by D. Kelly
“Can we? I want to go back home. Please, Daddy?” I miss my room and my best friend, Missy, so much.
“See what you started? No, we are not moving back home!” I really want to go back home, so much I start crying as we are pulling into our new driveway.
“Cassidy, I’m warning you, stop crying before I give you something to cry about!”
“You wouldn’t,” Mommy snaps at him just as I ask what that means. I’m still crying but don’t understand what he was saying.
“Damn it to hell, I’ll show you!” he roars while getting out and yanking me out of the backseat and into the back of the SUV. He unbuckles his belt and I sit still. I’m not sure what he’s doing but it scares me. When he gets his belt off, he folds it in half and makes a loud whacking sound with it. It sounds scary, and when I look at my mommy, she’s not moving.
I try scooting away from him but he pulls me by the ankles, muttering, “Disrespectful, disobedient, kids. She couldn’t have just been a boy. She had to be a whining, simpering girl, just like her mother.”
His hand pulls back like he’s going to throw a baseball and the belt slashes across my legs. I’ve never felt anything hurt so much.
“Daddy, no! That hurts! Please, Daddy, don’t do it again.” I’m crying, screaming, and twisting around which is making him angrier, but I can’t stop. He turns me over and does it again and again on my backside. All across my butt and my legs, the belt comes down again and again. When I peek over my shoulder, Mommy is still just standing there, watching. She’s not crying and not trying to stop him. Why won’t she make him stop? I don’t understand. Don’t they love me anymore?
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. Please stop. I love you. Please stop!” Now I’ve got the hiccups and as he pulls me closer to him, my face burns from being dragged across the carpet in the back of the car.
“There’s no such thing as love, Cassidy,” he says with a whack harder than any of the others and I scream as loud as I can, hoping someone will hear me.
“The sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be. I’ll make you understand if it’s the last thing I do.”
After those last words fall from his mouth, he walks away and my mommy carefully helps me out of the car. I hate this house, and I hate my daddy. It hurts so bad and standing makes it even worse.
“Shh, stop crying, Cassidy, it’s not that bad. Let’s get you inside and cleaned up before he starts drinking. I’ll bring you dinner in bed tonight.” She won’t look at me anymore; I guess she doesn’t love me now, either. Maybe Daddy is right, maybe there is no such thing as love. If she loved me she would have stopped him, right?
Once again, I wake up sobbing and drenched in sweat. I can’t even dream like a normal person. The fact that these memories come to me in my dreams so crisp and clear astounds me. Before that day, I don’t remember anything good—no fun times, no family vacations, nothing exciting. I remember we were normal and happy until we moved and then it all fell apart.
It also all came together. I met Zack and Rylee the day after that beating. We were six years old and they were the happiest kids I’d ever seen. Everything good that has happened to me since then has been because of them.
So why am I wide awake at four in the morning after another nightmare? I’m getting married in less than twelve hours to the man of my dreams. I should be happy—too excited to sleep—not reliving the worst day of my life. Ever since we started planning the wedding, the nightmares have been torturing me.
“Cassidy, if you love him that much you’ll let him go. You don’t belong in this world.”
Priscilla’s words have haunted me for days. She’s been my opposition every step of the way, trying to pull me down, to give him up. Maybe she’s right and I’m not good enough for him, and maybe I should walk away now before it’s too late.
My love for him is stronger than that. We’re stronger than her words. I just need to keep reminding myself of that, of our love.
“Love doesn’t exist, princess, and the sooner you believe it, the better off you’ll be. Only fools believe in love.”
Not today, Dad. Your words won’t get me today and neither will Priscilla’s. Today I’m going to give Zack everything he’s always dreamed of. I just have to be stronger than them for twelve more hours…
“Cassidy,” my best friend and Zack’s sister, Rylee, calls out softly as she pops her head in to check on me. “Ten minutes, okay, sweetie?” I nod my head and she backs out of the room with a forced smile. She’s worried about me and she’s not wrong to be. This isn’t what I wanted; this is never what I wanted.
