I started crying and eventually fell asleep.
I woke up a few hours later, the room dark, my body stiff. I had left the air conditioning low in my room and had fallen asleep so suddenly, I hadn’t covered myself with a blanket.
I was cold and lonely, and when I checked my phone and saw I had no missed calls, my heart sank.
Why hadn’t he called? This wasn’t like him. This wasn’t the person I had fallen for.
The one who talked about marriage and red-haired kids before I left for the summer. Was that all a joke? How could he say he wanted to get married if he didn’t mean it?
He’d said, “We can get married after we finish law school…well, maybe after we both pass the bar, and then we can go work for someone for a few years, and then we’ll open our own law firm. Lightfoot and Lightfoot.” I could still hear the words echo in my ear.
At first, I hadn’t understood what he meant. When he kept staring at me expectantly, waiting for an answer, I’d laughed, mostly out of shock and surprise.
“Are you serious?” I had asked him.
“How could I not be? I love you, Alberta,” he had responded, a beaming smile stretched across his face.
That moment had been so simple and perfect.
It meant everything to me. We were just two people promising they wanted to spend their life together, even if it wasn’t going to be any time soon.
I could still remember how it felt when I realized we were making plans for the future. I was going to marry this man, my best friend, my first and only love.
We would get married after law school, and one day we were going to open our own law firm and kick butt side by side like in one of those TV dramas.
Lightfoot & Lightfoot: Delivering justice, one client at a time.
It didn’t take long at all for my head to be filled with visions of white dresses. Shane wasn’t helping either.
“And then, one day, we can have little redheaded children running around the house,” he had said. I had never hinted at the idea of marriage or children; he had done it all on his own. Now I was sitting in a dark room in the middle of Paris, my heart shattered by his empty promises.
Something must have happened. Shane wasn’t like this. He was honest.
Loyal.
But now, I didn’t feel like I could deny the evidence any longer.
I was getting dumped.
Via email.
While I was on the other side of the motherfucking world.
Un-fucking-believable.
Before I’d left, he’d said he was going to talk to his family about our plans.
His family.
This was their doing. Shane’s mother had never hidden the fact that she didn’t like me. She had never tried to hide what she thought of me.
She thought I wasn’t good enough for her son.
My Shane.
I decided to try again…and called him three more times.
He never answered.
He never called back.
He never texted.
It was over.
December 2015
LONG BEFORE IT WAS EVEN a word used to describe the end of a relationship, I had been ghosted. My boyfriend, whom I lived with, left town while I was overseas.
And the only thing he left behind was a fucking email.
An email. We were living together, for fuck’s sake!
He never returned any of my calls or messages.
He moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts, to attend Harvard Law. Along with the move, he changed his number and his email, and had a brand new address.
Or so I was told.
After trying to get in touch with him repeatedly while I was still in London, I decided to give up. There was no point. I was never going to have the confrontation I wanted. I didn’t even want a confrontation.
I wanted a conversation.
I just wanted to know what had happened, what had changed. I wanted to hear him say he didn’t care about me. I wanted him to tell me he didn’t love me, just so I could move on. I suspected all of his close friends knew, but I never asked them about him. I couldn’t lower myself to that level.
Going back to school without any idea what the fuck had happened to your seemingly perfect relationship was downright humiliating.
To make matters worse, I was so heartbroken over it. My mind was trying to move on, but my heart couldn’t fathom what had happened. My heart failed to comprehend that it had to stop loving Shane. My heart betrayed me, for months.
Inevitably, I would cry my eyes out every time I was alone.
I lost interest in going out or spending time with friends. I felt deeply broken, and I believed no one could understand my pain. I started having panic attacks.
I promised myself no one would ever hurt me like that again.
I went through the motions for months. The only thing I really did was go to class and focus on my assignments. I was able to keep my grades up, but my spirit was dead. It took me a long time to find a way back to myself.
He was gone, but I couldn’t escape the memory of him.
It killed me every day. I didn’t want to stay in Washington, and I didn’t want to be in Tennessee. I needed a way out, and after talking to one of my professors at LSE, I was able to leave my past behind for good and move to Europe.
Now he was here, a few feet away from me, and I couldn’t stop staring at him.
I had fantasized about this so many times. I’d repeated the whole speech over and over in my head. Shane Lightfoot, the man who had stepped all over my heart, was sitting a few tables away from me.
I could get my revenge. I could unload all the words and all the feelings I’d kept bottled up for ten years…and look like a crazy person in the process.
No. I wanted nothing to do with him. Causing a scene would not make me feel any better or erase any of the heartbreak I’d endured.
I was going to walk out of there without acknowledging him.
“Are you planning to use that knife or are you trying to stab the table, Bertie?” Boyd asked.
“Huh?” I snapped out of my daydream and looked at him. He eyed the knife in my right hand; I was clutching the handle and the blade was pointed down, scratching the surface of the table.
It looked like I wanted to stab someone…and well, that wasn’t too far from the truth.
“Huh, how weird.” I put the knife back on the table. I grabbed my fork and started fiddling with the food on my plate, but I had lost my appetite.
