by Lily Foster
“Anna, don’t. Dylan is a great person. I just know someone else will make him happier, someone else will be better for him.”
“No way! Who would be better, CeeCee, or that twat, Melanie? I don’t think so.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I hope Melanie doesn’t worm her way in, no.” I was serious then. “I don’t want you thinking this is on Dylan. It’s on me, Anna. He’s been nothing but good to me, ok? And I don’t want you to disappear on me, please promise me that? Please come and see me next time you’re in New York?”
“I will, Kasia, but it won’t be the same. I was hoping you’d be my sister someday soon.”
I felt the tears then. “I’m so sorry, Anna.”
After talking to Anna, I called Darcy and told her everything. She was totally supportive; I don’t know why I’d feared anything less. We made plans to meet for lunch on Monday after she returned from Connecticut for the weekend. Rene and Maureen already knew and I could tell they were both happy for me, although they didn’t shout it from the rooftops. Rene always seemed like she was uneasy around Dylan, like she sensed his “dark side”.
I’d like to say I was eagerly anticipating my date all day Friday but I was still kind of a mess. Maybe I should have asked Jakub to hold off entirely on starting any kind of relationship until I was single for—I don’t know—maybe one entire week?
When we saw each other that week at the store, things weren’t awkward, thankfully. I was always at ease around Jake. We had our chats over coffee in the morning, not delving into anything really deep like we had that morning over breakfast. We talked business during the day; it was exciting to see how the store was really taking shape. He went home after work and I went home; there were no naughty moments in the upstairs apartment. We kept things entirely platonic.
Friday afternoon he came up and knocked on the studio door at around four. “Can you be ready by six tonight?”
“Sure. What am I wearing? I mean, where are we going?”
“I’m taking you to play tennis and then I thought we could grab a burger afterwards. Is that ok? Michal told me you’re pretty decent.”
“He used the words, ‘pretty decent’? I’ll have you know that he hasn’t beaten me since I turned eighteen.”
“Shit, I hope I don’t get my ego crushed tonight.”
I was glad the date was more casual. I don’t know how I would have felt about dressing up and going somewhere fancy. It would have been too formal and too much like my dates with Dylan.
Jake and I wound up having a great time. He beat me—just barely—and I could tell he was surprised that I’d made him run as hard as I did.
My father had taught us all how to play and as a kid, I competed mostly against my brothers, boys who were bigger and stronger than me. I played at Prep, which was another factor in earning me the disdain of Samantha Paulson; I’d beaten her out for the top singles position even though she’d had years of private instruction and I’d grown up playing on the raggedy, unkempt public courts at McCarren Park.
Over burgers and beers, Jake and I laughed a lot and shared more about ourselves with one another. The night was light, though, nothing heavy—no talk of exes or other sad topics. When he dropped me off, he kissed me once on the lips as we stood on my stoop. It was all very 1950’s. The air felt heavy around us, like the universe wanted more, but I was happy that he held back. I wanted to be closer to Jakub before anything really happened. Deep down, I felt like this was it, he was the one, and I could wait for the goodness that was to come.
Jake
I’d never felt like this—I was bursting with joy, with happiness, after I dropped her off. Being with her always felt effortless; there were never any awkward silences or moments of uncertainty. I knew I wanted to be close to her, to hold onto her, and to call her mine.
I laughed as I drove home thinking about how hard she played me. For a skinny little thing, she was strong, and damn, I’d never seen anyone wear a tennis skirt the way she did. Her legs were…I couldn’t stop thinking about touching her legs, kissing them, kissing every part of her. I drifted off to sleep that night envisioning her beneath me, loving every part of her.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jake, it Tomasz. How’s it going?”
“Good. What’s up?”
“I hope I’m not calling you too early. I just stopped by my parents to talk to Kasia but she was up and gone already. They said she was out with you last night?”
What’s with the all-business tone? Was he angry about me taking her out? “Yeah, Kasia was out with me. Is there a problem?”
