by Meg Cabot
Everyone tilted their chins to look up at her.
‘You think things are any different here on the bus than they are in the classroom, shrimps?’ she asked Patrick and Stuart. ‘Allie and I are still in charge!’
Stuart shrank down into his seat. ‘Sorry,’ he murmured.
‘That’s more like it,’ Rosemary said.
Then she turned to give Brittany – who’d frozen in the middle of the aisle – a look that could have melted a Pine Heights cafeteria Tater Tot.
And those are pretty hard.
‘You got a problem with my girl Allie?’ Rosemary asked Brittany.
‘N-no,’ Brittany stammered, her eyes huge.
‘Good,’ Rosemary said. ‘Let’s keep it that way. Welcome to my bus.’
Brittany blinked a few times. Then she seemed to remember that she’s the Cheyenne of her own class.
‘It’s not your bus,’ Brittany said, sticking out her pointy chin. Which was pretty brave of her, if you thought about it. ‘Our school paid half for it.’
‘Yeah?’ Rosemary said. ‘Well, we got here first. So it’s my bus now, unless you want to fight me for it. Which I don’t imagine you do, do you, buttercup?’
I heard a few people snicker at Rosemary having called Brittany buttercup, on account of her yellow dress.
I didn’t laugh though, because I knew what it was like to be threatened by Rosemary. Rosemary had threatened me for a while when I’d first started attending Pine Heights. It had been really scary.
Then I’d gotten to know Rosemary, and realized she was actually just really lonely and wanted me as a friend but didn’t know how to ask . . .
Nevertheless, Rosemary could still be really scary when she wanted to be.
And Bullying is wrong, even when it’s being done to someone who is a bully herself.
That’s a rule.
‘What’s the hold up in there?’ I heard a familiar voice ask from the front of the bus. It was my old teacher, Ms Myers, who I used to think was the best teacher in the whole world. Until I met Mrs Hunter. ‘Everyone take a seat, please! We need to get on the road for Honeypot Prairie so we’ll have plenty of time to enjoy all the activities.’
‘Here, come sit by us,’ Cheyenne said, waving. M and D helped shmoosh Cheyenne’s hoop skirt down to make room for Brittany. ‘Don’t mind Rosemary. She’s all bark and no bite.’
‘We’ll see about that,’ Rosemary called as Brittany and those guys backed up the aisle to take the seats Cheyenne and her friends were offering. Mary Kay sat down without even looking at me. ‘Just try that Allie Stinkle bit again and find out.’
‘Did someone say Allie Stinkle?’ called another familiar voice.
I couldn’t help letting out a groan.
It couldn’t be.
But it was.
I’d recognize that New York accent – not to mention those freckles and that bright red hair – anywhere.
‘Well, well, well.’ Scott Stamphley dropped into the seat over the wheel well that was directly across from the one I shared with Rosemary. ‘If it isn’t my old pal from the principal’s office. Shoved a cupcake into anybody’s face lately, Stinkle?’
‘Scott,’ I said. For some reason I could feel my face turning bright red. I had no idea why. ‘Shut up.’
‘I wondered whatever happened to you,’ Scott went on, completely ignoring what I’d said about shutting up, as he’d always used to, back when I’d been forced to be in the same class as him. ‘I figured you’d be in prison by now. But I see they sent you someplace worse. Pine Heights Elementary.’
‘You got something against Pine Heights?’ Rosemary demanded hotly.
‘Simmer down, princess,’ Scott said. Which was a bit shocking. Mostly because nobody ever called Rosemary princess, or baby girl, or things like that. But also because he didn’t seem the least bit scared of her. ‘I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to Stinkle.’
But then Scott got distracted when another boy, Paul Schmitt, raced up, crying, ‘Dude! You got the seat over wheels! Awesome!’ They started fist-bumping one another.
That’s when Sophie’s head came popping up over the back of the seat in front of mine.
‘Allie,’ she whispered. ‘Who is that boy?’
‘No one,’ I said. I had never been so mortified in my life.
Caroline and Erica’s heads joined Sophie’s over the back of the seat.
‘He’s obviously someone,’ Caroline said.