When I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful girl looking back at me but I don’t feel beautiful. There isn’t a hair out of place on my head, my makeup is flawless, my gown and jewelry spectacular, but my eyes…my eyes are sad.
I’m sad.
A bride shouldn’t be sad on her wedding day.
This isn’t me and this isn’t what I wanted for my wedding. There are three hundred guests out in that church and only a handful of them are my friends and family. Not that I care if one or all three hundred of them are here for me—it’s the giant production I have an issue with. And yet, in their world, this is intimate; the original guest list was over eight hundred and fifty guests. I should have never let myself get sucked into this.
The nausea I’ve been feeling for days overwhelms me and I grab onto the corner of the table, praying it will pass, but deep down I just know I’m going to throw up all over this one of a kind hand-beaded gown that Zack’s mom insisted I buy.
With her money.
Never forget, it’s always her money.
The deep breaths I’ve been taking for the last thirty minutes aren’t helping. Sending everyone out of the room didn’t help my nerves or my second thoughts one single bit. My heart is still beating a million miles a minute, so much so I can actually envision it popping out of my chest and running away from this church, leaving me in its wake.
It’s not that I don’t love Zack, I do. I need him in my life more than I need oxygen to breathe. Every part of him is intricately woven into my soul and I can’t picture my life without him. He’s been my anchor since we were six years old. I’m just not sure if I should be marrying him. He deserves someone who can live up to his mother’s expectations, and my god does she have a lot of them. Not only that, he also needs someone who can thrive being a part of his social circle. Someone who seamlessly fits into the high-status life which accompanies being a Stafford, not a measly Kindergarten teacher who barely makes thirty thousand dollars a year.
That someone isn’t me and Priscilla Stafford has never let me forget it. I’ve never been good enough for her baby boy. She has no issues with me being her daughter’s best friend, but to be the mother of her grandkids… not so much.
Slowly, I lower myself onto the chair at the makeup table and try to shake off the panic attack encroaching on every fiber of my being as I recall her harsh words a few days ago. It was her Hail Mary pass and I’m afraid it worked.
“Rylee, dear, would you be a doll and go fetch your grandmother’s diamond bracelet from upstairs? I want to show it to Cassidy. I think it would look lovely with her wedding dress.”
Rylee flashes her a beaming smile. “Of course, Mother, I’ll be right back.” As Rylee exits, she gives me a thumbs up behind her mother’s back. It’s sad that Rylee still believes the best in Priscilla. The only reason she sent her out of the room is because she wants to say something to me she doesn’t want overheard.
I’m already in defensive mode because I know this will be quick and underhanded. It’s not my first go ‘round with Priscilla Stafford and I’m sure it won’t be my last, either. As I square my shoulders, sit up straighter, and re-cross my legs, she finally speaks.
“Cassidy, the wedding is in three days and I would be remiss if I didn’t try and appeal to your senses one last time.”
Here we go with another round of ‘you’re not
good enough for my son’ and there’s nothing I can do but listen to her.
“Zachary is a Stafford and there is an immense social and moral obligation that goes along with carrying that name,” she says, raising an eyebrow at me. I nod and clasp my hands together, trying not to get upset.
“Cassidy, I’ve known you almost all of your life, dear, and while I have no problem with you being Rylee’s best friend, I don’t think you are the most suitable choice for my son to spend his life with.”
Ouch… I knew it was coming but it still stings.
“Mrs. Stafford…” I begin, but she raises her hand in the air, almost like a queen getting ready to wave to her court. I would laugh if it weren’t so serious.
