by R. M. Healy
"Hmm," she mumbled in response to his words, and she looked out of the small window at the snowstorm.
"I saw what you were looking at Esther, it's a shame my mom is here. Otherwise, we could be tucked up in my warm bed, and you could see what's under my clothes."
Anton's smile was patronizing as Esther made eye contact with him. She was surprised to see he still hadn't shaved, and his stubble was thicker than before but not too much that his jawline was hidden.
"I think it's inappropriate that you would talk like that when your mother might walk back in at any moment," Esther said, raising her brows up at smiling at Anton.
He laughed and shook his head.
"According to the radio, it looks like the storm is going to get worse, a blizzard, in fact. It's going to go on most of the night too."
"Thank you for that piece of information," Esther shrugged at him, annoyed that what he said was more than likely correct. He walked over to where she sat and rested his unbandaged hand on the table in front of her. His voice was low as he spoke, and Esther looked up into his dark eyes.
"That means that you and I will be here together all night. Why not take this opportunity to come to my bed, Essie? You’ve wanted to since the last time we kissed, all those years ago. I’d give you the best pleasure of your life, you know it.”
Esther didn't respond. She wasn't sure how to react. She felt a pleasurable sensation below and tensed at his words. She thought that last night would be enough to take away her stupid hormonal feelings.
"I found a pair that should hopefully fit you, Esther, I'd offer you some different sweatpants to wear, but I'm afraid they'd be far too wide and not long enough since I am so short," Rosa walked over utterly clueless to the chemistry in the air.
"She can wear my old pajama bottoms if she wants," Anton suggested pulling the dressing gown around him, "You may as well come upstairs and try them on. I mean, you'll be here for hours anyway. Maybe all night."
"Oh yes, I will hang up your jeans to dry," Rosa said.
As much as her wet jeans were irritating her, she had no intentions of going up to Anton's bedroom and taking her clothes off. But she couldn't wear jeans all night if she really did have to stay there. And if the weather outside were any indication, she wouldn't be leaving for a while.
"Thanks, but I will be just fine with my jeans for now. I will see how the weather fairs before I take that step," Esther said politely to a smirking Anton.
"My floor is at the top of the house. No need to knock when you realize you need something a little more comfortable," Anton's eyes looked her up and down, and Esther knew precisely what he was thinking. Because she was thinking about him too, about the two of them alone in his bedroom.
Rosa was still blissfully unaware of the tension and walked over to the gift bags that Esther had bought. Anton winked at Esther as he walked out the kitchen back into the hallway, shutting the old wooden door behind him.
Esther let out a sigh through her nostrils and hoped that by some miracle, the storm would blow over.
"These are perfect. I will be taking them with me when we move to Italy," Rosa said, smiling at the expensive 6 piece saucepan set. Esther had purchased the gifts before she knew that the family was planning to move to Italy permanently.
"When are you planning to move there?" Esther questioned.
Rosa sighed, and her brown eyes looked sad as she looked at Esther.
"Anthony wants us to be fully settled by September next year."
"And you?" Esther could see the reluctance on her face.
"I do want to go home. I've never felt like this place was where I would spend the rest of my years. Anthony begged me to come here with his brothers many years ago, and so I did."
Smiling, Rosa looked at a photo of Anthony and a heavily pregnant Rosa that sat on the fireplace.
"But leaving Isabelle here... it doesn't seem right," Rosa sighed. "It was just out there where she died. Where the old barn used to be."
Esther didn't interrupt, letting Rosa speak about the past.
"I know she's dead, and I might sound like a crazy woman admitting it, but I always wonder...what if a piece of her soul is out there? Still in the barn, and if we leave, she would be all alone forever. Anthony said it’s ridiculous. That she died in the hospital, and she is in heaven now. But I will always have these thoughts. She is my daughter. No matter what."
It was an awkward conversation, and Esther knew there was nothing she could say.
"Anton told his father he isn't moving to New York, that he's changed his mind and wants to live here at the farmhouse. He said he was ready to settle down. If that were true, I think it would make things easier, but Anton won't be here for long. He will go back to modeling soon, scar or no scar, he loved his job, and he isn't cut out for this kind of life."
"You really believe that?" Esther questioned.
"Yes. I think Anton will be back traveling the world soon, a routine is too boring for him, and when he gets his confidence back, he won't be sticking around here. As much as I wish he would come with us or stay here, I respect his own wishes and dreams in life."
"Who knows what will happen," Esther said, smiling, "You should look to the future, Rosa. You and Anthony deserve to enjoy your lives."
"Whatever happens, as long as Anton and my husband are happy, I will be happy,” the wrinkles around her eye's deepened as she smiled at Esther, "Anyway, in case this storm doesn't settle down, I'll just get the spare bedroom ready for you."
"I'll check the weather forecast on my phone," Esther said as Rosa was leaving the kitchen. Esther thought about what Rosa had just said while she sat alone.
If Anton were to go back to his old lifestyle, then Esther would be able to buy a large share of the restaurant now and then another when or if Rosa and Anthony wanted to sell in the future. Or she could continue to save for her own restaurant while working for the Romano's for another few years as she had always planned.
