I stood outside the entrance and hesitated. I pulled the handle, but the door was locked. I looked for a doorbell, but there wasn’t one. I heard some noises coming from inside, and I realized I’d have to knock really loudly to be heard.
So I did.
I knocked and knocked and before I was done, the door opened and I stumbled forward, slamming into the broad chest of the man who’d knocked me up.
He grabbed me by my arms as I straightened myself up.
Everyone in the gym stopped what they were doing to look at us.
Mind your own business, people.
“Bertie,” he said, his voice as low and sexy as I remembered. His breath tickled my face, and only then did I look up. “It’s good to see you.”
“Hi,” I replied, barely mustering a smile as my eyes met his.
As soon as I smelled the familiar scent of him, I felt my knees buckle. I wasn’t strong enough to be this close to him. Being in his arms was delicious torture, and as my heart started beating erratically, I realized how much I had really missed him.
Too much—more than I ever wanted to admit. I wanted him, and at the same time, I did not want to want him. I had told him I loved him—albeit at the worst time possible—and he had never addressed my feelings for him. He obviously wasn’t ready for that. It was clear he still had relationship issues, and I didn’t need to get my heart broken by commitment-phobic Boyd Rivers.
I had plenty of smart ideas and good advice for myself, but when I looked into Boyd’s eyes, every sensible option went out the window. His eyes alone stirred so much desire inside me that he only needed to say the word and I would have said yes—yes to a week, a month, or a year with him.
But this wasn’t one of the romantic comedies I liked to watch. I needed to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.
“I missed you,” he said, leaning closer to my face. Ah, shit.
“I missed you, too,” I hesitated, incredulous that those words had come out of my mouth. I exhaled a deep breath. I was already failing myself. I stared into his eyes a little longer, unable to look away.
He frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I mumbled, straightening myself up. “Yes, I’m okay.” I disentangled myself from his arms and he invited me in, showing me around. I looked at what had once been a dusty, abandoned warehouse. If I hadn’t been there before, I never would have guessed this was the same place. The pillars were the only thing that remained of the old structure. The floor had been given a major facelift with concrete patches that gave the place an industrial feel. The brick walls had been painted a nice shade of gray with a yellow trim, and the ceiling was white. I could already see weights and other gym supplies stacked up in a corner of the gym.
“Wow. This place looks amazing, Boyd. It’s even better than the plans you showed me,” I told him as I turned in his direction. He gave me a soft smile, but he still seemed guarded. I sighed, feeling uncomfortable, and started walking around the place.
“How are you feeling, Ally?” he asked, walking behind me as I inspected every new detail of the gym.
“Good,” I replied with a smile. “That reminds me, I have something to show you.” I pulled out the pictures of the latest ultrasound and handed them to him. He stared at each one of them for a long time.
“Wow. You can really tell it’s a baby now.” His voice was full of wonder. Our eyes locked, and he gave me one of those smiles I loved, one where he wasn’t holding back and was perfectly at peace. I’d missed it. God, how I’d missed it.
“Did they tell you if it’s a boy or a girl?” he asked, raising one eyebrow at me.
“Only because I wanted them to. You know I was curious,” I explained, trying to justify myself. “Did you change your mind? Do you want to know?”
“No.” He shook his head, and the look of concentration he’d had while looking at the pictures turned into a bright smile that stretched across his face.
“She’s really growing, isn’t she?” he said, eyeing my belly. She. If only he knew the truth. I couldn’t believe he really didn’t want to know.
“Yes,” I replied begrudgingly. “I look like a whale, and I still have four more months to go.”
“You look beautiful,” he said softly. “Have you felt her move yet?”
“Only a couple times,” I replied. “It was more a flutter than a kick, like a little flip inside my stomach. It’s the weirdest thing.” I smiled brightly, and his smile mirrored mine.
“Can I feel your belly?”
