by Joey Bush
We never had guests.
The porch swing called my name. I was the only one who still used the thing. I parked across from the house and dragged my weary body to the porch swing. The house next-door was still unoccupied. Perhaps the new neighbor would come home if I waited long enough. I was sitting at the perfect vantage point to see the person arrive home. I took off my shoes and wiggled my toes. I did not have golf shoes yet and my feet were killing me.
I daydreamed about what school would be like. I didn’t even know my roommate. Housing had paired me up with a girl from Kansas. I had filled out an idiotic questionnaire. Chemistry between two strangers was impossible to predict. They asked me if I drank or smoked. Yes to either question required one to answer how much and how often. Didn’t it vary among most eighteen year olds? When it came to sex, I was given a choice of male, female, or other with a line for explanation. I knew there were folks who are struggling with the answer but I was tempted to check other and write in llama. What would I end up with? Perhaps a person who also identified as a llama? I had actually spoken with Kelly and she wasn’t a llama. She seemed like a nice person.
Everyone spoke of the freshmen fifteen. That was a worry as well. I had never had to pay attention to what I put in my mouth because I was active with running and such. I did not want to fall victim to weight gain. I realized that money would be tight and the $1 value meal at the golden arches would be calling my name.
I glanced next-door and there was still no movement. I wondered if the mystery neighbor was ever going to show his face.
I already had my schedule, which included five courses. I had world history as a requirement. I imagined the world was too big to cover its entire history in one semester. I had low expectations. I did not do well enough on the entry tests to get out of pre-calculus. Therefore, I had it three days per week. I elected to take geology because it sounded interesting. My schedule was rounded out with macroeconomics and human sexuality. Ryder was correct; I had arranged my schedule as if I were sampling a buffet. I could have arranged to slip in a course that actually interested me.
My biggest worry about being away from home was missing Sayler. She had become a large part of my life. I would say she was like a sister, but I had seen those relationships sour. We were absolutely loyal to each other. She was my touchstone and we had a bond that was unbreakable. She always made sure I didn’t get too serious about life and I kept her on the straight and narrow. Or at least we each tried without either of us trying to change the other person. We would be burning up the phone lines in an effort to stay in touch.
****
With drool pooling up on the sides of my mouth, I fell to the ground. I had fallen asleep. Now I was lying face down on the wooden boards of the deck. I was surprised that the thud of my body didn’t alert my mother. I was woken up by the sound of my new neighbor’s garage door closing.
Shit. I missed him. He had window treatments that prohibited me from peering inside. I could imagine him moving through the house. I knew the floor plan from being in the house earlier. He moved from the living room, to the kitchen and arrived in the bedroom. The lights in the bedroom eventually went dark. There was no illumination from the television. The stranger next door must have gone to sleep. Whoever it was, he must have been tired and skipped watching television for the night.
I tiptoed into the house so as not to wake my mother if she had gone to sleep. I found her watching television. On the table next to the couch was a cold tray of microwaved dinner. She had apparently not been hungry.
“Hey mom. Sorry I wasn’t home for dinner. I see you fixed something yourself. Smells good,” I said. My mother smelled like gin.
“It tasted like plastic shit,” she said, slurring her words slightly.
“Shit isn’t plastic mom.” I laughed, hoping she would do the same.
“Don’t worry Jenna. Was that you I heard crashing around out front?” she asked.
“That was me. Your graceful daughter. I fell off the porch swing. I fell asleep waiting for the new neighbor to come home. I know whoever it is came home because I heard there garage door close and I noticed the light on.”
“I’m sure you will see him eventually. He is sure to come by to thank us for the pie. If I see him and you’re not around I will secretly take a picture of him with my phone.” Her voice sounded tired.
“Who knows? I don’t know why I care so much. I guess I’m curious and I want to make sure a mass murderer didn’t move in next-door. As far as the picture goes, skip it. I don’t want you arrested on stalking charges.”
