by Joey Bush
“You could’ve gotten laid if you wanted to,” Sophie said. “And for the past six years, you definitely could have gotten laid, so it really is commendable that you’ve waited this long. And that it’s with someone you care about. I can barely even remember the name of the guy I lost my virginity to.”
“Mike,” I said.
She laughed. “Lucky guess. But the point is that you’ve waited all this time, and it’s going to be memorable. Because you wanted it to be something special. And you know who else lucks out here, too? Brian. Because I can all but guarantee you that he probably never thought he’d have a chance to de-virginize someone. So it’s also going to be memorable for him, too.”
“I guess it’s just going to be a special night all around, then. Which brings me to my other question—do you think I have to wear makeup? I just see it getting all messed up or something, you know, while we’re doing it.”
“You can go light on the make-up. You don’t really need it, though. Maybe a little blush and some lip gloss? I’d steer clear of any mascara, heavy eyeliner, dark lipstick. Although I guess it depends if you plan to have the lights on or off. Have you given that any thought?”
“No, not really. I just assumed they’d be off? Or it’d be dark? Maybe candles or something.”
“Go for candles if you can; no one looks bad in candlelight. Not that I’m saying you’ll look bad, because you won’t, but candles are romantic and they’ll make everything a little less intimidating.”
“I’m a little nervous, but not intimidated.” I took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll wear what you said and I’ll give you a call tomorrow and let you know how it goes.”
“Don’t call me too early!” Sophie said. “Have sex when you wake up in the morning, too. Nothing beats morning sex—it’s the best.”
I smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
I finished getting ready and then left. I’d gotten a text from Brian that morning saying he would be home early. The text was actually supposed to go to his co-worker, Isaac, but he’d sent it to me by mistake. Instead of responding, though, I decided to pretend as if I hadn’t received it and surprise him.
There was another car parked in the driveway, behind Brian’s. It was a Camry, like the one his brother drove, but a newer model. Of course Travis would be over here to show off his new car. I parked behind it and then thought better and parked on the street instead. Travis was smart; he probably wouldn’t stay long once he saw what I was wearing.
I sat in the car for a moment and took several deep, cleansing breaths. That’s how the yoga instructor, Emma, always started her yoga classes, because breathing like this reminded you to center yourself and really be in your body. I flipped the sun visor down and looked at myself in the mirror, though I couldn’t make out much since it was dark. I didn’t want to turn the interior light on in case Brian happened to glance out; I wanted there to be a little element of surprise at least. He wasn’t expecting to see me until at least tomorrow night, at the earliest.
I walked across the lawn, the heels of my shoes sinking into the grass. I didn’t bother knocking; instead, I just opened the door, twisting the knob and pushing in, the door swinging open silently. I opened my mouth to say hello, but before the words came out, I heard a shriek.
I froze.
The living room, strangely enough, was dark, though I could tell there was a light on down the hallway, presumably in Brian’s bedroom, or maybe the bathroom.
The shriek, though, hadn’t been Brian’s, or his brother’s, but a woman’s.
I stepped out of my shoes, not wanting the click of the heels on the hardwood floor to give me away. I left them there on the floor and started to walk down the hallway. There was another sound, this time more like a moan. I could hear him, too, though I couldn’t make out any actual words. I could just hear his tone, like he was speaking underwater.
I walked through the living room and then turned left down the hallway. The master bedroom was at the end, past the bathroom and the guest room, and the door was slightly ajar, a rectangle of light on the floor.
Now that I was closer, I could hear pretty much everything.
“Oh yeah, harder, yes, right there!”
That was the woman, who sounded vaguely familiar. There was a repeated slapping sound, and heavy breathing. As the owner of a gym, I recognized that sort of breathing. It was the kind that happens only when you’re really exerting yourself, when you’re right on the edge of something.
I pushed the door open.
Since the light was on, everything was in full view. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Including Shannon, whose vomit I had been cleaning up a mere six hours ago.
My jaw dropped.
