by Kimi Flores
His sexy, sleepy voice announced, “It’s Stefen.”
“Here let me talk to him.” I reached over, snagging the phone from his hand as he began to protest.
Sitting up, I held the sheet in front of me. It didn’t matter that I’d been naked with Josh all night, I was about to have a conversation with my brother and wasn’t about to lay back, exposing myself. “Hello?”
“Bri?” He sounded surprised.
“Yeah.” Cocking my head, I wondered why he wouldn’t expect me to answer Josh’s phone.
“Um, where are you?”
“Still in Catalina.”
He knows where I am. Why would he ask that?
Using his interrogating lawyer tone, he asked his real question. “No, I mean where are you? It’s seven a.m., and I know you’re not out of bed and ready for the day until at least eight.”
Smacking my forehead, I peered at Josh, who was chuckling as he shrugged.
That’s why he was trying to stop me. Stefen is gonna think I’m such a tramp.
Trying to fight past my fears, I silently reminded myself I was an adult and could make my own decisions. And I was in bed with the man I loved, not some random guy. There was nothing to be ashamed about. “We’re on vacation, Stefen. Maybe I should be asking why you’re calling my boyfriend when you think I’m not around.”
He sighed in resignation.
That’s odd, he doesn’t normally give up that easily.
“I don’t have another number for you right now. I was going to tell Josh to have you call me when he picked you up in your room since he assured me you guys had separate rooms.”
Ah, he’s not totally giving up.
I yanked the covers further up my body. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we do have separate rooms. You know, like you and Leah did when she first moved in with you.”
There, see how he liked that. But there was silence on the other line.
Shit, he’s quiet. I hope I didn’t push too far.
“That was different.” He seemed stiff, maybe even a little cold.
“Hey, is everything okay, Stefen?” I bit my lip, feeling guilty now about pushing him.
I guess I still had a lot to learn about the difference between confidence and bitchiness.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” he replied. “Just wanted to know if I get to see you today.”
“Um, sure.” I rubbed the back of my sore neck. “Want us to come by after we land?”
“Yeah. Come here before you go home.” Again, he was very distant, which was unlike him. Stefen had never shut me out before. I didn’t like this feeling at all. Not wanting to irritate him more, I decided to save those questions for later.
“Okay, I’ll call you when we get in later.”
Sighing once again, he said, “See you then.” He ended the call without a snide comment, loving expression, or any other sarcastic remark, which was unusual for him.
Tossing the phone on the bed, I said, “Well, goodbye to you too, darling brother.”
“What’s up?” Josh ran his fingers down my back, reminding me that I wasn’t wearing anything but the covers I had pressed to my chest.
“I don’t know.” I sat there, frowning. “Stefen was acting weird. I wonder if my mom has anything to do with it.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m well aware that you guys have been talking behind my back, by the way. Has he said anything while you’ve let me stay in La La Land?”
Huffing out a frustrated breath, Josh leaned forward, sitting beside me. “Well, your mom has been difficult these last few days, and apparently she went off on Leah, so I’m sure Stefen is still fuming about it.”
Leah? I felt guilt pressing me down. This was all my fault. If only I’d given my mother the damn money, this would all be over and done with now. Well, maybe. “Do you think he blames me?”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “What? No. Why would he blame you?”
My fingers ran over the soft material of the blanket. “Because she’s mad at me and she’s taking it out on Leah now. He and Leah are having to deal with her, while I’m here, having a good ol’ time.”
He pulled my face toward his, making sure I didn’t misunderstand any of his words. “Bri, stop right now. You’re only responsible for your own actions, not the fucked up choices the rest of us make. Understand?”
Closing my eyes, I nodded, but a flame started to burn within me. I threw my fists down on the bed. “But, why is she attacking Leah? She has nothing to do with any of this.”
He pulled me on top of him and kissed my forehead. “Bri, you fight so hard for everyone else. Start fighting for yourself.”