‘I think he likes you, Allie,’ Sophie said. ‘He wouldn’t tease you so much if he didn’t like you.’
I felt myself turning even redder.
‘He doesn’t like me,’ I whispered back. The thought of Scott Stamphley liking me made me feel completely weird inside. ‘He hates me. He always has. We’re total enemies.’
‘Then why are you blushing?’ Sophie wanted to know.
‘You know,’ Rosemary said, looking at me. ‘You are.’
Fortunately at that moment Mrs Hunter, at the front of the bus, clapped her hands and asked for our attention. So Sophie and Caroline and Erica had to turn round and stop looking at me.
Thank goodness.
‘Children!’ Mrs Hunter said. ‘We’re ready to begin our trip to Honeypot Prairie now! So for those of you from Walnut Knolls Elementary who don’t know, let me introduce myself. I’m Mrs Hunter – ’
Then my old teacher, Ms Myers, stood up and said, ‘And for those of you from Pine Heights Elementary who don’t know me, I’m Ms Myers.’
‘- and we’re so excited you could all join us for what we’re sure is going to be a day of magic, fun and learning!’ Mrs Hunter said. ‘Now, because Honeypot Prairie’s interactive exhibitions can better accommodate small groups, when we get to the park, you’ll be splitting up into your pre-assigned teams for your tour.’
‘That means,’ Ms Myer said, ‘Team Miami will tour the schoolhouse and Team Illini will visit the blacksmith’s shop, while Team Pawnee might be learning how to build a wigwam and Team Shawnee might be having an authentic nineteenth-century lunch in the bakehouse. Then, within your team, you’ll each have a buddy with whom we want you stay at all times, for safety. Understand?’
Rosemary held her hand out to me. ‘Buddies?’ she asked.
‘Of course,’ I said, slipping my fingers into hers.
And not just because I’d seen how awesome she was around Brittany and those guys.
If I’d learned anything since coming to Pine Heights Elementary, it was that You can’t have enough buddies. And that’s a rule.
Rule #13
No Getting Up While the Bus Is in Motion
Joey Fields was the one who threw up. I guess it sort of figured that it would be him.
It was still a surprise. It was as we were going over a really big bump – a pothole on one of the country roads we had to take to get to Honeypot Prairie – that it happened.
Sophie was right: the seats on the school bus really are well-padded and compartmentalized for safety. You don’t go flying when those back wheels hit something. Not unless you let your body go totally limp, like Rosemary taught me.
That’s what I was doing when Joey, who’d been complaining of feeling motion sick, just completely heaved.
The bus driver had to pull over and let us all out so he and Mrs Hunter could clean it up. Mrs Hunter kept yelling, ‘Be careful! Don’t step in it!’ as we ran off, trying to escape the terrible odour.
But I think a bunch of people stepped in it anyway, because it still smelt pretty bad when we got back on, even though everyone put their windows down as far as they would go.
Joey felt awful about it. Especially when Brittany and Mary Kay and those guys – who made fast friends with Patrick Day and Stuart Maxwell – start calling him Chuck. As in upchuck.
‘Hey, nice going, Chuck,’ they kept saying to Joey when we were back on the bus. ‘What a magnificent odour you’ve created, Chuck.’
Joey already felt bad enough, seeing as how he’d
just thrown up. They didn’t have to make it worse.
Every time I looked over at him – sitting slumped by himself on a seat (because no one would sit next to the boy who had thrown up . . . not that anyone had wanted to sit next to Joey in the first place, since Joey is also the boy who barks) – I felt really sorry for him. His face was practically green.
Plus he had his trousers rolled up to look like knickerbockers, and that silly hat with the raccoon tail.
It was all just so sad. Almost as sad as me, the girl whose mother doesn’t think she’s responsible enough to own a cellphone and whose cat won’t come out of the wall.
So finally I said, ‘You guys. Cut it out.’
That was when Mary Kay finally said something to me, her ex-best friend, whose chance to see the rare collectable Barbie exhibit she’d ruined.
Mary Kay had just been sitting there in perfect silence the whole time, smiling her stupid, terrible I’m sorry (but not really) smile at no one in particular, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she piped up with, ‘What’s the matter, Allie? Is Chuck your boyfriend!’