Boyd turned around in the direction of Shane’s table, and I flinched.
His eyes met mine, and I knew what he was thinking. He knew something was wrong with me. My reaction had tipped him off. He knew I was lying about not knowing the guy. He looked in Shane’s direction once again, and that’s when it happened. Shane looked toward our table and our eyes met for a moment, but I quickly turned away. I shifted my body and started listening to the conversation Ella and Lou were having. They were talking about their Christmas plans with her parents. They were also supposed to meet up with Boyd.
“You’re not spending New Year’s Eve in Tennessee this year,” I added matter-of-factly.
“No,” he replied with a small shake of his head, his lips pursed in a straight line. He gave me a dark, lustful look and bit his bottom lip. His gaze fell on my lips, and I let out a breath. We were thinking about the same thing.
We were thinking about the first night we’d been together.
The night when I thought I would have a one-night stand with my friend’s brother and never see him again.
Hard to believe it had almost been a year. That night he had felt the need to caution me like I was some naïve little girl. He had said he never slept with the same person twice.
Instead, we’d ended up having sex more times than I could count.
Hell, I’d had sex with him more times than with the last guy I’d been in a relationship with. Since our first night together, I’d had a couple of one-night stands,
and I was sure Boyd had his share of his—I didn’t really want to think about that, though.
For some reason, just the thought of him with other women made my chest tighten. I felt sick. It was stupid, really. We were just having fun, there was nothing else going on between us. Nothing.
Even if we lived in the same country, I knew there could never be anything between us. We had hardly anything in common. Our lifestyles were lightyears apart. We lived in different countries, on different continents. Even if we wanted to, there could never be anything.
Still.
Boyd had broken his number one “rule” for me.
Multiple times.
Holy shit, I thought as the realization hit me.
He had broken his rule. For me.
Maybe I was…no, it couldn’t be. But…he made an exception, for me. Did he know? I looked up to him, but he was busy talking to his brother.
I was Boyd Rivers’ exception.
He caught me staring, and when he turned toward me, a warm smile appeared on his face.
“What?” he laughed.
“Nothing,” I replied with a shake of my head.
The exception. I was his exception. I couldn’t help but think about that movie with Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long, He’s Just Not That Into You.
I was Boyd Rivers’ exception.
He made time to see me, he broke his rule for me. He made it happen. We had gone out together when he was in Amsterdam. But…we didn’t really go beyond that. Our encounters were only slightly above booty call level.
Still. He couldn’t resist me.
That thought made me so happy.
It made me feel special. I bit my bottom lip and stared at him as he took another sip of coffee. If Ella and Lou hadn’t been there with us, I would have kissed him right then, in front of stupid Shane Lightfoot.
His eyes met mine, and he gave me a curious look. When he placed the coffee cup down on the table, his fingers grazed mine, just barely. His touch took me by surprise, making me shiver. Ella didn’t miss a beat and gave me a coy smile, raising one eyebrow.
Dammit. She was going to grill me even more later.
“Boyd, did you tell Ally you’ll be back in Amsterdam in a few weeks?” Lou asked.
I looked at Lou and then at Boyd, who was wearing an amused grin on his face.
“You’re coming back to Amsterdam? Did the other partner find a good place for the gym? Are you going to oversee operations?”
He chuckled. “Yes. I’ll be there for a few weeks to make sure everything goes according to plan. We want the space to have the same look and feel as the gyms in New York.”
“That’s great, Boyd! When will the opening be?” I asked, a little too loud. Shit. The last thing I wanted was for Shane to notice me. I saw him glance at me from the corner of my eye, but I dismissed it. I was determined to walk out of there and not acknowledge his presence or make a scene. He didn’t deserve one second of my attention. The man in front of me did. From the fiery gleam in his eyes as he talked about his next business venture, I could tell there’d be more sexy-times ahead for the two of us.
The New Year was looking up already.
“The gym won’t open until next summer. We want to launch a weeks-long campaign and create some hype.”
“Of course.” I smiled at him and then heard Ella clearing her throat.
I thought she wanted to tease me about Boyd, but as I looked up, I saw Shane standing by our table.
Shit.
Was it too late to hide under the table?
“Ally! Is it really you? How are you?” Shane asked as if we were long-lost friends, not a couple who’d had an ugly breakup a decade ago. He stared at me, waiting for an answer, but no sound was coming out of my mouth. I was momentarily dumbfounded.
He and his wife were staring at me, waiting for me to speak.
“Heyyyy, it’s Shane, right?” Oh, yeah. Pretending you don’t remember him? Nice move, Ally. You’re better than that.
“Wow! This is awkward,” he said, his face turning slightly red with embarrassment.
“Sorry, I just didn’t phrase that right. You took me by surprise.” Just like the last time, I wanted to add. “Of course I remember you.”
Put on your best face, Ally, and teach this fucker a lesson.
I stood up and shook hands with him and his wife. I straightened my shoulders and gave them my best fake smile.
“Nice to meet you. Sabrina Lightfoot.”
