by Amber Stuart
I’d always thought he didn’t look much like the rest of them.
"You must know how happy I am that you can call your lock your own again, Jamri," Zarwin/Ledi said. His eyes remained on Nihkil, and for the first time, I realized they held caution as they studied Nik’s face. “...Why don’t you calm down, my friend?” he urged. “Remember that I have no reason to harm you. Remember that we were once closer than any blood family could ever be, Jamri, and that I love you. Remember that, if I am here, it is only in an attempt to help you. Perhaps consider as well, how much it would mean to me, your oldest friend, to have you once more with me, working by my side... ?”
Pausing, he added more tensely,
“...Perhaps you could think about these things more quickly, Jamri? Before you lose control over the shift and try something crazy? Something that might get you and your lovely new friend here killed... ?"
Nik didn't answer.
His fingers gripped me more tightly across the chest, though. Somehow, the way he held me reminded me of when I’d first encountered Ledi on Trinith.
Maybe for the same reason, I didn't fight Nihkil. Instead, I pondered that feeling that we’d somehow come full circle, with Nik again putting himself between me and Ledi, trying to decide whether he could trust him.
So I just stood there. Waiting for Nik to make up his mind, maybe.
When I glanced back, his jaw looked set, his eyes leached of any trace of feeling.
I found myself getting why Ledi might be nervous. Nik certainly didn’t feel like someone who intended to surrender. He felt more like someone who was restraining himself from attacking the person across from him. Nihkil felt like he wanted to fight.
Or really, more accurately, like he wanted to change... to shift.
Almost as if he'd heard my thoughts, Ledi/Zarwin spoke again.
"Jamri," he said, shaking his head. "Jamri, Jamri, Jamri... it does my heart good to see you so passionate about something. It truly does. I have no judgment of the sentiment, nor with its source... but your solution to this predicament in which you find yourself is the wrong one, Jamri."
Ledi lowered his voice, the caution on the surface that time.
“...Don't do this, my friend. Please. You will get hurt. So will Dakota. I am not exaggerating our numbers this time.” He gave a gentle shrug, still watching Nik cautiously. “You and your mate will end up coming with us no matter what you have in mind, and whether the lock is yours again or not. I say this with all respect, friend... I know what you are capable of, which is why I did not cut corners in manpower or weapons in my attempt to bring you in...”
Behind me, I didn’t feel Nik relaxing any.
Ledi seemed to notice that, too. His voice sharpened.
“Jamri,” he said. “When I said I would not hurt you, I should clarify that what I meant was... I will not hurt you any more than is absolutely necessary to secure you and your lock-mate inside my vessel. Personally, I do not relish the idea of spending the majority of our trip watching you regrow a limb in our stasis chamber. I would far rather if you made the trip in significantly more comfort than that...”
I felt a denser flame of heat from Nik, blossoming in the middle of my chest. It darted through me like liquid, bright enough to catch me off guard... bright enough for me to suck in a breath.
I saw Ledi’s eyes dart to my face, right before they narrowed.
"Jamri!" he said. "See reason, friend! I know you are wound up at the moment, but try to see past this. Find that logic-loving mind of yours once again, if you can. Incapacitating yourself cannot be the most effective way of protecting your mate...”
Nik’s hands tightened on me.
Risking a glance backwards, I met that light gaze, seeing irises that now shone a hard yellow, like afternoon sunlight, or the palest amber. His eyes flickered away from mine an instant later, but I found myself noticing as he stepped closer to me, moving soundlessly and with a kind of animal grace, like a great cat, or a wolf.
I spoke before I knew I intended to.
"Nik...” I murmured. "Don't."
I felt him fighting it again, trying to reel it back.
"What do you want from us?" I snapped, turning on Zarwin. “What do you want from him?”
There was a pregnant-feeling silence.
In it, I had to fight to keep from clutching Nik's hands, trying to calm the fire that radiated off his skin, warmer with each passing second.