Just like that.
Of course, the minute she said it, Stuart and Patrick were like, ‘Yeah! Chuck’s Allie’s boyfriend!’
And Rosemary couldn’t get up to pound them into being quiet, because the bus was moving. And Mr Curtiss had said No getting up while the bus is in motion, or he would personally put us off the bus. He didn’t care where. It could be the highway. We could just live by the side of the highway, for all Mr Curtiss cared.
It was Mr Curtiss’s rule.
A part of me couldn’t believe Mary Kay had asked such a stupid question. She knew Joey wasn’t my boyfriend because in the limo to Brittany Hauser’s birthday party I’d told her and all those girls that I didn’t have a boyfriend.
But another part of me knew exactly why Mary Kay had done it. She’d done it to embarrass me in front of everyone in my (not-so-much-any-more) new school.
Because that’s the kind of friend Mary Kay is.
So I was just like, ‘Yeah, that’s right. Joey is my boyfriend,’ in the most sarcastic voice possible, to show Mary Kay she hadn’t embarrassed me at all.
But some people are immune to sarcasm.
Which was why Brittany and Mary Kay and all those guys, including Stuart and Patrick and half the bus practically, started singing,
‘Stinkle and Upchuck
sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes Stinklechuck
in a baby carriage.’
Like this was the most creative, hilarious song in all creation.
Which didn’t really bother me, because I knew they were just being stupid. What did I care if they sang a stupid song about me and Joey kissing and getting married and having a Stinklechuck baby? There’s no such thing as a Stinklechuck baby. And that didn’t mean it was going to come true.
And also, reacting to it would just make them do it more.
So I ignored it.
And also, I could tell that their singing that song was making Cheyenne really mad, because all the boys – except Scott Stamphley and his friend Paul, who were trying to play with their DSs and looked annoyed by all the commotion – were paying attention to me and not to her.
And anything that made Cheyenne mad, made me happy. Cheyenne kept looking back from her row on the bus, like, ‘What is going on back there?’ and ‘Why is Allie getting all the attention?’
I almost expected Cheyenne to raise her hand and be like, ‘Mrs Hunter! Please make the boys pay attention to me now.’
Only she didn’t. Which was almost as disappointing as her hoop skirt not flying up over her head.
The only thing I was worried about was Joey.
Because for some reason instead of looking miserable about everyone teasing him about liking me, he looked happier.
And I started to suspect that the reason he was happy was because he’d believed it when I said he was my boyfriend . . . that I liked him in a lovey-dovey way, not an I-feel-sorry-for-you way.
Which I do not.
So then I started worrying that I was going to have that to deal with all day, in addition to Mary Kay being such a snot and my worries about Mewsie and Mrs Hunter and David and the fact that I was wearing a nightgown to school during the daytime.
How do I get myself into these situations? I swear, I was starting to give Uncle Jay’s walkabout idea some serious consideration. Maybe I’d just break Mr Curtiss’s rule about getting up from my seat.
Then Mr Curtiss would put me off on the side of the road, and I could just go looking for my spiritual path.
That would have to be preferable to the path I was currently on. Wouldn’t it?
Finally the bus pulled into the parking lot of Honeypot Prairie and we were able to get off the smelly bus (which Mr Curtiss promised he was going to take away and properly hose down before we took it back home, so it wouldn’t smell of Joey’s throw-up any more).
There were four people standing in the parking lot waiting for us. One was dressed like an old-timey blacksmith. One was dressed like an old-timey schoolteacher. One was dressed liked an old-timey baker.
And the fourth was a lady with really long hair, dressed like an old-timey . . . well, I don’t even know what she was supposed to be, to tell you the truth.
Each one was holding a sign that said the name of the teams to which we were about to be assigned.
‘Oh no,’ Rosemary said, looking at the old-timey people out of the window.
I knew exactly how she felt.
Like going on a walkabout.
‘As you get off the bus,’ Mrs Hunter yelled, ‘you’ll be handed a slip of paper. That slip of paper will have the name of the team to which you’ve been assigned. Do not lose that slip of paper!’
