"So it's all or nothing?"
"It's your choice, Grady. Cassie is your daughter. If you want to get to know her, I won't stand in your way. I owe you that much, at least. But you'd better think about it before you decide. Being a parent isn't an easy job."
"I don't know jack about being a father."
She actually smiled. "No one does at the beginning. It's a learn-on-the-job proposition."
Suddenly the emotions swirling around inside him were too complicated, too painful to face. He stood up straight. "I've got some thinking to do. I'll talk to you in a few days."
She moved away from the door. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Sorry that it had to happen like this. But I'm glad you finally know."
He paused to look at her. He saw Becca's face, the face he had dreamed about for years, but suddenly it belonged to a stranger. The Becca he knew never lied. The Becca he knew wouldn't keep a secret like this from him. The Becca he knew had disappeared sometime in the past nine years, and he was afraid she was never coming back.
"Goodbye, Becca." The words twisted inside him, dropping like stones into his soul.
The door clicked shut behind him, and he felt her gaze on his shoulders. He knew that if he turned around she'd be watching him.
He gave a bitter laugh in the cool night air. He'd always thought he knew all there was to know about Becca. He'd been able to read her mind, predict what she would do. Obviously he'd been fooling himself for a long time.
He climbed into his truck, but he didn't start the engine. Instead, he stared at the house in front of him, the house where his daughter lay sleeping.
His daughter. Jesus, he didn't know anything about being a father. He didn't even know if he could learn. He sure couldn't depend on what his own father had taught him.
A sudden thought chilled him. Maybe being a father was a genetic thing. Maybe he was doomed to fail at it, just as his father had failed. Maybe it would be best for Becca and ' Cassie if he just started driving tonight, and didn't stop. He didn't need the Flying W. He didn't need anyone or anything. He'd survived on his own for years, and he could do it again.
Starting the engine with a flick of his wrist, he backed out of Becca's driveway into the quiet street. Staring blindly in front of him, seeing nothing but the wide, impish grin of his daughter and Becca's white, shaken face, he passed the last house in town and stepped on the accelerator.
* * *
Becca sat in the kitchen, staring at nothing, long after the sound of Grady's truck had faded into the quiet of the night. He knew. The thought drummed in her head. Grady had seen Cassie, and now at least he knew the truth.
Relief swept over her, making her feel like she'd finally exhaled after holding her breath for far too long a time. All the worrying, all the speculating about what Grady would do, was over. He knew, and the next move was up to him.
With that thought a hint of panic rose in her mind. What would Grady do? What would he want? The part of her that had felt such relief just moments ago now slowly hardened and froze. Cassie was no longer hers alone. It wasn't just the two of them, secure in their own little world. Cassie had a father now, even if she didn't know it, and everything was going to change.
Becca rose from the table and bumped the edge, her motions jerky. The cup of chamomile tea that had cooled in front of her fell over, spilling its contents onto the surface of the table. Pausing to mechanically wipe it up, Becca turned out the lights on the first floor and walked up the stairs to Cassie's room.
Cassie. She slept in a beam of moonlight, the soft, pearly light glinting off her dark hair. Her heart expanding at the sight, Becca sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her daughter's silky smooth braids.
"Do you think Mr. Farrell would let me ride one of his horses, Mommy?" Cassie's sleep-drugged voice was barely above a whisper in the dark room.
Becca closed her eyes, trying to block out the innocence in her daughter's words, trying to block out the shock she'd seen in Grady's eyes when he'd realized the truth. Trying to will away the pain she was afraid Cassie would suffer. "Mr. Farrell runs a big ranch, honey," she said softly and carefully. "I don't know if he has any horses that would be right for a little girl like you."
Cassie was two-thirds asleep, but her mouth curled into a smile. "Pete would be right for me. Don't you think so, Mommy?"