“Cassidy, back out of the wedding, darling. It’s for your own good. We’ll absorb the cost and I’ll even give you a nest egg so you can start over somewhere new. A fresh start would do you good. You could get away from everything and everyone here who is toxic to you, especially your parents. I put the honeymoon trip in both of your names and have paid for everything already. Break the engagement and take the honeymoon as a recovery trip. Who knows? Maybe you can teach in Hawaii and settle down there, meet a nice boy, and have a lovely family someday.”
I can’t believe this bitch. I’m fuming. My teeth are clenched and I’m trying to curb my temper without screaming at her.
“Mrs. Stafford, I love Zack with all of my heart. I would have been the happiest girl in the world if the two of us had just eloped instead of having such a huge production of a wedding.”
“Don’t you see, my dear? That is precisely my point. You consider this wedding a production. You’ve forced Zachary to make all the decisions when he should have been focused on work. A girl of his social standing would have been planning this along with me, not hiding and making Zachary do everything.”
“I didn’t make Zack do anything. I agreed to this wedding because he wanted to make you happy. However, I expressly told him the only way I would do it is if he took care of the details and worked with you directly on it. Not because I don’t love him, but because I wanted him happy. Making you happy makes Zack happy. I don’t ever want to come between the two of you, so that was our compromise.”
Priscilla looks at me thoughtfully before speaking. This woman is so intimidating I just want to crawl into a hole. “Cassidy, sweetheart, this really isn’t personal but don’t you understand you’ve already come between us? If Zachary marries you, he will be singlehandedly bringing down the Stafford name that took generations to make as prestigious as it is.”
A single tear falls from my eye but I won’t allow any more to fall. I’m not going to let Priscilla Stafford bring me to my knees. And even if she does, I won’t let her know she did it. “Have you mentioned your concerns to Zack?” I ask her with a firm resolve and she sighs.
“Yes, I have, but not as directly as I have to you. I’ve alluded to the fact you two might not be the best fit for each other, but he disagrees.”
My heart leaps in my chest knowing she wasn’t able to guilt Zack into leaving me. “Mrs. Stafford, I’m not going anywhere. I love Zack. I know you’re trying to protect him, but the last person you need to protect him from is me. I might not be up to par socially, but you’ll never find anyone who loves Zack the way I do.”
I’m so angry. I can’t wait for Rylee; I have to get out of here.
“If you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment I need to get to.” As I stand up and start walking toward the door, her voice follows me out.
“Cassidy, if you love him that much you’ll let him go. You don’t belong in this world.” And with the slightest whisper, I hear her say, “Trust me on that.”
Maybe Priscilla is right. Maybe I should love him enough to let him go. Zack is an attorney and works at Stafford Investments which has been run by the Stafford family for generations. They are definitely old money and it seems with old money comes higher standards.
The longer I sit here and panic, the more I realize Priscilla is right. I’ve got to get out of here. My luggage is already in the limo waiting in the back parking lot. All I have to do is sneak out the back exit.
When I open the door in the back of the dressing room and glance down the hall, it’s deserted. I take that as a sign that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Zack will hate me and I can’t stand the thought of that, but he deserves so much more than I can give him. Quickly, I scribble a note for him that simply says ‘I’m sorry’ and grab my purse, gather up my dress, and make a run for the exit. As I run, the tears are streaming down my cheeks all while my heart breaks into a million pieces.
Reginald, their driver, is leaning against the limo but when he sees me running toward him, he puts his phone away and opens the door. I jump in as quickly as I can and he kindly helps shove the rest of the dress into the car. This stupid, fluffy, hand-beaded, one of a kind, beautiful monstrosity. I can’t wait to get it off.
“Please take me to the airport,” I tell him between sobs as I pull my cell phone from my purse. There’s only one person I can text and I hate it, but I have no choice… I need her help.
Priscilla, I did what you asked. I’m on my way to the airport. Can you make sure the pilot is ready to go now?
Within seconds, I have a reply.
You foolish girl. I didn’t mean for you to leave him at the altar. What’s done is done. The pilots are already on standby. I’ll transfer money into your account immediately.
