by Kimi Flores
As disrespectful as it was, I knew I had to gloss over this next part. There was no way I could talk about the specifics while sitting here at this booth, in the middle of the breakfast rush. Plus, I still wasn’t ready to go into details. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready.
Swallowing hard, I tried to get the words out without showing too much emotion. “—we lost the baby.”
An audible gasp slipped past her lips as she clutched her chest with a trembling hand. A mixture of pity and concern flooded her expression, creating a swirl of emotions in me, from demanding she not feel sorry for me to wanting to hold her because her compassion amazed me still.
This was even harder to talk about than I thought it would be. “Yeah, things were pretty bad between us after that. She blamed me for everything. I tried to justify in my head that she was grieving, but that was difficult on days when she was really nasty and spiteful.”
I could remember every second of that time, the turmoil would always make the muscles in my shoulders and neck bunch up to the point where breathing was painful. Without even realizing it, my hand had made its way to the back of my neck, massaging the tension just like I had done all those years ago.
“On top of that, I’d implemented so many changes on the vineyard once I returned from college and invested in the apartments our workers now live in. And Dad wasn’t familiar with everything, so we started suffering financially. He was stressed and ended up having a minor heart attack.” I held my hand down on my lap as it began to tremble just like it had after I’d received that call from Samuel.
Not a trace of judgment or accusation appeared in her eyes. There was only understanding as if I had handed her a missing piece that she’d been looking for. “That’s when it happened?” She glanced away thoughtfully. “He told me about it when I first started keeping an eye on him.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I wanted to keep him as stress free as possible so I jumped back into work full force. Tori felt neglected and alone, and I couldn’t fault her for that. She was a talented chef and I tried to get her engaged, but she wasn’t interested. If I was involved in something, she resented it. She acted like I was a monster.”
Maybe I was.
Scratching the scruff on my chin, I said, “Her final ‘screw you’ was on Thanksgiving morning that year just as we were starting to recover the money we’d lost.” Turning back to face Dani, I could feel the anger still boiling just under the surface. “She knew that day was rough for me since it’s the anniversary of my mother taking off. So she woke up early, broke into Dad’s safe, and snagged everything that was in there after a record breaking week. We hadn’t had time to hit the bank yet.”
I balled my hand in a fist, lightly pounding my thigh under the table, just thinking about how she’d ripped off my dad. “She left and the next time I heard anything from her was when I was served divorce papers.” I laughed sarcastically. “She had the nerve to try and sue me for half the vineyard. Thank God, everything was still in Dad’s name.”
I waited for her to react, but she sat there, looking shocked. Had I said too much? Would she ever see me as the same man? Even to this day I felt so guilty that it was my careless actions that had brought Tori into my father’s home, just so she could betray us both in the end.
But I didn’t see anger or disgust in her wide eyes, only understanding and appreciation.
“And that’s my sad anti-love story. So you see, it’s not that I’m bitter because the ‘love of my life’ broke me.” I used the teenage girl finger quotes that normally made me cringe to emphasize that Tori never held that spot in my heart. “I’m just not capable of that kind of relationship.” Fuck it, I was on a roll, may as well keep going. “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t still have feelings for you.”
That was the wrong thing to say based on the look of hope in her eyes.
Shit! I should’ve stopped while I was ahead.
I tried to quickly make myself clear. “But ultimately, the vineyard and my dad are my only focus. That’s what fulfills me, and I owe it to him to keep it all functioning. I would never put a romantic relationship first, and that’s what you deserve. I know you want children more than anything else, and that’s something I’m not sure I can go through again. I refuse to string you along, letting you hope I’ll change, because I don’t see that ever happening.” I started to reach for her fingers once more, any physical connection so I could keep her here instead of watching her bolt out the door again, but she moved her hands into her lap as if she could tell what my intentions were.
Her shoulders were slumped down and she had a slight hurt look on her face. I could only imagine the things going through her mind when she spoke next. “If you are so adamant that those are the only things that matter, why are you fighting to keep me in your life? Wouldn’t it be easier to just let me take care of your dad and stay away from you?”
I shook my head to emphasize my next comment, trying not to focus on her lips. Those lips I’d had that one night. “That isn't easier at all, Dani. I suck at romantic relationships, but I’m one hell of a friend. I’ve hated the wedge between us this year. Not only are you one of my favorite people, but we share the same inner circle. I need things to be okay with us.” Between her best friend marrying my cousin and her sister and brother-in-law being two of my closest friends, as well as Leah having exclusivity as the vineyard florist, we were tied to each other.
She sat back, placing her arms across her chest but not in an angry way. It was more like she was trying to protect herself from me. “So us moving forward is mostly about how uncomfortable everyone else is?”
I scrubbed a hand over my face, getting frustrated. Reaching across the table, I unhooked her arms, and held onto one of her hands. “No. That’s why the first reason I gave was that you’re one of my favorite people.” I ran my thumb across her knuckles and felt her relax.
Finally, that sweet smile that used to warm my heart appeared on her beautiful face. “Well, if you think you can resist me in these sexy scrubs, I guess we can try.”
