by Lisa Lace
I hear it cry out again, and I accelerate. Even though I hate the sound of Perri’s fear, as long as she is crying out, she is still alive. Even if she is hurt. Even if she is scared.
If she has gone where she shouldn’t, hurt and scared might be the best I can hope for. Running kashaks can be vicious. If she has stumbled into the paddock of a nesting mother, she might be fed to the hatchlings before I can call her name again.
As I run, I realize, almost with wonder, that I am starting to panic. I thought I had left terror behind me, along with my dead family. When I set on my path to destroy my brother’s reign, I had decided that I had nothing to lose and therefore nothing to fear.
My heart beats in my chest like a wild beast.
Today I am afraid again.
Perri
An unearthly silence fills the apartment after Rasulus leaves. Before it seemed warm and safe, but without my husband inside, something is missing.
For quite some time, I pace back and forth, growing angrier by the moment. I’m his wife, not a dog he can order around. I become furious when I realize he has left me alone while going off with a beautiful topless woman.
I remember what he said about his mother and Crucis. With a chill, I realize Arietan men might keep multiple wives. It wasn’t something TerraMates had talked about, but they might not be giving me the full picture.
I wish it were only pride that makes me enraged at the idea of needing to share Rasulus. There is something else, too — a kind of anguish. The fact that I had already given him enough of my heart to break is both infuriating and terrifying in equal measures.
When Rasulus comes back, I cannot be a cringing supplicant any longer. There are too many people in the palace who are willing to bow before him and make excuses for him. I remember the way the crowd at our sham of a wedding had watched us with mocking glances. Apparently, they did not expect better from him, but I certainly did.
Back on Earth, I swore to myself that I would never be humiliated and terrified by a lover again. It doesn’t matter if Rasulus is a prince or a commoner. I know my own worth. I refuse to be subject to his whims or smile as he takes as many lovers as he pleases.
Time passes, and Rasulus does not return. I am exhausted, but nervous energy courses through me and refuses to let me rest. I walk into the bedroom to see if lying down will help.
The bed we shared confronts me. If I lie down, I will be surrounded by our mingled scent. Right now, I cannot bear it.
I realize this palace is where I’m going to live. I don’t have to be restricted to Rasulus’ chambers by a careless command if I don’t want to be. I can wait for him like an obedient servant, or I can do something else.
It takes more courage than I would have imagined to leave the room. I remember how he passed his thumb over the ruby inset in the door. If I leave, will I be able to come back in again? What waits for me on the other side of the doors? I shiver at the memory of Crucis and his lot, but they are a danger that I will be living with as long as I am at the palace.
“I will not be afraid in my own home.”
Calling the palace home makes the decision for me. I’m not going back to Earth any time soon, and I can’t bear to stay in Rasulus’ apartment any longer.
I start pawing through Rasulus’ closet, assuming I can convert some of his clothes into things I can wear. To my disgust, I find several articles of women’s clothing, some dresses and skirts. They are cut for an Arietan woman so they mostly are too long for me. I manage to find a lavender dress which fits me well enough. By tying a cord around my waist and drawing the hem up, I’ll be able to walk around without tripping.
The palace hallways are hushed in the morning. I wander the beautiful stone passages without a challenge from anyone. Once or twice, I pass servants hurrying here and there with food and towels, and it makes me think about the morning after a big party. If Crucis’ chambers were anything to go by, a party happens every night. Everyone needs to be well-rested for tomorrow’s celebration.
I follow a gust of fresh air. It leads me out of the palace, though I can see I am still within the great wall surrounding it. Instead of seeing more buildings, however, I am confronted with a series of empty fields, all fenced off with wire. I wonder if the small fields are meant to hold livestock, but they are empty from where I stand. All I can see are deep rolling grasses, some beautiful trees, and a brook running through the landscape.
I feel a longing to sit next to the water and feel real grass under my feet. I grew up in the country. The idea of being a bit closer to nature makes me sigh.
There is no one around to tell me to do anything else. I open the gate and close it again behind me. It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission, isn’t it? I slip my shoes off, holding them in my hand, and walk through the grass. The sensation is a blissful break from the turmoil from moments earlier. I feel something that had been coiled tightly inside me relax. Everything starts feeling better.
I hear an ominous rustle in the grass.
Just short of the brook, I turn my head to see a creature rise up out of the grass. Even though it’s still crouching, I can tell it is enormous—it looks like a prehistoric bird of immense weight and length. When it fully stands, it will tower over me by at least three feet.
My breath catches in my throat. I freeze, staring at it even as it looks back at me.
I hope it is only livestock, an easy way for the palace to get eggs and meat.
There is something chicken-like about the avian before it straightens to its full height, taking one step after another toward me. There is nothing particularly friendly or domesticated about the bird, and I slowly start to retreat. I had crossed the field with such ease before. The gate seems miles behind me.
Instead of lying down and going back to sleep, the bird races after me, its head low and menacing. I think I can see something malevolent in its small and beady eyes. It can take one step for every three of mine. Soon enough, it is close enough for me to make out individual feathers.
