by Joey Bush
“What about your brother?”
“My brother had never planned to stay in town. He had his own dreams and when I left, he watched our father struggle and gave up his dreams to stay there with him.”
“Wow, that’s big.”
“I know. The shitty thing is I never visited them. I never called. I kept playing this narrative in my mind that they were wrong and I was right. I was so angry that I never gave our family a chance to heal back together.”
“And now?”
“I think we are on the right track. I genuinely think that I can look at the situation and appreciate the sacrifices they both made which enabled me to be where I am. I told them both that when Jarrod met with us. And they told me a whole heap of stuff I wasn’t ready to hear, but I’m going to work on.”
I had to laugh at the idea Erik really had no idea what his brother and father were going to say he had to work on. Even I knew the areas I had short comings. I knew I was a mouthy brat sometimes and complained about things I had no reason to complain about – it was something I had been working on since my own treatment.
“Don’t laugh. It was serious,” Erik said as he dramatically dropped his head into his hands.
“So you’ve got a couple weeks left here; what are you going to do with yourself?”
“I’m going to the spa,” he announced a little too loudly as everyone in the room turned around to look at him.
“Shhh,”
“Sorry, I’ve been thinking about a massage since the day I checked in and I’ve been too busy to get there. So this afternoon, I’m actually going to get a massage.”
“Good for you. Maybe you should get a manicure and a pedicure, too, while you’re at it,” I laughed.
“Maybe I will,” he said with a huge smile on his face.
It was clear that Erik’s life was coming together and I was happy for him. But there was a twinge of worry that he would finish treatment and move back home without ever seeing or talking to me again. That would be a nightmare. I wanted Erik in my life, even if it was as a friend. I needed someone who had my sense of humor and quirkiness to guide me through a little fun and excitement every now and then.
Chapter 20
Erik
“Come on, slow poke,” I yelled at Cassidy as she climbed up the rocks to the peak with me.
We had gotten to the top before everyone else. Mostly because I kept pushing her to keep going harder and harder, but it never would have happened if she hadn’t been so willing. Cassidy didn’t stop once and had a new determination in her eyes that I hadn’t seen ever before.
“My tiny little arms don’t help me as much as your buff ones do.”
“You mean these guns?” I joked as I flexed my muscles.
I jumped down to where she struggled to climb up and grabbed her ass to push her up the rocks. And boy, did I enjoy having my hands on her plump, round bottom.
“Erik, what are you doing?” Melanie said from behind me.
“Um, helping this beautiful woman up the mountain,” I replied without turning around.
“It’s okay, I’m almost there,” Cassidy said through laughter as she climbed up.
I quickly jumped up with her so we could both have a few minutes alone on top of the mountain before everyone else finished their climb.
Our hike that day had been as close to perfect as I could have imagined. A whole two hours of time with just the two of us to take and hang out. Everyone was well outside of ear shot, so we flirted and joked and got along like we were on a little hiking date, with only the occasional glance behind us to see who was there.
Spending time with Cassidy was a great joy, and I certainly would miss it when I had to go home. I wanted to invite her out to see me and maybe take her on a date, but I wasn’t sure that would be interesting to her. She had her own plans for the future and they certainly didn’t involve moving to California.
It was entirely possible that the two of us would just end up long-distance friends and nothing more. Although, I could also see a possibility where we ended up as much more than friends. Sometimes, I even imagined she was on my arm as I went to a movie premier with my new studio deal. Cassidy was certainly beautiful enough to walk a red carpet and everyone would think she was an actress.
“Are you getting excited to leave?” Her question interrupted my thoughts.
“I am, but then I’m not. It’s overwhelming to think about going back to my old life, but being sober while I do it. I don’t even know what I’ll do on my weekends. I use to have a party almost every single one.”
“What about working out? How about using that to fill the time?”
“I can do that, but then what? I don’t exactly have hobbies.”
“Trust me – it’s going to be tough. At least back at home you’ll have dozens of options for meetings. Test a few out until you find one you like. You can get a good core group of friends that will be there to help support you.”
“The closer I get, the more afraid I get.”
“Totally normal.”
“What would you say to the possibility of coming out to California and letting me take you on a date?”
She paused as she looked around to see if anyone was there or within ear shot of us. I knew it was a normal precaution, but it still made me worry she would say no to my offer. I had to see her outside treatment, but I understood if it wasn’t something she would be interested in.
“Can I think about it?”
“Sure,” I replied as I tried to hide my utter devastation.
She couldn’t even admit to wanting to go on a real date with me. It overwhelmed my soul. I knew she had her life in Aspen and I had my life in San Francisco, but somehow, I had thought she would have jumped at the idea and said yes right away. I thought it was just somatic to even ask her, but I had sorely been mistaken.
“All this talk about me leaving is a big downer. How about we race to the bottom?” I asked Cassidy.
“Sure, go!” she yelled without giving me a chance.