Whatever I felt on him, it made me nervous. It made me nervous, if only because it verged on being completely out of control. I didn’t know what set him off exactly, but whatever it was, it hadn’t happened overnight; this had been brewing for awhile. It could have been the drugs and the torture, the stress of the trial, the near-death from the bomb, the near-death from being shot at, the thought of being abducted by the Malek, what almost happened between us on that bed, or thinking I might be killed.
Whatever the cause, or non-cause, Nik wanted to shift now... badly.
Moreover, having that part of himself back seemed to have snapped Nihkil out of that more submissive veneer of slave and semi-human that I’d witnessed since the first day we met.
The man standing behind me now felt dangerous, in a way I hadn't seen him, even in Seattle. I was about to try talking to him, see if I could calm what heated those dark-gold irises, when movement jerked my eyes forward.
I watched, my jaw dropping, as Ledi transformed liquidly in front of us.
His body elongated, growing taller, thicker, longer-limbed. His skin darkened to a honeyed brown, even as his eyes grew to twice their previous size, and seemed to slide outwards to better fit a wider head.
The change occurred so seamlessly that I blinked.
When I finished that blink... it was done.
Before us stood a tall form with long, scaled bands of flesh and bone that nearly resembled hair hanging from its head. It had a human-like face, but the mouth stretched wider, and the lines of its broad features and even its hands appeared too perfect, as if they’d been made of blown glass, or maybe bone china.
"Jamri," the creature said, holding up a hand. "Jamri, you can see me now. You know this form, right? You never saw me in that particular human form, not when we knew one another on Vilandt... but you know me as this. Calm yourself. The voice is not a trick... it is really me."
Nihkil had stiffened behind me, clutching me tight enough to make me wince.
“It is not possible,” he managed finally.
“It is possible, my friend!” the other insisted.
“No,” Nik said, his voice close to angry again. “You are a liar!”
Even so, the man's new shape obviously affected him.
Something subtle began to change in how Nik felt behind me; it lessoned some of the charge I'd felt, even as the wary look on his face seemed to harden into a deeper suspicion.
I didn’t know what either thing meant precisely, but found myself thinking that Nik had seen enough to make him think twice about openly attacking this person.
Whether Nik consciously distrusted him or not, he also appeared to have lowered his guard for the version of Ledi... or Zarwin... standing in front of us now.
In this new form, Zarwin stood taller than Nihkil by at least a few inches.
He probably had a good sixty pounds on Nik, too, given the size of his shoulders and chest, as well as the thicker legs under his long torso.
Of course, I’d already surmised Zarwin must be another morph, like Nihkil, just from their back and forth, but this other form appeared to have been cut from harder material than his Ledi body. Reaching up towards the high ceiling to the tune of approximately seven and a half feet, he seemed to be in perfect proportion, and none of the weight he wore appeared to be fat.
On the contrary, from the broad shoulders down to his narrow waist and long legs, he looked like a professional swimmer, or perhaps a gymnast.
The boyish, almost innocent-l
ooking expression on the wider and darker face still held glimmers of Ledi, but I couldn’t really put my finger on how they connected. Somehow, even as a weirdly smooth-skinned alien with liquid eyes, he still managed to remind me of the captain of the football team, the popular kid in high school.
Currently, Zarwin stood in a submissive posture, as if waiting for Nihkil to come to him.
Of course, I couldn’t wholly buy that pose, not on its face, but all the signs were there. He stood with legs apart, hands open and empty, arms stretched slightly out to each side. He held his chin tilted up, too, exposing his throat.
But yeah, I couldn’t make myself believe it.
I didn’t know how the creatures’s appearance was affecting Nik.
I hoped like hell he didn’t buy the submission thing, either, though.
When I glanced at Nik’s face, he was staring at the new version of Ledi as critically as I had been. I couldn’t help noticing that he was having an emotional reaction, too. Nik’s eyes reflected disbelief, anger, what might have been grief or some other complex set of emotions under that scrutiny... even a kind of muted affection, as if he were somehow happy to see the being standing there, in spite of everything.