For several long seconds, they didn’t notice me. They were too caught up in each other. Well, Brian’s back was to me, so I just stood there, waiting for Shannon to open those stupid eyes of hers. They were both standing, her back against the wall, one of her legs stretched up almost all the way, her calf near her ear. And there was Brian’s ass, and he was completely naked.
I cleared my throat.
Shannon’s eyes didn’t fly open; rather, she opened them slowly, like she was being awoken from a lovely slumber. And when those eyes focused enough to see me, they didn’t widen in shock or surprise or embarrassment, no, she just let her mouth stay open and that pained expression remained on her face and she tapped Brian on the shoulder. She had to do it a few times before he finally stopped his frantic thrusting.
“Isla!” he exclaimed as he turned, his hand going to his crotch, as if he was going to be able to cover up his boner. “What are you doing here?” He glanced back at Shannon as though it were a possibility that I might not have seen her.
“Why don’t you go first, Brian, and tell me what you’re doing here,” I said.
He grabbed one of the pillows from the bed and held it in front of himself, as if I hadn’t seen his cock before. “Me? This is my house.”
“Oh, okay,” I said. “So you’re fucking someone at your house. Okay, great. Except that person doesn’t happen to be me, your girlfriend.”
He blinked. “You look great. Why are you all dressed up?”
Shannon nodded. “Yeah, Isla, I’ve never seen you in a dress like that—”
“Shut up!” I screeched. I looked at her. “I was just cleaning your fucking vomit off the floor in the Lotus Room! And you’re over here sleeping with my boyfriend?”
Shannon and I weren’t friends; she was a member at the gym, and we’d have a friendly conversation now and then, but it wasn’t like we were hanging out or going shopping together. Still, I felt as betrayed by her as I did by Brian.
She shrugged. “He said you were frigid. But that he was staying with you because he loves you. That’s sweet, right?”
She was being serious. Oh my god, she actually thought what she was saying was going to make me feel better.
Brian smiled weakly. “I didn’t use that term exactly,” he said. “What I meant was—”
“Yes you did,” Shannon interrupted. “That’s exactly what you said. ‘Isla’s frigid but I still love her.’ I remember it because I thought it was kind of a messed up thing to say, but at the same time, really romantic.”
Meanwhile, I couldn’t quite take my eyes off of Shannon. We’d never been in the sauna at the same time, so this was the first time I’d ever seen her naked. I looked good now, I knew that, but I’d never even come close to looking like her. She was one of those people who could probably subsist on Doritos and Coke and still have a banging body, despite the fact that she’d sporadically subject herself to zany detoxes. She had long, tan legs, toned yet slender, with sleek thighs that didn’t touch, a perfectly flat stomach, breasts that probably wouldn’t ever need a bra, a collarbone you could stack a roll of quarters in. And the skin covering all this was smooth, tawny, and blemish-free. Ugh, I hated her.
Brian pulled on his pants. Shannon took her time finding her tank top
and underwear.
“Really, Isla, I wasn’t expecting you to come over tonight,” he said. “I mean, this is a big surprise.”
“Yes, that much I can tell.”
“And Shannon—I think she’s mis-remembering what I said. What I actually said was something more along the lines of that you and I hadn’t made love yet, but it was something I was very much looking forward to.”
“Right, and you were just going to make sure your lovemaking skills were up to snuff by having sex with her?”
He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! It’s something along those lines, actually. How long have we been together? Over six months. Which is a long time for someone like me to go without getting laid. And since I knew this was going to be your first time, I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to be good. I didn’t want to blow my load in the first two minutes, just because I’d gone so long without sex.”
I burst out laughing, because the expression on his face was so serious, it was as though he believed every word that he’d just said. Oh, I couldn’t wait to relay this whole conversation to Sophie. She’d probably say she was going to cut his dick off.
“What?” he asked. “I mean it.”
Shannon shot him an approving look. “That really is a sweet thing to say.”
“You know, I could almost believe it,” I said. For a second, Brian’s face looked hopeful, as though he’d pulled it off. “Except for the fact that I’m not a fucking idiot.”
