by Jess Dee
Jared pressed the buzzer, still baffled by Ava’s sudden appearance and just as sudden retreat. He hadn’t expected her to visit the practice, and he sure as hell hadn’t expected her to flee before they’d had a chance to speak.
He was stoked she’d come and bummed she’d left. Now that she’d made the first move, he was making the second. Waiting for her to contact him was a killer. Not knowing where they stood or what she thought was driving him insane.
Jared still grappled with his guilt, and Greg’s constant urging to “fix her” and to “stop being a pussy and contact the woman” had worn his patience thin.
He’d given her ten days. Text messages weren’t enough anymore. Time out was over.
She buzzed him in, and Jared about sprinted to her front door.
The panting that followed, however, had nothing to do with his race to get to her. Standing in the doorway was the woman he’d left when he went to America—not the one he’d returned home to find.
He took in her appearance with a greedy stare, and would have said hello—if he hadn’t just about swallowed his tongue.
Ava smiled wryly. “Close your mouth, Thurston. You’re starting to drool.”
He snapped his jaw shut and followed her inside, his gaze tracing the outline of her ass in a skirt that looked like it’d been painted on.
Shit. He was drooling. He was also aroused, totally turned on by the woman he loved and hadn’t seen in what felt like a century.
Jared shook off his lust-induced daze. “Want to tell me what that was about?” he asked when she’d taken a seat on the couch.
Ava didn’t pretend to misunderstand him. “My visit?”
He leaned against the wall. “One minute you were there, the next…gone.”
She frowned. “Any chance you could put it down to more crazy Ava behavior?”
“I could.” But that would give him no insight into his friend’s thoughts. “I’d rather know the truth.”
Ava gnawed on her lip. “I heard you talking to the dog. Heard what you said and how you said it. And I realized then why I’d needed time out.”
“Why?”
“I’d been searching for something.”
Jesus, did she have to be so cryptic? “What?”
Ava touched her chest. “Me.”
He stared at her, unsure what to say.
“Somewhere along the way, I got lost. I forgot who I was and who I wanted to be.”
“And you found yourself at the vet practice?” Quite a place to come face to face with one’s self.
“Not really. I found a mirror image of myself in your patient.”
Jared let out a long whistle. “The dog with the broken leg.” He’d been abused, and he’d been terrified.
Ava nodded. “You spoke to him like you speak to me. I…I can’t bear that you see me as something so…damaged.”
His heart twisted. “Ava—”
“It’s true. I am damaged. Anthony did that to me. And because he did, I lost myself. I became someone I didn’t recognize. Seeing you with that dog…it got to me, Jar.” She clasped her hands over her heart. “I don’t want to be the person Anthony turned me into. I want to be Ava again.”
He gestured toward her. “So the clothes, the makeup?”
“They’re the first steps to finding myself again.”
“You look good.” Yeah, bullshit. “You look fucking gorgeous.”
She smiled, accepting the compliment, and dropped her hands. “How’s the dog?”
“His leg was broken. Whoever dumped him on the side of the road did a real number on him. But he’s a survivor. He’ll be okay.”
“You were good with him.”
Jared shrugged. “It’s my job.”
“No,” she said softly. “It’s your nature.”
A dull throb began in his stomach. Being near her and not hauling her into his arms was killing him. “How about you, Av? Will you be okay?”
“I won’t let Anthony make me miserable for another second, if that’s any answer?”
“It is.” It was a fucking great answer. “Can I help? Can I do something to make it easier for you?”
“You already have. If you hadn’t come home, I’d never have been forced to confront the woman I’ve become. I’d never have wanted to change.”
He was too far away. Jared crossed the room and sat beside her on the couch. “I don’t want you to change for me. You have to make changes for yourself.”
“The changes are for me. Don’t you see? I was scared of you, Jar. You had to tie your hands behind your back before I’d let you anywhere near me. That’s not the person I want to be. That’s not what I want our relationship to be like.”
“What do you want our relationship to be like?” Christ, wasn’t that the million-dollar question.
Ava closed her eyes, her face pained. “I don’t know.”
Jared clenched his jaw in disappointment and frustration. He’d spent ten days desperate to hold his friend again. To touch her, to love her—and she still didn’t know what she wanted from their relationship.
And then he instantly unclenched, ruing his selfishness.
Ava hadn’t exactly wasted the ten days. She’d rediscovered herself. That alone was a fucking miracle. A brilliant fucking miracle.
The walls of the flat began to close in on him. Her uncertainty about them, and the fact that he’d spent the last two days working in a tiny treatment room, took their toll. He needed air.
“Would you like to go for a walk?”
She looked up, surprised. “Now?”
“I’ve spent the last two days cooped in a small room with sick animals. Fresh air would be good. We can walk down to Bondi, maybe grab some dinner?”
Ava thought about it for a minute. “Okay.”
Jared breathed a sigh of relief. For a while there, he’d thought she’d refuse.
They walked in silence, side by side. Unsure where they stood, he didn’t lift his arm to invite her to cuddle in close, and Ava didn’t ask.
