by Dara Girard
She scooped up the stones in her gloved hand and offered him a bright smile. “Coming, coming.” She brushed past him into the welcoming warmth of their house, the scent of sugar and ginger greeting them. But as he closed the door behind her, he felt as if the cold chill of winter had followed them inside.
“What are you going to do with the stones?” Kenneth asked Jessie later that evening as they prepared for bed. He didn’t really want to know, but couldn’t help his curiosity.
She slipped under the bed sheets and rested against the headboard. “Nothing. I don’t know who they’re from or why they were left.”
He swallowed, hoping she was telling him the truth. Was it a warning? Had the scandal about his past created still more consequences for them to face? He felt a fissure of unease, like a tiny, hair-thin crack in a piece of glass. A crack of a memory wanting to emerge from the corner of his mind where he’d safely kept his past sealed. But he fought it; he wanted to stay in the present. They’d come through so much. He didn’t want anything to separate them again. “Are you sure?”
“Am I sure of what?”
“That you don’t know anything?”
Jessie held his gaze, a quick flash of fire lighting them. “You think I’m lying?”
Kenneth lowered his gaze and swallowed. He didn’t want to argue. He didn’t want to upset her because he was afraid. Afraid of… He inwardly groaned. He didn’t know what. But something ugly gripped him, something frightening and troubling. He didn’t want anything to destroy the perfect Christmas he planned for them. Nothing could go wrong. He wouldn’t let it. The memory teetering on the edge of his mind would stay there. He smiled, bent forward and kissed her. “No, I wouldn’t dare. I—I just don’t like the look of them.”
“They’re nothing to worry about.”
He nodded and slipped in beside her, taking deep breaths. He had to believe her. Although he didn’t like the stones, he had to trust her. He couldn’t think she knew something and wasn’t telling him. He couldn’t think that maybe she was protecting him. He had to believe that there weren’t secrets between them. That was the past. They were now joined together for life. He’d need two thousand lifetimes to show her how much he loved her. This Christmas would be the start of many—nothing could go wrong. Unless…
“What’s the matter?” Jessie said in sharp tone.
“What?”
“You stopped breathing.”
Kenneth froze. “I did?”
“Yes. Why? You always do that when you’re upset.”
He avoided her gaze. “I was just thinking about something.”
“What?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.” He gripped his hand into a fist. He was already lying to her and he didn’t want to, but felt that he must. Trust meant not asking questions, and he couldn’t doubt her.
“I won’t do anything without telling you first,” she said as if reading his mind.
He took a deep breath. “I know.” He kissed her again, assuring her as much as himself. “Promise me anyway,” he whispered against her lips.
She smiled. “Promise.”
He felt some of his tension ease, then turned off the lamp light, but the darkness that settled around them seemed to find its way inside him too.
And that darkness still followed him a week later. He didn’t know why the stones bothered him or why he felt suddenly restless. He stared at his reflection in the full-length closet mirror, straightening his tie one morning as he prepared for work, almost not recognizing the man staring back at him. Only a couple of weeks earlier he’d been so happy about the upcoming holiday and now he was filled with dread.
He left the large closet and walked into the bedroom, then felt someone grab his arm and pin it behind him. “Tell me what’s bothering you,” a female voice whispered in his ear.
Kenneth couldn’t help a smile as his pulse quickened; he could overpower his wife in one swift move, but he’d let her believe she was in control, for now. “Should something be bothering me?”
She tightened her hold. “You tell me. You haven’t been yourself the last few days.”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Want to arm wrestle?”
He slipped out of her grasp, swung her over his shoulder and pinned her to the ground. He gazed down at her with a smug grin. “Want to lose?”
He waited to see her temper flare. Watched to see her beautiful brown gaze turn hot. She’d probably make him late for work and he’d enjoy every minute of it. But instead of her typical heated look, he saw worry tinge her eyes.
“I feel you pulling away from me,” she said.
He didn’t move, the truth of her words holding him still. She was right. He could feel it himself and didn’t know why. They were now married, she was his new wife and he loved their life together and yet something gnawed at him and seemed to grow the closer Christmas came. His fears seemed foolish and there was still so much yet to know about each other, but there were still things he didn’t want her to know.
Because he had no words, he kissed her, lingering over the sweet taste of her mouth, hoping it would be enough to remove the worry from her eyes. He wanted her to think about the tall pine they’d decorated that stood in their living room, the colored lights that covered the house, and the apple cider they’d had by the fire. The holidays were supposed to be happy, especially this one. He’d keep whatever darkness that hovered, within him. He drew away from her and smiled. “How can I be pulling away, when I’m right here?”
Her gaze searched his, the worry deepened. “Kenneth, what’s wrong?”
His pulse quickened again, this time from fear instead of desire. Why did she have to know him so well? “I can’t stop thinking about the stones,” he said, releasing her.
Jessie sat up. “I think I may know who the stones belong to. One of the clients at the store may have left them because he heard about me and—”
“I don’t want you to have anything to do with him.” He didn’t mean to sound harsh, but something told him it was important that she stay away.
