by Rachel Rae
“The girls left,” she said, pulling her legs up to her chest. “I'm… I'm going to jail, aren't I?”
I looked off to the right, took a deep breath and then took a seat next to her. “I don't know, hon, I wish I had that answer for you, but I don't.”
She began to sob uncontrollably as she placed her head on my left shoulder. I didn't know what else to do, other than stroke the top of her head, and brush back her hair.
“Look at me, Krys,” I said, grabbing her face, then wiping her tears with my thumbs. “You're just going to have to get better, that's all. FiFi and Akira…those girls are no good, hon.”
“What are you talking about?” she gasped, pulling her face from my hands.
“Krystle you have to—” I began.
“I don't have to do shit! There's nothing wrong with me! Akira was right! You, FiFi, and my father are on some bullshit, and I don't have to put up with any of this! Not no more!” she yelled, attempting to walk away.
“You wait a fuckin’ minute!”
“What!” she yelled back at me.
“First of all, you watch your mouth when you speak to me! Remember my name, and who I am; I will not repeat myself ever again! Second of all, if I have anything to do with it, your little friends will be gone for good, even if it takes getting you back to where you should be!”
“And if you do that, you won't ever have to worry about me. You will be dead to me,” she said through clenched teeth.
“Can't you see we are trying to save your got damn life, Krystle?”
She looked off a bit as if she was thinking about what she wanted to say before she answered, “No, you're trying to run it! You can't control my life anymore; I'm not five! I thought you were different, but you're acting just like my father and my mom! I'm a grown damn woman! I can handle myself, just leave me alone!”
“Krys!” I yelled towards her, as she ran full speed away. “Krystle!” I continued to yell, as she ran into the distance.
I felt my cell phone vibrate in my purse, but whoever was calling me was just gonna have to wait, my mind was too full with all the things I had to devour and take in. As I got into my car and sat my purse on the passenger side, I heard it vibrating once more.
“What?” I yelled at my purse. I felt stupid when I realized I had my headphones around my neck, I took the ear bud out of the small holders and then answered it.
“Who is this?”
“Damn, what's wrong with you?” he asked.
“Tony?”
“Yeah, of course it's me, what wrong; your voice seems weird and shaky. Fuck... what happened?”
“I can't explain it, but Krystle ran off and I have something you have to see.”
There was silence before he spoke. “Well, what happened? Where did she go and how bad are we talking?”
“I’m on my way to your house,” I sighed, putting the car in reverse, backing up and stopping.
“Mother bad?” he asked
“Worse,” I said, putting the car in drive, speeding off.
Chapter Six
KRYSTLE
“I knew you would be here,” I heard FiFi say, walking up behind me.
I was sitting on top of the hill, looking at the empty stage of the Miller Outdoor Theater, lost in my thoughts.
“What do you want?” I snapped, never taking my eyes off the stage.
“That's no way to speak to your friend,” she said, sitting beside me
“I don't know how many times I have to tell you, that I don't give two shits about a fucking friendship. You don't care about me; I wouldn't be in half the shit I'm in if you did!” I yelled, staring at her.
FiFi rolled her eyes, sighed, and then moved a bit closer to me. “Can I ask you something?”
I didn't respond, so I guess she took that as a yes, which made her proceed.
“What are you afraid of?”
“I'm not afraid of anything!”
“Yes you are; I know you. You're afraid of your reality, and the truth that lies behind it. The sooner you realize your truth, the better off you'll be,” she said, standing up.
“Well, since you want to ask me all these questions then let me ask you something. Why the fuck you ask me a question, answer it, then run off? When have you ever stayed?”
“I'm not meant to stay, Krys; neither is Akira, and don't let her tell you anything different. I'm not going to be that outlet for you much longer. If you don't get yourself together, it will be on you. You're stubborn and no one can get through to you in the state you're in… Except maybe me and I've been trying, but it doesn't seem to be working, so I give up. I just hope you get it together, before it's too late.”
“Too late for what?” I asked, standing.
“Just go home, Krystle, and get yourself together, take your medication!” her voice echoed.
I feel so indecisive and confused; something that has been going on for some time now, but I guess what FiFi was saying had some truth. Besides that, I guess I had been gone for long enough; maybe I should go home.
I sat a little longer, and then tried to call Akira for a ride home, but she didn't answer. “I guess I'll ride the Metro bus,” I said to myself with a small giggle.
When I finally got home, I was tired to say the least. That bus ride took a lot out of me.
“Daddy?” I called out, taking off my shoes at the front door and then kicking them to the right side. “Daddy, are you here?”
“I'm in here!” he shouted out over the TV in his man cave.
When I walked in, he was sitting in the middle of his black leather sectional with my aunt sitting to his right. They both had a scowled look on their face as if they ate something sour, so I decided to plead my case as to why I was late coming back, before they could even jump down my throat.
“Okay, before y'all start saying anything about how late it is, or the way I acted today, because I know Aunt Courtney told you already…” I said, looking from my aunt to my dad, “I want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to curse and run off or whatever, I just needed some time away. Especially since FiFi or Akira didn't admit to anything.”