Jared hated it. When he and Ava walked together, they walked arm in arm. That was the way it had always been, so why was tonight different? Why couldn’t he just open up and invite the new-old Ava in?
He considered singing, if for no other reason than to lessen the tension sitting on his shoulders, but wouldn’t you know it, not a single tune came to mind.
It was Ava who broke the silence. “How’s work going?”
“Easy. I’m used to working with much larger animals. Pets are a breeze.”
She frowned at him. “Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“You’re bored.”
She knew him too well. “I’ve only been working for two days. How can I be bored?”
“You need more than cats and dogs.”
“There was a cockatoo today. And a bilby yesterday.”
“You need big cats.”
He shrugged. “It’s work. I’m not going to turn it down.”
“What about Taronga?” The Sydney zoo, where he’d worked for years before leaving Sydney. He’d loved being there, and as he’d told Ava, he’d been chatting with them about returning.
“All positions are full at the moment. But there might be an opening in a couple of months.”
“There might be an opening?”
“Okay.” He grinned. “They’re creating a position for me. I guess they want me back.”
She beamed at him. “Jar, that’s brilliant news.”
“I’m stoked. I don’t think I’d cope working with pets for the rest of my life.”
“You were born to treat wild animals,” Ava agreed, then stopped walking and looked around. “The last time we were here, I told you about my schoolgirl crush on you.”
“Yeah.” He looked at a familiar street lamp up ahead. “And last time we were here, I told you I loved you.”
“Tit for tat,” Ava whispered, and rubbed her hands over her arms. “Do you regret it?”
“Telling y
ou?”
“Yeah.”
Did he? “No. Yes. Maybe.”
“Oh, good answer, Thurston. Really well thought out, with heaps of attention to detail.”
It was his turn to smile wryly. “My loving you is a fact of life, Torres. Telling you or not telling you isn’t going to change that.”
She looked at him with enormous eyes. “You still love me?”
“I’ll always love you.” Loving her was as natural to him as breathing.
“Even when I’m acting crazy?”
“Yeah, Av. Even then.”
Ava nudged him with her shoulder. “If you move your arm, I can squeeze in next to you.”
Jared moved faster than he’d ever dreamed possible. He flung his arm out wide, inviting her in.
Ava nestled into his side.
He drew her closer, holding her as tight as he dared without frightening her, and for the first time since he’d last left her unit, he breathed easy. At least now he didn’t feel like a part of himself was missing.
The dull throbbing in his stomach eased.
“Was it hard?” He guided them forward. “Finding yourself again?”
She was silent for a long time. “Not as hard as it was to lose myself.”
“Do you like what you found?”
“I’m still getting used to it. I have to try out this old skin again. It’s been a while.” She directed him away from the main road and down a narrow lane.
“Oi,” he complained. “It’s dark here. There are no street lights.”
“Yeah, there aren’t a million cars driving past either. It’s quiet, which means I can do this.”
“Do what?”
“Kiss you.”
Holy fuck.
Jared’s chest heaved. Had he heard her correctly? “Torres…”
“I’m trying out my old skin, Jar.”
His body blazed to life, his hands itching to press her hips against his. “And you’re happy trying it out on your old friend?”
Ava turned to face him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “You’re the only man I’d consider trying it out on,” she whispered.
Blood emptied into his groin.
The last ten days had been hell. His uncertainty about their future had torn him apart. What if Ava had chosen not to see him again? Or touch him? What if she’d rejected the idea of any type of relationship with him—friends or lovers?
The endless tots of Jamieson’s Greg had poured for him in her absence hadn’t helped to allay his fears. They’d only numbed them temporarily.
And now, here she was, with her hands on his shoulders and her exquisite green eyes shining with expectation. The woman he loved wanted to kiss him.
His groan echoed with need and hunger. He was ravenous for a taste of her.
Jared dipped his head, and Ava met him halfway.
The kiss started gently, as though Jared was giving her time to adjust—or to pull away—but Ava was having none of it. Within seconds, she added heat. And tongue. And clutched handfuls of his T-shirt.
A wave of alarm fluttered in her belly, but she refused to nurture it. The feel of his mouth, the firmness of his lips and the velvety seduction of his tongue were too exquisite and too tempting to give in to her fear. Jared tasted too damn good to push away. He felt even better, a hot wall of muscle molding to her every curve.
Besides, this was Jared. Someone she’d never fear again.
Her hands found their way up his back, to the broad, solid shoulders she cherished. Sensation danced through her chest, and she lost herself to the sensuality of the kiss.
He caressed her arms, then slid his hand along her waist and up her side until it grazed her breast.
She gasped into his mouth.
“Christ, I missed you,” he muttered against her lips. “New or old, I fucking love the Ava in my arms.”
Ava liked her too. And she loved that she’d been brave enough to find her again. Heat from his hand seared straight through the singlet, branding her skin. Excitement fluttered through her belly, and her body awoke to an onslaught of lust.
To her stunned surprise, she found herself wanting him. Right there, in a dark lane in the middle of Belleview Hill.
The edginess that had plagued her nights reared its head, as did the restlessness. Before, she’d had no idea how to combat them or why they were there. Now she understood—and she knew there was only one way to get rid of them.
