by Jessop, K. L
There's a long pause and I'm convinced he's going to recline his offer after hearing my question, but he doesn’t. Instead, he adds. “I thought you wanted to know if she's still there.”
“Who?”
“The girl you're trying to find.”
She is in there; I just don't know how to help her escape from under all the rubble that’s been suffocating her.
“Come on, Ev.” He coaxes me once more in that deep, sexy voice, and I cave.
“Ugh, fine. But just so you know, they've predicted rain for later.”
“Pfft. I’m a wildlife photographer. Like I ever listen to that crap.”
I laugh.
“Oh. And, Everly?”
“Yeah?”
“You look pretty today.” I stop walking and scan my eyes around the surrounding area of the park, wondering if he’s watching. When I don’t respond, the next thing I hear is him laughing.
“You can stop looking around; I’m at home.”
“You are such an arse.”
“I'll pick you up at seven.”
My stomach tightens in excitement. “Can’t wait.”
* * *
With a deep exhale, I slip into my pumps and give myself a once over in the mirror as I try and settle my nerves. I’m dressed in a pair of baggy black and white striped cotton crops and a black vest that I’ve started knotting at the side to give me a little more shape. It’s still not tight but it’s a start. I know I need new clothes and the more I look at myself in the mirror, the more I want to change my appearance to the world. But saying it and changing it after spending a decade hiding behind larger fabrics, it’s not easy. Heading downstairs, and with each step that I take, my heart pounds harder and Adam’s voice gets louder. He stands with his back to me, and I take a moment to run my eyes over his body. He’s in a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up to reveal his muscular arms. His knee-length, light denim shorts that are frayed at the edges showcase his tan legs and tight arse. He’s always had a perfect arse. I’m yet to see his torso, but just remembering the feel of him against me at Dad’s funeral, and with my hands on him yesterday, I know he’s sculpted. When Mum nods in my direction, Adam turns, and for a moment all time stands still. His eyes cloud with awe and desire, and as he rakes them down my body, it makes every part of me come alive.
Clearing his throat, his eyes find mine. “You look pretty today.”
I beam. “Thank you.”
After we say goodbye to Mum, Adam takes my hand, linking our fingers together as we head outside to the car. “I see you got rid of that old rust bucket.”
“Hey, that rust bucket went on for years. It was a good little thing.”
I side-eye him with a smirk. “It was old and falling apart and you know I’m right.”
Once we are in our seats, he leans over to clip in my seatbelt. My stomach squeezes with his closeness and my breath hitches. His lips tug at the corners and he glances at me once more before he turns back in his seat.
As we drive out of my street and head through town, the only sound between us is the hum of the car engine before he turns on the radio. Lady Gaga’s Always Remember Us This Way from ‘A Star Is Born’ is playing, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. The words couldn’t be more relevant to how I feel when I’m with him. Why does what is happening between us feel so good yet still hurt so much? Does he feel this too? What will happen when I leave? Glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I watch his thumb continually tapping on the steering wheel or his hand is running through his dark hair, signs that always told me when he was nervous.
Cutting through our rising anxiety, I ask, “Is Bailey with your mum?”
“Yeah, I didn’t know when we’d be back, so I asked her to look after him.”
“I’m yet to see your mum. I hope she doesn’t think I’m avoiding her.”
“Don’t worry about it. She knows you’ve got a lot of stuff going on.”
Parking in the car park just up from Derwentwater Lake, we get out. The early evening is quiet, the sky a mixture of thick white and grey rain clouds that gather across the blue sky. When I see him getting a picnic basket out of the back of the car, I look at Adam surprised. “What happened to the fish and chips?”
“I thought I’d make more of an effort. I’ve got food and wine. Everything else is already down at the pier.”
“I’m intrigued. Lead the way, sir.”
Taking my hand in his again, he leads me down through the trees to the pier near the cabin. Once I see what is laid out, I gasp. A white blanket and cushions are placed neatly at the very end of the dock. A little vase of flowers sits in the centre and empty glasses and plates are set ready. It’s simple, it’s beautiful… it’s so Adam. It’s the little things.
Squeezing his arm, I can’t help but be giddy with excitement. “Adam, this looks amazing. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Although it’s just a picnic at the lake.”
With you.
“I don’t care. I’ve not had anything like this in forever.”
His smile is wide and his eyes sparkle with gratification.
God, he’s so handsome.
Kneeling on the cushion, I help him by unpacking the picnic basket as he opens and pours us both a glass of white wine. Sandwiches and cakes are on the menu and my heart smiles with how cute it all is.
“This looks amazing,” I say, biting into a cheese and pickle sandwich as he dives into one of his own. A flock of ducks fly overhead while a boat in the distance glides across the water. It’s so peaceful here; I love it.
“Everly, can I ask you something?”
My stomach churns. “Sure.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you live in Milford Haven?”
Has mum told him?
Not that it matters if she did or how he knows. Looking at him, I speak with honesty. “I don’t know. I just…”
“What?”
“I just thought it was better not to say anything. I didn’t think you would want to know where I’d been all this time since I left.” I don’t know what else to say.
