Laughing, I turned in his arms to face him.
"We read books together growing up. Around high school, we started creating the perfect book boyfriend. Mixing a little bit of this guy with some of that from another. In the end, we had the ideal guy and we swore that we wouldn't settle until we found him. Kara met Chad and her search was over. Me..."
"Never gave up?"
"I quit believing he was a possibility."
"Table is ours, guys. Last one on the left."
Ryan came at the perfect time, allowing me to avoid the pity party. Everyone followed Ryan but Tony held me in place.
"Don't you want to go watch me stroke the stick?"
"I wanted to do this more."
He kissed me, which was the last thing I expected.
"That was nice."
"I'm glad I found you, Kate."
"Me too."
I took his hand as we walked over to the corner where Chris and Chad were racking the balls.
"So Ryan, Kate told me you all met at college. Where are you originally from?"
Ryan looked a little shocked that Tony was talking to him, but answered.
"South Carolina. Charleston, actually."
"Wow, that's a great town. I knew a girl from Orangeburg. Did you live anywhere near there?"
"No, that's on the other side but I do know of it."
"What about you Chad? Chris? What got all of you to come here?"
Everyone pointed to Kara and started laughing.
"I'm just that good."
Tony looked at me for conformation while I shook my head back and forth laughing even harder.
"I'm from D.C. and he's from Minneapolis. We met at our freshman orientation. As far as getting here, when Chad and Kara started dating it was all over."
"Nothing was over. We said we would start a practice together, I got married, she was from here, that's it. Either one of you could have backed out.”
"And leave you behind? Never. You're the only one that keeps us out of trouble."
"Remember that the next time you get arrested, Ryan."
I was laughing, knowing Tony was probably thinking, who the hell are these people?
"What's so funny over there, Kate? You’re the reason for his last arrest. Actually, now that I think about it, you have been involved each time he got arrested. How did I never put that together before?"
When Tony turned, he looked at Ryan and then me. I could tell he was trying to figure something out. I just didn't know what.
"It was only twice and the second one wasn't our fault." They were crazy to bring that up now. "Besides, I thought we were going to be playing and I want in on the first game. Tony, want to be my partner?"
"Sure."
"You two ready to get your asses handed to you?"
Chris and Chad laughed knowing I suck at pool. I hoped to God Tony had some talent in him.
"Ryan and I will grab the drinks since waitresses don't seem to exist here. Everyone okay with beer?"
We all said that was fine and started the game. Chris broke, sinking a solid. Missing his next shot, Tony let me go after him. I put the stick in between my fingers and was about to take my turn when Tony said, "Wait, are you really going to do that?"
I raised the stick and said, "Do what, we are striped right?"
"Yes we're stripes, but you're not even holding it correctly. Do you guys mind if I show her really quick so we at least stand a chance?"
"Not at all, have at it. We have tried for years, she's a lost cause."
"Chad!"
"Just saying it how it is."
"Don't listen to him. I'm not giving up on you any time soon."
He moved in behind me, placing his hand flat on my lower stomach, pulling it back into him. Leaning over me, he pressed my chest down. He placed the stick back in my hand, organizing my fingers so the stick slid easily over them.
"Do you feel that? It should be smooth, easy and never forced. Let it slide, don't push."
My dirty mind wasn't focusing at all on pool. His body, being so close to mine, was a distraction I would always welcome. Tony whispered in my ear,
"I'm going to tear you apart when we get home but we need to win this game first."
My whole body went limp from the idea. We practiced sliding the stick back and forth several times before I was confident I had it and got ready to take my shot. When I turned around to tell the guys the game was back on, everyone was staring at Tony and me. Maybe we put on more of a show than I thought. Smiles took over every face but one. Ryan was expressionless.
"Let’s get this game going. Stripes it is."
I aimed for the open shot and for the first time in my life, I sunk a ball.
"Holy shit! I did it!"
I ran and jumped in Tony’s arms.
"Can you believe that? I am awesome!"
He was laughing at me but I could tell he was proud.
"The game's not over Kate, take your next shot."
"You can't rush perfection, Chad."
Looking at the table, there were two balls with nothing blocking them. I went for the one closest to the pocket and BAM, I did it again. Cocky as hell, I lined up the third and managed to jump the rail and the ball went flying.
"Someone's luck just ran out. Watch and learn, Kate."
Tony walked up behind me, whispering in my ear, "Chad can be competitive, huh?"
"You could tell?"
"So it would be bad to win?"
I spun around. "We could win?"
"Of course we can. What I'm asking is, should we?"
"Absolutely! Let’s kill them. I've never won, ever. Are you sure you can, because I suck, if you couldn't tell already."
"Baby, you do not. You've just never had the right teacher. Let’s show them how good you are, okay?"
I got up on my toes and gave him a quick peck. "You're becoming my favorite, you know that, Big Man?"
"Then I'm doing something right because you are already mine."
