Troy sighed heavily. So his sharp words had hurt her, enough to send her home to her father in tears. He felt like an ogre, a vicious beast with a sharp tongue and the anger to unleash it. But he could see that Keith was vastly displeased about the situation so he hastened to relay his point of view. Rights or no rights, he had a feeling he would have to go through Keith to get to his wife at this point. Like a good father, Keith was intent on protecting his daughter.
“I am not ashamed of her warrior instincts,” he said evenly. “But she has to learn to control them. She has to understand when it is appropriate to give in to those instincts and when not to. Did she tell you what happened?”
Keith nodded, folding his arms across his chest in a rather unfriendly gesture. “She did.”
Troy didn’t think he was any closer to seeing Rhoswyn at this point so he hastened to tell Keith the whole story. “We were in Jedburgh,” he said. “There were some enemies of my father in town and when they confronted me, your daughter suddenly put herself between me and four armed men. She had no armor, no protection, and simply a small dagger she was threatening them with. She could have easily been killed but she did not seem to understand that. And the truth is that I never told her that she had shamed me; I told her that she made a fool of me trying to fight armed men who were challenging me, not her. It was not her fight but she stepped into it without thought to the consequences.”
Keith had to admit that it sounded a good deal like his daughter. She was aggressive, always wanting to be right up front in a battle. She rarely listened to her father’s commands so he could only imagine that she didn’t think she needed to listen to her husband’s. Perhaps de Wolfe had been given a good reason to scold her.
“Then why did she tell me that ye said ye dinna need her?” he asked.
Troy let out a grunt of exasperation, of regret. “I told her I needed a wife, not a warrior,” he said. “I told her that if she could not be what I needed her to be, then mayhap I did not need her at all. In truth, I was so frustrated and angry at that point that I said something I should not have said. I did not mean it. But that woman is as stubborn as I am and my anger got the better me.”
Keith knew, very well, what it was like to be overwhelmed with frustration where Rhoswyn was concerned. Aye, he knew that well, indeed. He could feel himself relenting from thoughts of an annulment because hearing the story from Troy, it sounded like it was just a misunderstanding, something his daughter might have instigated. Certainly, Troy wasn’t acting like a husband who didn’t need, or appreciate, his wife.
“Then ye do need her?” he asked. “Or, at the very least, ye want her returned?”
Troy nodded firmly. “I do,” he said. “My lord, I know that our marriage was… unexpected. But in spite of that, it has not been unpleasant. Your daughter is a woman of good character, of strength, and of determination. You should have seen her the day after our wedding, trying to learn how to run a household and cook a meal. She tried so very hard and I was deeply impressed with her efforts. She knew absolutely nothing about the undertaking, but she did her best. We were in Jedburgh today because I was purchasing fabric for new clothing for her and perfumes and soaps, everything that a lady needs. We were getting along fine until the enemy soldiers confronted me and she felt the need to intervene. I hurt her feelings and, for that, I am deeply sorry. But she will never know unless I can tell her. Now… will you please let me see her?”
He spoke eloquently and with conviction. Keith believed him without question and the idea of annulment was gone. Clearly, this was a man who appreciated Rhoswyn. What had she said? That she’d been happy as Troy’s wife? Keith could see now that the feeling seemed to be mutual. But there was something else his daughter had told him; he wondered of Troy was even aware.
“I dunna believe she would have been so upset with all of this had she not developed feelings for ye,” he said quietly. “She loves ye, laddie. Did ye know that?”
Troy just stared at him. That seemed to bring all of his impassioned pleas to a halt. He didn’t say anything for a moment but Keith saw him swallow, hard, in the moonlight.
“I do not know how that is possible after having only known me for a few days,” he finally said. “Mayhap she only believes it is love because…”
Keith cut him off. “Rhosie never says anythin’ she doesna mean. If she says she loves ye, then she does.”
Troy didn’t know what to say about all of that. There was such turmoil in his heart that it was difficult to speak at all.
“Will you please let me speak with her?” he begged softly. “Keith, I must. Do you not see that?”
He called the man by his Christian name. Somehow, in this situation, it seemed appropriate, and Keith didn’t mind. All he could see was a man in front of him who was earnest and repentant, a man who seemed to truly want to make amends for harsh words. He hadn’t said that he’d loved Rhoswyn in return, or even that he had feelings for her, but his expression told Keith that there was emotion in the man. He felt something for Rhoswyn even if he couldn’t voice it.
Even though Rhoswyn had said she did not wish to see him, Keith had a feeling she would change her mind come the morrow. If she truly loved the man as she said she did, then she would come to see reason, eventually.
Better give her the night to do it.
“She is deeply upset,” Keith said after a moment. “I fear if ye speak tae her tonight, it will do more harm than good. She said she dinna want tae see ye, so ye need tae let her sleep on it. Rhosie can get herself worked up and then she is beyond reason, so give her the night. I’ll let ye speak with her on the morrow.”
She dinna want tae see ye. That wasn’t the answer that Troy was looking for but he had to respect it. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Rhoswyn more.
“As you wish,” he said, sounding depressed. “Will you at least tell her I am here, even if she does not want to see me?”