He waited for her to argue. Waited for her to tell him that he was her husband and not her jailor and that she’d do what she wanted to do.
Instead, she nodded. “Okay.”
“What?”
“I said okay. If it bothers you that much, I’ll leave them, but...”
“But what?”
“I sense that whoever left the stones seems to want protection and help. They’re not dangerous and—”
Kenneth shook his head. “I don’t care. Stay away.”
“Fine. I will.” Jessie lightly touched his cheek, her fingers warm and soft against his skin. “Is that all that’s bothering you?”
God, he hoped so. He took a deep breath and stood. “I’d better get going.” He lifted her to her feet, resisting the urge to hold her close in case he wouldn’t let her go.
There was too much snow. It wouldn’t stop. It was two days to Christmas and it seemed people would get the white Christmas they hoped for. But to Kenneth, the continuous snowfall chilled him. It didn’t fall with a soft light touch, but seemed to pound the earth, suffocating everything around him in white.
“Dad, are you okay?”
The sound of his daughter’s voice caused him both pleasure and pain, reminding him of what they’d both gained and lost. But he couldn’t think about his brother, Eddie, right now. Nothing else mattered except making Syrah happy and helping her forget her brutal past. He turned from the window and looked at her as she stood there, wearing an oversized sweater he’d wanted to donate but she’d decided to keep. Their dog, Dion, stood by her side. Kenneth forced a smile. “Of course I am.”
She bit her lip. “I’m not.”
He forced his smile not to waver. “Why not?”
She sent a nervous glance towards the window. “They were supposed to work, but I’m not sure they will.”
“What are you talking about?”
She shook her head
. “Nothing.”
“What’s wrong?”
She looked at him. “Mom’s not home yet.”
He checked his watch. He’d assumed she was upstairs. Jessie was usually home before him. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon.”
He couldn’t let Syrah sense his unease. He knew she was looking forward to their first Christmas as a family, and was used to being disappointed. Did she have the same fear he did? That happiness may be out of reach for them? They both loved Jessie, but they also both knew that the ones they loved could hurt them the most. He knelt in front of Syrah, keeping his smile in place and his tone light as he pressed down his own concerns. “I bet she had to finish up her holiday shopping and lost track of time.”
Syrah nodded. “Yes, it’s going to be all right, right?”
He tweaked her chin. “Right.”
But an hour later, Kenneth wasn’t so sure.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Jessie’s eldest sister, Michelle, said when he called her. Her tone was practical and no-nonsense, reflecting the businesswoman she was. “She’s a walking accident. If you worry about her, you’ll grow old fast—trust me. Just wait for her to come home. If anything’s happened, you’ll know.”
When he called Jessie’s other sister, Teresa, the advice was the same but said in a lighter more soothing way. She was a woman who believed in visions and herbs and that reflected in her words. “Your years together have only just begun, your paths are intertwined and you’re bound together unless you break them.”
He gripped the phone. That didn’t make any sense. “Just let me know if you hear from her.”
“I will, but you have to trust her.”
“Of course I trust her.”
“With everything?”
He briefly shut his eyes. Teresa was sweet, but strange and he hadn’t called for marriage advice. “Yes.”
“Good, then she’ll be fine. You both will.”
But when another hour passed, he didn’t feel fine. And his worry grew. He called her cousins and then anyone else he could think of, but no one could reach her. He had to believe that nothing was wrong. That she hadn’t defied him and seen the man she’d mentioned about the stones against his wishes.
He had to believe that she was okay, even when another hour passed and he saw a story on the news about a woman’s body being found near the bay.
“Poor woman,” Freda, his housekeeper said, passing by the family room to head to the kitchen.
It couldn’t be Jessie. She was just somewhere where her phone didn’t work and the snow…
Kenneth looked out the window, his hard gaze sweeping over the snow blanketing the ground and weighing the trees with its oppressive white hand. It looked harmless, but it could be so many things. Why did he hate snow so much? He felt an answer to that question as the hair-thin crack of memory tried to expand in his mind, but he violently silenced it with his will.
In two days they’d have their first Christmas as a family. A Christmas to help him forget the pain of his past. He had the right to be happy, to fight for his joy and his place in the world.
As a child, he remembered one winter clearing the driveway for Jessie’s family, the Cliftons. Eddie had promised to do it—and taken the advanced payment Mr. Clifton had given him—but did only half the job. Kenneth had finished it up, hoping nobody would notice. He made sure there was not a flake left.
“You mustn’t try so hard,” Mr. Clifton had told him with a glint in his eye.
He didn’t understand him at first and felt a little hurt and defensive. He was embarrassed that he’d gotten caught and angered by the criticism.
“You’ll wear yourself out for no reason.” He now knew what Jessie’s father had meant. That he didn’t have to try so hard to please, to be accepted, but it was still a lesson he was learning. He wanted this Christmas to be one of the best Jessie and Syrah had ever had.
