Leo has been studying their language for the past few years and assists in translating between our groups. Elizabeth and Jordan are quite taken with the teenage boy who has travelled here with the men. He is teaching them some of his tribal dances, they are teaching him the macarena. They are having lots of fun and it’s wonderful to see them communicate so effectively without the use of a common language. Global lessons for adults in the art of the unspoken word!
They are happily sharing their água de coco with each other while the adults, or should I say, the men and myself, are drinking beer, or cerveja, or aged cachaça, a local alcoholic drink made from distilled sugar cane. We haven’t had any alcohol since we left Florida so it’s going straight to my head. The locals suggest adding sugar and lime juice, essentially transforming it into a caipirinha, which makes it easier to swallow and a rather refreshing cocktail, particularly in this humidity. Mind you, I only dare sip it and slowly at that. The party is in full swing around our campfire and we are singing, laughing and learning a new fused style of dancing.
Eventually the festivities die down, the live music fades into the background allowing nature to reign in this rich part of the world. The kids are bundled on top of some straw matting with their new friend, having fallen asleep. I notice Leo is in deep conversation with two of the tribal elders; there is no question he is intrigued with their world. Robert and Adam are next to one another, enjoying the fire and the last of their local cocktails. They have their hands on each other’s knees — the first public display of affection I have been witness to. Their togetherness makes me smile, as does mine with Jeremy. We are swaying together, arms wrapped around each other, as the remaining locals play soft music, or perhaps I am swaying and Jeremy is keeping me balanced. Either way, it feels fantastic being able to be with him like this.
All the troubles and dramas of recent weeks have faded into a dark spot in my mind and I feel like I’m almost home as I nestle comfortably against his firm, warm chest. Jeremy raises my chin toward his face with his index finger.
‘You look more relaxed and happy than I’ve seen you in a long while.’
‘Very observant, Dr Quinn, and that’s because I am.’ He bends down to kiss me ever so gently on the lips. I feel like I could literally float away with the sensations this one gesture provokes.
‘I love seeing you like this. There is nothing that makes me happier.’
‘Well, let’s just stay like this. Forever, if we can.’
Even in the dim flickering light of the fire I can’t help but notice the small frown creasing his brow at the hope in my words. It’s as if he wants to give me the world but knows he can’t right now.
‘What is it, J?’
‘You know this can’t last forever, sweetheart, don’t you?’ He searches my face before continuing. ‘The elders’ presence here indicates the next step in the journey that Leo has been talking about.’
‘Yes, I know,’ I say reluctantly. ‘I’m just putting it out of my mind until it happens, and thankfully, right at this second, my mind is fully occupied with other thoughts.’ I slip my hands beneath his trousers and cup his butt.
‘Oh, really, Dr Blake? And what might they be?’
‘I’m sure you could hazard a guess.’
I stand on my tiptoes and engage him in a longer, almost indecent extension of his earlier seductive kiss. Being under the stars, by the fire, with the music, dancing and drinking has sent my carnal desires for this man into overdrive. I can feel him swell against my belly. If we were alone right now and I had my way, we’d be writhing around naked paying sexual homage to the gods. Unfortunately, for so many reasons, we are not in that position.
‘Christ, Alexa, I’m going to have you drag you inside this second if you keep that up.’ Jeremy’s eyes scan the rest of the group. He seems relieved to find no one is paying us any attention.
‘You won’t be hearing any complaints from me,’ I say, both cheekily and seriously.
He shakes his head with a smile on his face, takes firm hold of my hand and drags me off to say goodnight to everyone. Adam and Robert are equally as wrapped up in their own world as we are in ours. I give them both a quick kiss on the cheek and a wink and then I’m guided over to Leo and the elders.
‘Perfect timing,’ Leo announces. ‘Would you care to join us for a moment? We have just been making the final arrangements.’
The sexual energy pulsing in my groin takes an instant dive straight down my legs and escapes out my toes before I can even blink. I try to pull Jeremy subtly toward the house, silently relaying my preference to retreat quickly to our bedroom, to no avail.
‘Sure. Of course.’
They shuffle around so we can join their gathering by the fire. I look anxiously toward Leo, whose eyes, once again, give me a sense of calm and take the edge off my nerves. I honestly have no idea how he is capable of that but regardless, it works, and I make myself comfortable in a chair.
It is at this point I understand that Jeremy’s commitment to Leo, in relation to my embarking on this journey, is absolute. He will not say no to Leo, just as I cannot say no to him. It’s an intriguing dynamic that unfortunately I’m not given a chance to explore right now.
The tribal elder says something to Leo in his native tongue, which Leo translates. ‘Alexandra, would you mind standing for a moment? The elder would like to feel your forest energy.’
At this unusual request I look at Jeremy and Leo, who both nod, encouraging me to do so. I stand and the elder steps toward me. He is slightly smaller and stockier than me, and places his palms on the bare skin of my shoulders with his head lowered toward the ground.