In any case, those gold irises remained riveted to the taller morph for a few seconds longer than mine had been.
“Razmun,” Nik muttered.
He said only the one word.
I didn't know what it meant, in any language, or the significance of his saying it, but something about Nik’s voice made me move closer to him.
"Razmun," Nik said again, louder. “So that is who you pretend to be.”
"You already know that is who I am, Jamri," Zarwin said.
Nik barely seemed to hear him. Gripping my arm tighter, he shook his head. His eyes held a harder, deeper anger when I glanced back.
"It is a trick,” Nik said. "You knew him somehow... learned to imitate his form. His voice."
"No, Jamri. You must know how unlikely that is."
"Razmun is dead," Nihkil said flatly, his eyes cold. "He has been dead for over forty years, and you are not him. You cannot be Ledi, and also Razmun. I would have known. I don't know who you are, but––"
"I am both of them. You know that, too.” Ledi’s smile grew more shrewd under those wide-set eyes. “How do you think it was so easy for us to remain friends all these years, Jamri? Even with so much that could have gotten in the way of that friendship... we never lost our connection entirely. The closest we ever came to a real fight was in these past weeks, Jamri, when you’ve accused me of trying to seduce your mate...”
I glanced at Nik, but his face only grew more taut.
“You said it yourself,” the other morph reminded him. “At the Academy you told me that you felt almost as if you knew me already...”
"You are a liar,” Nik said, his voice cold. “Everyone knows the name Zarwin. Everyone knows how you like to play games... how you like to confuse your enemies in regards to your identity."
"Ah, my friend.” Zarwin shook his head. “But you are not my enemy! I would never do such a thing to you." The taller morph let out a sigh. “...Why are you pretending not to know me, Jamri? Do you really think that another could wear my face and you would still not know that it was not me?” His smile grew more boyish as he closed his hands at his sides. “Will you force me to change into yet another of the forms you knew me in, as a youth? An erensyi, perhaps? Or a kayk? We could wrestle as hurend, as we did once... would that satisfy you?"
Nihkil didn't answer. I saw his throat move in a bare swallow.
“This is a cruel trick,” Nik said finally. “You must know that, too.”
The other shook his head. "There are many cruelties in this life, Jamri. You know that, even better than I... but this is not one of them.” Zarwin’s voice sharpened, growing almost angry. “Now stop this. You know me. And we are out of time. Would you have me drug you, Jamri? Are you really that ridiculously stubborn?”
Nihkil shook his head.
I could tell he wasn’t answering the other morph’s question, though. He was trying to hold onto his skepticism, but Zarwin’s words were affecting him.
“Do not pretend it is some betrayal that I did not reveal myself to you earlier,” Zarwin added. “Did I not warn you? Did I not tell you this very thing would happen, if you followed them, instead of me? I begged you, didn’t I, Jamri? I asked you to flee the recruiters with me, to fool their tests... to avoid tying yourself to them. You did not listen. You can hardly be angry at me that I would find a way to keep you near me anyway––"
"Razmun is dead!" Nihkil snarled.
The violence behind his words made me jump.
"You took the coward's path, Nihkil,” Zarwin said unflinchingly. “You let them turn you into a house pet. When you believed me to be ‘General Advisor Ledi,’ you groveled at my feet. I threw you bones and you rolled over to show me your belly.” His voice grew thick with anger. “Why, Jamri? We both know you do not have stupidity as an excuse. Is it really cowardice that ails you?"
"You are not Razmun," Nik said, his voice still cold. "Show me your true face. Stop this charade. Do it now, or I will kill you...”
“So it is murder you offer me, after all this time?” The anger grew more prominent in the other morph’s voice. "Why would you even think of such a thing, Jamri? Despite what you did to me... and whatever ridiculous indignities you let be done to you... I have awaited this reunion for longer than I can tell you!” Zarwin’s voice grew bitter. “I love you, Jamri. Nothing they could have done to either one of us would ever change that.”