“That's for certain,” Aunt Courtney said sarcastically.
I rolled my eyes and then continued with what I was saying, “I promise I won't be disrespectful anymore,” I said, forcing a smile.
“Krys, baby girl…” my dad sighed. “There's something not right.” He began to cry, but quickly wiped his face with the back of his hand. “You're not healthy, baby.”
“I feel fine! What are you talking about?” I said, sitting on the far end of the couch. I started thinking this had nothing to do with me leaving earlier, because they both just sat there and looked at me. I'm getting confused and scared; what the hell were they talking about? What have I done now to have them looking at me this way?
Aunt Courtney pulled out my pill bottle, shook and opened it, pouring all the pills on the table.
“You went into my room? Who told you that you had permission to do that? I'm grown, y'all had no right to do that; I want my locks changed!” I said, sitting back, folding my arms.
“I have my own permission!” My father's voice boomed like crackling thunder as he sat at the edge of the couch, pointing his long index finger towards me. “I pay the bills here, feed and clothe you, so that's my room! All this shit in here is mine!”
“Calm down, Tony! We aren't going to do this like this!” Aunt Courtney chimed in. “Krys, we all know you've been sick for a long time, I just would have never thought it would have gotten this bad. There are sixty pills here; the prescription says there are sixty pills in this bottle, so that means you haven't taken any of these. Why not?”
“I don't need them,” I said, slow and low, looking down at my hands, playing with my thumbs.
“Who the hell said you didn't need them?”
“Tony! Shh!”
“Akira. Look, it doesn't matter who says what; I'm my own person! I just listened to her and took her words into consideration!”
My dad reached for the TV remote, sat back and sucked in some air, then ran his hand across his face.
“Go ahead, Tony, press play.”
My dad did exactly what Aunt Courtney told him to do and pressed play. I watched and listened as my aunt asked us to stand and introduce ourselves individually. I watched myself sit by myself, quickly noticing Akira and FiFi were nowhere to be found.
“Hi, my name is FiFi. I'm an only child, I suppose…” I saw me but heard FiFi’s voice, this couldn't be right. Tears filled my eyes as I thought to myself how wrong this was. As I sat there glaring into the screen, I watched as I sat back down on a different part of the sofa, then stood back up and walked once again front stage and center, now with Akira’s voice.
“Turn it off!” I cried. “That's not right! Auntie, you know it's not right; you were right there! Why would you edit this to make me seem crazy?”
The video continued to play, but I didn't want to see any more of it. Why would she do this? I mean I was right there, just as they were. I was at a loss for words and couldn't do anything but cry loudly.
My dad walked up to the TV, turned it off, and then sat next to me on my right as I continued to cry.
“But you saw them!” I said, leaning forward to look at my aunt. “I talk to them and see them almost every other day, and they're the ones that killed Bishop, not me!”
“No baby, it was you, just you,” Aunt Courtney said.
“Krystle, you're schizophrenic. Akira and FiFi aren't real; you made them up, love,” my dad said, rubbing my leg.
My world felt like it was ending at that very moment, just as it did when I had to abort my child and the day Bishop died.
“No! That's a lie! I'm fine!” I yelled.
“You haven't been taking your medication, Krystle.”
“You edited it to make me look that way!” I said standing up. “I wouldn't do that to Bishop, I... I loved him! I wouldn't do that! Daddy, you know! I'm not a liar!”
The next thing I knew I took off, running out the house, with my dad and aunt calling my name, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. I ran past my shoes I’d previously taken off, out the door I went, barefooted. Thunder and lightning started as I sprinted towards the neighborhood park in our subdivision. As huge drops of rain fell on me sideways, I continued to run and cry. When I reached the primary-colored, children's jungle gym, I fell to my knees out of breath, belting out a long scream with the rain overpowering the tears that ran down my face. I sat on the wet, red mulch, feeling every drop of rain. “This can't be right,” I said aloud repeatedly to myself. “Somebody help me!” I whispered, pulling my wet legs to my face, putting my head down, and covering them with both arms.
The thunder rumbled around me while the rain continued to pour, causing me to jump, when suddenly, the far too familiar voice came whispering.
“That was a hard pill to swallow, wasn't it?”
As I've always done, I looked up and off into the distance and saw FiFi, making her way towards me, dressed in a white, flowing, linen floor-length dress, carrying a yellow umbrella.
I stood up, planting my bare feet on the water saturated mulch, awaiting her arrival.
“I tried to tell you a long time ago, I’m sorry you had to find out like that,” she said, now standing in front of me.
“So everything my aunt and dad said is true? You're not real and neither is Akira?” I asked, blinking some drops of rain from my naturally long eyelashes.
“Well, that depends on your perception of what real is. If you’re going by the flesh and physical, then no, I'm not.”
“You lied to me… You both did!” I screamed.
“Snap out of it, Krystle, you lied to yourself. Listen to me, okay? I… we live within you and you need to start taking your medication so you can get better.
“Without y'all, I have no one. No one understands me, just y'all.”
“Of course we do, you made us,” she smiled.
“How did I get this way?” I asked, starting to cry again.