We turned back to the table as Chad missed his shot, perfect timing. It was Tony's turn and I couldn't believe how amazing he was. The way he eyed the table searching for the best shot, the serious look he wore as he hit ball after ball in, he looked like a pro. Five balls total in one turn, I couldn't believe it. He walked back over to me as Chris got ready for his turn.
"That was amazing!"
"No, that's playing pool. You are amazing."
"You guys are really making it hard to be around you."
Kara came over and put her arm around Tony’s waist. "You know, no one beats my husband at anything, ever."
"Really?'
"I just don't want you to get your hopes up. He won't let it happen."
"I will be sure to remember that."
Tony was smiling huge and I knew we had it in the bag.
"Kara, get ready to watch history in the making. He's going down tonight."
"You have never even made a shot before now; Tony would have to carry you across the finish line."
"Well then it's a good thing he works out because we will be waiting for you guys to show up."
We were all joking but to up the ante, Kara turned around and said, "Chad, Kate thinks she's going to take this game. Show her how it's done!"
Tony looked back at me and said, "They are going down baby and it will be you who sinks the final ball."
"No way, don't leave it to me. Just win, that will be good enough, believe me."
"Not going to happen."
Chris got two more in and then it was my turn again. I walked up to the table, noticing there was not one ball standing alone. Every one of them was paired up and I didn't have a shot. I looked back for Tony, scared to make a mistake when he smiled and said, "You can do this."
He walked over to me, pointing out where I could hit their ball to make mine go in. I have seen this done a million times, but never have I tried it myself. I lined myself up, having to stretch across the table to do it, took my shot and... It didn'
t go in. I managed to make them go everywhere but in a pocket.
"Aw" came out of everyone’s mouth, making me feel worse that they would make fun of me. I walked back over to Tony defeated, when he pulled my chin up and said, "That was great!"
Wait, what?
"Did you say great?"
"Kate, you just blocked any shot they had."
"What are you talking about? I didn't get it in."
"You have no idea how bad I wanted to rip your pants off while you were sprawled out on that table. Then to finish it off with that kind of block?” He took in a deep breath and continued, "You are now untouchable. If any man's hands fall on you that are not mine, I will break them. Do you understand?"
"I think. I did a good thing after all and you are claiming me like a caveman at the same time?"
His eyes were black and I could tell he meant every word he said. I just needed to lighten the mood or we would be having sex in front of a bar full of people, but he kept going.
"You do things to me. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel the way I do when I'm with you."
"You're all about just putting it out there aren't you? As much as I love hearing it, it makes me uncomfortable. No one has ever said these things to me. I don't know how to take it all in. What am I supposed to say back?"
"Nothing, or everything. Whatever you feel, be free to say it. Life is too short to deny what you want."
"Tony, it's your turn."
We both looked over at a pissed off Chad. One look at the table showed an easy win. Chad left the eight ball in front of a pocket. Tony was going to win the game! He walked away from me, chalked his tip and lined up for the shot. Only when he took it, the cue ball went the wrong way. Why he would do that made no sense to anyone. The look on their faces proved it. He stood and walked back to me smiling.
"Why did you do that? We could have won."
"Just watch."
I did as he asked and saw Chris get more and more pissed off. Tony blocked him in. He had nothing. He had no choice but to make sure I didn't either. He did what he needed and I was screwed. Once I messed this up, Chad would win. The worst ending was about to happen, after I rubbed it in that we would kick their ass.
I started walking over to take my beating when Tony yelled, "Hey, wait up."
I stopped, waited like he asked and then heard him say, "You ready to show them what you got?"
"They already know how to watch me lose Tony."
"Aw, baby girl, have more faith in yourself. All you need to do is…"
As he was talking, I looked over at Ryan and noticed he had several shot glasses in front of him on the table.
"Hey, are you listening to a word I say?"
"You bet, I got this."
I half heard some of what he told me, but I wasn't going to let him know what had my attention. Instead I continued over to the table, walking around it like I had any idea what I was looking for. That's when I spotted what Tony had been saying. I had an opening to the eight ball which was all I needed. As soon as I leaned over, I could hear Chad, Kara and Chris talking about what to do after my shot to win. They had no faith in me at all. I glanced over to Tony who was wearing the biggest shit eating grin. I lined up my stick, pulled back and took the shot. It was pathetic. I watched the ball roll and roll until it finally hit the eight ball. It had to be the slowest an eight ball has ever moved. Finally it came to a stop, right on the edge of the pocket. I thought I was going to die. To be that close and lose was worse than getting your ass handed to you. I looked over at my friends, ready for them to let loose on me when...
"Yes!"
What was he doing? I looked over and saw the ball fall in! It fell in!
"Holy shit!"
Tony was across the room, picking me up and spinning me around in no time.
"You did it Kate, you did it!!!"
It was a stupid ball but it meant the world. He had more faith in me than I had in myself. Without thinking, I leaned down and kissed the shit out of him in front of everyone. He didn’t cut me off; he kept up the pace that I had set. That was, until we heard a crash. Tony set me down so we could take in what we had missed. Shot glasses were scattered, shattered and Ryan was walking toward the door. I pulled out of Tony’s arms and ran after him screaming, "Ryan! Wait up!"