“Well you’re not an expert sleuth Jenna. Detective isn’t a career choice you should pursue at school,” she joked. “Where were you anyways? It must have been important because you left your starving mother home alone.” She chuckled and smiled.
“It was nothing. I was just golfing with a friend.”
“I didn’t know you golfed. Your friend must have been handsome,” she guessed.
“Yes and it was nothing. I assure you,” I lied.
“I have heard that one before.”
“I’m going to go up to bed Mom. Need anything before I turn in?”
“A life.” She smirked.
“Sorry mom. Ball’s in your court where that’s concerned. I love you.” I kissed my mom goodnight and went up to my room.
I looked out my window before getting in bed. My mystery neighbor was certainly sleeping. I wondered for a moment what Ryder was doing. He was probably out with the mysterious Sammy, or perhaps he was still at the club with Amelia.
I pulled back my covers, which had evolved through the years. I safely made it out of the teenybopper years. There was no pop star staring back at me from my pillow. I had reached the point where I thought that the idea of sleeping with an image of anyone on my pillow was strange. I didn’t have posters on the wall—they had been replaced by tasteful prints. Many were of places I wanted to visit someday but, in all likelihood, would not. I had one of Times Square and another of the French countryside. I knew they would be thrown in the junk pile someday when my mom got around to it. My tastes would change and I would dream of going to new places.
Chapter Six
I stayed in bed until nine, which was late for me. I was thinking of Ryder. I couldn’t figure out why I was so fixated. I had received attention from men before. Some of them had been older than me, but this seemed different. It had to be that he was mysterious. I hated to think I was one of those women who savored the challenge as if I were some kind of wild animal hunting for prey. Maybe he was hunting me. I was younger than he was, who knew by how much, and he seemed attracted to my perceived innocence. I was confused, which called for an afternoon with my best friend, Sayler.
I grabbed my phone. God, I had to replace the tacky rhinestone cover. I dialed Sayler’s number and it rang forever. She finally picked up.
“Hello?” she croaked.
“What’s up? You went out last night. I can tell by the sound of your voice,” I said.
“It is a good thing you’re not my mom. She’s under the impression I went to see a movie with you. She was passed out by the time I rolled in at 2 am.”
“You can tell me all about it. I will be over in an hour. Extra sugar, two creams?”
“You know it. Just let yourself in. I doubt my mom is awake yet,” Sayler mumbled before she hung up and likely went back to sleep.
Sayler Lindner was my closest friend. Many would say BFF. Those people had a lot of BFF’s. I only had one. Sayler’s mom was a drunk. My mother had her issues as well, but she was always there when I needed her.
My mom shepherded my father through a long and painful death. He had just about everything towards the end. His liver and kidneys were a mess and he had diabetes. In the end, cancer came calling. It had been five years since he had left us. The longer he was gone, the fuzzier the bad memories of my father became. I remained a whole person after the ordeal of his death, but a little part of my mom was buried
with him.
I hopped in my car and sped to the coffee drive-thru. It used to be all about the omnipresent cup with the mermaid but the Coffee Shack was fast and cheap. It didn’t hurt that the owner’s son was the barista. Sayler had sex with him a couple of times.
“Two large coffees. The usual.”
Within seconds, Rems passed the coffees to me through the window. “These are on me. Tell Sayler I said hello,” Rems said, winking as I drove off.
I knew who Sayler had been with the night before – two free coffees. It must have been some night. I smiled.
I made it to Sayler’s house. Still in my pajama bottoms, I found my way up to her room.
“I see you have yet to clean this place up,” I said, placing the cups on the crowded table “I don’t know how you live in here. You could be in a Hoarders episode with Ryder.”
“Who is Ryder? I didn’t think you would come over first thing to chat with me.” Sayler yawned.
“Actually, I didn’t. I stopped at the Coffee Shack. I paid nothing…and Rembrandt says hello.”
