Rock purses his lips and looks away. Then turns back. “Chaos’ men killed Jill, Becca. There was a woman’s body in the cellar, but it wasn’t yours.”
He’d told me it was club business when I’d asked about Jill. I’d just let it drop, being too concerned at the time with myself, Beef, and Rock. I cover my mouth. I didn’t like the woman, but I don’t like hearing she died in the place I’d been kept in. It had been bad enough seeing the men killed, even though I knew they deserved it. Rock tries to pull me to him, but there’s too much going on in my mind. I slide to the opposite side of the seat.
“Either the pastor or the other man must be in contact with him. Otherwise they wouldn’t have known Hawk thought I was dead.” As the realisations dawn on me, I go cold. “Rock, this means the pastor might have known who was keeping me for Hawk. He probably knew how they were treating me as well. How could he condone that? How many others are involved in this?”
“Becca, don’t torture yourself. We’ll have no answers until Drummer comes back.”
He’s right. But I can’t avoid the thought that the pastor could have known. If he did, he’s as dirty as Hawk. Is the whole damn church involved? Who was the other man? I can’t remember seeing him before. Or have I? Wasn’t he someone who visited the house one of the times I was sent out of sight. He might well have been, now I think of it.
“Come here, Becca. I’ll never let anything happen to you.”
This time when he reaches out I go to him.
The front doors of the truck open. As soon as Drummer starts getting in, I ask, “What happened? Did you kill them?” I don’t know if I’m hoping they’ve been left dead or alive. Dead men can’t talk.
Drummer turns and looks at me over his seat. “They’re alive. The pastor didn’t seem to know anything, but the other man, well, I don’t trust him. I’d put money on it he’s in contact with Hawk. Which means Hawk will get to know that you’re under our protection.”
I gasp. “What will he do?”
“That’s for us to worry about, not you, Becca. But,” he raises his chin to the man sitting next to me, “Rock won’t let anything happen to you, sweetheart. You can bet your life on that.”
Whether anything else was discussed remains secret, and nothing more is said as we drive the two hours back to the compound. Worried about Hawk and my future, I ask, but get shut down each time. After a while I start fuming. It’s like being with Hawk all over again. Women aren’t trusted with business. I deserve to know how much and what risk I’m in.
By the time we drive in through the gate which one of the prospects slides open for us, my fear has made me beyond furious, certain they should let me in on more of what’s going on. I get out of the SUV and tear up to the suite I’m still using. Rock lets me go, staying behind presumably for Drummer to update him on the stuff they wouldn’t discuss in front of me.
Opening the door to my suite, I throw myself on the bed, my hands punching the pillows in frustration. Is Pastor Alton involved with the guns? Who was the other man? What threat is he to me?
I’ve still not got myself under control when the door to the suite opens. I sit up fast, my jaw dropping when I see it’s Rock.
“What are you doing here?” I spit out.
He snorts. “This is my suite, Becca. Have you forgotten that?”
Shit. I had. He’d been staying in the crash room since he got back. I start to get to my feet. “Well I’m certainly not staying in it with you.” I start to grab the clothes I’d been given. “I’ll go to Beef’s.”
Rock advances, and as quickly as I’m gathering tees and jeans together, throws them back down again.
“Will you let me get my stuff?”
“No.”
“No?” I’m too angry to notice the gleam in his eyes. “You’re as bad as Drummer. Not wanting to tell me the things that I need to know.”
I try to snatch my panties back out of his hands, he doesn’t let go. “Why do you need to know, Becca? Don’t you trust us? After Drummer took you in and hid you. After we gave you board and lodgin’ askin’ for nothing in return. Drummer could have turned you away, instead he helped keep you hidden and safe.”
“They did it for you,” I scream at him. “Everything’s done for the men here. Women aren’t told anything…”
We’re still stupidly fighting for possession of my underwear as Rock replies. “For their protection. Nothing else. What you don’t know you can’t tell anyone.”
“You don’t trust me.”