I stood slightly so I appeared to be checking her clothing out and gave her a thumbs up but wanted to laugh. It didn’t matter what the hell she was wearing, it was going to be difficult to resist her no matter what. But I’d been successful at doing so for a few years before we’d ended up in my room. I just had to block the images of her naked in my bed and I’d be okay.
She picked up her fork and started eating again. Her demeanor had changed so much since I’d first sat down. For the first time in almost a year, I felt like I was sitting across from the Dani I’d come to know and love.
“You’re right,” she said softly. “I do want children, more than anything else, and I’d never try to persuade you to change your mind. Besides, I’ve already got something in the works.” She took another bite of her food, and despite everything I’d said, and everything I couldn’t give her, I felt my heart sink.
“What?” I couldn’t hide my disappointment. “What’re you working on?”
Shit. She already had her eyes set on another guy. Maybe even the one she’d left my house for last week.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Let’s take this slow, Zachary. I’m not ready to share everything yet.”
I swallowed and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “As long as it doesn’t keep you away.” I couldn’t be picky right now. If she was willing to be near me, to talk to me like we used to, I had to accept her, new man and all. If that was what it was.
“It won’t.” Her reassuring smile set me at ease. “I wish we'd had this talk a long time ago. I’ve really missed you, too.”
In an attempt to lighten the mood, I teased, “Hey, I’ve been trying to talk to you for months now. You're the stubborn one.” I gave her my charming smile, the one I had perfected that usually got me out of trouble.
“Me?” She pretended to be offended. “You’re the stubborn one.” She rolled her eyes playfully and sighed. “Okay, so I’ve been t
he stubborn one this time.” Taking a final swig of her coffee, she got us back on topic. “I’ll start coming by more this week.”
“Bring Stella,” I said before I forgot. “Buddy misses her.”
She lit right up at the mention of Buddy. Damn, how was I supposed to keep my hands off her when she flashed that angelic smile?
“Yeah, I’m sure she misses him, too.” She reached for the check as the waitress put it down.
I was faster, snatching it before she could. “When you come, will you stay a while and just hang out with us? I’ll cook for you.” That was my way of bribing her to stay longer. “Buddy really misses spending time with you too, and so does his—” I leaned in giving her a crooked smile. “—stubborn ass owner.”
She took a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that. I miss him, too.” One corner of her mouth tipped up, and I wasn’t sure if she meant Buddy or me. Either way, I’d take it if it meant I got to see her more often.
I had a feeling things were looking up for us.
Chapter Five
Dani
I was drained by the time I pulled into my building’s gated underground parking. Last night had kicked my ass as I watched Gladys slip in and out of restless sleep. No matter how much medication we gave her, nothing helped her body relax and rest. It was always hard to watch another human being suffer at any level, knowing you’re not able to bring relief. Nights like that, when helplessness superseded all medical knowledge, drained me to total depletion. I’d almost rescheduled my meeting with Zachary, but now that I’d heard him out, I was glad I hadn’t canceled.
Relaxing in the comfort of my truck for just a moment longer, I let everything he’d said sink in. After all he’d gone through, a part of me understood why he wasn’t willing to give his heart away. In his mind, his dad and their business were the only good things he’d ever had and he’d almost lost both of them because of a woman.
But did he really plan on staying alone for the rest of his life because of one circumstance that had been thrown at him? I had to wonder if he was unknowingly punishing himself somehow.
And his wife lost their baby? God, I couldn’t even imagine what they’d gone through afterward. I was still a little confused as to why he didn’t talk much about it. Maybe because he’d never wanted children? Maybe he’d been somewhat relieved, then had to live with guilt ever since? That didn’t sound right either, though. More than likely I was just too worn down to see any of this clearly.
I did appreciate his honesty about not wanting kids because he was right, that was a huge missing piece in my life. I’d always wanted to be a mother. Most of the men I’d dated had no problem stringing me along until they got whatever they wanted. And just my luck, the one man I’d given my heart to was the only one who had ever given it to me straight. Unfortunately, our goals were veering in the opposite direction.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say the small fraction of hope I’d still had was now completely destroyed. No matter how we felt about each other, we didn’t stand a chance. One thing I was sure about, as sweet and caring as Zachary could be, he was also stubborn. It took a hell of a lot to get him to change his mind once it was made up.
I loved his old fashion ways, most of the time, but part of his out-of-date thinking didn’t give him room to budge. As far as the vineyard was concerned, he was successful at balancing innovation and old world charm. But today, I’d gotten my first glimpse of the man who was stuck in the past when it came to his love life.
Still enjoying the cozy, warm feeling of my cab, I shook my head and exhaled deeply, remembering what he’d also said about Joel having hallucinations. I’d have to give him a full physical to see what was going on, but experience told me his issue had nothing to do with his blood sugars.
God, I hoped my suspicions were wrong.
Dragging myself out of my comfortable driver’s seat and toward the stairs that led to the courtyard, I looked longingly at the elevator door, wishing it was working. Normally I didn't mind taking the stairs, but I was dragging my ass this morning.