He laughed. “No, Jake, there’s no problem. I was just confused. I…I need to talk to her. Is she ok?”
“Yeah, I guess. Is everything alright?”
“I don’t know really. You have any idea where she might have gone today?”
“No. She’s not answering her phone?”
“No.”
“I’m heading to the site. If she’s there I’ll tell her to call you.”
“Good, thanks. And, Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad she was out with you.”
She wasn’t at the store and I hadn’t heard from her all day. If Tomasz and I hadn’t had that odd conversation earlier, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. By five, though, I was restless.
It was hard, since my parents had died, to shake the feeling that something bad was always looming on the horizon. Poor Karolina, she could barely cross the street without a warning or a lecture on street safety from me. And when she started dating in high school, she was subjected to threatening glances directed at every potential boyfriend, ridiculously early curfews, and me pacing the floor until she came home. I was over the top but I couldn’t help it.
When Kasia walked through the shop’s door that evening, I breathed out a sigh of relief. “You left your phone at home.”
“I did?” She checked her bag and then smiled at me. “Oops. Were you trying to call me? Were you looking for a rematch or something? I was actually just meeting with my tennis pro to get some tips on my service. You’re going down next time, Wozniak.”
She was so damn adorable. “Bring it on, Mazur. Although I do enjoy talking to you several times a day, it’s Tomasz who’s trying to track you down.”
“He was trying to get me yesterday too but I missed him. We were playing phone tag and then I didn’t want to answer when you and I were out together. I’ll see him when I get home. You want to come back with me? I was just grabbing some paperwork to look over later. Karolina is babysitting again today and,” she looked at me, teasing, “I’m sure my mother is cooking a big Polish dinner, moj drogi (my dear).”
“You slay me when you speak Polish, Kasia.”
“You like?”
“I love.”
It was weird walking into her house. Mr. Mazur gave me his usual bear hug when I walked in and then Mrs. Mazur hugged me as well, fussing over me like she usually did. It’s not that anything was different in how they treated me but it was like everything had changed and it went unspoken.
Kasia and I weren’t doing anything differently, maybe we were acting more familiar with one another but it’s not like we were holding hands or anything. Michal rolled in just as we were about to eat dinner and he took the focus off the giant elephant in the room. Tomasz came in then, giving me a big, happy grin when he saw me at the table. Then came the Uncle Victor, then the Aunt Agata, her husband and her little boys, and then…Patryk and his parents. What the hell? It was like an open house at the holidays. Kasia and her mom jumped up to make extra plates and then Kasia introduced me to her ex and his parents, all of whom regarded me with slightly cross expressions. She didn’t introduce me as her boyfriend and I was ok with that. It didn’t really matter, anyway, as Kasia made it somewhat obvious in the way that she smiled every time I caught her eye.
Just when the night couldn’t get any more bizarre, who knocks on the door and comes in but Dylan. Th
e elephant in the room? Try a herd. The air became thick with tension when he walked in. Mrs. Mazur was greeting him warmly but with a pained expression, Tomasz looked as if he was going to strangle Dylan, Uncle Victor was calling out to him, welcoming him in Polish, and Kasia looked as if she was going to be sick. I actually felt bad for Dylan; he looked like hell. I was talking to Agata when he’d walked in and now I was sitting, quietly taking in the whole bizarre scene.
When Dylan caught sight of me, he smirked. “You’re already invited to family dinners? That’s just great.”
Tomasz jumped up then. “Are you fucking kidding me? I pray that she marries him! You don’t deserve her, asshole!”
Mrs. Mazur was yelling to quiet Tomasz then, Mr. Mazur was trying to hold Tomasz back, both Michal and Patryk were making their way to Kasia but I got there first and moved to stand in front of her, so that she didn’t get hurt in the melee. Dylan was pointing his finger angrily at Tomasz now. “Mind your own fucking business, Tom. You imagined that shit and now you’re going to ruin it for Kasia and me? You’re going to root for this…this fucking nail banger to have her?”