"Pete seemed like a fine horse," she agreed, her heart breaking. She knew if she could see Cassie's eyes, they would be full of longing, a longing she wouldn't be able to satisfy. Cassie's father owned the horse that Cassie had fallen in love with. It was another bitter irony in a situation that was already too painful.
"When I have enough money, I can buy Pete from Mr. Farrell." Cassie's words were slurred with sleep, but Becca heard the determination in her daughter's voice. She sounded just like Grady when he wouldn't take no for an answer. A wave of pain crashed over Becca again, then she pulled the blanket up to Cassie's chin.
"We'll see, honey," she murmured in a low voice. "We'll see."
The mother's mantra, she thought as she watched Cassie sleep. In this case, though, it was true. There were a lot of things they were going to have to see about. And the first one was what Cassie's father intended to do.
Becca longed to gather her daughter into her arms, to hold her safe and protect her from anything that could hurt her. But she couldn't shield out everything, she knew. She couldn't prevent the sharp teeth of life from nipping at Cassie, taking tiny bites here and there. She couldn't wrap her in cotton and cushion every blow. It would be impossible, and unfair to Cassie, to boot.
Smoothing her hand down Cassie's silky soft hair, Becca watched her sleep for a moment more, then quietly stood and walked out of the room. She stopped at the door and looked back at her daughter sleeping. Her daughter and Grady's. And now he knew.
She wasn't sure what was going to happen. Grady had been shocked and angry, and he'd had a right to be. But at least he knew the truth. For the first time since she'd learned she was pregnant, the weight of her lie eased, just a little. Grady knew he was Cassie's father.
* * *
The ringing of the telephone pulled her out of a deep sleep. As she reached for the receiver, she remembered that it was Saturday. Three days since Grady had discovered the truth about Cassie. Three days, and still she hadn't heard a word from Grady.
It was her Saturday off, too, she remembered as she heard Stella's voice in her ear.
"Sorry to bother you, Dr. Johnson, but there's an emergency at the Flying W, and I thought you would want to know."
Becca struggled to shake off the haze of sleep. "What kind of an emergency?"
"Tucker said one of the cows was down, and someone needed to come right out."
She sat up in bed, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "Can someone else handle it?"
There was a delicate pause on the other end of the line. "Well," Stella finally said, "Dr. O'Connor's out at the McAllister ranch at the other end of the county, taking care of a horse with colic. And Dr. Pickett has a full waiting room here and he's working on a dog that's been hit by a car. But I'm sure one of them could make time to get out to the Flying W."
"Never mind, Stella. I'll take care of it. Tell them I'll be there as soon as I can."
She hung up the phone as she swung out of bed. As she headed for the bathroom, she ran a mental inventory of the drugs she had in her truck. Fortunately she'd replenished her supply just the other day, so she should have whatever she'd need.
As she hurried down the stairs a few minutes later, she called out to Cassie, "Honey, have you had breakfast? We need to get you over to Laura's because I have an emergency call."
Cassie appeared in the doorway, her face a study in disappointment. "We were going to take a picnic and go for a hike today, Mom. Remember?"
"We'll still take our hike. We'll just get started a little later."
Suddenly Cassie beamed at her. "I can't go over to Laura's today. She was going to Cedar City."
; "Are you sure?" Becca asked, her stomach clenching with anxiety.
Cassie nodded vigorously. "She told me all about it. Jenny and Todd were real excited, too."
"Maybe you could stay with Amy."
Cassie shook her head. "She and her mom went somewhere real early. I saw them leave."
Becca sank down onto the stairs. "Then what are we going to do?"
"I could come with you," Cassie said hopefully. "I'll be real good and stay in the truck."
Becca pulled her daughter over to her. "You're always good when you come with me, honey. I know you'll behave. But I might be there for a while. I don't know what's wrong with the sick cow." And she didn't want Cassie anywhere near the Flying W right now. She hadn't heard a word from Grady since she'd told him about Cassie.
"Please, Mommy?"