The grief in the morph’s voice intensified.
“...I thought about all of the ways I might reveal myself to you,” Zarwin said. “I thought of all the ways that I might finally tell you the truth. But the timing seemed never to be right. You were too closely watched. Even in the Academy, they monitored you so closely, Jamri. They knew you would end up as one of their prize pupils––"
"It is not possible,” Nik cut in angrily.
“Jamri,” Zarwin sighed. “I will not leave here without you. So let us dispense with this. You know what I need from you now.”
“No,” Nihkil said. “Whoever you are, you don’t hold my lock anymore.”
My hand tightened on Nik’s arm.
He pulled me closer in response, glancing at my face.
"Why did you wait so long to tell him?” I said, turning towards Zarwin. “Why would you leave him in the dark for all of these years? Why wouldn’t you just tell him who you were?”
Zarwin shook his head.
I saw those large eyes darken a few shades.
"No, Dakota,” he said. “I could not. If you understood the nature of the locks better, you would understand why. He would have fought to the death for his lock-holder, whether he wanted to or not. Just like he is now ready to fight to the death for you."
I glanced back at Nik, looking away when I caught his angry look at Ledi.
I admit, it knocked me off-balance, the idea that I was simply the next in a long line of people Nik got confused about. I wasn’t crazy about the idea that he lost his free will through the lock, either. Truthfully, it sickened me. The idea that he would have acted the same towards Ledi or Yaffa or whoever his other two lock-holders had been, bothered me more than I really felt comfortable admitting, even to myself.
Zarwin seemed to read some of that on my face.
“Please do not take offense regarding my comment on the locks,” he added more gently. “Yaffa forced that connection upon him, Dakota. The one he shares with you occurred quite differently, did it not?”
"Leave her alone!" Nik spoke up. “Now! Stop speaking with her!”
When I looked up at Nik that time, he avoided returning my gaze.
He pulled me roughly to him instead, so that my back met his chest. His voice lowered to a growl.
“She will not be swayed by your games,” he
said. “You are wasting your time.”
“I am not trying to manipulate her, Jamri!” Zarwin insisted.
“If you really are Razmun, then you know I would never believe that,” Nik retorted, clutching me tighter. “I know what a liar my old friend was. I also remember how much he enjoyed toying with minds, whether morph or human. And how he liked to retain control over the lock-holders of those he wished to influence...”
Zarwin laughed a little, but seemed to concede his point.
“So how do I persuade you then, Jamri?” he said, gesturing with one thick claw. “What must I say, if I cannot reason with you... or your mate?” Zarwin raised an eyebrow. "Are you really trying to convince me that you would go without her? That you would allow your lock-mate to remain here, among these people, without your protection?"
I hesitated, looking between the two of them, distracted again by what I could feel coming off Nik. He still felt angry, but now he felt conflicted, as well. He was unhappy with what Zarwin had told me about the locks. He’d felt my flicker of disgust about that, too.
More than anything, I felt that confusion on him, the pull of loyalties.
"I'll go," I said. Feeling Nik tense, I looked up at his face. "We'll go, Nik. We'll get out of here... away from Palarine, at least. Whether we stay with this jackass or not... that’s up to you. But he's right. We can't stay here."
Nihkil just looked at me.
After another few seconds, his shoulders relaxed in seeming surrender, even as his eyes cleared. He'd decided to follow me... again... or, at least, not to argue. After another pause where he touched my face with his fingers, he nodded.
"Yes," he said. "I agree."
I could feel him wanting to say more to me, but not in front of the others. He looked at Zarwin, his mouth hardening once more.
“I agree,” he repeated.
Zarwin seemed to exhale half the air he held in his lungs.
“Thank you, Dakota,” the other morph said. He sounded like he meant it. “Since you are both seeing reason, let us get on with it. You know the rules, Nik. We cannot let you on board like this. If she can’t deal with it, you’ll need to allow us to do it.”