“Of course.” I looked up to him as he placed both hands on my stomach. I got lost in his brown eyes as my heartbeat sped up. I stared at his handsome face, recalling every memory of the last time we’d slept together. His lips curled at the sides just as our little someone started doing somersaults inside my stomach.
“Oh my God! What was that?” I looked down at my belly.
He laughed, and I luxuriated in the sound of it. His smile was bigger and brighter, stretching across his beautiful face.
“I thought you’d felt her before.”
I shook my head. “Never like this.”
“See? That’s why you need me around, sweetheart.” The brightness in his eyes dimmed as soon as he realized what he’d just said. I walked away from him and pretended to be distracted by how different the old warehouse looked. He followed me, and I smiled at the sound of my steps along his. Maybe it wasn’t too late to make this work. I liked him, and I knew he liked me.
“Have you gotten any more anonymous letters? Any more dead pets?” he asked in a gruff tone. When I turned around, he eyed me suspiciously, arms crossed.
“None. I know you told Hedwig to report to you in case I got any more.”
I stopped in my tracks. “By the way, where are you staying?”
“The same apartment I rented last time. I didn’t think you wanted me around. I was pretty shitty to you before I went to New York,” he explained. “Look, Ally, I’ll stay out of your way if you want me to.”
“That’s not what I want.”
“I know I’ve disappointed you—twice now.” He took my hand in his, and I closed my eyes. I wanted him, but didn’t want to give in too easily. “But if you give me a chance, I’d like to try again.” He rubbed the back of his head, where his hair was shorter. It had gotten longer on top, but he still wore it combed to the side, barely mussed up.
I looked up to him, but didn’t say anything.
“I-I want us to try again…I want us to be a couple, not just two people who are having a kid together. I want us to be in a real relationship. I want you.” He stared at me, his eyes soft and full of emotion. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe. I was pretty sure all the breath had been knocked out of me. I didn’t know what to say. My eyes danced from his eyes to his lips, unable to form any response.
“I missed you so much when I was in New York, I thought I was going insane.” He leaned down, and his lips brushed against mine. His tongue parted my lips, and I got lost in him. His hands circled my waist and pressed me closer to him—well, as close as my pregnant belly would allow.
I was doing exactly what I had told myself I wouldn’t do. Just a few words from him and I was putty in his hands. The pull I felt was incomprehensible. It had to be biological, really. It was the darn baby making me feel all kinds of things. On top of that, his mouth on my skin felt so good, I just couldn’t say no.
Boyd was a criminal. Not only he had gotten me pregnant, he had also stolen my heart.
* * *
“So Boyd is back,” Helga said.
“Correct,” I replied, absentmindedly. “Wait…how do you know? Ella?”
“No, he came by yesterday. This is good news, isn’t it?”
“I suppose,” I replied coyly.
“So did you two kiss and make up?” she asked.
“Sort of.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked.
“It means I don’t really know where we stand. He apologized for acting li
ke an ass, and he said he wants to be in a real relationship.”
“I didn’t know you two were in a fake relationship before,” she said.
“Well…” I considered the words for a minute. “It was a partnership of some sort, but it’s definitely a relationship now.”
“How’s that any different?” she asked with a look of confusion on her face, her Dutch accent suddenly thicker. “Either way, it’s not too late for the two of you to realize you make a pretty good couple.”
I gave her a half-smile, but didn’t say anything.
She narrowed her eyes at me and leaned closer across the bar. “Did something else happen? Are you trying to keep secrets from me?” she accused.
“I swear I’m not. I’m just a bit…perplexed about the whole thing. I don’t know what to expect.”
Just then, the door opened. I didn’t turn around, but I felt the hair on my neck stand up. I heard heavy footsteps, and a moment later his scent pervaded the air. He took the barstool next to me.
I glanced his way and gave him a smile. He replied with a wink and a lazy smile stretched across his face. He leaned toward me and whispered in my ear, “How’s my baby mama today?”