Three hours later, he paced. He couldn’t report Jessie missing. Not yet. Not ever, he corrected. Because she would be home soon. She had to be.
Another hour passed. He felt himself falling apart. He grabbed his keys, determined to find her, then stopped when he heard the front door open.
He met her at the door. “Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for hours. Do you know how worried Ace was?” he said. “I had to lie to her to get her to eat dinner then lie to her again to get her to go to sleep. Do you know how many people I called? You couldn’t let anyone know where you’ve been, what you were up to? What happened?”
Jessie blinked, then sighed with regret. “I hardly understood a word you said. But I know you’re upset and I’m sorry. Now take a deep breath and speak slowly and in English.”
It took Kenneth a moment to realize he’d spoken in French. The language of his youth, the language of his heart. He could feel himself shaking as his anger and fear mingled within his veins. He hadn’t shouted at her like that before and always tried to be careful to control his temper. He knew the danger of losing control. He took her advice and took a deep breath. As he exhaled, he felt his shield of anger slip away, as if a filter had been removed from his eyes, and he finally saw his wife clearly.
He saw the cut on her lip and the bruise on her cheek and his heart twisted. He rushed towards her, then stopped himself from touching her. “What happened?”
Jessie pressed her hands together as if in prayer. “Don’t be angry.”
Kenneth folded his arms. “I’m already angry, what did you do?”
“This older woman was getting mugged—”
His arms fell to his sides. “You went after a mugger?”
“She said her life was in that purse and I couldn’t just stand around and do nothing.” Jessie held up her hand before he spoke. “I know he could have had a knife or a gun, but he didn’t. Unfortunately, he got away and she was so shaken that she asked me to go with her to the police and I did. I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to call you. And then on my way home, a car swerved and hit me. Not too bad, so don’t worry, and then my phone died and it was just chaos. But I left the hospital because I wanted to come home.”
His voice cracked in surprise. “You were at the hospital?”
“The woman who hit me was insistent I get checked by a doctor, so I just did it to calm her. I’m so sorry I didn’t get in touch with you somehow. It was just a crazy day and—”
Kenneth spun away and headed upstairs.
Jessie followed him. “You’re not going to forgive me?”
He headed for their bedroom. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“But you’re still angry,” she said, staying close behind.
He kept walking.
“Kenneth.”
“Keep your voice down.”
“Why? Syrah’s probably already awake after your shouting rampage. At least she knows I’m home.”
“It wasn’t a rampage.”
“It came close and I don’t know why—”
“A woman was found dead today,” he cut in, his voice raw with emotion, “and I thought it was you.”
“Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know!” And he truly didn’t. He didn’t understand his lingering anger. She was safe, but his heart still hammered in his ears.
“Why are you shouting at me again?”
“I’m not shouting.”
“It’s my fault!” another voice said. They both turned and saw Syrah standing at the end of the hallway. Her voice broke. “It’s all my fault.”
Jessie shook her head and walked towards her. “Honey, no it’s not. We’re just—”
She took a step back before Jessie could reach her. “I had Freda leave the stones on the doorstep, but they didn’t work.”
“What are you talking about?” Jessie asked.
“I know I don’t have your gift with stones, but when Aunt Teresa told me that they were special stones that could bring good luck and protection to a house, I thought…” Her words fell away. “I was wrong.”
“That’s why they had that feeling,” Jessie mumbled to herself. “I’d wondered about that.” She knelt in front of Syrah. “You weren’t wrong. And you didn’t do anything bad. But why would you think we’d need that? What are you frightened of?”
Kenneth came up behind Jessie and cupped Syrah’s chin before she could reply. “You’re safe now.”
Jessie hugged her. “You don’t need to be afraid. We’re a family now and we’re happy.” Jessie turned and looked up at Kenneth. “Right?”
He looked at Jessie then shifted his gaze to Syrah, a chill coursing through him. He knew what he had to say, even though he didn’t mean it. “Yes.” He kissed her on the forehead. “Now go back to bed or I’ll take one of your presents away.”
Syrah wrapped her arms around Jessie’s neck and hugged her. “I’m so glad you’re home.”
Jessie hugged her back. “Me too.”
“Kenneth, I said I’m sorry,” Jessie said, closing the door behind them once they were alone in their bedroom.
“I know.” He sat on the side of the bed and faced the window. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine if you won’t even look at me.”
He rested his head in his hands suddenly feeling tired and not knowing why.
“I don’t understand…” Her voice died away and he heard her footsteps retreat. “Okay, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll sleep with Syrah tonight then and—”
He reached her before she could get to the door. He swung her into the circle of his arms and held her tenderly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. “I didn’t mean to shout and I’m glad you’re home safe.”
“Your heart’s pounding.”
“Hmm.”
She looked up at him. “Kenneth?”
He heard a world of questions in her voice, but he wasn’t ready for them yet. He held her tighter and said in a teasing tone, “Why won’t you leave your husband and be with me? Your husband’s an idiot sometimes.”