The women, besides Kasia, had moved into the kitchen. She stayed by my side, her mouth hanging open. She was unfailingly kind though, which almost made me laugh; when the nail banger comment was thrown, she squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“Ha! I imagined it?” Tom spat. “I imagined that woman whispering to you about fucking you, saying she didn’t care that you had a girlfriend. And I imagined you telling her it was over, you couldn’t do it anymore? Couldn’t do what, Dylan? What couldn’t you do anymore?”
“You got it all wrong, Tom.” Dylan looked at Kasia then, pleading. “He’s wrong.”
Tomasz quieted then and his father released him. The room grew quiet before Tomasz said, “Even if I heard nothing, Dylan, your body language with that woman said it all. Gwen, was it? It was easy to see she knew you well.” Tomasz looked to Kasia then. “I’m sorry, Sloneczko. I didn’t mean to tell you like this.”
“Gwen.” Kasia whispered the name. After a tense minute, Kasia walked over to him and took his hands. There was nothing romantic about it, it was more like a comforting gesture but I still found it hard to watch. She turned to look at all of us, but focused her gaze on me. “Can you give us a minute?”
She led Dylan outside and as he moved towards the door with her, he avoided eye contact with everyone in the room.
Kasia
“Are you alright, Dylan?”
We were walking down the block, holding hands, his head hanging. “How can you ask me if I’m alright, Kasia? Did you just hear that conversation?” I didn’t say anything back. “I’m so fucking sorry, Kasia. I don’t know what you must be thinking right now.”
“I’m thinking that I’m not surprised. It hurts but I hurt for you, really. I know you loved me, Dylan.”
“I love you—present tense, Kasia.”
“I can’t accept that kind of love, Dylan. You always knew that about me.”
“I will never do that again, Kasia. I’d already broken it off with Gwen. She means nothing to me.”
“You know how ridiculous that sounds, Dylan, don’t you?”
He nodded, defeated. “Do you love that guy, Jake?”
“I think I do, Dylan.” I squeezed his hand. “So really, I’m no better than you are.”
“Yeah, I beg to differ.”
“Dylan, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, anything.”
“We’re not getting back together, we both know that. Can you come clean with me, just so that I never have to wonder if I was crazy or not?”
“I don’t follow.”
“I’m saying, I care about you, no matter what and I’ll always care about you. Can you tell me now, how many times was it?”
“With Gwen?”
“No. How many women?”
He took a deep breath and then looked me square in the eye. “Three. Melanie and Cecilia Tate in Palm Beach that last Christmas break and then Gwen. We started up in October. I’m sorry, Kasia. You know it’s me, right? You were perfect, so perfect for me.”
“But not enough for you, apparently.”
“But we both know that’s all on me, Kasia. I’m the fucked up one here.”
I smiled up at him. “I don’t hate you, Dylan. I never will. I knew who you were from day one and I loved you.”
“He laughed, echoing my words. “But not enough, apparently.”
“I need to be the only one.”
“You’re the only one I love, Kasia, but I know what you mean. You deserve to be the only one.”
“Friends?”
“Someday, Kasia.”
We hugged then, holding onto each other for a minute before we broke away from one another. He got into his car then and drove away.
Goodbye.
I walked back in and the room fell silent. Patryk and his parents had gone by then, thank the freaking heavens above. That was all sorts of awkward. I could just imagine Patryk’s mother, secretly gleeful that I’d just had my ass handed to me in public after hurting her boy.
Jakub came to me then and took my hand, gesturing towards the den with his head. He sat on the couch and I sank into his lap as his arms wrapped around my waist. “I just want you to know, Jakub, that there won’t be drama like that every day if you stick with me.”
“Good to know. I don’t know if my heart could take it.”
“I’ve been beating myself up for hurting him and he’s been lying to me all along. Kind of makes me a fool, right?”
“Nope, it makes you trusting and loyal…nothing wrong with that.”