I rolled my eyes and groaned. Why did he have to be so handsome? Why did my heart have to start beating a million beats a minute every time I saw him? Every time I got excited, the baby would join in, adding a couple of kicks of his own. Ouch. My belly tensed and I grabbed it, my face twisted in pain.
“Ally, are you okay?”
I sighed. “I’m fine. The baby’s just having fun kicking my guts.”
He let out a guffawed laugh, and when I looked into his eyes, I couldn’t help but laugh, too. “Here.” I took his hand and placed it on my belly, right where the baby was kicking. It was the weirdest and greatest feeling in the world. We laughed for a while, both happy but a bit uneasy. I bit my lip, and when I turned to look at his face, there was no trace of laughter.
Boyd was still touching my belly, although baby Rivers had stopped moving. I wondered if he was just trying to find an excuse to touch me, and my heart started hammering again, so fast I could feel it in my throat. Baby Rivers gave another kick, and he felt it right in the palm of his hand.
“Wow!” he exclaimed, lifting his hands off my belly. “Did that hurt?”
“No, it didn’t.” I gave him a half-smile. His eyes grew warmer than I’d ever seen them. I couldn’t hold his gaze much longer.
“Sooo…you said you wanted to show me something before the doctor’s appointment?” I asked, my voice low and raspy.
“Ah, yes! Come with me.”
* * *
“You showed me the gym already,” I said as we reached the place.
“Not everything,” he replied. “I only got this part finished this week. Come on.” He placed a hand at the small of my back and guided me toward the back of the gym. There was a staircase leading to an upstairs apartment. The space was divided into a reception area and two rooms with big windows. One was an indoor playground with all kinds of jungle gyms, slides, and padded trampolines.
The second one was a nursery.
There were a few cribs, a changing table, baby swings, baby chairs, and other items still boxed up.
“I still have to make sure to get the right permission and qualified personnel.” His deep voice startled me, and I turned to look at him.
“This wasn’t part of the original plan, was it? I don’t remember seeing it on the blueprint. I didn’t even know there was a second story. I thought it was just for storage or something.”
He shook his head. “You’re right, it wasn’t in the original plan. I only thought about it later. I realized that once you go back to work, you’ll be busy, and it’s only fair that I take the baby to work with me half the time. I’m not saying we shouldn’t hire a nanny, but I don’t see why I couldn’t bring the baby to work with me sometimes. I think this might actually work, don’t you think?”
My eyes filled up with tears. Lately, I really couldn’t escape them. I hadn’t expected this from him; sometimes he was better than I gave him credit for.
“This is great,” was all I could muster, my voice choking on a sob.
He tipped my chin up with his finger and forced me to look at him.
“You’re not going to do this alone, Bertie. I’ll be here for you. I’ll always be here for you, every step of the way.”
I looked at him adoringly, my heart happily drumming away as a calm sense of happiness spread in my chest. I wanted to climb him and kiss him senseless.
“You did great. I love it! You’re going to be a great dad, Boyd,” I said as I wiped away the tears.
“Yeah?” he asked softly. “I did it for personal reasons, obviously, but I think it’ll be a great incentive for customers who have kids. Of course, I have to have all the paperwork in order before I can even open the kid center.” I heard his words, but I didn’t really listen. I was too focused on his lips and his musky scent—it was inebriating. I wanted to kiss him. I leaned in and hugged him. His face turned down to meet mine, and his eyes were suddenly serious, all lightness gone from them. The tip of his nose brushed against mine, and I felt his warm breath wash over my face as he let out a sigh. I caressed his face, cradling his jaw closer to me.