We remain like this for some time until I feel his pulsing warmth connect with my body. As this occurs, he looks up until our eyes connect and we remain standing silent and unblinking. I suddenly feel as though the ground is shifting beneath me and I’m off balance. It’s as though I could stumble and fall, but his gaze provides me with an equilibrium that keeps me firmly anchored. As quickly as this feeling comes upon me, it immediately disappears and he removes his hands from my skin. My mouth opens in shock, but I don’t speak, unable to break the momentum of whatever just happened. He takes my hands in his, turning them this way and that, as if he is sensing me rather than studying me or looking for anything in particular.
As he releases me, I feel paradoxically energised and tired and I ease my body back down into the chair. Jeremy reassuringly holds my hand, yet has a quizzical look on his face, while we wait for the elders and Yaku and Leo to consult with each other. After a few minutes Leo turns to us.
‘As you both know I have been visiting the Wai-Wai people on and off for the past three years. They have been generous in allowing me to live with their tribe and understand their way of life, including their ancient traditions and connections to their spiritual world, for which I am eternally indebted to them. During my last trip, I had the privilege of taking a five-day journey with their head shaman, who guided my first experience of soul flight.’
Conscious that the elders understand very little English, Leo takes a moment to acknowledge the tribe’s generosity toward him, in their native language, before continuing. ‘It became clear to me during this experience, and after having read your thesis, Alexandra, that the events which have transpired over recent months are in no way coincidental.’
‘My thesis?’ I squeak, my voice coming out rather high-pitched.
This comment certainly has my attention. My original thesis, which I completed almost fifteen years ago, was on masochism and the ego in relation to the female form and specifically explored the work of Sabina Spielrein. It was also the reason Jeremy organised the specific style of my submission for his experiment, after I admitted to him in a moment of youth-infused weakness that it had been an unfulfilled fantasy of mine, something I had never been brave enough to explore personally, only via research. Something he remembered when I thought it had been long forgotten. I should have known better.
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br /> ‘What on earth has that got to do with any of this?’ I continue, my eyes flickering nervously between Jeremy, Leo and the elders. Not in a complete panic but not far from it.
‘Surprisingly, quite a bit. That is what we hope to discover and in doing so, we aim to unravel the apparent mystery of the healing element in your blood.’
I feel like I have gone into a state of semi-shock as my brain processes the links between my thesis, the experiment and everything that has happened since.
‘Would you like some water, AB?’ I nod confirmation to Jeremy who seems forever attuned to my needs.
Once we are again settled and silent, Leo continues. ‘Tonight I want to provide you with some insight on soul flight and the necessary preparations you must undertake before you embark on this unique and privileged experience. The Wai-Wai people are chosen for this journey only when the shaman deems they are spiritually ready. Ever since the tribe was discovered in the twentieth century, white people have asked to be able to participate. Those who are obsessed with power, wealth and material possessions, are greedy or destructive or experience ongoing stress in their lives, are told they will never be ready for such a journey and leave disappointed that no amount of money can sway the shaman, as that is not what he values. Those who embody humility, kindness, forgiveness and generosity, who engage in exploration of the imagination, the unknown or unfamiliar are more likely to be given the gift of soul flight. It is a gift in the sense that not everyone who attempts it is capable of achieving it. It requires an instinctive intelligence and a strong sense of spirit, which we believe you have.’ He gestures toward our small fireside gathering, and they nod in agreement. ‘This, combined with a willingness to explore the heart and soul of your nature, will, we hope, guide us to the source of what science has not been able to discover … the enigma of your blood.’
I can’t help but inhale deeply at the enormity of his statements and the huge expectations they create. Leo notices at once. ‘Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate a sceptic’s viewpoint, and scientific verification of presumed “miracles”, as much as the next person, which is why I dearly value my esteemed colleague and wonderful friend.’ He acknowledges Jeremy and this time it is my turn to squeeze his hand. ‘And that is one of the roles he will play on this journey. Our best scenario is that he will provide us with the scientific verification we aspire to, but I am under no delusions, however. Without Jeremy I would never have been able to convince you to take this journey with us, for which I will be forever grateful to him. I’ll say again that all of us being here together is beyond coincidence. I believe we are on the brink of a connection to the untapped universal web of nature, sexuality and spirituality, which is yet to be understood by science and western medicine. It is my opinion that a combination of these will provide us with the opportunity to seek the truth and will take us to a new level of understanding; a level that east and west have been skirting around, but as yet have not successfully integrated. Alexandra, I believe your blood is potentially one of the critical elements that can help unlock the key to this integration. This is why the paths of our lives have crossed at this point, at this time.’
My mind slowly absorbs Leo’s words and the peaceful, yet abundantly alive, forest surroundings. The elders look as if they have tapped into an inner silence unknown to us and are seated in an almost trance-like state. The rhythm and intonation of Leo’s words can make you feel as if you’re floating, he is an amazing orator. Jeremy has subconsciously moved closer to my body, forever fulfilling his role as lover and protector.
‘Any questions so far before I move on to the specific preparations?’ Leo glances around our small group; we are still mesmerised by him. ‘No? Okay. It will take us a few days of jungle travel to reach the shaman. During this time, Alexandra, your immersion in the nature that surrounds you is fundamental. The elders will let us know when the time comes that we are no longer to speak to you.’