“I will tell her.”
There was nothing promised beyond that and Troy understood. He’d never felt quite so despondent. “May I at least find shelter in your stable for the night?” he asked. “I do not wish to leave the grounds in case she will see me.”
Keith nodded, pointing in the direction of the stable. “There is a sod house behind the stable that me men sometimes use,” he said. “Ye can sleep there tonight. Hopefully, tomorrow will bring a brighter day for us all.”
Troy simply nodded, watching the man as he turned and headed back into the tower. Once Keith disappeared from view, there wasn’t much he could do except retreat to his borrowed shelter and wait out the night. There was no way he was leaving without speaking to Rhoswyn. Without telling her how sorry he was and how he didn’t mean it when he said he didn’t need her.
He needed her more than words could express.
If that meant he loved her, then perhaps he could no longer deny it.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
He caught a flash of blond hair, brushing by him.
It was a sunny and bright day, with the green hills of Northern England surrounding him. Troy was standing in a field of some kind with a stream rushing through it. He could see the water bubbling and hear laughter all around him. Another flash of blond hair ran past him and he turned to see a figure he knew, very well.
Helene was dressed in a white gown, all flowing and long. Her blond hair was unbound, falling in soft waves to her buttocks, and she looked as she did when she had been a very young woman, right before they had married. She was tiny, and curvy, unlike the rest of her family who had been tall and slender. Helene didn’t follow that mold, but Troy thought she was the prettiest de Norville daughter of the bunch. That was why he’d married her.
She was smiling at him. God, she looked so young. He hadn’t seen her that young in years. When he extended a hand for her, she passed through his fingers, like water. He couldn’t get a grip on her. He couldn’t touch her but he could most definitely see her. It made the pain of losing her return in
a harsh, painful wave.
“You’re here,” he said, elated. “Why are you here?”
Helene smiled at him. But around them, the landscape shifted from bright and sunny to dark and stormy. Clouds formed. It began to rain.
“You must go, Troy,” she said. “There is nothing for you now.”
He was puzzled. “You are here. I am staying.”
Helene shook her head, her blue eyes as bright as he had remembered them. “You cannot,” she insisted in the soft way she used to do such things. “You must go on.”
Troy was still puzzled. He reached out to touch her but as he did, she morphed into something that wasn’t Helene. His hands passed through a mist and when the mist finally took shape again, he found himself looking at Rhoswyn.
“’Tis me,” she said.
Troy was greatly confused, greatly torn. “Why… why are you here?”
Rhoswyn, too, was nebulous. He couldn’t seem to touch her. As he reached for her, she backed away. “Helene is gone,” she said. “Ye must come tae me.”
Troy couldn’t seem to speak. As the rain began to fall, no one got wet, but the stream and the land around him grew wild with water. Rhoswyn faded away into the mist again, turning back into Helene.
“You must go on, Troy,” Helene said softly, her smile gentle.
Tears came to Troy’s eyes. “I do not think I can.”
Helene nodded as she came towards him, the rain pounding all around her as she remained dry and serene. “You must open your heart.”
Tears spilled down his cheeks. “But I do not want to leave you.”
She was so real looking that he swore he could have touched her. “You will never leave me,” she said. “And I will never leave you. I wish joy for you now. Be joyful. And you must go on.”
With that, she faded from view and the storm continued to pound. She was gone, just like that, and Troy stood there weeping.
A crash of thunder startled Troy awake. It was nearing morning as a storm broke over the land, and the sound of rainfall pelted the small window of the sod house where he and Audric had been sleeping. It took Troy a moment to realize that he’d been dreaming.
A dream!
Sitting up, he wiped at his face, realizing that there were, indeed, tears on his cheeks. He wiped them off, feeling exhausted and emotional. Damnation! The dream seemed so bold, so vivid, as if he had truly been speaking with Helene. God, he could almost touch her. And her eyes! He remembered those eyes, so alive and warm. He had missed those eyes.
But then came Rhoswyn.
Ye must come tae me.
That’s what she’d said in his dream. And Helene – what had she told him? That he must go on? How was it even possible he should dream such a thing? Troy wasn’t a man to believe in divine intervention. In fact, he’d stopped believing in God when Helene and the twins had drowned. He remembered telling his father that if there was a God, surely he wouldn’t have let such a thing happen. Since then, Troy was convinced that God was a myth and nothing more. He was a tale for children, made up to force them to behave. Those children grew into adults who still believed in that tale. But Troy didn’t; not any longer.
But his dream may have just changed that opinion.
Helene had told him what he’d needed to hear. He’d been in such horrific turmoil over his feelings for her, and for Rhoswyn, that something had to give. Was it possible that God had allowed Helene to enter his dreams, knowing how devastated he’d been these past two years, to tell him what he must do? He could hardly believe it. God had ignored him up until now.
Perhaps God chose this moment to speak.
On the floor at his feet, Audric let out a rattling snore, undisturbed by the rain and thunder outside. Troy stared at the man, thinking of his history with him. Audric had come to Monteviot to bury the Scots dead and ended up remaining at William’s request. Audric had been following Troy around and he really had never understood why until this moment. Was it possible that Audric had been sent by God to look out for him, to help him understand what his new course in life was to be?