He never slowed his pace. We were outside before I caught up to him. I grabbed his arm, but before I could catch my balance, he spun around causing me to go flying. I hit the ground hard but was back on my feet before he could feel any regret.
"Are you okay? FUCK, I'm so sorry...."
"Stop it, it was an accident. I fell, you didn't push me."
My left leg hurt but I wasn't about to rub it and make it obvious.
"You can't drive you know."
"Just let me figure it out okay. I need to get away from you."
"Me? Don't do this, please. You're one of my best friends. Talk to me."
"I have! I tried Kate, God I fucking tried. I'm so tired of being the friend! Watching you two in there was like pouring fucking acid on a burn. You're so happy and I want you that happy, I just want so bad to be the man that makes you feel that way. The most fucked up part about it is I know I do, you just would never let it happen. For what, this friendship that can no longer be anyway? What a crock of shit. I can’t keep pretending that it doesn’t bother me anymore Kate, I love you."
Damn, that was harsh. Nothing hurts worse than the truth and he just slapped me with it.
I heard the door to the hall open but my eyes never left Ryan. Tears welled in them as I tried to figure out how to respond. He was right, I loved him so much and the only thing that held us back from being happy was me worrying about if it didn't work. The regret I would feel if it ended our friendship. But all that was before I met Tony. Everything was different now because of it. I opened my mouth, having no idea what was about to come out of it when...
"Is everything okay out here?"
Ryan's eyes were still locked on mine, as if he were waiting for me to make it all right again. Apparently waiting to say something isn't the best choice because "Everything is exactly as it should be" came from Ryan before he turned and walked away.
Trying to decide between running after him or facing the man behind me was the more than I could handle. I stood in one place, watching him get farther and farther away from me. I never turned to look at Tony either, how could I? I was crying over another man. How would it be right to ask him to comfort me? I couldn't make Tony do that. And then it hit me; that's all I have ever asked Ryan to do. Without hesitation he was always there, picking me back up and righting me again. I began to cry harder, wishing I could change so much. I brought my hands to my face, as I poured myself into them.
Tony closed in from behind, wrapping his arms around me while saying nothing. He let me cry, holding me until I got myself back under control. I thought I had, until I spun in his arms and wrapped myself in his. I hated every part of what was happening. He still said nothing, just rubbed my back up and down comforting me. Eventually I broke the silence and said, "I'm so sorry."
"There you go with those sorrys again. You have nothing to worry about, but I'm beginning to think I do."
I pulled back, wiping away my tears with my sleeves.
"You don't. I promise that you don't."
"I know you want me to believe that but you’re the one who needs to first."
"Tony..."
"There is no need, Kate. It's too late…"
"Please. No..."
"I've already fallen for you. I'm not going anywhere. You have got to stop cutting me off. You're missing the best parts."
He had a smile on his face, one that filled my heart with hope. How I deserved him was beyond me, but I never wanted to know what it would be like to be without him again.
"I'm cold, can we go?"
"Whatever you want to do is okay with me."
He let me go but then grabbed my hand and squeezed it twice. I looked up at him when
he said, "It's all going to be all right."
"How can you be so sure?"
"We're living aren't we?"
His perspective on life was so basic and yet profound.
I turned one last time, in the hopes that I would see Ryan and know he and I were going to be okay as well. What I found was a parking lot that was dark and empty. A perfect metaphor for how I was feeling about us.
CHAPTER 15
We went back in to collect my things and say goodbye. Tony thanked everyone for meeting up with us and promised we would all get together again soon. I stayed quiet, knowing that everyone understood how I felt already. Tony took my hand again and we walked back out the door.
Out of nowhere, Tony grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder, running around the parking lot screaming, "This woman is amazing! Amazing! Amazing!" When he came to a stop, he let me slide down his chest, ending with our lips meeting as he whispered slowly, "She is just amazing and she's mine. Still. I hope." His whisper, with each word, almost became inaudible, but I caught what was said and responded with a kiss that I hope answered it all.
When it ended I said simply, "Thank you."
"No need to thank me for speaking the truth. You are amazing, Kate. Whatever happened between you two is your business, not mine. All I need to know is that I have a chance, because I don't plan on losing this fight. You're worth every scar I might receive."
That was just it. I didn't want anyone to get hurt and that was all that seemed to be happening.
"I want you Tony, I just don't know how not to hurt someone I love in the process."
"You will figure it out. I have no doubt about it. Now let’s get you home. I have plans for us that have yet to happen tonight."
"Really? You still want me to stay?"
"I don't want you anywhere but with me."
We drove to his house, staying quiet for the most part and listening to the music on the radio. “Say Something” by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera was playing and I couldn’t help but picture me standing there speechless, as Ryan waited for me to say something, anything. I had no idea I was singing along. I was lost in thought until, "God, you sing terribly!"
It was like a needle being dragged across a record, scratching it in the process. All thoughts stopped and my focus was on Tony.
Fearing Regret Page 19