His face fell. “Huh? I mean, I know you’re not an idiot. But—”
“Don’t even try to tell me that you’re here sleeping with Shannon because you wanted to do something good for me. How the hell would you know that I’d been planning to sleep with you?”
“I just . . . I was being hopeful. I figured it’d be happening soon enough.”
“Well, you figured wrong. Because now it’s never going to happen. If you think that I’m going to just welcome you back with open arms after I walk in on you fucking someone else, you are so completely wrong, it’s not even funny.”
The three of us stood there, Shannon only now beginning to put her clothes on. “Don’t even bother,” I said. “I’m leaving. You two should finish whatever the hell it is you’re doing. Don’t let me interrupt.”
She hesitated. “Really? You don’t mind?”
“I am not going to even respond to that,” I said. I left, stomping down the hallway, slamming the door behind me. It wasn’t until I was halfway to the car that I realized I’d left my shoes inside, but there was no way I was going back in for them. They’d probably started having sex again, and that was the last fucking thing I wanted to see.
So I walked barefoot to the car and drove myself home. What was that that I’d been thinking earlier? That tonight was going to be so special? I thought about calling Sophie but then decided against it, only because I’d have to relay everything that I’d just seen. She’d want details. I’d give them to her, but I just couldn’t do it right now. I needed to go home and go to sleep and try to forget about this as soon as possible.
3.
Levi
When it comes to parties, I’ve been all over the world: Mykonos, Tel-Aviv, Goa, Rio de Janeiro, Amsterdam, Berlin, Koh Phangan. But Ibiza is, hands down, my favorite, the best place ever, heaven on Earth. I’m not being hyperbolic.
I flew into IBZ in Ibiza Town, bid adieu to Anders, and then hopped a cab to Sant Antoni de Portmany, also known as San Antonio, also known as Sant Antoni, but mainly known as the clubbing capital of the world. It was here I had a lovely villa of my own, bought not with trust fund money, but my own money, procured through a wise business investment I had made years ago and that Dad had no clue about. That business was a little pill we called Lush, a simple combination of pure MDMA (and when I say pure, I mean it) and Peruvian flake cocaine, not 100% pure but pretty damn close. Mix those together in a clear capsule embossed with a gold cursive L and that’s the product we’re pushing. By ‘we’ I mean myself and my business associate, Alfie, my long-time pal from Manchester. He basically handled everything and I provided the funds, which, in less than a decade, amassed us quite a fortune. Sure, there’s a legal risk involved, but Alfie was careful, and anyone else he was involved is also careful. In a way, Dad would be proud.
But something wasn’t quite right.
What the hell? I was here, back in paradise; I should’ve been feeling great, that light sort of happiness that is really only attainable when you’ve got long stretches of time ahead of you with nothing to do but whatever the fuck you want.
I had that, but I didn’t have that feeling. No, the feeling I had was like I’d forgotten to do something, or I’d done something that I shouldn’t have. It was strange, if only because I seldom felt this way.
I was sitting at Le Croissant Show, with my espresso and pain au chocolat, trying to figure out what the deal was, why I wasn’t feeling as carefree as I always felt, especially considering I was here. This was my place. New York City might be where I technically lived, but Ibiza was my home.
I took a bite of the croissant, barely tasting it. The problem was with my father. The problem was that he thought I was this lazy, completely irresponsible asshole who was just sponging off of him. I couldn’t exactly fault him for it, because for a while, that’s exactly what had been happening, but things had been different. I’d bought the villa out here with my own money, and though that money might have been from illegal activities, the fact was it hadn’t been something I’d taken from my father. I wasn’t just living carefree off of good old Dad. I needed to tell him this, I realized. In the past, I’d kept it to myself because he’d probably disown me, which was exactly what he said he was going to do before I left on this trip. So might as well come clean now, I figured.
I immediately felt better after coming to this decision, though I decided I’d put off calling him for a little while. That could wait; just having a plan of action was enough for now.