“Boyd…” I kissed his cheek and started trailing kisses along his jaw, toward his mouth. He didn’t push me away. His breathing became labored, with sharp intakes and long breaths. His arms went around my non-waist and pulled me closer to him. I didn’t understand how my willpower was completely nonexistent any time I was around him, but I also did really care right then. I brushed my lips against his and gave him a peck, but a peck is just a prelude to a kiss and my need for him was bigger. I needed more. I needed all of him, and starting with his mouth would do. My tongue wrapped around his, and I got lost in his taste until I had to come up for air. His hands went under my shirt, rolling it up, exposing my belly. I would have gotten naked in the next few seconds if my phone hadn’t started ringing in my back pocket. I glanced at the screen and realized what time it was.
“Shit,” I murmured. “We need to go.” It was the reminder I’d set for the doctor’s appointment. Boyd didn’t say a word, but gave me a longing look and kissed me on the forehead. His warm touch radiated through my body, leaving me with a happy, fuzzy feeling. He took my hand as we walked out and hailed a cab.
I’D HAD ENOUGH OF LOOKING at her without being able to do anything about it.
I had told her I wanted things to be different. I had told her I wanted us to be in a real relationship, but I could tell there was still part of her that didn’t believe me.
It had been a few weeks since I had gotten back to Amsterdam. After I’d told Ally I wanted to be in a real relationship with her, I had moved back in with her. We’d resumed living together like we had before I’d gone to New York. Everything was just as good as before, but I felt that now she was the one holding back.
She had told me she loved me, and instead of opening up to her, I had avoided the conversation altogether. Now, we were filling opposite roles.
I was the one wanting more, and she was the one being careful.
I needed to show her how much I wanted and needed her. It had taken me a month away from her to realize how much.
I didn’t want to hold back any more. I was all in. I knew what I wanted.
I wanted her. I loved her.
It had been so long since I had been in love with someone and done nice things for them. I didn’t even know how to tell her I wanted…more.
“Ally, we need to talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“This…between us. I don’t want to do this…in between thing any more.” I gestured at the two of us, and she looked worried.
“I thought we were in a relationship,” she said. “At least, that’s what I thought you wanted.”
“Yes, you’re right. I want us to be in a relationship, a serious relationship.”
&nb
sp; She looked confused. I wasn’t explaining myself well.
“Okay. Let me write it down,” she joked. “Serious relationship? Check. Living together? Check. Baby on board? Check. Any other requests, Mr. Boyd-Building?” She laughed, and when she raised her eyes to meet mine, I could see she didn’t understand what I was trying to get at. I was doing this all wrong.
“Never mind.” I got up and headed for the door.
“Awww, come on. Boyd, come back! When you say you ‘don’t want to do this any more,’ what do you mean, exactly? Are you backing out? I thought you were going to stay.” She frowned, lips tight. “Are you going back to New York?” How could she even ask that? How could she even think it?
I placed my hands on the edge of her walnut desk and leaned across the surface with my body, my face a few inches away from hers. Her breath hitched.
“No, Bertie. I’m not leaving. I’m staying here. You’re not going to get rid of me, that’s all I’m trying to say.” I gave her a cocky grin, and her eyes lit up. She fought a smile, trying to keep a veil of composure on her face. She lowered her eyes, scribbling on the piece of paper in front of her.
“Oh, really? For how long?” she asked in a playful tone.
“Indefinitely.”
She stopped writing, and her head shot up. My mouth and hers were not even an inch apart. Her blue eyes grew wide, as if I had startled her. She let out a sigh, and her warm breath washed over my face.
“Boyd…are you quoting Notting Hill?” she asked with a curious smile.
“Am I…what? What do you mean?”
“Never mind. It’s nothing. It’s stupid,” she replied with a wave of her hand. “I thought you were quoting the movie Notting Hill.”
“Right. The movie.” I nodded, pretending I knew what she was talking about, but I was straight-up confused. I had never seen the movie.
“Ally, can you put that down for a moment? I’m trying to say something here.”
“Oh, re-lly?” she joked, faking a British accent. “If this is about the baby’s room, I will not let you paint it yellow. I hate yellow.”
Not About Love (This Love Book 2) Page 21