“Yeah. I guess Rems and I hooked up. He’s such a nice guy and he’s safe. It will never go anywhere but we have fun.” Sayler sat up straight in her bed. “Enough about me. Who is Ryder? Why are you glowing?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I grabbed the coffees, handing one to Sayler, and sat down on the end of the bed. “He is a guy I met on Pelican Island at Magnolia. I was doing some volunteering and I went to a reception. I was decked out in my volunteer garb. I went for the free food and not to meet someone. But I met Ryder. He…is…amazing. Tall, muscular, green eyes. He is the type you notice when he enters the room.” I spoke faster than I realized. Upon finishing, I found that I was out of breath.
“Slow down Jenna. You are gonna hyperventilate,” said Syler, with a smirk. “Is he from around here? Do I know him?”
“No and no. He is older. I tried my best to find out how much older but I failed. We met at the driving range a couple of days ago, then yesterday we putted and we’re meeting again tomorrow. He makes my hands sweat like crazy.” I pulled out my tablet.
“You have his name Jenna. Let’s look at his Facebook page.” Sayler was intrigued.
She squealed when we got to his page. The man was good. His profile gave nothing away. He left all of the important stuff blank. His birthday was in December but he gave no year. Everything related to golf. I was curious to see him with Sammy. There were no photos of him with a Sammy or a Samantha. I Googled his name and I came up with some stuff several years old. He had won a couple of amateur golf tournaments and then he disappeared.
“This guy is a conundrum. You must know something about the guy. You have spent hours with him right? Your hands sweat. I know you well Jenna – did your crotch tingle?” Sayler asked, leaning in and smirking.
I laughed. “Shut up!” I yelled and smacked her with a pillow. “Anyways, I found some sex books yesterday,” I told her, trying to stop her from asking more questions about Ryder.
“Sex books?”
“Some guy is moving in next-door to my mom. She says he’s hot. I brought him an apple pie since she thought he needed some sort of welcome to the neighborhood gift.”
“You baked?” Sayler was incredulous.
“Not really, but it certainly looked homemade. He wasn’t home so I left it for him and, of course, I looked around. He is a fitness nut who takes a lot of meds–weird combo. I noticed some boxes. I peeked inside and there were books all about sex. I’m talking a smorgasbord of sex books. Whoever this dude is, he’s sex obsessed, or just knows a great deal about it. I even resorted to spying on the man in order to steal a glance of him. It ended in a debacle.”
“Jenna. I’m so confused between Ryder and the sex guy.” Sayler was back to Ryder. I decided to ask for advice.
“What if Ryder takes this thing a step further?” I asked.
“I say go for it Jenna. If he’s older, he’ll be able to teach you some new moves. He may rock your world.”
I giggled uncomfortably. Maybe she was right. Maybe he would rock my world.
We talked for hours before we got hungry. I went out to pick up a pizza. I returned to find Sayler’s mom drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette in the kitchen. She had woken up around noon, which was typical. She wasn’t someone who I wanted my friend to emulate. Sayler had a lot of potential. It just needed to be pointed in the right direction. My mother was no picnic herself, but I guess she was my mom and I loved her despite her drawbacks.
“Hey Mrs. L. Good morning, or afternoon–good day,” I chirped. I knew immediately I was too cheery for the hung over woman.
“I don’t see what’s good about it but I appreciate the sentiment. I heard you and my daughter talking this morning. These walls are like paper. I heard something about a Ryder guy. If he’s too old for you, send him my way. He must have cash if he’s hanging out at the country club.” Sayler walked into the kitchen. She saved me.
“Mom, I think he’s interested in Jenna. You are probably not his type, even if he’s closer to you in age. You will do best to stick with the guys playing video golf at the bar.”
“Yeah. I hit a hole in one last week. It only set me back a couple of quarters. A lot cheaper than a round of golf.”
Juliet wandered away in a haze of smoke.
