Maybe he wouldn't believe her when she told him the truth. If he didn't, it would be no more than she deserved, she reminded herself bitterly. She'd had her chance, a few minutes ago, to tell him he was Cassie's father, and like a coward she'd let it slip through her fingers. Why would Grady believe her when she did tell him?
And maybe, after today, Grady would want nothing further to do with her. He thought she'd betrayed him in the most despicable way possible. Any interest he'd had in rekindling their relationship must have died in the dust of his yard.
And he had been interested. She had tasted it in his kiss. Even now, thinking about the way his mouth had moved over hers made her tremble. When she bit down on her lip, she tasted Grady there, and longing shot through her.
Grady. He had lived in her dreams for the past nine years, and now he was living in her town. She allowed herself to remember the way he had tasted and felt, and then she stored the memories away in her heart. They were likely to be the last ones she had, she reminded herself as Laura's house came into view. Cassie was her priority, and nothing could change that.
The truck had barely stopped moving before she was out and running up the walk. A harried-looking Laura met her at the door, a toddler cradled in her arms.
"Thank goodness you were able to come so quickly," she said as she opened the screen door. "I'd hate it if Cassie got sick, too."
Becca brushed her hand gently over the child's head, finding him hot and damp with sweat. "How is he?"
"He's not too bad. Jenny is the one who's really sick."
Becca hurried toward the living room, where Laura's six-year-old daughter lay on the couch. Her eyes were too bright in her flushed face.
"How are you feeling, honey?" Becca asked, squatting next to her.
"My tummy hurts," Jenny replied. "My head, too."
Becca picked up the washcloth that had fallen onto the couch and replaced it on the child's head. "Is that better?"
The child nodded mutely, and Becca smoothed her hair away from her face before standing up again. "Is there anything I can do before Cassie and I leave?" she asked Laura, who had followed her into the room.
Laura shook her head. "Thanks, but I have an appointment at the doctor's office in a little while. We'll be fine until then."
Becca looked around. "Where's Cassie? We'll get out of here and leave you alone."
"She's upstairs watching television in my room. I didn't want her spending any more time than was necessary around Jenny and Todd."
Becca called up to Cassie, then turned to Laura. "Thanks for calling me to come get her. I wouldn't want you to have to worry about her while you were taking care of your own kids."
"I didn't want her to get sick," Laura answered. "I hope it wasn't a problem for you, calling you like that"
Becca hesitated. She had never told Laura who Cassie' s father was. Laura had guessed, but Becca had been too upset at the time to confide in her. Now she needed advice, and there was no one she trusted more than her longtime friend. But Laura had enough to worry about at the moment. The truth would have to wait.
"Not at all," she finally said. "I was just finishing up at the Flying W. That's why I got here so fast."
She turned away from Laura as Cassie came running down the stairs. "Hi, honey," she said softly as Cassie hugged her. "Get your stuff together so we can leave. Jenny and Todd are sick, and Laura has to take them to the doctor."
"Jenny puked on the floor. It was gross." Cassie wrinkled her nose.
"She doesn't feel good, sweetheart," Becca replied. "And we need to leave so you don't get sick, too." She spied Cassie's things in a neat pile by the door and scooped them up.
Pushing open the screen door, she turned to Laura. "I'll call you tonight. You let me know if you need anything."
Laura nodded once, but didn't say anything. "I mean it, Laura." Becca stopped, her hand on the door. "Being a single mother is hard enough when everything's going well. When your kids are sick, you need all the help you can get. Lord knows you've done enough for Cassie and me. If you don't promise me you'll call, I'll be back here at seven tonight."
At that, Laura turned to look at her, and for a moment her eyes were full of anguish. Her husband had walked out on her the year before, when Todd was less than a year old. Becca knew how hard Laura had worked to make things as normal as possible for Jenny and Todd. Then Laura straightened, and Becca watched her friend wrap herself in the amazing strength that usually sustained her.