“You don’t trust me,” he retaliates. It’s then he notices what he’s holding, and a sly grin comes over his face. “Nice underwear.”
I release my hold quickly. “You can have it!” I scream, dropping everything and running for the door.
He’s quicker, there first and slamming it shut as I reach to open it. I swing around, my back up against the wood. He’s standing close, one arm up, his hand holding the door shut over my head. There’s only inches between us. My breath is coming fast, his is too. The air feels electric. Striking as fast as a snake, Rock closes the gap and his mouth slams down on mine, his tongue insisting entry.
I respond, opening for him. Instead of remembering we were arguing, my brain processes his taste, which I already recognise. The kiss is brutal. I give as good as I take, each of us fighting for dominance. Somewhere in the back of my mind I register I’m not submitting, not allowing him the lead. Both of us equally engaged.
His cock presses into me, a very hard, very aroused cock, and I feel strange sensations. Not the dread I would feel when I knew Hawk was in the mood, but anticipation and an embryonic hope that Rock won’t stop. Right now I’d let him do anything. I need him, need some kind of outlet for all the pent-up emotions I’ve gone through today.
As rapidly as he started the kiss he pulls away. The roles have changed. Forgetting I was trying to escape as much as I’ve forgotten my reason for escaping, now I’m the one stalking him, not wanting to lose the contact. Listening only to my body and not to my mind. For the first time ever wanting to encourage a man to touch me, believing down to my soul Rock would never hurt me.
“Rock…”
He turns to look at me. My flushed face and still rapid breathing must give my needs, my desires away, as he almost wails, “I can’t do this. I fuckin’ want to, but I can’t.” He drags his hands through his hair, his gaze meeting mine. “I want you, can’t deny that. But you’re not ready, Becca. I know that. Let’s back off, take this slowly. I need to know you’re ready for the type of loving I want to give. I can’t give you what you need.” He brings his hand toward my face. It hovers there briefly, then without touching me, goes back to his side. “I’m a biker, Becca. I don’t know how to make love. I fuck. I’m so goddamn worried you’ll think I’m treating you the same way he did.”
While I can’t elucidate the reasons why I’m able to reassure him, my reciprocal arousal being high on the list, I take the step that separates us and rest my face against his chest. “You could never be like him, Rock.”
“How do you know, Becca? I can’t even imagine what you went through with him. Being raped for three years. I don’t want to know the things he did, I’m already ready to smash up the room, the bloc, hell, the compound. Fuck, I’m having a hard enough time just imaginin’ it. But if I don’t know, I can’t avoid doing the same kind of shit. I don’t want to hurt you. You’re only just startin’ to heal.”
He’s helping with that. So much. My body still tingling from being so close to him, I’m more afraid of him backing off than I am of him touching me. “How about if I tell you the things you do that he didn’t?”
He tilts my head so he can see into my eyes. “Babe, I don’t do well under instruction.” He smirks, then frowns again. “I could get carried away… Fuck, Becca, that’s a certainty. You have no fuckin’ idea how hard it is to control myself around you.”
I process, but don’t respond to his comment. “You kissed me. Hawk never did that.”
/> “He was an idiot.”
Again I ignore his valid input. “And,” my voice becomes shy, “you’re making me feel things I never have before.”
“I am?” His face starts to lose some of its tension. His soft chuckle shows he’s more interested as he puts me on the spot. “What kind of things?”
I go red. There’s only one explanation for this unmitigated throbbing in my core, but I don’t know how to explain it. “Like, like… Like I want you.”
A finger touches my chin and turns it up. “And how do you know that, Becca?” The lightening of his tone tells me he’s teasing.
I turn away without answering, unable to describe the unfamiliar feelings he’s brought to the fore. Incapable of using words to define the fluttering in my stomach and the burning itch between my legs that needs relief. Instead, I clutch at his cut. “Please, Rock. Please show me what it should be like between a man and a woman.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Don’t you want me?”