Cassidy slid down the rocks quickly and right past Melanie. She was moving too fast to hear Melanie call after her, but I was right there when she yelled.
“Slow down, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Melanie yelled.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on her. The worst that could happen is she’ll turn into a snowball,” I laughed as I started to run after Cassidy.
Her red hair was easy to spot in the white snow covering the mountains. She was moving quickly, and I felt a little uncomfortable running as fast as I was running on the snowy trail. But if Cassidy could do it, certainly I could do it, as well.
I let myself go as I ran faster and faster down the hill. My feet weren’t in control and I certainly didn’t feel like the rest of my body had control over the situation, at all. It felt like I was running a million miles a minute, but I didn’t stop. The faster I moved, the less space was between Cassidy and me.
“I’m coming for you,” I teased as I got closer to her.
“Don’t you dare tackle me,” she yelled back toward me as we ran faster.
“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks for the idea!” I said as I literally jumped up into the air and tackled Cassidy into the snow bank on the edge of the trail.
“I said not to do it,” she laughed.
“I’m a rebel; you know that by now.”
I stayed there on top of her and looked into her beautiful eyes. Soon, I would have to go home and she would be here – it didn’t seem fair that I would meet a girl that I actually liked and she would live so far away.
“Yes,” she laughed.
“Yes, what?”
“I’ll come visit you sometime.”
“Really? Don’t lie to me. You know that’s not good.”
“I’ll come visit you sometime. I promise. But you know you could always come back out here and visit. The summers are beautiful.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Really?” she ques
tioned me.
“Yes. I promise,” I laughed as we remained in the snow.
It felt good to be there with her. She felt so comfortable to me. Not just her physical comfort, but talking to her, getting to know her. It wasn’t like any other woman from my past and I liked it. I liked whatever it was that we had going on between the two of us.
Maybe we wouldn’t be able to maintain what we had. It was highly likely we would lose touch after I went home for one reason or another. It probably wouldn’t be either one of our fault specifically, but that was just how life worked out sometimes.
Without thinking, I pulled her to me and kissed her right there in the snow. I didn’t care who saw me. I didn’t care at all. I wanted to kiss her, so I did. Luckily, no one was nearly close enough to see what was going on.
“Come to my room tonight,” I whispered as I pulled her up from the snow bank.
Melanie was close behind us now and we had to pretend like everything was perfectly fine. I stood a couple feet away from Cassidy and waited for her answer. She had to say yes, I needed to have her.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Kaitlin is working tonight; it will be fine. You’re not even working. Just come to me,” I practically begged.
It wasn’t like me to beg a woman to come to my bed, but I was a new man. I wasn’t above a little begging if it would get me what I wanted. Ideally, we could have waited until I got out and found ourselves a cozy little hotel to hold up in for a weekend. But Spencer would be coming for me in the morning and I couldn’t let him down. I had to go with him to the contract signing with the new movie studio.
“I said I’d think about it.” She smiled as we both looked up at Melanie.
“Looks like you two took a spill,” she said as she kept walking past us.
“It’s all my fault,” Cassidy said. “I’m a total klutz.”
Melanie continued to walk down the hill and we followed. It was my last, big hike. My last few hours at the treatment facility. I had so many goodbyes to give people and so much to pack up to go home.
I was actually excited to head home. Not necessarily to be in my big house alone, but I was excited to be moving forward. Spencer and I worked really well together, and this new business venture would give me something to concentrate on.
There were plenty of AA meetings in my area and I had agreed to go to them. It would be a good way to keep my focus on my sobriety, and Spencer had even offered to stop drinking with me. He was a pretty damn good friend.
His friendship was better than I had even imagined. He kept my house up while I was in treatment and even worked out a plan to come stay with me if I needed him to when I got home.
There was clearly no way I would ever be able to truly repay the man, but if I stayed sober, it was a much better option than letting myself go back to drinking. I seriously doubted that he would stick around with me if I couldn’t keep sober once I returned. It was motivation for me to do the work I needed to do.
“Come see me tonight,” I said again as Cassidy and I walked down the rest of the trail back to the building.
“If you say another word, I’m going to say no,” she said with a serious expression on her face.
Does that mean that she is coming if I don’t say another word? I smiled from ear to ear at the possibility of getting to have the night with her before I returned home. It would only be one night, but that was enough for the moment.
And as much as I wanted to make love to her all night long, I would do anything she wanted. I would sit and play board games if that was what she wanted to do. I just wanted us to have time alone without any interruptions. Without her parents, or staff, or anything that could keep us from getting to know each other more.
We had to go our separate ways for the rest of the afternoon, and Cassidy didn’t even say goodnight when she left after her shift. It gave me hope that she was planning to come in.
When Kaitlin arrived at ten o’clock that night, I felt my heart flopping around like crazy. I waited until the other staff member was busy helping people with their nighttime rituals and I went to talk to her to see if she knew what the plan was.
“I don’t approve of this at all,” Kaitlin said as soon as I was in front of her.
“So, she’s not coming?”