“Jake, the emotion I feel is relieved. Can you understand that? Deep down, I always knew he would be unfaithful and now I don’t have to suffer through that with him.”
Jakub was rubbing circles onto my back, holding me close. I couldn’t imagine what was going through his head at that moment. “Do you want me to get you out of here, Kasia? You can come to my apartment with me.”
“No. I should just clear the air with all of them and I need to talk to Tomasz. Anyway, Kara’s leaving tomorrow. You should spend the night hanging out with her.”
“I want to see you, Kasia.”
I joked, “Still, after witnessing that mess?”
“Absolutely.”
“You want to give me another shot at the title tomorrow?”
“Sounds good.” He nudged me playfully. “Kasia, don’t think I’m going to go easy on you because of all this.”
“Of course not.”
He squeezed me tight before shifting me and getting up. As he turned to leave he asked, “I’m dropping Kara off at the train at noon. I’ll get you after?”
I nodded. “Jakub?”
“What?”
I was shaking all of a sudden. “Are you sure?”
“About what?”
“How could you want me after…everything?”
He pulled me close to him, our bodies pressed together. “How could I want you? Are you serious? Do you think everything happens according to some kind of perfect timeline, Kasia? Sometimes the timing is awkward or the timing just sucks. Would I have preferred meeting you after you and Dylan had already broken up? Sure. But life isn’t perfect and I don’t care how or when I got you…I’m just grateful that I’ve got you. Understand?”
I relaxed in his arms and let his strong embrace reassure me. I was afraid he’d think, after today, that I was too much trouble. Or worse, that he wouldn’t want to be with a girl that he knew had been intimate with some other guy just a week ago. The thought made me cringe. I didn’t feel worthy of Jakub. Despite knowing that Dylan had been cheating on me since the beginning, I felt like a cheat myself. I couldn’t shake the thought that Dylan had been inside of me not much more than a week ago and I was desperate already to be with Jakub in that way too.
I was desperate for Jakub to want me…to love me.
Dylan
It felt good
to come clean.
After everything, after this crazy, absolutely fucked-up night, I sat on the plane heading back to Chicago feeling like a burden had been lifted off me.
I knew that Kasia got at least one thing she deserved from me tonight. After everything she had been to me, for as much as I loved that girl, I owed it to her. I knew that being honest with her what she wanted and needed the most.
It wasn’t easy for me. It was more in my nature to lie. It would have been smarter to stick with that, I guess, but in my heart I knew that Kasia would instinctively know that I was being dishonest and she would never forgive me that.
Tonight I saw in her eyes complete and total forgiveness and understanding. She did know me and she did love me but she could never let herself be with me. I would have ruined her and we both knew it.
It’s not like I was wishing Kasia and that dickhead Jake all the best. If I could have gotten away with it tonight, I would have wrestled him to the ground and knocked every tooth out of his head. I felt nothing but pure hatred for that guy. Didn’t matter if he was solid, honest, hardworking and faithful; the indisputable fact that he would soon have the pleasure of fucking Kasia made me hate him with every cell in my body.
Where do I go from here? The thought of being with Gwen made me sick. She was as heartless and disloyal as I was. A string of meaningless hook-ups didn’t seem appealing either, as I noticed my well-dressed seat companion looking over at me earnestly.
As I drained the last drop of my third gin and tonic, I scrolled through my contacts and landed on the one girl I always knew, deep down, that I’d wind up with. I texted:
Hey CC-I’m landing at O’Hare at eleven. Can you meet for a late drink?
Chapter Eleven
Jake
I hadn’t taken things slowly with a girl in a very long time and it was…nice. Every girl I’d been with since Hannah had been a hook-up or a girl with potential that I ultimately didn’t click with. With Kasia, it was like I wanted the whole courtship experience, easing into knowing her physically at a slower pace, and developing a commitment to one another.
She was it and there wasn’t anything that gave me second thoughts. I’d seen Kasia at her most vulnerable and in her angriest, most stressed-out states, and I loved the woman.