His eyes darted back and forth between mine, and I understood what he was saying—I’m worth fighting for.
Lifting onto my elbows, I confidently said, “I’ve started. I fought every insecurity in me to prove to myself that I deserve to be happy. That I deserve to be with you. It’s not all going to happen overnight, but one step at a time, I’ll get there.”
Sweeping my long hair over my shoulders, he placed his palms on the soft skin of my upper arms, smiling softly. “I know that and I’m really proud of the steps you’ve taken so far.”
“Thank you,” I said, feeling choked up. This weekend had been good but overwhelming and I was starting to feel the emotions rise up. “For everything.”
He exhaled. “As much as I’d love to stay in bed all day, we really need to get up and start getting ready if we want to grab breakfast before we catch our flight.”
I nodded, but my mind was starting to go crazy. “I wonder what in the hell I’m gonna walk back into when we returned.”
He lifted my chin. “Whatever it is, you won’t be alone. I’ll be here to help you. Or back off when you need me to do that.” He promised.
My lips parted. “I don’t know what I would do without you right now.”
He kissed my forehead. “I’ve wondered the same thing about you, sweetheart.”
Chapter Fifteen
Beaten but Not Defeated
Bri
“I wonder why Stefen wanted us to come here first.” Josh opened the passenger door, and I stepped out. After meeting our friends for breakfast and flying home, we came straight to my brother’s house, just like I promised.
“Who knows, maybe to gauge your very satisfied expression, then kick my ass?” He poked my side.
I forced myself not to jump. Don’t react, he doesn’t know how ticklish I am and, knowing him, he’ll use that to his advantage.
I snickered, hoping he hadn’t caught on. “Yeah, that sounds about right. Don’t worry, I won’t out you. I’ll keep my head down and act like nothing happened.”
Spinning me around, he grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me with all the passion he could muster. “And how are you gonna manage that little lie?” He spoke in a low tone.
The door suddenly flew open, and Stefen stood in the entryway, his shoulders lowered. There was an expression on his face that I’d never seen before. And I never wanted to see again.
Uh oh. We are so busted. I tried not to look as guilty as I felt.
Leah stepped up behind him, her eyes beet red as she began to rub his back.
Darting my gaze between my brother and sister-in-law, I began to panic. “Are you guys okay?” I looked straight at Leah. “What’s going on?”
I bet my mother got to her again, dammit. I’m gonna give that woman a piece of my mind. My new confidence surprised me but knowing Josh was right behind me made me feel stronger. Plus he was right, I was more than happy to stand up for the people I loved.
Closing his eyes, Stefen stepped to the side, saying somberly, “Come in. We need to tell you something.” At that, Leah’s tears began to flow once more.
I shot Josh an anxious look. He shrugged his shoulders and lowered the corner of his mouth, letting me know he had no idea what was going on either.
Stepping into the open space of the living and dining room, my eyes imm
ediately found Caleb and Abby sitting on the leather couch, their faces blank.
A surge of adrenaline hit me and I couldn’t take it anymore. “What did she do? I know how shitty she was to Leah the other day, and I plan on calling her out on it today. Has it gotten worse?”
Looking at Josh for courage, I noticed him glancing between the two couples. “Sweetheart, let’s sit down and hear what they have to say.” He took my hand, leading me to the sofa opposite Caleb and Abby.
Resting my hand on my chest, I felt my erratic heartbeat under my palm. Stefen stared at the floor as Leah stood close by, covering her mouth, in what looked like an attempt to not blubber out loud.
Taking a seat on the coffee table in front of me, Stefen rested his hands on his thighs and used his bent arms to brace himself. He took several deep breaths.
“Please, Stefen, just tell me.” I squared my shoulders. “I can take it.”
His eyes widened before he reached forward to grab my hand out of Josh’s grasp.
I felt my irritation spike and wasn’t about to let my brother dismiss my boyfriend. “Dammit, Stefen. Stop trying to protect me. I need to know what’s going on.”