“She’s coming. I’m just putting it out there that I don’t approve. You could just wait until tomorrow. That would be much better. Wait until you’re done with your program.”
“I can’t. My business partner is flying up first thing in the morning to get me.”
“Do you even understand how much she is risking by coming here to see you?” Kaitlin asked.
She wasn’t happy with me at all and it was clear she didn’t like my plan of spending alone time with Cassidy. But nothing was going to go wrong.
After midnight, Kaitlin would be the only staff member on this unit. She obviously wouldn’t care that Cassidy and I were alone in the room together. We would be able to spend at least four hours doing whatever we pleased before Cassidy had to sneak out in the morning.
I had already planned it all out. If Cassidy snuck out around four o’clock in the morning, everyone would be sound asleep and she would be able to leave and get some sleep before she had to be back at eight o’clock for her shift.
“I understand and that’s why you’re going to make sure and help us. Right?” I said with a boyish smile.
“I’ll do what I can, but I can’t promise you I’ll be able to keep this from going bad. Things happen, mistakes are made, and I’m not going to be held responsible for any of this. Do you understand?” she said firmly.
“Yep. I know it will be on me if something goes wrong.”
“Now get in your damn room and stay there. I’ll send her in when she gets here.”
I followed her orders and went to my room. In there, I sat on the bed, and then walked over to open the door and looked into the day area. I still had a good hour to wait and the suspense was killing me.
Shower. I could take a shower before she got there.
I jumped in and let the warm water wash over my body as I tried to relax my nerves. Nerves? Was I actually feeling nervous about being with a woman? It was crazy, I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually been nervous about such a thing. It had probably been way back in high school.
The water was actually hot and stayed hot for a long time, so I soaked it up. With everyone else asleep, it was nice to take a shower and not have to get out quickly because the water turned cold.
Thirty minutes passed and I dried off and threw some comfortable clothes on. I crawled into my bed and made sure everything was perfect before I grabbed a book and started to read. I certainly wasn’t going to let her see how nervous I was. Cassidy had to think I was just relaxing and didn’t have a care in the world.
“Scoot over,” I heard a soft voice say in my ear.
I did as I was told and moved over as I was half asleep, but as Cassidy climbed into bed with me my eyes darted open and I pulled her close to me. She was there. I couldn’t believe it. And I had fallen asleep waiting for her.
Well, if my goal had been to show her I was just chilling out and waiting, then I had certainly done that. But I really hadn’t meant to fall asleep.
“You’re here,” I said as my hands instantly started to slide up her shirt and explore her body.
“Nope, it’s a dream. I’m not really here,” she teased me.
“Kaitlin didn’t seem very happy about all of this.”
“Oh, she’s not. But she loves me, so she’s going with it. I hadn’t told her anything before tonight, though. You should have seen the look of disapproval on her face.”
I had expected Kaitlin wouldn’t have been a cheerleader for Cassidy to break the rules. But soon it wouldn’t matter – I was literally only there for one last night and then I wouldn’t be a patient anymore and Cassidy could play with me any time she wanted to.
My hand moved up her shirt
and I let my fingertips trace the line under her bra. We had all night and I wasn’t about to rush things. There was a need in me to savor everything about Cassidy. I wasn’t sure she would ever actually come see me in California and if this was going to be our last night together, I was going to make sure I remembered every last moment of it.
“I’m glad you came,” I said softly in her ear.
She turned toward me, and I stopped moving immediately. She was radiant. Her red hair reflected the moonlight that shone through the window. She looked up at me with longing and desire like I had never seen in a woman before. It was perfection and I took a mental picture before I continued to take off her lace bra.
“Don’t lose it,” she teased me.
I threw it across the room and then grabbed her t-shirt. Slowly, I pulled it up and over her head as her arms thrust up above her. She looked so ready for me in that moment that I decided to leave her exposed like that while I climbed over her and let my lips explore her taste.
My imagination had tasted every inch of her body, but in reality, I hadn’t had nearly enough of her. My lips went straight for her nipple, and I drew it roughly into my mouth as I heard her moan out. A smile thrust across my face at my ability to get her to moan. I really wished we were in a hotel so I could test out my skills further.
As much as I wanted to spend the whole night slowly making love to her, there was one thing I was desperate to taste.
My lips traced down her body as my hands pulled her pants from her hips. With one swift motion, I had her totally naked and exposed to me. She was mine – all mine. I saw it in her eyes that she wanted to be mine. I felt it in her touch that she was mine. It was an amazing feeling.
Making love to Cassidy wasn’t at all like having sex with the random girls that had shown up at my house. Those women had never evoked feelings in me like I had for Cassidy. They also hadn’t looked at me with the love and admiration that she was looking at me with at that very moment.
The touch of her delicate skin on my tongue was enough to set my throbbing body into overdrive. For a moment, I felt the urge to start thrusting inside of her purely so I could feel the explosion sooner. But I didn’t want it to end quickly. I wanted more and more.