Audric had said that William had asked him to stay, but Troy wasn’t so sure anymore. Perhaps Audric was a direct conduit from God, straight to Troy. And tonight of all nights, fed him the dream that was necessary for him to choose the right course in life.
Literally, like a bolt from heaven, Troy knew what he had to do. He had to face Rhoswyn and confess his feelings as she had confessed hers. Helene had told him as much.
Be joyful. And you must go on.
That was exactly what she had said. It was as if she’d given him permission not to live in the past, not to linger over a love that was now only a memory. It was a love that Troy had been sworn to, a love that had caused him great guilt when he realized he was feeling something for Rhoswyn. Now, Helene had taken away that guilt.
It was time for him to move on.
Dressed in his tunic and breeches for sleep, Troy pulled on his boots and charged out into the rain.
*
Rhoswyn could hear the rain, too. Mostly, she liked thunderstorms because there was a certain peace with them, she’d found. She loved to listen to the rain and to the rumbling of the clouds but, at the moment, she found no peace with what she was hearing. All she could think of was Troy, here on the grounds of Sibbald’s, having come to bring her back.
Keith had told her everything last night. He’d told her of his conversation with Troy and he’d seemed to be on the man’s side. Keith had even lectured her about interfering in the man’s business, which is how the entire situation got started. Rhoswyn was angry with her father for siding with Troy even though, deep down, she knew there was some truth to what he’d said. But in her defense, she had truly felt that Troy was in danger and she felt it her duty to protect him.
But the man didn’t need protecting. Even she knew that.
But she had been fearful for him; so very fearful. That had prompted her to act. But in hindsight, she supposed she knew that he didn’t need her help. Troy was a powerful knight and he had been fighting battles for a very long time. But she was accustomed to fighting, to being in the front of a fight, and it was her instinct to defend Troy when she saw those nasty soldiers harassing him.
It was difficult to admit that, perhaps, she’d been wrong.
But she was only willing to consider her misstep because Troy had come so quickly. He hadn’t been too far behind her in coming to Sibbald’s and according to her father, he seemed genuinely concerned and genuinely remorseful. He’d asked to see her immediately but Keith had told him to wait the night. It was probably good advice, for both of them. That way, emotions would have calmed before they spoke. All she wanted to hear was that he did need her, and all she wanted to say to him was that she was sorry she’d shamed him. She hadn’t meant to, but she had. A night of little sleep, of Troy heavy on her mind, and she knew what she had to say to him.
“Rhoswyn!”
A very loud voice wafted in from outside, carried upon the cold breeze and muffled by the rain. At first. Rhoswyn thought she might have dreamed it. She sat up in bed, her ear cocked as the thunder rolled and the rain fell. Then, she heard it again.
“Rhoswyn!”
Startled, she leaped to her feet and ran to the tiny window. Her window faced west, away from the sunset, so all she could see was a gray landscape and rain. She couldn’t see who was calling her name because of the angle of the window, but she knew it was Troy. His deep, booming voice… that voice she’d fallen so heavily for… aye, she’d know that voice anywhere.
It was the voice of the man she loved.
“Rhoswyn, it is Troy!” he said again, his full voice reaching above the sound of the rain and filling her ears. “I know you are in there and I hope you can hear me because I have much to say to you. If you do not come down to the bailey, then I shall shout it for all to hear!”
God, she was so happy to hear his voice but, in the same breath, feelings of hurt and frustration crept int
o her heart. Feelings from yesterday, when he had so badly damaged her with his harsh words.
Mayhap I do not need you at all.
Those words were still ringing in her head. Even though the man had come to Sibbald’s to tell her that, perhaps, he’d been lying when he’d said them. He’d been angry with her and said something he didn’t mean. But how did she really know he didn’t mean it? She didn’t honestly know the man. At least, she didn’t know him as deeply as she should have. They’d only been married these four days now. How can one come to know someone so deeply, so fully, in so short a time?
How could she have fallen in love with him and hardly have known him?
She had no idea how to answer that question, but she did know one thing – his voice was close; very close. He was close, and the anticipation was more than she could bear. Rhoswyn had a feeling he was just out of her sight because he sounded very near. He was more than likely standing in front of the entry, the vestibule area, and her window was just to the right of it. She wouldn’t go running to him like a weakling but she certainly wanted to hear what he had to say.
Above the rain and the thunder, she yelled from her window.
“What is ye want, Troy de Wolfe?” she shouted from the window. “Ye made yerself clear that ye dunna need me. Why did ye come?”
After everything Keith had told her last night, Rhoswyn knew why he had come – or, at least, her father’s version of why he had come. But she wanted to hear it for herself. Soon enough, Troy moved into her line of sight.
As the rain poured and the thunder rolled, he moved up beneath her window, looking up at her as water spattered on his face. His dark hair was plastered back against his skull and those golden eyes were blinking rapidly as the rain hit them. But the expression on his face was something Rhoswyn had never seen before, like a man who had seen the face of God and had lived to tell the tale. So much in his expression was wide open, beseeching.
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