‘What?’ I screech out before I can stop myself. Not more conditions?
‘Engaging with your inner silence is imperative and we will all support you in this process.’
‘But what if I need to say something, to ask something?’
‘You may ask, but your voice is the only one you will hear on our travels. Silence is preferred, no artificial input should intrude on your journey and human voices will be kept to a minimum. This will allow nature to be your key source of communication.’
‘So I can ask, but you won’t respond?’
‘Not in a verbal sense, no.’ Great, I think semi-sarcastically. He continues. ‘When you eat, you will eat only lightly and naturally. We will be living off the jungle, eating food we gather, preparing lotions to protect our skin and drinking special herbal teas that may cause sensations of an altered state of consciousness. They will not be harmful and will only affect you in the short term. Having experienced this myself, I would recommend that you embrace these changed states wholeheartedly, for this is where true learning and understanding occurs.’
Leo had alluded to this before we left Miami so it doesn’t come as too much of a shock. I’m actually quite keen to experience what happens, or if anything really does. I wonder if more natural, herbal medicines could possibly have the same impact that western chemicals have on my body — an interesting experiment from a scientific perspective, though I can’t say what my beliefs are on the spiritual side. I suppose I’ll find out soon enough. I nod in agreement and a quick thought crosses my mind.
‘Can I write?’
‘You mean on our journey?’
‘Yes, can I write about my experiences, thoughts, feelings as we go?’
Leo has another brief discussion with Yaku before answering me. ‘Should you be that way inclined, it’s an excellent idea, Alexandra. I was anticipating that Jeremy would be doing the analytical side but to do it from yours would be brilliant. I have a journal you can use and you can decide if and when you are happy to share it with us.’
‘Great, thanks.’
I sense that something has shifted in Leo and the elders but I don’t know what. This thought scatters through my mind and disappears. I love keeping a journal and haven’t written for months with everything else that has been going on. This somewhat lessens the concerns I have about the ‘no talking to Alexa’ rule. God, imagine telling the girls back home that? I can talk, but you can’t talk back! For someone like me that could be likened to torture. Although you never know, it could be good for me. Maybe.
I think about the times I wished for a bit of peace and quiet when the kids were little and just wouldn’t shut up, particularly when I was on the phone. I can’t help but smile as I think of the saying: ‘be careful what you wish for’ … And here I am.
‘What are you smiling about, AB?’ Jeremy enquires, as always homing in on my facial expressions.
‘Oh, nothing really …’ I return my attention to Leo. ‘Can I ask another question?’ I shift in my seat. I suspect I’ll hesitate about asking questions for the rest of my life, thanks to Jeremy!
‘Of course you may.’
‘What was the elder doing when he touched me?’
‘He was checking to see if you are ready to embark on this journey.’
Oh, that’s news. ‘And am I?’
‘Yes, you are ready,’ he says, with a hint of pride and approval in his voice, which is a strange sensation. ‘We will be leaving tomorrow.’
Ah, so that is what had shifted between them moments ago.
‘Tomorrow. So soon?’ I can’t keep the tremble out of my voice.
‘Yes. And there is one more thing. There will be no sexual relations allowed with you on this journey.’
‘What? You have to be kidding me!’ Jeremy snaps out of his reverie, leaps from his chair and shouts into the night air. Well, this is obviously a shock to him, just as much as it is to me. If I wasn’t so amused by his reaction, I’m sure I’d be just as aggrieved as him, too, but I find it impossible to keep the smirk off my face.
This is hilarious! There is nothing I love to see more than the oh-so-calm, cool and collected Dr Jeremy Alexander Quinn completely out of his comfort zone. Leo maintains a more mature approach than I do in relation to Jeremy’s outburst.
‘No, I’m not kidding, Jaq. It is imperative for what we are all hoping to achieve.’
Jeremy looks exasperated, almost physically pained at his words. ‘How long will this journey take anyway?’
‘As long as it takes, my friend, as long as it takes.’
‘Fine.’ He is clearly not fine, he is clearly very disgruntled, I could even surmise he may be pouting. ‘But we have tonight, don’t we?’ he asks defiantly.
‘Yes, you have tonight.’
Still trying to stifle my laughter at Jeremy’s reaction to Leo’s words, I find myself suddenly swept up from my chair and slung over Jeremy’s shoulder, caveman-style. I’ll never understand how quickly he can do that to me. How embarrassing, in front of the elders! I attempt to swat his backside in reproach.
Leo shakes his head and chuckles. ‘I gather we won’t be leaving at first light.’
‘You’ve got that right, my friend,’ Jeremy responds as he makes a beeline to our cabin. The door shuts behind us and he throws me gently onto the bed.
‘What’s up, J? Finally a condition you find difficult to accept?’ I know I shouldn’t tease him but I just can’t help myself, his reaction is priceless. ‘How is this any different from the conditions I had to accept during our weekend together? You can’t possibly think —’
He has stripped naked and has me ambushed on the bed before I can even finish my words. ‘Don’t push your luck, AB. The last thing you’ll want for your journey tomorrow is a sore, red arse and the mood I’m in now, I can’t deny it’s a possibility.’
Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy Page 54