Oh, hell no.
NO! I don’t want your money. This was never about the money. This is about Zack getting what he deserves and so much more.
After the text goes through, I power off my phone and toss it into my purse. I won’t be turning it on again. At least not anytime soon; I can’t handle knowing his heart is breaking worse than mine.
The entire trip to the airport, I’m bawling my eyes out, knowing I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life but it doesn’t matter now… Zack will never forgive me for leaving him at the altar.
You should have talked to him, Cassidy, and told him what happened.
When we get to the plane, Reginald takes my suitcases up for me. I need to change and can’t wait until I get to Hawaii to do it. Before he gets off the plane, he turns to me with an indecisive look on his face. Finally, he says what’s on his mind.
“Ms. Cassidy, I’ve known Mrs. Stafford a very long time. I know she’s been trying to run you off for a while now. It goes without saying I could probably lose my job for talking to you, but I don’t care. I’m about to retire, anyway. After forty years of service, I think it’s time. And this is too important to keep quiet about.” He pauses and takes my hand in his. “Mr. Zack loves you and he’s loved you since he was a little boy. No one is going to change how he feels about you. And Mrs. Stafford… well, let’s just say she didn’t exactly come from the same social circle as Mr. Stafford did, either. She worked really hard to be as prissy as she is so she could feel like she fits in.”
He smiles at me and I relax a little, even though I’m still crying. “But I’ll tell you a secret. Mr. Stafford… he loves his missus with all of his heart, but he loved her a whole lot better when she was young and feisty like you. And without all her priss. Do you love Mr. Zack?”
I nod my head emphatically and he pats my hand. “Love has a way of coming back to you. Have faith this might not be the end. To forgive is to love,” Reginald says firmly as he exits the plane. I want to get in the air as soon as possible, so I shove myself into the seat and tug the seatbelt around the dress. After the plane is in the air and the pilot says I can take my seatbelt off, I have the onboard flight attendant unbutton the fifty or so buttons on the back of the dress for me.
As the dress falls to the floor, she immediately picks it up and takes it to the bedroom in the back of the plane. I’m assuming she’s trying to figure out how to hang it up but honestly, I’m too emotionally spent to even care. All I want to do is cry myself to sleep and pretend today never happene
d. After pulling on a pair of yoga pants and a sweater, I recline the chair and continue crying.
The enormity of what I’ve done hits me like a cold shower. I’m now living in a world where Zack and Cassidy are not a couple and that’s a world I don’t ever want to be a part of. Zachary Stafford owns my heart and always has.
I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Keep reading for an excerpt of
Waiting for Us by Dawn Stanton.
Waiting for Us
by Dawn Stanton
Prologue
The warmth of the early morning sun on my face and the heat of a firm, male form pressed along my back, are the first things I notice as I slowly stir from a deep and satisfying sleep. It takes me a moment to fully grasp where I am and who I’m in bed with. His warm lips nuzzle the back of my neck and move over to nibble on the bottom of my ear. I smile to myself, I’d recognize those lips anywhere. I arch my back, rubbing against him like a cat purring for attention.
“This is the best morning I’ve ever had,” he whispers in my ear. I’m overcome with emotion and my throat tightens as I try to speak. He needs to hear that I feel the same. As I roll onto my back and look up at his handsome face, I am once again overwhelmed by the happiness I see reflected in his eyes. He opens his mouth and I place my finger over his lips, interrupting him with a gentle kiss from my fingertip. It takes me a moment to regain my voice.
“Let me say something first.” He’s always the one who puts himself out there and for once I want him to know what I’m feeling. “I love this, waking up in your arms. I can’t think of a better way to begin my day. I want to be with you, kiss you, make love with you and wake up with you, always.” The words have barely escaped my lips before he has me wrapped in his arms. As he holds me tight, I think of all the time it took us to get to this point and what a journey it’s been…