Perhaps Rosa was right, and Anton would get bored after a couple of months. He’d regain back his confidence to step back into the modeling industry.
However, it seemed both of his parents had different ideas of their son's future and his dreams. Esther didn't know Anton well enough to judge what he would do. She certainly had no plans to get to know him better either, even if she would be staying under the same roof as him. Which if the weather reports were anything to go by, she definitely would be.
"I am sorry to impose on you like this Rosa, I just had no idea it was going to get this bad."
Rosa had changed into a pink fleece nightgown paired with matching slippers and came back into the kitchen, and Esther began to feel bad for forcing her company on the older woman.
"Don't be silly! It's nice having company, especially since my husband won't be able to come back tonight either. How about you go and ask Anton for those pajamas? I will wash those jeans for you," Rosa suggested. "I'm going to start dinner. I still have so many vegetables, meat, and deserts leftover from Christmas."
Esther knew it was stubborn not accepting the pajamas, it was beginning to get dark outside, the snow was far too deep for her to even walk in without it reaching her thighs, and she was taller than most.
"I suppose I had better not risk it," Esther said, walking out of the kitchen.
She hadn't been anywhere but the ground floor in the large house and was surprised when she followed the stairway and realized just how large the house really was.
Two of the five doors was open, and Esther could see in one bedroom a four-poster king bed with floral pink and white bedding, and another open door showed another very similar bedroom decorated in pastel blue. Walking around the landing, she saw the dark enclosed narrow staircase to a closed door.
She knocked on the door and waited patiently. Anton was no longer wearing the dressing gown when he opened the door, he stood there in his black shorts, a smile on his handsome face.
"Please, do come in, Essie," he opened
the door widely, and Esther nodded politely to him before walking into the spacious room.
Esther didn't know what she'd have expected Anton's personal space to look like. But as she looked around the room, she knew it wasn't this. The low vaulted ceiling in the long-living area had many of the dark beams exposed. They matched the floor perfectly, as did the framing around the small square windows.
Candles and low light lamps made the room seem comfortable and homely, as did the small fire that burnt in the center of a brick fireplace against the left wall.
One small leather sofa covered in brown woolen throws faced a 50inch TV on the wall between the windows.
"This room is so welcoming and homely," she said, walking over to the window where the cinnamon-scented candle flickered against the snow-covered fields behind it.
"You sound surprised. I'm not into the whole modern cold home thing. I like comfort," Anton said matter of factly as he watched Esther.
"So you decorated this?" She was surprised. Modern and cold would have been what she'd associated with Anton if she'd thought about it. Perhaps subconsciously, she had thought a lot about him.
"Yes. I paid for the entire house to be decorated for my parents last year. I plan on buying the place off of my parents when they leave America. I figured I may as well freshen it up."
Esther nodded and turned to look directly at Anton, who stood casually, seemingly not bothered most of his entire body was exposed. She knew last year that he didn’t plan to buy the farmhouse from his parents. He hadn’t done it for that reason. He’d done it because he cared about them.
Years of working as a model had given him a great sense of confidence. Yet, he still wore bandages on a lot of his body, including his entire arm and face. She questioned mentally if that was because of what the doctor recommended or if it was Anton covering them out of personal choice.
"It's very nice," she said simply, "May I please borrow these pajamas you spoke of?"
Anton didn't move and raised his brows, "Ah, they would be through that door behind you, in my bedroom."
"Well, would you be so kind as to fetch them? Please, I don't want to invade your personal space."
"I think I would like you to invade my personal space. As you know," Anton teased, "Does the idea of being in my bedroom make you uncomfortable?"
"Hm, well let's see... I hardly know you, and you consistently make crude and perverse comments to me. So yes, I would say that being in your bedroom would make me uncomfortable."
Anton's head fell back as he laughed loudly at what she'd just said.
"I appreciate your honesty," he replied, "I will get them for you."
He walked past her, still smiling to himself as he walked through to his bedroom. Esther didn't turn around to look in his bedroom and waited patiently. She looked at the Tv and seen that he'd paused the show he was watching.
"So you're a Trekkie?" She asked. Her father loved the sci-fi show, and she had spent many years watching it at his side.
"Are you?" He said, diverting the question.
"Maybe," she said as he walked back into the room to stand directly in front of her.
Looking down at her, he spoke, "Someday, I will know everything there is to know about you."
He passed her a pile of clothing and walked to the other side of the room, and opened another door.
"You can try them on in here. There is a lock on the door, so don't worry about me breaking in and seducing you," he joked, and Esther couldn't help but back.
When she lived with Micheal, he was very messy and often left the bathroom in a complete state if she wasn't home. So when she shut the door behind her and looked at the small bathroom, she didn't expect it to be so clean.
The plain black cotton bottoms he'd given her were a little too long and slightly loose on her waist, but she tightened them so they didn't feel so bad.
He'd even given her a baggy black t-shirt that smelt of fresh washing powder. She looked at herself in the mirror and noticed her eye makeup had slightly smudged given her eye's a smoky effect. Picking her damp jeans and woolen jumper, she walked back into his living space.