Just as I rounded the corner, I spotted something over by the pool. It almost looked like Stella, but my eyes were watery and blurry so I dismissed that thought. That was until she barked and came trotting toward me like she was queen of the courtyard.
Dropping my bag to the ground, I began to take quick steps toward her as she came running, her tongue hanging out of her mouth. I frowned, though. Why was my sweet girl out here alone? I could feel the pounding in my head become a steady rhythm of fear and bafflement as I watched her proudly bounce around, energized with a sense of freedom that hadn’t been offered to her since she’d hung out with Buddy.
My heart beat erratically as I bent down to pick her up. “What the hell? Why are you out here?” I moved her tubby little body around in my arms, then lifted her up for inspection.
She panted as she looked down at me, what I assumed was pool water dripping from her mouth. Satisfied that she appeared to be fine, I tucked her under my arm, picked up my bag, and marched up the stairs. I pounded on Angie’s door until a disheveled blonde, who was not Angie, yanked it open.
“What?” she answered in a clipped tone as her eyes narrowed in on Stella. “You must be the next door neighbor.” She squinted further.
I gritted my teeth, “Where’s Angie?”
She popped her hand on her hip. “She had an emergency. Had to leave at six this morning and left your whiny ass dog behind.”
“So you threw her outside?” I couldn’t fucking believe it.
She rolled her eyes. “The building’s secure. It’s not like she could get outside and get run over or anything. Sheesh!”
I pointed down to the courtyard. “Did you stop to consider the fact that there’s a pool down there?” I held Stella up. “Does she look like she can fucking swim?” Taking in a ragged breath, I kept going. “Or the fact that someone could’ve taken her or, newsflash, that she was supposed to stay in this apartment until I picked her up?” Enraged, I stuck my palm out. “Just give me my key, please.”
Her head shook like she was irritated that I’d bothered her so early. “I don't know where she keeps it. You’ll have to ask her later.”
Oh, I had questions I’d ask her later, but for now I needed to remain focused on not kicking this dimwit’s disrespectful ass. I continued to glare at the dumb bitch as she was just about to close the door.
Catching it before it latched, she snarked, “Oh, and can you please tell your boyfriend to keep it down. Some of us are trying to make up for the sleep we missed last night thanks to him and his friends.”
My eyes widened in surprise just before the door slammed in my face. Turning on my heels, I rushed to my condo. My pulse throbbed in my ears, dreading what I’d find. I slowly slipped the key in the knob, then opened it gingerly. As the door swung open, I spotted beer cans and pizza boxes scattered about my once beautiful living room. The smell of stale cigarette smoke permeated the air as I looked around, in absolute rage-filled shock. Video game controllers and overflowing ashtrays sat on the white vintage coffee table Bri had bought while visiting a small town in France before she and I had become roommates.
Bri had been a messy roommate but she took care of her belongings. She would probably have a shit fit if she saw this place now. I also noticed a cigarette burn on the arm and cushion of Bri’s velvety purple couch.
What kind of person does that to someone else’s couch?
The floor was crunchy from ground in chips and sticky from God only knew what else.
Fucking Eric. It had to be him, but how had he even gotten into my place?
I peeked in the dining room and noticed the sliding glass door that led to the patio was cracked open.
Crap! He knew I kept that unlocked and had probably climbed onto the terrace.
I slammed it closed, then clicked the lock.
The kitchen looked just as bad with empty chip bags and glass from a broken beer bottle left on the cou
nter. I placed my hand on my forehead, pressing it to relieve the pressure. I was torn, wondering if I should call the cops. But what the hell would I tell them?
I think the guy that’s been banging and mooching off me this week broke into my house and had a party?
Dad had told me too many stories of girls they’d gone on calls to who’d been suckered by a guy. It had been his way of warning me to stay away from those type of assholes, yet here I was, in the same damn predicament.
God, no. I shivered and shook my head. There was no way I was calling the cops.
Not only was I even more resolved to stay single, but now I was more than ready to move out of this place. The only thing I liked about my condo at the moment was that it was minus one occupant.
Closing the front door and latching the deadbolt, I tiptoed down the hall toward my bedroom, praying it was empty. I peeked into Bri’s old room that I now used as an office and wished more than anything she still lived here.
Once I was sure Eric wasn’t lurking in some hidden spot, I put Stella down on my bedroom floor then closed and locked the door. I didn't want her walking around whatever shit was coating the floor out there.
My stomach churned when Eric’s sweaty beer-stink hit me. He must’ve slept in my bed again last night.
I opened the window to let in the soothing ocean air, then peeled the linens off my bed and replaced them with clean sheets and blankets.
After dressing in my sleep shorts and tank top, I picked Stella up and fell into bed. My mind flew in every direction as I struggled to fall asleep. I should’ve cleaned up before getting under the covers, though. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep with my condo in the condition it was in.
Laying on my stomach, my little dog tucked under my arm, I opened one eye and ran my palm across the cold sheet next to me.
“How could I have been so stupid?” I muttered under my breath for the millionth time in the last few days.