He’s silent for a moment, then he breathes in. A massive sigh leaves his body as though he’s lost the battle with himself. “I want you, Becca.” His mouth descends and covers mine once again, this time a gentler but still passionate kiss. Our tongues glide together, our tastes combine, our lips caress. When he pulls away his eyes hold mine as his hands move and his palms cover my fully clothed chest. I know he’s asking permission as well as making a statement.
I can only say, “Yes.”
“Here. Now.” There’s urgency in his voice. His ability to form sentences failing, yet he still gives me another chance to back out.
I’m nervous, of course I am, but knowing I’m as affected as he is, again I give a simple agreement. “Yes.” I want this. God help me, but I do. As the words I’m still married come into my head, I chase them away just as fast. If this is going to make me a sinner, I’ll just have to pray for forgiveness at some point. God knows, I’m no stranger to retribution.
As though he’d been waiting for my consent, his hands waste no time ripping my tee over my head, then my bra is expertly unfastened, letting my breasts drop free. He sucks in air, allowing only his eyes to feast for a moment before bending his head and sucking a nipple into his mouth while simultaneously his fingers toy and pinch the other. The dual attack has my legs weakening.
“Fuckin’ perfect,” he mumbles while his teeth close on my nipple. But instead of hurting, it sends a zing straight down to that overheated area between my legs.
As he moves from one side to the other, feasting as though he can’t get enough, my limbs go weak. Sensing my capitulation, he sweeps me up into his strong arms, placing me reverently on the bed, then comes over me, holding both my hands in one of his above my head. Next he returns to my breasts. His exuberance makes me giggle.
“Fuck, Becca. You’re even better than I expected, I dared to hope. Your tits are fuckin’ perfect.”
Half embarrassed, half delighted, my response is another snicker as his voice vibrates against my skin. I’ve never felt this connection between my nipples and my core, nor believed I could get such pleasure from a man’s attentions. I arch my back as the almost constant tingling zips its way down my body, knowing I’ve never felt so alive before.
When Rock finally lifts his head, I whine at the loss of sensation and raise mine to see what he’s going to do next.
“Keep your hands there,” he instructs. I do, realising the reason he doesn’t want me to touch him is that I’d hurt him if my arms encircled his back.
My eyes follow his head, hair untidy as he moves down my stomach, pulling himself up with his abdominal muscles so he has room to take down my zipper. He moves to the side and pulls down my shorts and my panties. I’m completely open to him. I wait for the feeling of dread that I got when Hawk saw me naked, but it doesn’t come. Then the realisation hits. This isn’t my husband. I’m with another man. Embarrassed and mortified, I try to close my legs.
He looks up. “There’s no room for anyone else here, Becca. Put him out of your head. You’ve left him, remember.”
He holds my legs apart, his eyes instructing me that he’s in charge, the intense heated gaze giving me assurance. Then any shame flees as he lowers his head, zooming in on my clit. Oh my God. The feelings. If I’d felt overwhelmed before, I don’t know how to cope now. My hands flutter, uselessly grabbing at nothing, until I grab hold of the top of the pillow. My body comes alive, making me aware I had needs and desires I’ve never imagined before. As his tongue licks and teases I reach up for more, then sink back down as my tender clit throbs with something that’s becoming excruciating, almost akin to pain, but it’s not that, it’s something else. Something tangible yet which remains out of my grasp. The way Rock plays me, like an instrument he’s very familiar with, he incites reactions that prove he knows female equipment better than I do myself. Picking single notes then making chords as he makes my clit pulse, my muscles tense in my legs, my stomach tightens, then everything comes together and builds up.
I need something, I’m reaching for it. As if he knows, Rock’s finger breeches me, and then he adds another, curling them around, touching something inside I didn’t even know was there. My body automatically starts to rise, and he pushes me back down, keeping me there with a hand to my sternum.
I’m straining for that elusive release. Exactly what form it will take I haven’t a clue, but this tension he’s built up must lead somewhere. Even if I don’t understand it, he’s taking me on an incredible journey, and before it kills me I need it to end. His tongue circles, his teeth graze gently, then his lips apply suction. Now he’s pressing down, his breath oscillating over my most sensitive part as he speaks an unfamiliar instruction. “Come, Becca. Let me see you lose control.”