After breakfast, I went back to the villa and met up with Alfie. We slapped palms and he filled me on what had been happening while I’d been gone, which wasn’t much, other than people were partying, doing drugs, and specifically requesting Lush.
“You know, we could raise the price to forty, fifty a pill and people would still go for it,” he said in that clipped British accent of his. Alfie was about my height—six feet—but much stockier, and he had a crooked nose because it’d gotten broken so many times. Before he’d discovered the party scene, Alfie had been a bit of a street brawler, but you’d never know that now—except for the broken nose, maybe.
“Glad to hear business is going so well, but fifty is way too much.”
“Just think of the profit, though. And people would pay. Gladly. They’re all here on holiday, they’ve got coin to spend, they just want a good time. This guy from Amsterdam was trying to pass off these shitty pressed pills as a step above Lush, but people caught onto that pretty quick. Don’t expect to be seeing him around anytime soon.”
“Who cares,” I said. “Let him try to sell whatever he wants. So long as we have a good product—which we do—and a fair price, people are going to continue to do business with us. We’ve got a good reputation, and at this point, that’s all that matters. We’re not just going to start raising prices just because we can. There’s no reason to.”
Alfie raised an eyebrow. “Oi, mate, you sure your dad’s really a billionaire? You think he got to that point by acting like a socialist?”
“I’m not saying give it away; just keep things the way they are. Do you need a raise, Alfie? Is that it?”
“I always need a raise.”
“Then here.” I got up and rummaged through one of the kitchen drawers where I kept the checkbook. I wrote Alfie out a check for five thousand dollars. “Go buy yourself something nice.”
He looked at the check and then at me. “For real?”
“Sure, why the hell not?”
He grinned. “Thanks, boss. And Kip will be arou
nd at the end of this week, so we’ll need to pay him, and he’s expecting double because—”
I waved my hand. “Yeah, yeah, sounds good; just remind me at the end of the week.”
The extent of bookkeeping I did for this was glance at the bank statement every couple of months. The transactions attracted very little attention because the people at Colfax Bank knew who I was—rather, they knew who my father was and they were thrilled that I’d taken some of that wealth and opened an account with them. They didn’t blink an eye when we’d deposit considerable sums of cash. If anything, they were happy we were doing business there.
4.
Isla
My phone was ringing.
I knew it was early before I’d even opened my eyes, but the tone I was hearing wasn’t my gentle bells alarm; it was the actual ring tone indicating a call, meaning that . . . someone was calling. I pried one eyelid open and blindly fumbled for my phone on the bedside table. My first thought was that it was Brian, so desperate for my forgiveness that he couldn’t wait a second longer to get in touch with me. I wouldn’t forgive him, of course, but I supposed it was a bit of a silver lining. Except it wasn’t him. It was Kelly, and it was five o’clock in the morning.
I picked it up.
“There is water fucking everywhere!” Kelly screamed before I was even able to get a word out. “You have to get down here now. Holy fucking shit!”
I had to hold the phone away from my ear because she was yelling so loudly. I was suddenly wide awake. She didn’t need to elaborate—she was at our gym, and that leaky pipe in the women’s bathroom had finally exploded.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said.
I jumped out of bed and dug through my drawers, grabbing the first things that I laid my hands on. Which meant an old t-shirt and some worn yoga pants. Sophie surely wouldn’t approve, but then again, this wasn’t a date.
I drove down to the gym as fast as I could, which, considering the early hour, was pretty fast since there were only a few other cars on the road. Our gym was called Form Fitting, a name we’d decided on together because we liked the message it conveyed: Yes, you could work out here and get the sort of body that would allow you to rock form-fitting clothing, but really, this was a gym that would be for every form. Every body type. Kelly had always been in relatively good shape, but I knew what it was like to be overweight, I knew what it was like on the other side. The disgusted looks people would give you, the jokes they made, not just if they happened to see you eating, but also if they were to see you trying to work out, trying to actually do something about it. People could be so cruel. I knew this firsthand.
