by Kira Adams
On the flip side of things, I haven’t seen Cade either. Ever since we returned home from tour, he’s been out every night of the week, coming home in the early morning hours while I’m already asleep. It’s been four days since we returned home to Camden, and this is the longest I’ve seen Cade and Braxton go without speaking to one another. With us being neighbors, you’d think they’d eventually run into one another, but I’m sure they’ve been doing an equally good job at avoiding any run-ins.
I’ve walked over to Braxton’s a couple of times in the last few days looking for him, but either no one is ever home, or his parents have been covering for him. Either way, I have an ache in my heart and it has to do with both my brother and his best friend. I don’t understand why Cade can’t just be happy for me. And especially with it being Braxton, I don’t understand why he isn’t relieved because it’s someone he knows?
Breigh has been my rock this past week, listening to me bitch, moan, complain, and cry, and yet still loving me for me. She’s really been holding me together as I’ve never gone this long without speaking to Cade. Luckily for me, Cade has seen her a couple of times, so she’s been my personal spy. “So…” I say, biting into a piece of bruschetta, “how is he?”
Breigh’s expression turns soft. “He misses you, I can tell,” she says gently, helping herself to a piece as well.
I nod. “Has he tried to speak to Braxton at all?”
Breigh shakes her head no. “I don’t think it’s going to be as easy for him to make up with Braxton as it is going to be for him to make up with you.”
“Why do you say that?” I ask curiously.
“Well, first of all, you’re his flesh and blood. In his mind, Braxton betrayed him.”
“And I didn’t?” I scoff.
“It’s different,” Breigh says softly. “You are going to be in Cade’s life forever. Who knows if we can say the same for Braxton?”
“He lives next door,” I point out flatly.
Breigh rolls her eyes. “He’s not always going to. At some point, he’s going to grow up and move out of ‘Mom and Dad’s.’”
The idea terrifies me. We haven’t even gotten a chance to explore what this even is, and he might not be as accessible as he’s always been for me? That is one scary thought. Braxton has always been there for me. If Cade wasn’t around, he always picked up that slack. He’s been looking out for us ever since we moved in next door. He’s been like a crutch to me, and I didn’t even realize it until this very moment.
“So, what’s new with you and Cade?” I ask, changing the subject.
She shrugs her shoulders, playing coy. “I don’t want to jinx anything, but we are hanging out. I’m not going to say that I’m the only girl on his mind right now, but he makes me feel special.”
“Good. You deserve it.” I am happy to hear that my friend is being treated the way she deserves and that Cade is the one giving that to her, but I wish my brother and I were on speaking terms.
“So how is the apartment hunt going?” Breigh asks, taking a sip of her red wine.
“Slow,” I reply. “I haven’t found exactly what I am looking for yet, and I don’t want to settle.”
“Have you thought about staying put?”
I cock my head to the side. “That would be the equivalent to remaining in jail, so no thank you.”
“Oh, come on!” Breigh quips. “You have a really nice thing going. Your guardian, who is young and hip, is never home. You don’t have to pay rent, and you have your own bathroom. I’d say you pretty much have it made.”
“Throw in the asshole, cock-blocking brother, and I’d say that sounds like Heaven,” I reply sarcastically.
Breigh rolls her eyes again. “Em, you’re going to need him. Sooner or later, and you just don’t want there to be so much damage done that it’s irreversible.”
“Oh my God!” I exclaim. “I never thought I’d see this day.”
“What?”
“The day when you side with my brother over me. He’s recruited you into his army,” I say.
“That is not true and you know it,” Breigh argues.
“Really?” I push back. “Then how come this entire lunch you’ve been defending him? You’re acting like I’m the one in the wrong, when in actuality, all I am asking for is a chance to live my life without others’ input. It isn’t okay what lengths Cade goes to in an effort to ‘protect’ me. I can take care of myself.”
I’ve suddenly lost my appetite so I throw my napkin on top of my food. This lunch was supposed to be a good thing; a way to cheer me up due to the funk I’ve been in, but it’s turned into the complete opposite. Somehow I feel like a bitch and in the wrong. It’s not fair that he always wins. Just once I’d like to be able to be my own person apart from my twin.
Chapter Twenty-Six:
Braxton
It’s been one hell of a week since I’ve been back. The only way I knew to avoid Emerson while also avoiding Cade was to conveniently not be home, so that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been drowning myself in one-dimensional women, alcohol, and my misery. Although I’m a guy and love sex, I haven’t wanted anyone other than Emerson. It felt weird the first time because I thought she would be my next bedroom conquest… yet, I’ve been filling my nights with empty and meaningless romps.
The problem is, apart from not being able to stop thinking about her, I really miss Cade. We’ve been close since he moved to Camden after their parents passed, and he’s always had my back. To him, I’m sure this feels like the ultimate betrayal. I’d be lying if I said I could blame him.