When it strikes, it moves so fast that I can barely see it. The head bobs and slashes forward seemingly all at once. I throw my arm forward to protect myself while lurching back. As a result, its sharp beak cuts my forearm rather than my chest. I cry out in pain. The bird rears back for another strike.
The anger and frustration I feel at my entire situation rise up to push away my fear. Without thinking of the consequences, I hold one shoe in each hand. When the bird darts back for another try, I cry out and hurl a shoe at it.
It hits the bird square on the head, making it sit back with a practically comical expression. For a moment, I think that it is going to run away, allowing me to make my way back to the gate. It gets a determined look on its stupid face, and it stalks forward again. My second warning cry does not deter it, and neither does my other shoe, held threateningly in my hand.
I’m ready to throw my shoe again, but then I will have nothing with which to defend myself. Grimly, I keep moving backward. The bird continues stalking me with murder in its eye.
It rears back for another try. I brace myself to throw my last weapon before Rasulus comes sprinting into the field.
He comes to a stop between the bird and me, roaring in its face as if he is a predator himself. The bird is even larger than he is, but it hesitates as he stalks up to it. The bird takes a careful slash at him, only to be struck in the face. I hold my breath, thinking Rasulus will surely lose a few fingers. The bird gives him a contemptuous look and struts away. As we both watch, it goes to lie down in the grass again, as invisible now as it was before.
I frown. “Could I have done that myself?”
“Absolutely not. If you did, and it chose to challenge you outright, it would have snapped your head off. Perri, you should start walking back to the gate.”
The tone of his voice was such that I obeyed immediately. I was finished with being in the field with the damned bird, anyway. I walk back toward the gate, aware of Rasulus just a few steps behind me. When we f
inally pass through the gate, Rasulus takes a deep breath and latches it behind us.
For a brief moment in the chaotic morning, we are both still. I look up to see him gazing at me curiously. His face shifts to anger, and I look away.
“What in all the hells did you think you were doing? Why do you think I told you to stay in the apartment! You can’t even understand how dangerous the politics are in the palace. You might end up dead before you figure it out!”
I can’t look at his face. Old habits are making me want to cringe and crawl away. Before I know it, a new heat and fury courses through me, and I step back, glaring up into his face.
“How was I supposed to know that? You left without saying a word, and you were in the company of a strange woman! Do you think I would like that? Do you even think at all? I came here to be your wife, and I swear to you, I will do my best, but there are some things I won’t tolerate!”
“Perri.”
“I was humiliated last night! Your brother exposed me in front of all those people before he married us as if my life were a game to him. I thought you might be different. The next thing I know, you take off with another woman without a single look back at me. You acted as if I meant nothing to you! I’m better than that, Rasulus!”
“Perri, wait.”
“I won’t! I might not have any status or any place here except as your wife, but I won’t let you turn me into a woman who accepts whatever you offer and calls it love.”
He sets his hands on my shoulders gently. His touch makes me flinch. I am still glaring up at him. Does he look concerned instead of being angry?
“You are shaking.”
I realize he’s right. After the night and morning, I can barely keep my eyes open. The only thing making me stand upright is my rage. When I stop yelling, I start to totter. Rasulus catches me and supports me until I stand on my own two feet.
“I was wrong. I am sorry I left you, and I shouldn’t have given you orders without thinking about how you might interpret them. Will you return to our chambers with me?”
I hesitate, but a single word comes out of my mouth. “Yes.” I pull back from him, unable to stand being close after my outburst. He opens the door for both of us, and when we are safe inside, he pulls out a small box from a cabinet opposite the door. As I watch, he removes a tube about the size of my hand before turning back to me.
“Let me see your arm.”
Abruptly, I remember the wound the bird had given me. In my rage I didn’t notice any pain. It torments me with a low and persistent throb until Rasulus squeezes a light clear gel over it. As I watch in surprise, the pain cools off, and the wound closes before me. It is still red and sore, but the gel has accelerated the healing immensely.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You can thank me by not getting hurt again.”
I gasp when he calmly pulls his own shirt off, revealing a nasty cut over his ribs. Now that I am looking at him, I can see that his torso is a mass of bruises. There are some lighter cuts on his arms.
“What happened to you?”
“It’s none of your concern.”
I feel anger bubbling up out of me again. “I am your wife. You can’t talk to me like that! I care about your wounds. The women you choose to sleep with, on the other hand—”
“I would never betray you like that.”
He sounds so sure and calm that I fall silent. After a moment, I reach for the gel, applying it to the cut on his ribs where he has trouble treating it himself. Tending to him gives me a moment of calm satisfaction. Something about seeing him hurt makes me feel pain as well. I realize I hate it.
When I am done, he sighs.
“We should sleep. You haven’t been on my planet for very long. You must be exhausted.”
Instead of leading me to the bed, he takes me up a small staircase at the back of his quarters. We climb until we reach a room lined with bookshelves. It is a private library, but the most fascinating feature is the transparent ceiling. As I gaze up, I see the passage of a small flock of birds, the deepening blue of the sky, and some soft clouds.