Running his hands through his dark hair, he finally answered my question. “Bri, mom’s dead.”
My body jerked back into the couch. “Wh—what do you mean she’s dead?” Shaking my head profusely, my legs started to tremble. It couldn’t be real. He was lying. “That’s impossible. She was just causing hell. What happened? When?”
Josh wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him, but I needed space. Slowly, I pushed away, holding my hands up. “Wait. I need—a minute.” My head started to slowly throb as I took slow and steady breaths trying not to hyperventilate.
Stefen’s eyes began to gloss over, but I knew it had nothing to do with our mother’s death. He was upset at having to tell me. “Dad said he found a note addressed to him. After reading it, he ran upstairs.” I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. “She was—in the bathtub—Overdose, and apparently, she—drowned.”
I stared straight ahead, at nothing. “Drowned?” My quiet voice sounded so far away. Then it struck me—The way she wanted me to die when I was little?
I pressed a hand to my chest, feeling the pressure of a stab wound in my heart, but adrenaline was still coursing through me, not allowing the pain to take center stage. I felt numb. I knew I was still sitting, but I couldn’t feel my feet or my arms. My mother was dead.
She drowned?
My body felt like it was caught in a tornado of emotions. I had no idea if anyone was talking around me, because I couldn’t hear anything but my blood pumping in my ears.
In a state of shock, I felt my mouth open, words blurting out. “She wanted to drown me. She did this on purpose, like her way of killing me too. And now she wants to drown me in a sea of guilt?” My hands balled into fists, and I felt myself screaming, “I get it, Mother, you fucking win!”
⁂
Josh
“What’s going on with her?” I stood there, helpless. The girl I loved was pacing the room, fists white at her sides as she ranted about her mother. They were horrible things, painful things, things I was sure had been haunting her for years, if not her entire life.
Stefen was standing in front of her, his mouth wide open. Caleb held a pained look in his eyes. The other women stood in the background, while Abby held onto a sobbing Leah.
With no outward emotion, only slow tears streaming down her face, Bri continued to ramble, “I was supposed to be her miracle. I was supposed to be the thing that was going to finally pave her way to happiness. I wasn’t good enough for that though. I let her down over and over again.” She pulled on her hair before collapsing onto her hands and knees, sobbing. “So why did she wait so long to give me her ultimate punishment?”
I rushed over, plopped onto the floor then pulled her onto my lap. I stroked her hair, kissing the side of her face as I spoke calm reassuring words, “It’s okay Bri. Let it out.”
Stefen kneeled down behind me so he could see her face. “Bri, you need to look at me. What in the hell are you talking about?”
Caleb placed a hand on Stefen’s shoulder. “She can’t hear you, man. She’s in shock.”
I pulled her away and it was true. Her face was flat, no emotion in her eyes. “You should’ve aborted me, Mother. You wanted to. You told me I was a mockery of your life. That I was going to be your downfall. I never knew me living was the thing that would drive you to kill yourself. Why did you hate me so much, Mother? I was only trying to find my way, have some fun. You took the one time I did something for myself and have punished me forever, for what? Because I was born?”
The volume in her voice increased with each word. “I didn’t ask for you to have me, Mother. I didn’t ask to be the mistake you saw every day. You made me sorry I was ever brought into the world, now I have to live with every breath I take knowing that is why you died.”
She was starting to tremble as she wept, and I’d seen and heard enough. “This is not healthy. Can I please take her to a quiet room? She needs rest. This is too much.”
All eyes were on me, like they couldn’t believe I was the one to pick up on this.
Leah grabbed a few tissues. “Of course.”
Caleb reached down to pick Bri up, but I stopped him. “I’ve got her, just show me where.” I managed to get us into a standing position and as I held her in my arms, she crumbled into my shirt.
I was feeling livid. Mothers are supposed to be our safe havens, not our fucking tormentors.