"You know I'll call you, Becca. I always do, don't I?"
Becca smiled at her friend. "Just so you don't forget. I'll talk to you later."
Cassie was already sitting in the truck, playing with one of her plastic horses. Becca smiled as she hurried to join her. Thank goodness her daughter was so adaptable.
"What are you playing, honey?" she asked as she slid into the driver's seat of the truck.
"Horses," Cassie answered, and continued with her game. "Which horse is that?" She nodded at the one in Cassie's hands.
"That's my horse, Mr. Bojangles." She moved him around her, making him gallop across the seat, the dashboard and the window. "We're famous rodeo stars. We used to be barrel racers, and now he's my calf-roping horse."
Becca felt her throat tighten as she watched her daughter's absorbed play. Cassie had always been fascinated by horses and rodeo events, and Becca had told herself it was only because she lived in a ranching town. But as her daughter had grown older, Becca had been forced to admit that her interest seemed to be growing stronger. She devoured books about the rodeo and watched any rodeo that was on television. She'd tried to ignore it, telling herself that Cassie's obsession with the rodeo would pass, but now all she could think about was Grady, and the way his eyes used to light up when he talked about the rodeo.
"I don't think you're old enough to rope calves, honey," she said as she smoothed her hand down Cassie's shiny black hair.
"I know." Cassie grinned up at her. "But when I am old enough, I'm going to be the best."
Becca turned away so Cassie wouldn't see the tears filling her eyes. She imagined Grady had said something very similar when he was eight years old. The competitive fires burned as fiercely in Cassie as they had in her father.
Before Becca could start the truck, Cassie glanced over at her. "What's a single mother?"
"What?" She stared at her daughter, unsure of what to say.
"You said Laura was a single mother. What's that?"
Becca searched for the right words to say. "A single mother is when there's no daddy living with the mommy and children," she answered slowly.
Cassie cocked her head as she examined her mother. "Kind of like you and me, right?"
"Just like you and me," she said, reaching out to hug her daughter.
"How come Laura and Jenny and Todd don't have a daddy?"
"Their daddy couldn't stay with them, just like yours. But he still loves Jenny and Todd a whole bunch."
"Does my daddy love me?"
Cassie's voice was almost a whisper, and Becca almost shuddered with the pain. "I'm sure he does, honey." But she wasn't sure, not really, and Becca clutched Cassie to her a little more tightly. There was no way she would take a chance on hurting her baby. If she didn't think Grady would love and cherish his daughter as much as she did, there was no way in hell she would tell him about Cassie.
She knew what it felt like to be rejected by parents. And Cassie would never know that kind of pain.
She needed to change the subject before Cassie noticed that her hands were shaking and her eyes were full of tears. "How would you like to come with me to finish up my rounds?" she asked, trying to make her voice light.
"Can I, Mommy? Really?" Cassie leaned away from her, her small face glowing. Her love of horses and ranching lodged in Becca's chest with another tiny dagger of pain.
"Yes, you can come with me. But remember the rules."
"I know. Stay in the truck, and don't interrupt you unless it's a rea
l emergency," Cassie recited. "But I can see a lot from the truck. Sometimes the cowboys ride their horses over to the window, and they let me pet the horse's nose." Cassie's eyes glowed, her questions about her father seemingly forgotten.
Becca smiled and tugged on one of Cassie's pigtails. "Just be sure they don't think your fingers are sugar cubes and try to swallow them."
Cassie giggled. "You're silly, Mommy."
She tried to be silly for the rest of the afternoon, keeping Cassie giggling and happy beside her. The last thing she wanted was for Cassie to notice her worry. By the time she turned into the Flying W driveway at the end of the day, Becca had almost managed to keep smiling for the whole afternoon.
Almost. When she saw the familiar barns and house of the Flying W in front of her, her heart began an erratic thumping in her chest. It was only anxiety, she told herself. It had nothing to do with whether Grady would be around. Anyone would be anxious after what had happened between her and Grady earlier in the day.