Was she scared of her own boldness?
Hell, yes! Terrified.
Was she going to let that stop her?
Hell, no! She’d let fear guide her every move for the last year. No more. She was taking back control of her life. Ava was in charge of her own happiness. Not Anthony.
“Jar?”
“Mm?” His lips slid across her jaw and down her neck, leaving a delicious trail of kisses in their wake.
“Your back pocket…?”
“Hm?” He nipped at her collarbone.
“Is there anything in it?”
“Uh…” Another nip. One that sent desire skittering along her skin. “Wallet.”
She snaked her fingers up into his short hair, massaging his scalp. “Is there a condom?”
Jared let out a strangled groan and straightened to look at her, searching her face. Then he nodded. “One.” He raised an eyebrow and a wave of heat seemed to radiate from his body. “Here?”
“I want you.” No use lying about it. She was squirming on the spot, squeezing her thighs together to calm the throb between her legs.
Jared stared at her for so long and with such intensity, her heart skipped a beat.
Oh, yeah. No question about it. The restlessness and edginess had been her body’s way of expressing its need—for Jared.
And then he smirked that smirk that made her insides melt. “Aroused, Torres?”
Her heart stuttered. What if Jared didn’t approve of what she had in mind? “Is it terrible to say yes?”
His growl reverberated through her chest. “Fuck, no. Next to you finding yourself again, it’s the best thing I’ve heard all week. All year.”
Only Jared had the ability to put her this much at ease. And to make her smile—no matter what the circumstances. “Make love to me, Jar.”
Gently, he cupped her face. “You sure about this, baby?”
One hundred percent. “I am.”
Jared stared at her for a very long time, as though trying to determine the truth of her words through her expression. And then he grinned and ground his hips against hers. “You’re hooked.”
She shrugged helplessly. “A little.” The feel of his thick erection wasn’t helping matters.
“Hooked on me.” The grin turned into that adorable smirk. He ground again, harder this time, pressing against her clit and making her whimper.
Smug bastard. “It’s your fault,” she complained. “Before you came back, I’d lost all interest in sex. But ever since that first kiss…” Her pussy quivered and desire made her stomach muscles clench.
“Want you too, Torres.” He silenced her with a deep, sensual kiss. “Always have. Always will.”
Jared took her hand and tugged her several steps back, so they stood between a tree and a wall, out of sight of any cars that might drive by. Then he kissed her again.
High on the taste of his lips and tongue, Ava tugged up her skirt and rolled her knickers down her legs and over her flats.
“Christ.” Jared’s voice was ragged. “You sure about this?”
Was she? There was still time to walk away. She could continue to be the wallflower she’d become with Anthony and forget about taking risks. And living. Hell, she could forget about Jared. She could run out of this lane and hide from life all over again. She’d become damn good at that.
Or she could be Ava. The woman who embraced everything life had to offer.
She tucked the underwear in her handbag. “Get the condom, Thurston. Quickly.”
Jared found it and was shoving his walle
t back in his pocket before she’d taken her next breath. “Help me,” he directed as he tore the package open.
Unzipping his jeans was a titillating pleasure. The bulge in his pants ensured she had to move carefully, and freeing his erection from the confines of his pants and boxers had her squirming all over again.
Once she’d rolled the protection into place, Jared stilled, suddenly very serious. “There’s still time to change your mind.”
There was. “I won’t.”
He let out a strangled groan. “Throw your arms and legs around me, baby.” Jared’s voice was a soft growl, urgency audible in his tone. “I’ll support you.”
A thrill buzzed through her, and Ava wrapped her arms around his neck and one leg around his thigh. He was too tall for her to reach any higher—until he placed an arm below her ass and hoisted her up.
Perfect.
There was no going back now. No giving in to the fears of old.
She wound both legs around his waist, her pussy dragging over his sheathed cock. A breathless groan escaped and she rubbed against his length, her clit pressing against his turgid flesh. Wet heat pooled between her legs.
“Feel so good,” he growled. “Need you so bad.” His hand found her head, holding it in place, and he kissed her, hard.
A second’s panic washed through, but she shoved it aside. She was trapped in his arms, yes, but she was secure, safe and very much alive.
He shuffled forward until her back hit the tree, and only then did he break the kiss. “Can’t wait any longer. Gotta have you.”
She nodded wildly in agreement, and as his mouth found hers, he bent his knees, shifted her to the right and thrust upward, burying himself deep inside her.
Ava’s yelp of excitement was lost against his lips. Thick, curved and long, he filled her completely. And when he drew away, withdrawing before thrusting back in, Ava almost sobbed from the pleasure.
She ached to tell him how good she felt. How good he made her feel. It was because of Jared she was with a man again, making love, relishing her body as opposed to hiding it. It was thanks to him she was taking a chance, grabbing this opportunity and enjoying herself. Enjoying life.
Sure, being outside, in the open like this, was risky. Anyone could drive by. But the alley was deserted, Jared was with her, and Ava lived again. She was alive, healthy, safe and very much taken with the man who surrounded her.