"You're the woman to wear my clothes. Is it weird to say the idea of your body touching my clothes turns me on?" His eyes looked her up and down as he leaned against the back of his sofa.
"Yes. That is weird. I'll be going now, thank you for borrowing me these.” Esther felt uncomfortable having him look at her like that because of the fact she liked it.
“Anytime, Essie!” Anton shouted as she quickly walked back downstairs. She would be staying in the kitchen with Esther, where Anton wouldn’t be able to say anything that would have her thinking things that were not appropriate.
When the food was ready, Rosa used her phone to call her son to tell him it was cooked, and Esther laughed.
She couldn't imagine having a house so big where they wouldn’t hear you downstairs.
"It smells delicious, mom."
I hope you're both hungry because I've got carried away," Rosa said, bringing over a tray of various roast vegetables.
"Sit down, mom, I will bring this over," Anton told his mom as he struggled to carry over the turkey with one hand.
"No, you sit down," Rosa was very stubborn, and Esther smiled, watching the small woman rushing around the kitchen and bringing over the rest of the food.
Anton sat directly in front of Esther, and she looked down at her plate. In the last hour, she had seen a side of him she hadn't before, and she didn't know what to make of it.
Although he had still been flirting with her, he seemed more relaxed, and his sense of humor was rather charming. And she watched as he filled his mother's plate for her even though it was clearly difficult for him with only one hand. Esther couldn’t draw her eyes away as he helped his mother.
That was when Esther saw that his mother had seen her watching him. Rosa's lips pulled into a small knowing smile as she put the jug of gravy on the table.
"How were the children yesterday?" Rosa asked about Esther's visit to the hospital the previous day.
"Children?" Anton said, squinting at Esther, who took a scoop of the veg as Rosa cut slices of Turkey off for each of them.
"I volunteer at the hospital on the children's ward. I went to see them yesterday," Esther answered. As she thought about it, she wondered what Anton would think of the children. Especially Kimberley.
Perhaps he would see that his burns, much like Kimberelys, were only on the surface and that the only person who saw them as a big deal was him.
"I've wanted to ask you about that little girl you spoke about, Kimberley, is it?" Rosa asked. "I have spoken to my nephew, Luca, and he and his wife Lucy have been looking to adopt. I can't help but feel so bad for that little girl, no family at Christmas. Would you be able to speak to her social worker? Or pass the number of Luca to someone at the hospital?"
Esther would have been more than happy to do that, she'd only met Lucy and Luca on a few occasions, but she could see from their behavior with their own family and son that they were good people.
"Yes, I'd be more than happy to do that."
Anton didn't comment and said little else as they ate the fantastic food Rosa had cooked for them. When they'd all finished, Anton took the plates, and Esther walked over to help him clean up.
"Mom, why don't you and Esther go and sit in the living room," Anton suggested.
"Anton's right Rosa, you go put your feet up. I will help clean the dishes," Esther said.
Rosa stood and looked at Anton and Esther, who were both standing by the sink, and nodded happily. The moment she left, Anton looked her way with his brows raised.
"If you want to spend time alone with me, Esther, we have all night," Anton joked.
Esther looked up at him and pursed her lips, "Don't flatter yourself, Anton."
Silently, they helped clean the kitchen together, Anton a lot slower than her but not willing to let his arm hinder him.
When they were fi
nished, it was pitch black outside, and Esther could hear the wind loudly howling outside. It was hot and comfortable in the farmhouse, with the firing still roaring as Esther sat down on the small couch.
"When do you have your bandage off?" Esther asked.
Anton froze as he looked at her, his previously cheerful expression now gone and replaced with a guarded one.
"In a few days," he answered firmly.
"That is good news," she said honestly.
"Is it?" He tilted his head and gave her a skeptical look.
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Maybe because of the red, blistered skin that covers at least a quarter of my body looks like something that you would see in a horror movie," he said matter of a factly.
"I bet you are the only person who will think that. It's just a scar, Anton, and I doubt it's as bad as you think," she said, trying to reassure him.
"I saw the way you looked at me earlier. Would you really look at me like that when you can see my burns?"
“I didn’t look at you any different to what I’d look at anyone else,” she replied, not entirely telling the truth.
“That was a lie. You want me, for now at least.”
"If I wanted you, you would know about it. It’s nothing to do with your scars, I don’t want someone who sleeps around like you, who treats sex so casually," Esther answered, partially telling the truth. She did want him, but she didn’t want him to know about it.
"Bullshit. We both want to have wild sex with each other, and you know it. Tonight is your last chance, Esther," Anton said.
"Last chance?" She questioned.
"You know where my room is. If you want to let go for one night instead of being so uptight and controlled, then I'll be waiting. We both know you will regret it. I think you still regret turning me down all those years ago. But it will be your loss," Anton shrugged and walked out of the room ending the conversation.
Esther still didn't understand why that would be the last chance to sleep with him. It didn't mean she would go up to his bedroom. She had her imagination, and that's all she needed. Even if the man in those fantasies was Anton.