She didn't have a choice. She could have asked another neighbor, but it would involve explanations and talk that would take too much time. A cow that couldn't stand was a serious situation, and she couldn't afford to waste a minute. She'd have to take Cassie with her.
"Okay, Cass, you'll have to come with me. Let's go get in the truck."
Cassie was practically wriggling with excitement as they sped toward the Flying W. "What ranch are we going to?" she asked, her eyes shining.
"The Flying W."
"Really? Hooray!" she shouted. She bounced as high as the seat belt allowed her to move. "Maybe I can see Pete!" she exclaimed. "Do you think he'll be there?"
"I don't know, honey. He's probably somewhere on the ranch, but it's a big ranch. You may not see him."
"I'll see him." She sounded supremely confident.
Becca hoped she wouldn't be disappointed, but she couldn't afford to think about whether Pete would be around. The driveway of the Flying W was just ahead, and as she slowed down she began to review in her mind what could cause a cow to go down. As she braked the truck outside the ranch house, she saw Tucker pacing in front of the barn.
He hurried toward the truck. "Thank God you're here, Doc. I have no idea what's wrong, and that cow's been down for too long already. She's in the barn there." He jerked his head behind him.
"Cassie, I'll be right back."
"It's too hot for her to stay in the truck, Doc. You go take care of the cow. I'll make sure Cassie stays out of trouble."
Becca hesitated for a moment, but she knew Tucker was right. It was too hot for Cassie to stay in the car. "Pay attention to Mr. Tucker, Cass. He'll take care of you."
Grabbing her bag, she ran into the barn. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she heard Grady's voice crooning softly. Following the sound, she came to a stop in front of a large stall. Grady was inside, crouched in front of a Hereford cow that was lying on her chest, her head twisted to one side. She was staring at the wall, her eyes dazed and dull looking. Although Becca didn't make a sound, Grady turned and looked up at her.
"Hello, Becca." His voice was without inflection.
With a huge effort she forced herself to concentrate only on the cow lying on the floor. There would be plenty of time later to think about Grady. "Hello, Grady. What happened?"
She thought she saw a look of relief on Grady's face before he turned to the cow, and she gripped the handle of her bag more tightly. So he was afraid that she wasn't going to be able to separate her personal and professional lives? she thought grimly. He didn't realize that she'd had plenty of practice at that, starting back when she was in school and found out she was pregnant with Cassie.
Stepping into the stall, she pulled the door closed behind bet and dropped to her knees next to the cow. She was so close to Grady that his body heat seemed to shimmer around her. Fingers of warmth caressed her cheek, her back, her chest. Ignoring her body's instant reaction, she reached for the cow's neck to check her pulse and said again, "What happened, Grady?"
He shot her an uncertain look, then shrugged. "Hell if I know. She was acting a little funny out in the pasture, so one of the hands brought her and her calf into the barn last night. We found her this way this morning."
"When did she drop her calf?" Becca asked as she took the cow's temperature.
"A couple of months ago, I would guess by looking at the calf. Before I owned the place, anyway."
"Do you know how old she is?"
"I looked her records up this morning. She's eleven. Had a calf regularly for the past nine years, never had any problems. And the records don't say, so I assume her last delivery was normal, without any complications."
Becca rocked back on her heels, looking at the cow, trying to move farther away from Grady. "I'm not certain, but I suspect she has milk fever."
"How can that be? She had her calf a long time ago. If they're going to get milk fever, doesn't it usually happen right away?"
"Usually, but it can happen anytime. She's the right age, and her physical symptoms match. I could do blood work and check her calcium levels, but I'd rather give her an injection of calcium. It'll take too long to get the blood work back."
Grady stared at her for a long moment, then stood up. "You're the doctor."
His voice was still impossible to read, but she didn't care. Right now the cow on the floor in front of her had to be her only concern. She refused to let herself speculate on what Grady was thinking about. And she absolutely refused to pay attention to her nerves, which were smoldering with Grady's closeness.
