnant after you stop getting the shots, but sounds like it might be a good option for you now.”
I didn’t even have to think about it. “You sold me at no longer having a period, and I’m not interested in having kids so that’s fine.”
She frowned. “Ever?”
“Nah.” And end up screwing up another person’s life? No thank you. “I’m used to the pill, but what are the side effects of the shot?” Those damn side effects could suck worse than the problem itself. If she said uncontrollable diarrhea was a possibility, then I was out.
“I’ve honestly only had a couple of patients experience any problems, but according to the label, you can have a change in sex drive, weight gain, depression, hair loss or growth, headaches, nausea, and or sore breasts.”
I snickered, “So I could end up as a miserably plump, mustached, sex-crazed woman too nauseous to do anything about it—but I won’t have a period anymore?” Nodding, I said, “Sign me up.”
Once the exam was done and I received my shot, I got dressed and left to run a few errands. First stop was the dry cleaners to get my dress altered.
After scouring the internet again for pictures of Josh at one of his brother’s events, I came up empty. I realized he hadn’t been seen in public in years, so maybe the chance of him being at the wrap party was slim. Throwing caution to the wind, I’d decided to buy a new dress yesterday and join my family.
I pulled into the strip mall parking lot and grabbed the dress when I spotted a guy in shorts and a tight black T-shirt heading into the cleaners. Seems as though my afternoon is looking up.
Pulling down my visor mirror, I checked my teeth, applied some lip gloss, fluffed my hair and as a final touch, reached into my bra to perk up my boobs. Draping the dress over my arm, I headed in and stood behind him.