‘If we’re not on the same team,’ I heard Brittany whisper to Cheyenne, ‘trade with someone.’
‘And No trading teams!’ Ms Myers called out almost as if she’d overheard. But she couldn’t have, there was still so much singing about the Stinklechuck baby. ‘If you’re caught trading team assignments, the punishment will be severe – ’ That was a rule – ‘Remember we want you to learn to work as a team with people you normally wouldn’t get to know!’
‘Trade anyway,’ I heard Mary Kay say. ‘I don’t want to be on a team with . . . you know!’
I knew exactly who she meant, because I saw her gaze dart in the direction of the person she meant.
Me.
I felt my cheeks turning red again.
But this time it had nothing to do with Scott Stamphley.
I couldn’t believe Mary Kay had ever been my friend . . . let alone my best friend. What had I ever seen in her? She was a super snob.
Stepping off the bus, I saw the smiling face of my old teacher, Ms Myers. She was handing out slips of paper to everyone who went by her. When she saw me, her smile broadened.
‘Hi, Allie,’ she said. She remembered me!
‘Hi, Ms Myers,’ I said, feeling a little shy.
‘You look so nice today,’ she said, meaning my nightgown and apron. ‘Like a real prairie girl.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. See? There was nothing wrong with our period costumes. Brittany and Cheyenne were wrong. We looked nice! Even Ms Myers thought so.
‘Here you go,’ she said, sticking a slip of paper in my hand.
‘Thanks,’ I said. And looked down at it. Team Shawnee.
I glanced around and saw that the schoolteacher lady was holding the sign that said Shawnee. Lenny Hsu was standing next to her.
I also saw, to my extreme disappointment, that Scott Stamphley his friend Paul, Stuart Maxwell and Patrick Day were standing next to her.
Great.
Also: typical that I would get assigned to the team with those guys on it.
Going walkabout had never seemed so appealing.
‘Hey,’ I said, turning
round to Rosemary, ‘what did you get?’
‘Team Illini,’ she said. ‘You?’
‘Stupid Team Shawnee,’ I said.
‘I’m Illini too,’ Sophie said. Caroline and Erica were both Pawnee.
‘Not fair,’ I said. ‘I’m the only Shawnee?’
‘Uh,’ Rosemary said, ‘no, you’ve got plenty of company. Look.’
I looked. To my horror, Cheyenne, Brittany, Mary Kay, M and D, and Lauren and Paige (but not Courtney) were hurrying toward the schoolteacher lady holding the Team Shawnee sign.
There was no way they all could have ended up on the same team.
There was only one answer: They had traded! They had all totally broken the rules, and traded). Even though they knew the punishment for breaking the rules was going to be severe!
All the girls were giggling excitedly beneath their bonnet brims and making googly eyes at Scott, Stuart, Patrick and Paul.
Suddenly I knew how Joey must have felt on the bus right before he’d heaved. Because I wanted to throw up too.
‘Aw, come on, you guys,’ I turned round and said to my friends. ‘Not fair. Somebody trade me.’
‘Oh,’ Erica said, looking pained, ‘you know ordinarily I’d do it, Allie. Only you heard Mrs Hunter. No trading.’
‘Yeah,’ Caroline said, staring as Cheyenne sashayed up to Scott, opened her parasol and started twirling it in front of him like she was insane. ‘Sorry, Allie.’
‘You can’t possibly think any of us would trade with you, Allie,’ Sophie said, stating the bald truth of the matter, as usual, ‘after the things you told us about that birthday party you went to with those girls. I mean, there’s no way.’
Me and my big mouth.
I glanced over my shoulder. Patrick was kicking Cheyenne’s hoop skirt to make it sway. Cheyenne shrieked in mock outrage and darted away. Brittany and Mary Kay laughed hysterically, like this was the funniest thing they’d ever seen in their entire lives.
I couldn’t believe this was how I was going to have to spend my first ever field trip. Not only at the world’s most boring, non-interactive living-history museum, with no Barbies, but with all the people I hated most!
Even though It’s wrong to hate people, of course. That’s a rule.