Grabbing a vial of calcium solution, she pulled it into a syringe then began injecting it into the cow's vein. Her hand started to cramp as she pushed the plunger in as slowly as she could, but she blocked out the pain and watched the animal closely.
Grady hovered near the cow, one hand on the animal's head to steady her. As Becca injected the calcium solution, she watched the almost automatic way his hand stroked the cow's head. His long fingers moved in a slow, circular motion, and she shivered as she remembered the way his hand had felt on her skin. She forced herself to look away, to concentrate on her patient, but Grady was still too close. Her body wouldn't let her block that out of her mind.
Before Becca had emptied the syringe, the cow began to thrash on the floor. As she eased the needle out of the animal's vein, the cow gave one big heave and struggled to her feet. She stood there swaying, the dazed look slowly fading from her eyes. After a few minutes she shook her head, bellowed once, then ambled unsteadily over to the feed trough.
Grady rocked back on his heels. "Jesus H. Christ," he muttered, staring at the cow. "That cow was down for more than twelve hours. How the hell did you manage that?"
Becca watched the cow as she snuffled around in the feed trough, unable to repress the surge of triumph at the sight. Smiling, she sat back in the straw of the stall and watched her patient.
"I love treating animals that have milk fever," she said, her smile turning into a grin. "It always makes me look so good."
"It makes you look like a genius," he said bluntly, still staring at the cow. "Is that what always happens?"
"Most of the time, unless they're in a coma already. Once they get the calcium they need, their muscles begin working again immediately." She grinned again. "And vets love the drama of seeing the animal suddenly go back to normal. It always impresses the owner."
"It impressed the hell out of me." He stared at the animal, as if he couldn't believe what he saw. "Is she going to be okay now?"
Her smile fading, Becca stood up and brushed the straw off her jeans. "I hope so, but you're going to have to watch her closely to make sure she doesn't relapse. I'll come out again late today and give her another injection. And if she starts acting funny again, call right away. We'll get some calcium into her before she goes down."
Slowly Grady turned and looked at her. She realized it was the first time since she'd arrived at the ranch, that he'd really looked at her. She felt his gaze flicker over her uncombed hair, down to the loose T-shirt and old, faded jeans she'd thrown on.
"You look like you just rolled out of bed."
His voice was low and i
ntimate in the barn, his words conjuring up remembered passion. She felt her skin warming at his words. Turning away so he wouldn't see how his words affected her, she began to replace her instruments in her bag as she answered.
"I did. Today was my day off, but my partners were both tied up and Stella knew your cow couldn't wait. So she called me at home."
"I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "I apologize for disturbing you."
His words were formal and stilted, and she whirled around to face him. His face was shuttered, and she couldn't read his thoughts.
"Don't be. I would have been very upset if Stella hadn't called me. I love my job, and part of it is handling emergencies like this." She picked up her bag and slid past him out of the stall, ignoring the way her skin tingled. "Cassie and I will just get started on our plans a little later."
"Did you leave her at home?" he asked, and his words quivered with a sudden tension.
Slowly she shook her head. "My regular baby-sitter is out of town, and my neighbor was gone. I had to bring her with me."
His face tightened, and his gaze slid past her to the door of the barn.
"Tucker is watching her," Becca said quietly. "It was too hot for her to wait in the truck. If that makes you uncomfortable, why don't you stay here for a few minutes while I find her and leave?"
His eyes lingered on the door of the barn for a moment, then he looked at her. She still couldn't read the expression on his face. "Does she know?"
Becca shook her head. "She has no idea who her father is. And I certainly wouldn't tell her without talking to you about it."
His face softened for a moment, then he clamped his mouth together in a thin line. "I'm not going to hide in the barn," he said flatly. "Let's go see what my daughter has been up to."
As Becca raced to follow Grady, she wondered frantically what he intended to do. He wouldn't tell Cassie that he was her father, would he? Please God, she prayed, don't let him spring it on her like that.
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