Rasulus draws me over to the large couch at the center of the room, pulling me down to lie next to him. For a moment, it feels as if we are hiding from the rest of the world. We are the only people who exist. I feel something relax inside me. He points up at the ceiling.
“Do you see it?”
It takes me a few moments to figure out what he is talking about. A pale lavender disc is rising from the western part of the sky.
“It’s Monani, our hidden moon. It does not appear at night except in the southern hemisphere. At the palace, we can only see it during the day.”
“It’s beautiful.” I wonder if Rasulus is trying to tell me something by revealing Monani to me. We watch for a short while as the moon drifts over us, beautiful, serene and distant.
Before I can figure out what he means, the warmth of our bodies and his heartbeat against my ear lull me into a deep and exhausted sleep.
Rasulus
When I wake up around dusk, Perri is still sleeping. I pause for a moment to reflect on her beauty and remember that she is now mine. With the thrill of possession comes a sobering reality. She depends on me to keep her safe. It is my duty to make sure no harm comes to her.
An old chill of fear runs up my spine when I think of the things I’ve said that I haven’t meant, and how she has seen me. She is brave and she has enough spirit for ten women. But when it comes to palace intrigue, she is as innocent as a child. I remind myself that she must see me as the rest of the palace does; a wasted drunk who can barely do more than stand on his own two feet.
I leave her sleeping in my solarium under the dusk sky, descending to my chambers. My entire body aches, reminding me of my fight with Rohani, and I cannot resist a triumphant smile now that no one can see me. I am slowly gathering the allies I need. Even if I have to continue my charade in my chambers, it will not last forever.
Someday I will be successful, or I will be dead.
And Perri along with you, whispers an insidious voice in my ear. If I fail, she will be executed as a co-conspirator. It is my duty to succeed.
It is strange to realize that within the span of a single night, my goals have shifted from fighting for my own glory to fighting for Perri’s life. And it feels right.
I am fresh out of the shower when I hear a timid knock at my door. I remember to slump and stagger as I answer the door. A young page stands before me.
“What do you want?”
“The king requests the company of you and your wife at his midnight dinner.”
I paint a silly grin on my face. “Good! I was starting to feel cooped up in here. Tell him we will be there as soon as we can. Send for a seamstress and the head of the harem. Tell her that I want assistance dressing my wife. She’s a fright and could use some help.”
I hear a soft gasp from behind me. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I turn to see Perri on the stairs. She watches me with wounded blue eyes that quickly turn icy as she draws a protective cloak of pride around herself.
I tell myself it is better if she thinks I am a careless palace drunk, even while I want to explain everything to her.
“Thank you for your kind words. I won’t trouble a seamstress and harlot to come here. I will go to them.”
Perri sweeps past me, still dressed in last night’s old clothes. She doesn’t spare me a single look as she passes by. I reach for her, but she is gone, following in the wake of the young page. I am left alone in my quarters, and I cannot help cursing myself for a fool.
I knew I couldn’t have done anything differently, but the hurt in Perri’s eyes makes me ache. I tell myself that what I am doing is temporary. It won’t always be like this.
But how many times can I hurt her before the damage is irreparable?
It does not take me long to get ready for the meeting with my brother. I own a full wardrobe of dress clothes, and I make
sure to strap on the sword and knives that complete the uniform of the nobles. They are gilded and jeweled, but they are still good steel, not merely costume pieces. Having their weight on my body makes me feel better.
As a final touch, I splash some strong alcohol on my throat and my wrists before toweling myself dry. I grin in the mirror, but I look and feel empty.
I have had Perri’s biometrics entered into my chambers’ security system. She can open the door without me. When I hear the portal opening, I turn to greet her. My voice dies in my throat when I see what she looks like.
In her plain clothing, Perri is beautiful in an understated kind of way. There is something wild about her which makes me think of the secret places in the forests. Today, she is dressed in the silks of an Arietan noblewoman, and her beauty shines like the sun.
Her hair has been washed and perfumed. Curls gently flow down around her shoulders, the black locks a stark contrast to her pale curves. I can see the way her breasts hang loose under the billow of green silk, through which the shadows of her nipples are faintly visible. She is smaller than an Arietan woman would be, but her body moves like the waves of the ocean. I feel an instant need to claim her all over again as if I had not done so less than twenty-four hours ago.
“I look ridiculous, don’t I? My mother would have said I looked like a pig wearing lipstick.”
“I don’t believe that at all. You look stunning.”
I cross the floor to take her in my arms. She pulls back, looking at me with alarm.
“Have you been drinking?”
I forgot that I smell like alcohol. I grin at her, offering a loose-boned shrug.
“Of course, I have. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I had hoped things would be different now.”
I grab her up in my arms and give her a sloppy kiss, making her recoil. “I think I know what the problem is. Don’t worry about that, wife. I will still be able to perform my duty when the time comes. You are entirely too beautiful for me to leave cold and lonely in the bed.”