Everyone around me was falling apart, and I had to keep these thoughts and feelings to myself. For Bri. As I was shown to a room, I yelled over my shoulder, “Can someone get me her purse please? I need to get her pain meds. She’s probably about to have a migraine.”
Abby grabbed Bri’s purse, while Leah ran to the kitchen.
I wasn’t about to let her out of my arms. I sat on the bed, scooting us toward the headboard while Stefen was parked on the side and Caleb sat at the foot.
Leah came in, carrying a glass of water and reading the directions on the pain medication. She opened the container, dumped two pills out, then said, “Bri, honey. You need to take these, okay?”
I pulled her face away, encouraging her, “Come on, babe. Take the meds.” I noticed her eyes start to move, and I knew she was coming around.
She stretched her hand, took the pills, and swallowed the water. As Leah took the glass back and left to stand next to Abby, Bri reached out for Stefen’s hand.
“Please tell me, Stefen,” she sobbed. “I need to know what happened.”
“Bri, we need to know what you were talking about first,” Stefen insisted.
She fisted my shirt, like she was hanging on for dear life. “That day when Daddy called you after he heard our conversation, did he tell you what she said?”
He shook his head. “No, he only told me Mom had crossed the line, and I needed to get to you. After that, you guys left, and she went on the war path. I never thought to ask.”
She began to shake and I swallowed hard. “Bri, you don't need to do this right now. It’s too much.”
I lifted my eyes to beg everyone to back me up, but she bellowed, “No! I have to tell them. I’ve kept it in so long, they don’t know how bad it was.”
She curled her head on my shoulder, holding on to my shirt. “Mom finally admitted to me that she hated me. She said I was her nightmare. She told me she wanted to drown me as a baby.”
My heart hammered along with Bri’s. Gasps rang out around the room.
Caleb swore under his breath as Stefen shot up, irate. “Dammit! We did everything we could to protect you, and she fucking tore you apart anyway. What the hell was wrong with Dad, marrying that monster? Why didn’t he stop this shit a long time ago?”
“Stefen, he didn’t know how bad it was either.” Her body trembled against mine as I tried not to lose it myself. I couldn’t think about m
y own helpless feelings, I had to concentrate on hers. “I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t. It would only make it worse.”
I wrapped my arms tighter around her, trying to do anything I could to stop her pain. “Shhh, it’s okay. You’re safe, baby. You don’t have to suffer alone any more. We’re all here.”
Stefen leaned in, placing his hand on her leg. “Josh is right. I know you’re a grown woman, but this is one of the biggest storms we’ve ever faced. Do not hold anything back please. We’re all a part of this.”
She leaned back, rubbing her mascara-smeared eyes. “When did it happen?”
“Last night.” Stefen patted her leg.
I saw the guilt in her eyes. Her mother died while she was in bed making love to me. “Get those thoughts out of your head, Bri. Remember what I said. You are not responsible for other people’s choices.”
She nodded weakly. “I know. It’s gonna take time but, I know.”
Chapter Sixteen
To Everything There is a Season
Bri
It was just after sunset when the shuttle pulled up to the estate Stefen and I grew up in. This was the first trip I had ever taken that I dreaded. My mother was dead, and I was only here to say my peace.
Josh helped me out of the passenger van as my father came barreling down the large steps that swept down from the grand entrance. My feet had barely made contact with the driveway before he snagged me into a bear hug.
“I’m so sorry, princess.” My father sounded heartbroken. “I can’t ever make this up to you. I should’ve been around more, I had no idea how bad it was.” He’d already called me countless times with these same words of regret and apology, since Stefen told him everything the day before.
“It’s okay,” I said, exhausted. “You didn’t know. I hid it.” I looked into his sad, guilt-ridden eyes. Finally, he released me from his strong embrace.
Drained themselves, Stefen, Leah, Caleb and Abby made their way up the stairs, into the house, but my father and I held back.
Josh stood nearby similar to the way a bodyguard would. Close enough in case I needed him, but looking around as though he was taking in the front of the house. Our luggage sat at his side.