“Later mom.” Sayler tuned to me and sighed. “If it was anyone but you, I would be embarrassed. She wonders why I don’t ever bring a guy home. He would take one look at her, see his future, and run away. They would think I was destined to be just like her and run out the front door… But anyways, back to Ryder. What are you going to do about the mystery man?” Sayler asked.
Just at that moment, my phone chimed. It was set to an Alicia Keys tune and it blared through my phone speaker. It was Ryder. I had entered him into my phone. Expecting him to cancel, I let his call go to voicemail.
“Was that Ryder?” Sayler asked.
“Yes”
“Why the fuck didn’t you answer?”
“I would rather get let down via voicemail. I cannot believe I’m treating this like a breakup. We golfed together twice,” I stammered.
“Put it on speaker. I want to hear what he says.”
I opened my voicemail and set my phone to speaker.
Hey Jenna. I have unpacked a lot of shit and I have a nice house setup here finally. I have a brand new grill and I was going to “throw some shrimp on the Barbie”, as they say Down Under. I made a delicious apple pie that I would hate to eat alone. I was thinking we could skip the golf lesson. Do you want to come for dinner? Let me know.
I was surprised that it was anything but ditching me.
“What are you waiting for Jenna? Call him. He sounds hot and he definitely sounds interested. Weren’t you just talking about an apple pie? It must be a sign. You both like to bake apple pie.”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have time to date a guy since I started school soon. What would one date hurt, though?
“I guess I could just see where things go. I will just text him back and ask for his address. I can’t believe I’m doing this Sayler. I’m going to be off to college soon,” I told her. “Do you have a beer or a glass of wine around to get me through the awkwardness I’m feeling?” I joked.
“Jenna, seriously. This is the Lindner house. We have the finest canned domestic beer you can pick up for under $10 a 6-pak and an assortment of wines by the box.” Sayler smiled.
I laughed. “So here is what I wrote.”
Send me your address. Scared to be shown up by a girl on the driving range? What can I bring? Fire extinguisher? LOL
“Sounds fine to me,” Sayler said.
I pressed send. Seconds later, my phone beeped. It was a text from Ryder.
“He’s anxious,” I said.
“No. He’s just prompt. Let me read it.” Sayler grabbed my phone. She was silent as she read his reply.
“Wow. Your address is 629 Lewis Avenue, correct?” Say
ler asked.
“Yes. Why?” I was confused, and impatient. “Just read the damn text.”
She handed the phone to me. I took it and stared at the text.
Just bring you. 627 Lewis Ave. Point Pleasant neighborhoodJ
“That must be wrong. That is right next-door to my—” I stopped as the pieces fell into place. “Holy shit, Sayler. He is the guy my mom thinks is hot. He is the fitness freak with the sex books. Shit. I can’t have dinner with him.” I felt my stomach drop.
“Why not? It’s convenient. If you stay the night you can sneak back in and your mother won’t even know.”
“He’s planning to grill. That means outside. Which means my mom will see us and then she’ll be involved in my business.”
“You said your mom was having dinner at your brother’s house. She won’t be home. I don’t see what the big deal is Jenna. So the guy likes sex. Maybe he can teach you a thing or two. I think it’s another cosmic sign.”
“When did you get all new-agey? If there is a sign, it says ‘DANGER – Enter at your own risk’.”
“Come on Jenna. We will look back at this in a year and realize what an opportunity you were given. Just have dinner with him. It’s fun–no commitment.”
“Let’s head upstairs and raid your closet,” I suggested, because I had nothing to wear.
“Fuck that Jenna. When is the last time you went shopping for yourself?”
“Um – a few days ago,” I said.
“You deserve something new anyways. You won’t fit into my shit. I have never seen you in such good shape,” Sayler said.
“I’m just going to wear jeans and a tank top. It’s hot as hell so I will probably wear my hair in a ponytail.”
“No Jenna. No ponytail. Your hair is beautiful and you appear more womanly when it’s down. I still can’t believe I convinced you to chop it off last year. Sorry about that.”