“Hello, I’m Alberta Ferris. I’m Shane’s ex-girlfriend.” Sabrina’s eyes widened in shock. It was obvious she had never heard of me. “We attended Georgetown together,” I said, trying to put a stop to the awkwardness, but it didn’t work. Sabrina looked at Shane for clarification.
“Yeah, I never told you about Ally, did I? We were in college together.” Not quite. We lived together, fucker. You said you wanted to marry me, remember? I so wanted to say the words out loud, but what good was that going to do? I noticed Sabrina smile uncomfortably. It was obvious she had no idea about the past her husband and I shared.
“It’s nice to see you, Ally. You haven’t changed at all,” Shane said.
“It’s good to see you too, Shane. What are you doing in Tennessee? I thought you’d be somewhere else. Massachusetts, maybe DC.”
“Oh, well…yeah, I went back to DC after law school, but it didn’t turn out like I hoped. Plus, my father got sick and I wanted to be home for him.” His shoulders sank, and by the sad tone of his voice and the way Sabrina caressed his arm, I knew Mr. Lightfoot was not of this world any more.
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Shane. I was always fond of your father.”
He nodded. “He was fond of you too, you know.”
“After he passed, it only made sense to stay here, close to my mom and Grant. Sabrina’s family is from here, too. I run her father’s firm.”
Shane had married his boss’s daughter. Well, that was…surprising. I’d had such high hopes for him, and he had had such big dreams. I’d never imagined him to be the type to run his in-laws’ business. When we were together, he always talked about opening his own practice and eventually running for office.
People change, I told myself.
Ella cleared her throat again, and when I looked at her, she raised her eyebrows at me.
Right.
“I’m sorry, I’m being terribly rude. This is my friend Ella, her boyfriend Lou, and this is Lou’s brother, Boyd–”
Boyd stood up and shook hands with Shane and his wife.
“I’m Ally’s boyfriend,” he said as he introduced himself to Shane.
What?
We exchanged a look, and I nodded. I had no choice but to play along.
I kept the smile on my face and leaned into Boyd’s side, hugging him.
“Well, you sure make a nice couple,” Sabrina said in her syrupy-sweet southern accent.
“Thank you! He makes me very happy,” I said with a smile that was only partly forced. I wasn’t looking, but I was pretty sure Ella and Lou’s eyes were bugging out.
“Oh my God! You’re Lou Rivers!” Shane’s wife said suddenly, covering her cheeks with her hands. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you sooner.”
She showered Lou with compliments, and he thanked her while Shane and I looked at each other awkwardly.
Shane leaned toward me. “What do you do, Ally? Did you stay in DC like you planned to?” Like I planned to? Did he mean like we planned to? His voice was low, as if he wanted to keep the question between us. I could feel Boyd’s eyes on me.
“No. I don’t live there any more.” I shook my head. Nope, this wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. I noticed Shane shifting nervously, waiting for an answer. I let out a breath.
“I live in Amsterdam. I have my own practice. I specialize in drug charges. Basically, I get tourists out of trouble,” I told him with a shrug.
“No way! My little brother—you remember Grant, right? Well, he’s supposed to leave f
or Amsterdam in a few weeks for a study abroad program.”
“Really? That’s quite the coincidence. Of course I remember Grant. He was a nice kid.” Probably the only person in that family who really liked me. “God, your kid brother is in college. Crazy.”
“I know. He was just a kid when we were dating.” Dating—not quite the word I would have used. He gave me a half-smile and I pressed my lips together. His wife was still busy chatting with Lou and Ella while Boyd remained silent at my side. Shane shook his head in disbelief, smiling. “You in Amsterdam…wow, who would have guessed, huh?”
“Yeah, who would have, indeed. What can I say? I got inspired to move to Europe while I was in London, you know…” Nicely played, Ally. I batted my eyelashes at him with a sly smile as I implied the blow and watched him grow more uneasy by the second. He lowered his eyes and then caught his wife’s attention; she was talking to Lou about his latest album. Wow. She was a true fan; I was impressed. It had taken Ella three days to realize who he was.
“Sabrina,” Shane said. “We have to go pick up the kids at your parents’, remember?” Of course. Why wouldn’t he have kids?
“You have kids,” I said matter-of-factly.
“We do!” his wife replied. “They are four and two, a boy and a girl.”
“How wonderful,” I added, but I could feel my poker face slipping.
Boyd placed an arm around my shoulder and then shook their hands.
“Shane, Sabrina…it was nice meeting you. Have a Merry Christmas.”
Boyd’s deep voice echoed through me, and I tried my best to keep a straight face. Shane had left me with nothing, not even a shred of explanation, but he had everything. He had taken away all the dreams we had dreamed together, and now, here I was, single with a pretend boyfriend. I was a thirty-four-year-old cynical attorney who lived alone in a three-story home. My blood boiled in my veins.
I was angry, at him, and at myself. I had let this joke of a man influence the way I lived my life.
But…was it his fault or mine? Did I want more from life? Did I really want what he had, or was it just a case of the grass is always greener? As Shane and Sabrina said their goodbyes, more fake smiles and more handshakes followed.
Not About Love (This Love Book 2) Page 9