Tiptoeing through the front door, I close it softly, trying to be as quiet as possible. Even though I’m well over the age to be worried about curfews, I still have respect for my parents. Not to mention their dog, Gino, is getting old and will bark at anything and everything, waking the entire house up.
A light in the kitchen is on, and I can see my father sitting at the table with a mug.
Slowly, I make my way into the room, approaching him. “Hey, Dad.”
He looks up at me but his eyes are glazed over, he looks out of it. I wave my hand in front of his face. “Dad?” It’s as if he is looking straight through me. His eyes are open, but he isn’t acknowledging anything that I’m saying.
I grab him by the shoulders, shaking him gently. “Dad, wake up.”
This time his eyes widen and he stares back at me with recognition. “What’s happening?”
“I think you were sleepwalking again,” I say shrugging. Now that I’m close enough to get a glimpse at his mug, I can tell that it is empty and appears clean. Not unusual at all.
My father rubs his hand over his eyes, appearing even more tired and worn out than before. “What time is it?”
I glance up at the clock hanging on the wall. “It’s almost three in the morning.”
A surprised look takes over his face and he hurriedly stands, pushing the chair back in as he does. “I didn’t mean to scare you, bud. I’m sure it’s nothing.” This is his way of wrapping up, calling it a night.
I nod slowly. “See ya in the morning.” Although it’s technically already morning, I’m sure he knows what I mean. My face falls as he exits the room and I hear his footsteps creaking up the stairs. Alzheimer’s runs in my family. My great-Grandfather had it, and then his daughter, my Grandmother has it, and now my father is beginning to show signs of early-onset Alzheimer’s. It’s the most difficult thing watching someone you love forget who they are. I don’t want to think about what it’s going to be like in a short year or two. The disease works quickly and quietly to attack the brain cells, rendering most confused and broken.
Sighing, I reach into the cupboard pulling out Frosted Flakes. I’m starving and want to get something in my stomach before I call it a night. After I’ve got my cereal in a bowl with milk, I make my way to the table to eat it. It’s not more than a few minutes before I hear a tapping on the sliding glass door I can’t ignore. I stand, walking toward the
noise, and find myself face-to-face with a pajama-clad Emerson. My heart begins racing as I realize that I can’t avoid her this time, not if I don’t want to hear an earful.
Slowly, I make my way over to the door and unlock it, sliding it open. “Hey,” I say simply with a head nod.
Emerson is wearing turquoise pajama bottoms with polar bears on it and a matching turquoise long sleeve shirt. She looks just she just walked off of a Sears’ ad for kids.
She notices my eyes taking in her clothes and then immediately her body tenses up. Her shoulders grow stiff and her arms cross in front of her stomach. “You’ve been avoiding me,” she says in an insecure tone.
“What are you talking about? Since when?” I ask. Of course, I’ve been avoiding her. I feel like if I don’t, Cade will think I chose her. I don’t want to have to choose between them. I just wish things could go back to the way they were before the tour, when they weren’t so complicated.
“Don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talking about,” she says firmly, her posture growing stiffer.
“What do you want me to say, Emerson? I’ve been avoiding you? Fine. You win. What do you want from me?” I don’t mean to lose my cool, but this whole situation is pretty fucked up. Either way, I lose. If I choose Emerson, I lose my best friend. If I choose Cade, I lose her. Neither outcome has any appeal to me whatsoever.
Emerson’s eyes gloss over, and I feel a pang in my chest. I didn’t mean to make her cry. “I’m sorry, but am I in some alternate universe? We both wanted this… am I wrong?” she asks her voice quivering.
I shake my head, throwing it into my hands frustrated. “I don’t know what I want.”
“What?” Emerson asks innocently.
“Everything is just happening too fast,” I rattle off.
“Too fast?” Emerson scoffs. “Besides a little kissing and groping, we really haven’t done anything. I’ve pretty much given up any hope that you’ll be the one to take my virginity. So tell me, what has you so stressed out?”
It hurts to hear her words. Of course, I want nothing more than to take our relationship further, but I am not ready for the consequences. “Emerson,” I say softly.
She takes a couple of hesitant steps toward me and I don’t back away. “Tell me that this is one-sided and I’ll walk away and never look back.”
“I can’t say that, and you know it.” I breathe in deeply, inhaling my emotions.
She takes another step toward me, and I’d be willing to bet she can hear my heartbeat. “Stop pushing me away, Brax. We can face the consequences together. He’ll come around eventually, he always does.”
“You don’t know him like I do,” I argue. Choosing Emerson will be kissing my friendship with Cade goodbye. Washing away all the memories we have from the past ten years. It’s not as easy as she is making it seem to simply choose a side. Not to mention the fact that we are in a band together. The tension would be unbearable; one of us would have to go. We’ve been working on A Deafening Silence for more than three years. I can’t imagine throwing all of that away, even for someone as amazing as Em.