Instead of the kiss they'd shared, she tried to focus on Grady's face at the instant she'd told him she had a daughter. His shock, and the anguish that had followed it, were something she would never forget.
But she wouldn't forget that kiss, either. Touching him, tasting him, feeling the long, hard length of his body pressed close to hers had stirred feelings she'd long ago suppressed. If she closed her eyes, she could recall every plane and curve of his chest and back. Her hands tingled with the feel of his hair, springy and soft beneath her fingers. And her mouth burned with his remembered taste.
"We haven't been to this ranch in a long time, Mommy." Cassie bounced in the seat, her face pressed against the glass of the window. "This is a big ranch. Look at all the new horses they have."
Becca tried to wrench her mind away from the images of Grady. "There's a new owner, pumpkin, and he has a lot of horses. There's a lot going on here, so it's very important that you stay in the truck. I wouldn't want you to get hurt."
Please, please don't let Grady be around, she prayed. She wasn't sure she could handle another encounter, especially after Cassie's questions about her father. Her soul felt stripped bare and raw, and she honestly didn't know what she would say or do if she ran into Grady.
"I'll stay in the car," Cassie promised, already rolling down the window. "Look at that horse over there," she said, her voice rising with excitement, pointing toward a corral. "That's the prettiest horse I've ever seen."
Cassie gestured at a paint pony. His blotchy white-and-dark-red coloring gleamed in the sunlight, and as they watched he tossed his head and snorted at the man standing in the corral with him. Becca pressed a quick kiss on her forehead and slid out of the car. "That's a great horse, honey. Why don't you watch and see what they're doing with him while I check on my patient?"
Cassie nodded, already absorbed by the horse and trainer working in the corral. Once again Becca was reminded of Grady's single-mindedness and determination when it came to the rodeo, and once again pain squeezed her heart.
Making sure both the windows were rolled down for Cassie, she grabbed her bag from the back of the truck and hurried to the barn that sheltered Beau. If she was lucky, Beau would be in good shape and she could check him and leave before she saw Grady or Ron Perkins or Tucker.
But as she approached Beau's stall, she knew her luck hadn't held. Someone was in the stall with Beau, and before she saw him she knew it was Grady. His low voice was murmuring to the horse, and for a moment she stood outside the stall and watched him stroking Beau's nose.
Grady's head was bent close to the horse's ear, although Becca couldn't hear what he was saying. She didn't really need to hear, though. His concern for his horse was stamped on his face. For just a moment she wondered if she'd ever see the same kind of concern on his face for her, then pushed the thought away. This wasn't about her and Grady. Right now it wasn't even about the fact that Grady had a daughter he was unaware of. She was here as the Flying W's veterinarian, and she had better remember that.
Shifting her bag in her hand so it made a jangling noise, she waited for Grady to look up and sec her. Immediately his face closed down and became unreadable. His eyes hardened and he straightened, holding on to Beau's halter.
"How is he doing?" Becca forced herself to ask.
Grady didn't answer for a moment. His gaze raked her, and she saw the anger and scorn in his eyes before he carefully shuttered them. "He seems to be doing much better," he said, his voice flat and distant.
If she had to deal with Grady right now, she much preferred him distant, Becca told herself. It was easier to handle than the scorn she'd just seen in his eyes.
Slipping into Beau's stall, she examined the horse carefully, listening for intestinal sounds and finally palpating him. Grady stood and watched her, not saying anything, his gaze inscrutable. His presence seemed to shrink the stall down to a tiny box, scarcely big enough for her and the horse, let along Grady. As she bent over Beau, Grady's shoulders blocked the light from the window high in the wall, and for a moment the shadows in the stall slid over Grady's face, hiding his expression. It was just as well, Becca tried to tell herself, but instead she shifted so she could see his eyes again. They were still carefully blank.
Striving to appear as unaffected and professional as she could, Becca nodded toward Beau's food box. "Has he eaten anything?"