Through my blurry sight, I see the rain stop and FiFi walk away from me, shaking out her umbrella, then looking back at me with a smile.
“It will get better and if I never see you again, I know you're happy, but you need to be careful and safe.”
“What do you mean by that? Just answer that one question for me, and I promise we'll be done forever,” I said, walking up on her fast.
“When you start back being the way you are normally, it'll start coming back to you. I know you aren't going to like what you remember, or what you see for yourself, but it'll be okay. Start being realistic and face the facts. Do not let her win. Do you understand me?”
Even though FiFi and my family claimed that she wasn't real, I closed my eyes and embraced her, as I felt her do the same. As soon as I opened my eyes, she was gone, the rain was pouring again, and I was back sitting Indian style on the mulch.
Chapter Seven
COURTNEY
The last couple of weeks have been a challenge to say the least. Dealing with my brother and Krystle with her denial to her whole part of murdering Bishop has been hard. My brother seems as if he's on the verge of a breakdown and I can't do anything to stop it, except maybe… “I got it!” I yelled aloud, while picking up my desk phone, dialing my brother’s number. It rang once, before he picked up the other line.
“Yeah?”
“Tony, are you at work?”
“Naw, I'm driving, actually not too far from your job, why what's up?”
“Please, I need you to come to my office real quick, if you're not too busy.”
“Give me a second.”
“Alright,” I said, hanging up the phone. My mind was racing all the way, until there was a sudden knock on my office door.
“Tony, you don't have to knock if I'm expecting you, just come in,” I yelled.
“Well, I didn't want to just barge in like that,” he said, walking past my desk to my sofa. “So what's the rush to getting me here today?” he asked, plopping down and propping up his feet.
“First, I'm sorry I haven't been by this week, but I've been talking with the detective, lawyers, and shit. Hell, I've just been really busy, trying to take care of all the background stuff to keep Krystle out of prison, and maybe get her into some kind of psych ward.”
“A crazy house?”
“Don't say it like that, Tony, goodness!”
“Like what, that she's crazy?”
“She's sick and that's your child; your only child at that!”
“And you say that to say what? Our mother was our only mother, and guess what; she was crazy too.”
“You threw Momma in that nut house faster than I could say don’t. I still haven't forgiven you for that shit.”
He did a slight chuckle then pulled his feet off the couch and onto the floor. “Just like you're trying to do with my only child right?” he asked, making air quotes.
“Don't be condescending, Tony, we didn't know anything about this disease before that. You did that without any consideration.”
“Oh yes the hell I did! I considered it alright.”
“Momma went undiagnosed for years!” I screamed, “and when we finally found out about it, what did you do?”
“Fuck all that Courtney! Do you even remember what she did to Krystle? To you?”
“Like it was yesterday,” I sighed.
*****************************
17 years ago: August, 1997
“Momma?” I yelled out across the house, putting my keys inside my lavender XOXO purse.
“I'm in the kitchen,” she screamed back.
I noticed Krystle’s baby bag on the couch with everything dumped out all over the floor, but I ignored it, Momma had gotten older and wasn’t as tidy as she used to be.
When I approached the kitchen, I saw her putting the lid on top of a large blue and white roasting pan.
“Open that oven for me, ladybug.”
I did what she aske
d as she placed it in the oven and closed it. I kissed her on the cheek; she smiled while taking a dishtowel off her shoulder wiping her hands on it.
“What are you doing over here, gracing me with your presence?” she asked, lovingly pinching my right cheek.
“I was just in the neighborhood and decided to check on my two favorite girls.”
“Tuh, two favorite girls; the lies you tell. Tony sent you over here to check on me again, didn't he?”
I looked up and smiled just a little bit, and put my hands up in a submissive position. “No,” I chuckled, “but he is on the way.”
“I figured that,” she said, shaking her head, walking to the fridge, opening it and taking out a bell pepper and an onion. “Well, don't just stand there girl, come help me.”
I followed her to the breakfast table inside the small kitchen, and sat to the right of her in one of the broken down wooden chairs. “Momma, why won't you let me buy you another table set?”
“Because this one still works.” She smiled, starting to slice the first onion. “Ladybug, look in that pantry, grab me a toothpick, and wet it please.”
“I never understood why you did that, you know, put a toothpick in your mouth while cutting onions.” I smiled, doing what she said and walking back to her with it, taking my original seat.
“My little bug, my momma did it, her momma did it, and her mom before her. It’s just to keep you from crying, the wet wood captures the smell before it reaches your eyes.”
“Ma!” Tony yelled from the living room, interrupting our conversation.
“And here comes trouble,” she said, still cutting and chopping.
I smiled and winked at her while yelling, “We're in here!”
“Hey Court,” he spoke, coming to where we were, giving me a head nod, and kissing Momma on her forehead.
“Why is Krystle’s stuff all thrown out?” he asked.
“What you talking about, boy? You always come in here with the same shit all the time. That living room is clean,” Momma said defensively, standing up with the chopped veggies on the cutting board, walking towards the stove.
Tony dismissed her and then looked at me, “I'm going to check on my child, where is she?”