He looks at me for a moment, searching for something I know I can’t answer before he looks away. “What’s she like? Anita, I mean. I take it you live together?”
“We do. We live on the harbour front overlooking the marina. She’s amazing. I’ve put her through hell over the years and she’s not once walked away. She keeps me grounded when I need her to that’s for sure.”
“That’s good. It’s good when you have someone like that you can turn to.”
“It is. You have that with Mac, right?” I ask, already knowing the answer from our conversation before.
“Yeah. And Bailey, as stupid as it sounds.”
I smile. “It’s not stupid. A dog is a man’s best friend, is it not?”
“He sure is.” He chuckles.
As he looks out over the lake, I can’t take my eyes away from him. Every time I do, the magnetic force draws them back to continue the warmth forever building in my stomach. I want to move closer to him, feel his body brush against mine but I keep myself firmly in place.
“I knew from the moment I saw him I needed to have him in my life. I never wanted a dog until I saw him. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him now.”
He fills up my wine glass and I take another sandwich as I think about the time I’d mentioned to my friend that I’d wanted to build our little family. What Anita came home with the next day had not been what I was expecting.
“I asked Anita one time if we should get a pet. I was thinking along the lines of a cat or dog and her excitement told me she was on my wavelength. Or so I thought.”
“Was she not?”
“Hell no. She walked in one night with a fucking hamster, looking pleased as punch while I went crazy.”
He grins. “Rodents.”
“Exactly.” I hate the furry little things. They move too fast. “I told her to keep it in her bedroom and away from me. Thank
fully it only lasted a week.”
“Did it die?”
“No.” I snort. “She forgot to close the cage one night and woke up screaming when she found it running around in her bed.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “That’s brilliant.”
“It wasn’t. After she gave it to the kid next door, she slept in my bed for a week, which was annoying because she’s not the stillest of sleepers. She soon got over it though when she came home with our cat Chips. He's this lazy, ginger ball of fur that she treats like a baby. If it's been raining, she towels him dry when he comes in from outside.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh yeah.”
“She sounds like a bit of a nut.”
“Honestly, you have no idea.”
* * *
“You like my little boat?” Adam enquires, pointing to his prized possession that bobs on the shoreline just across from us. We’ve polished off all the food and are now onto our second bottle of wine as we sit and relax closer to one another, talking and laughing like old times. Dusk is now upon us and I’m thankful I’ve brought my cardigan as the breeze has picked up. It’s going to rain.
“I’m impressed. And you expect me to get in that I suppose?”
“Of course.”
“Can you row straight?” I tease.
He quirks a brow. “Well, after the wine probably not, but I have every confidence we won’t sink.”
“Oh well, what are we waiting for?” I jump to my feet, having to steady myself a little as my head is a little fuzzy. I’ve not drunk this much in a while. “Help me on board.”
Leaving our makeshift dining area, Adam takes my hand and leads me over to the wooden rowing boat. Getting in, he steadies the boat before helping me on board. There’s more room than I thought there would be, and I relax back against the bow with my legs bent as we start to glide along the water, the tension between us now erased and a smile now permanently on my face, the alcohol having relaxed my body.
“Is this classed as drunk whilst rowing?” Adam asks playfully. “Am I likely to be arrested if caught?”
I think for a moment, now assuming we will be walking home as I remember he drove. “Well considering you’re using oars and basically paddling, and there’s no one else out here, I think you’ll be fine.”
“What if we fall in?”
“I’ll save you. I’m a great swimmer.”
“Yes! My very own super girl.” He fist pumps the air and I giggle. “I knew she’d save me one day.”
“You’re crazy.”
As he paddles us further out to the middle of the lake, he stops for a moment and rests, taking in the tranquillity that is around us. When I stretch out my leg, my ankle brushes against his hand. Our eyes meet and that heat that’s simmering between us starts to shape. We’re in this moment of uncharted territory once again, and it only heightens when he gently circles my ankle with his fingers. My breath hitches and his lips tug at the corner, knowing what he is doing to me. His touch provides a protection so powerful it takes my breath away, but it is rapidly followed by that unbearable ache in the depth of my soul because I’ve not felt like this in so long.
I look away, breaking the connection and focusing on the wood not far from us. “In all your photography history, what’s your favourite animal?”
“The red deer,” he says so positively. It intrigues me.
“Why?”
“Confidence oozes from them without any fear. I like the way they stand tall, as though they are proud of the woodland they roam in and will rightly protect what is theirs and not let anything stand in their way.”
“So, in another life, if there is such a thing—”
“I’m coming back as one of them.”
“Oh really?”
“Hell yes!” He lifts an oar into the air as if he’s a warrior. “I ruled this lake land once; I’ll do it again when I’m sleeping.” The face he pulls makes me laugh and a grin spreads across his handsome face. Re-paddling, he pushes through the water and I shift myself so I’m lying on my back, looking up at the sky that is heavy with rain clouds.
“What is the most expensive painting you’ve ever sold?”