Emerson’s face scrunches up, her nostrils flare, and her eyes flutter. She takes another sniff closer to my neck and then groans. “Where were you tonight?”
My heart rate spikes. “Out.”
“Obviously, but where?” she questions, and I know I can’t get away with lying to her.
“I was out with a friend,” I answer, hoping she will drop it.
“A female friend who just happened to be so close to you, you reek of her now.” She deduces.
I shake my head, unsure of what to say next. “I’m single; I can do whatever I want.”
Emerson’s eyes grow redder along with her cheeks and nose as she fights back tears. “Noted. I’ll see ya around, Brax.”
I want to stop her. I want to call after her, but I know if I do then the decision will be made and there will be no going back. So, I don’t chase after her. I let her walk out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Seven:
Emerson
It’s been two weeks since I snuck over to Braxton’s in the middle of the night, and since I ran out crying. I heard from Breigh that Braxton and Cade are being civil and speaking again. I’m not surprised given the fact that band practices have started back up again.
Everything has mostly returned to normal between Cade and me. It’s hard to avoid your own twin when you live together and looking in the mirror only reminds you of them. We haven’t spoken about what happened on tour, but I know it hasn’t been forgotten.
About a week and a half after I returned home, I got a call to interview for a pretty high-end restaurant, Greystreet, in a neighboring town. The restaurant has been featured on the Food Channel and has more five-star reviews than I can count. At the interview, the owner mentioned how much she liked me, but she said in order to fit in I would have to dress a little more provocatively. The uniform for the servers is a too-short, too-tight black dress. Luckily for me, they hired me for the bartender position, so I don’t have to wear a dress. The only issue was just how much skin I needed to show to fit in. Breigh loved every second of dragging me around town for new wardrobe options and watching me get pampered.
At the end of it all, I barely recognized myself. My normally long hair is now just above my shoulders and layered. Instead of overalls or sweats, I’m sporting tight jeans and even tighter blouses. I don’t complain about it because of the insane amount of tips I cash out with every night I work. If I don’t leave with at least one hundred dollars, then I know I’m doing something wrong.
I’ve worked in a couple of restaurants before, but not as a bartender and never one that has such high foot traffic on a regular basis. Since I started, they’ve been working me part-time. It’s good to get out of my house and head for a bit.
I work alongside two other bartenders, Demi and Justin. They are a hoot. I’m still getting the hang of things, but they help wherever they can, picking up my slack.
It’s Saturday night, and Greystreet is packed. We have one hundred and forty-five reservations on the books, not even counting the walk-ins. Everyone has their game face on. There was a Bengals game today and groups of people have been flowing in ever since.
“How ya doing over there?” Demi shouts at me over the loud commotion of the restaurant.
“Doing good,” I reply as I shake up the martini I am making before pouring it into a glass.
“Let me know if you need any help!” she offers, bobbing her dark head my way.
“Busy night?” a male voice asks from across the bar. I look up just as I slide the martini to the customer who ordered it.
“That’ll be thirteen dollars,” I say to the freckled brunette. She pays with cash, tipping me two dollars, and then I turn my attention to the handsome blast from the past across from me.
“What can I get ya?” I ask, skipping any pleasantries. We are so busy, it’s best to stay focused. I’ve learned over the past few shifts that with my new ‘look’ I’m getting a little more attention than I’m used to.
His eyebrows raise, he cocks his head to the side, and then swallows his pride. “So that’s all you have to say to me after all this time?”
My heartbeat is steadily increasing, and my palms are sweaty. There hasn’t been a second that went by since he stepped into this place that I didn’t recognize his perfectly styled dark hair, forest green eyes, or his stocky football frame. Not much has changed in the last two years. His presence still takes my breath away.
I’m terrified to look him in the eyes. It’s what I’ve wanted since the last time I saw him, and yet I never thought this moment would come. “What can I get you, Evan?” I ask, attempting to keep my cool.
“You know me, you tell me,” he replies coolly.
I sigh, shaking my head. “I don’t know – seven and seven?”
“Bingo!” He points at me, flashing me his award-winning smile. His teeth are perfect and far whiter than my own.
I nod. The last time I saw him ended in a screaming match and me slamming the door when I left. I’ve wanted a redo ever since that moment. Turning around, I begin making his favorite drink, trying to ignore his eyes burning into my back.
Once I’ve added the 7Up and stirred it, I hand him the drink. “$Eight-fifty.”
He smirks, pulling out his wallet. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
I brush off his comment, grabbing his ten dollar bill and handing him the change. “It’s good to see you,” I say simply, hoping that it will be enough to pacify him.
His eyes don’t leave me for a second, and I can tell I am not going to get away that easy. “What time are you off tonight?” he asks.
I shrug, the storm brewing in my stomach something fierce.