"We gave him a little hay about an hour ago. He ate it right away."
"Has he shown any signs of discomfort?"
Grady shook his head. "I've been with him since he ate the hay. Everything seems fine."
"Good," she murmured, backing out of the stall. Grady's dedication to his animals was almost painful to watch. If only he'd shown a similar dedication to the people in his life. "I'll come back tomorrow to check on him again, but I'd say he's out of danger." She paused by the door of the stall. "You were very lucky to find him right away. It could have been a lot worse."
"Lucky is a relative term," Grady said, moving toward her.
She almost backed away, but managed to hold her ground. "What do you mean?"
Grady stopped on the other side of the stall door. Thick slats of wood separated them, but his scent filled her head and her skin tingled as if the air was full of static electricity.
"Someone deliberately overfed Beau to give him colic." His voice was hard.
"What?" Becca stared at him, unsure she'd heard him correctly.
Jerking his head toward the feed room, Grady said, "He got an extra helping of corn and oats last night, after the barn had been checked for the last time. That's what gave him colic."
"How do you know? And who would do something like that to a horse?"
"I don't know who would do it. But someone did. Tucker found the feed scoop in the wrong place, and dirty. He'd washed it and put it away the last time he came through the barn. There were traces of grain in Beau's feed box, again after it had been washed out. That's why the horses were restless last night, moving around and making too much noise." His mouth pressed together in a grim line. "Just like they would have been if there was someone in the barn."
"Why?" she burst out. "Why do that to Beau?"
"I have no idea. But I intend to find out."
Becca stared at him, aghast. "That's horrible."
Grady's eyes softened momentarily. "I guess we agree on one thing, then, Becca."
Becca felt herself leaning closer, absorbing the softness in Grady's blue eyes. Then she reminded herself harshly that there was far more that she and Grady disagreed about, and she abruptly drew back. How could she forget that Cassie. Grady's daughter, was sitting in her truck, just outside the barn?
Bending down to gather her equipment, she was glad her face was hidden from Grady's perceptive eyes. "What are you going to do?"
There was a pause, then Grady moved away. "Keep a damn close eye on everything around here," he said, his voice harsh again. It was hard to believe that there had been even a brief softening of his anger. "If someo
ne is trying to cause trouble, he'll try again eventually. And then we'll catch him."
And he would regret what he'd done, Becca thought to herself. She'd seen for herself what happened when someone abused one of Grady's animals, and it wasn't a pretty picture.
Trying to act businesslike, she stood and gripped her bag in her hand. "Beau should be fine tonight, but if you have a problem, give the clinic a call."
"But not you, right, Becca?" The scorn was back in his face.
"No, not me," she answered quietly. "I don't take emergency calls because I can't leave Cassie alone at night."
"Doesn't Cassie have a father?" he asked, slamming the stall door with unnecessary force.
"He's not in the picture," she managed to say. The dust motes in the air quivered from the slamming of the stall door. She focused on them, rather than on Grady's face.
"So the someone else didn't last, either."
She couldn't answer. Now wasn't the time or place to tell him the truth, and she wasn't sure when there would be a right time or place. Until she knew him better, until she knew what his reaction would be, she couldn't tell Grady anything about Cassie. It might not be fair to him, but it was the best thing for Cassie. And right now that was all that mattered.
"I'll be here tomorrow," Becca repeated, and she started for the barn door.
She could feel Grady standing behind her, could feel his gaze burning into her back between her shoulder blades. But he made no effort to follow her, and she took a deep, shuddering breath of relief. After everything that had happened today, she couldn't face dealing with his first sight of Cassie. He would meet Cassie eventually. In a small town like Cameron that was inevitable, but she wanted to choose the time and place.
By the time she reached the truck, her legs were rubbery and her whole body was shaking. Throwing her bag in the back, she hurried to the cab and climbed in, wanting nothing more than to drive away from the Flying W without a backward glance.
RODEO MAN Page 5