“An abstract of the harbour where I live. It sold for just under twenty-two thousand.”
“Fuck off.” His astonished reaction, eyes big and round has me bursting out laughing.
“It was an auction for a charity event. The guy that purchased it was wealthy.”
“You think?”
Suddenly a raindrop hits my cheek and I feel a little smug. “Well what do you know, it’s raining,” I quip. Not that it bothers me.
“It's not, it's just the splashes from the water.”
“Adam, look at the sky. Do you see any stars?”
He looks up, focusing on nothing but the thick clouds. “Maybe one. Two perhaps.”
I snort. “It's raining.” Another droplet hits my leg. Then another. “We should head back. They predicted a storm.”
“Everly, we will be fine. Stop stressing.”
Another drop, this time slamming onto my hand with a big splash. “Oh, I’m not. I love the rain.”
“Since when?”
“Since a long time ago.”
“Well, whatever. We’ll be fine.” And as if the sky heard him, the heavens open. Big heavy beads hit our skin hard, one after another, as the expected thunder rumbles over us.
“Shit,” Adam shouts as he paddles frantically back towards the pier. “You could have warned me!”
All the while I giggle like an idiot as our clothes become soaked through in seconds.
“I did say!” I shout back, not able to hear myself think as the heavy rain beating down on the lake roars around us. “Hurry up, I'm getting a little wet out here.”
“What are you talking about? I'm completely dry.” He laughs, pushing the oars through the water.
When we get to shore, I scream as a crackle of lightning ripples through the sky and the rain gets harder than ever, preventing my view completely. Our clothes are saturated, clinging to us like a second skin, my hair in thick wet locks pasted to my face and neck.
Helping me out of the boat, Adam takes my hand and shouts, “Let’s head for the cabin. If we make a run for it, it might stop us getting wet!”
I throw my head back with a laugh but that quickly turns to a scream when another crackle of lightning bolts through the sky. As we run hand-in-hand, I struggle to keep up with his pace, and with each step I take, I laugh and squeal. When we finally reach the cabin, we stumble inside, shutting off the intense storm as Adam pulls the cord to turn on the light. It’s dim but it does the job.
“Oh my God.” I fall back against the door, holding my stomach with the ache of our hysteria as we try to catch our breaths.
“Well, that was interesting.” Adam laughs, water dripping off his hair, his shirt highlighting the mouth-watering ripples of his torso.
“It was certainly something.”
“I was convinced I was going to row us into a tree at one point.”
“Death by oak and raindrops.” I laugh, still riding the wave of entertainment as I ring out my hair.
“You need to do more of that,” he says as a murmur, causing me to look at him. Suddenly my smile is suppressed as he steps closer, changing the mood completely with the way he's looking at me so intensely, holding me captive. My cool, wet skin from the rain instantly feels like its burning as every nerve ending has awoken with his proximity, pulling the yearning inside me so deep it creates an internal panic that I don’t know how to respond to or whether I should respond at all.
“Do what?” My words are barely a whisper.
“Laugh.” His hand cups my neck and the rapid beat of my heart is enough to catch my breath as his thumb brushes along my jaw. “You should laugh more, Everly.”
I’m completely numb, weakened under the spell of his damn eyes and the heat of his touch. My heart pounds with want, need and fear. Want because my
feelings for him have never changed. Need because I need him now more than ever. And fear of pushing him away and knowing that it's only a matter of time before I do. Fear because I want him but know I can't let it happen. The last time Adam Knight had me like this was the first time he kissed me all those years ago. I remember that kiss as if it were my last and I remember our last as if it were yesterday. And as if he can hear my thoughts, he dips his head and presses his mouth to mine. The softness of his lips is like a feather against my skin, gentle, tender movements as though he's afraid I'll break. And I do. Because once I grant him permission and part my lips, his tongue slips in and caresses mine so beautifully it makes me crumble.
I'm home.
For years, all I've thought of is this day, being in his arms again, held in his embrace and kept safe. And now that I am, I thank the rain because as the water runs off my hair and down my face, it hides my falling tears. I’ve missed him so much it’s unbearable. He kisses me with meaning. He kisses me with passion, and I get lost in the moment. No past. No darkness. No pain. Just him and me in an embrace I want to drown myself in. It’s beautiful and I don’t want it to end, but as his hand lowers to the hem of my top and he presses his hard frame against me, I feel his obvious desire and my body becomes rigid.
He freezes.
My heart pounds harder, only this time for a different reason to longing. My burning skin is now not from his touch. And this beautiful moment is now filled with a man’s face that’s haunted me for years making this whole situation even more painful. Adam wants more, and I can't give him that. So, I do the one thing I've always regretted. I push him away.
“No, Adam. I can't do this.”
“Everly, it's ok.”
“No. No, it’s not ok.” I turn to leave but he blocks my escape, holding the door closed with his hand. My forehead rests against the wood as I hold back the tears. I know Adam will never hurt me, but I hate feeling like this. His warm breath hits the sensitive skin on my neck, his fingertips brush down my arm, soothing my panic and racing heart as he murmurs.