I don’t understand what he’s asking, but my brain doesn’t need to be involved, as without fully comprehending what’s happening my body starts to convulse and my lungs stop working. A cry leaves my mouth as I see stars. Then I’m shuddering uncontrollably as the pent-up pressure is released, and the rigidity that’s held me in its thrall loosens and recedes.
When I gasp and start breathing again I open my eyes to see Rock grinning, leaning over me and planting his lips against mine. This time he tastes different, and I realise the flavour is my own. Although I’ve just had an incredible experience, in no time at all the kiss incites my body all over again.
Pulling away, Rock reaches into the drawer of the bedside table, fiddles with something and selects what he needs. “Thank fuck I still had some,” he murmurs, and I realise that while I was out of it he’s removed his jeans and is now smoothing a condom over his impressive cock. My eyes widen when I see it. He’s far bigger than Hawk.
“Lubrication,” I stammer out.
His eyes narrow and his head tilts to one side, then he chuckles. “Won’t need that.”
He will. Hawk always did, unless he chose not to use it when he wanted me to hurt. “You’re too big.”
“Hey, don’t worry. You’re soaking.”
Now it’s my turn not to understand what he means. Slowly comprehension dawns as he wipes his hand from my clit to my slit, then holds up his fingers, which are glistening. “Won’t need lubrication, darlin’. You’ve got enough of your own. But if it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop. Okay?” He touches his dry hand to my face. “I’ll never do anything to hurt you.”
Hawk never stopped. But Rock isn’t Hawk. The two men couldn’t be more different. I jerk my chin, giving my cautious agreement for him to continue, tensing as I feel his cock at my entrance.
“Relax, babe.”
He gives me a moment while I try hard to obey him, my brain trying to find the right pathways to connect so I can do what he’s asked. When at last I get some semblance of control and release the tension, he starts to push inside. I squeeze my eyes shut, expectantly waiting for the tear and the burn…and the friction. But there’s no pain, only pressure. As my body responds and accepts him, a sense of joy was
hes over me as, at last, I feel able to enjoy our joining. I begin to relish the feeling, and, wanting more, welcome him inside.
With small, controlled thrusts he advances, sliding in and out, gaining ground slowly. Far from being unpleasant, it’s amazing, and now my eyes open, watching his face, lined with concentration. As his breathing speeds up his brow creases more. He’s focusing on his effort to hold himself back, to go slowly, giving me time to adjust.
As last he gives a grunt of satisfaction. “You feel fuckin’ amazin’. The way your muscles are tight around my cock. Fuckin’ incredible, darlin’.”
He starts to move, I lie passive. He stops. My eyes are still watching him as he looks down at my face. I bite my lip, not understanding his unspoken question. But I need him to push in again, no time for teasing now. I want more of this mindblowing sensation, so I whimper my frustration and experimentally start pushing myself down on him.
“That’s right, doll. Fuck me back.”
His encouragement makes me want to give something to him. I try squeezing my internal muscles.
“Fuck. That right there, babe. Fuck!” He takes over again, but this time I try to move with him, raising my hips to meet his thrusts. “Fuck, darlin’. That’s it, oh fuck, doll. Are you close?”
What is he asking? But my body knows and tells my mind to shut up as the feeling of everything tightening starts all over again. He changes his angle, starts hitting that spot he’d found with his fingers, and it becomes impossible to stop the wave of sensation that starts flooding over me, and the high-pitched wail that comes from my mouth.
“Becca. Becca. Fuck!” His simultaneous cry mingles with mine, our bodies pulsating as he stills inside. A few seconds pass, then, “Darlin, Becca.” He leans down and kisses me gently. “Fuck! You must be the best I’ve ever fuckin’ had.” Using one hand to keep the condom in place, he moves away from me and ties the end of the latex and throws it down by the bed.
As the euphoria fades from my body my brain kicks in and starts working again. My skin, previously flushed with arousal, is now tinged red with embarrassment. “Rock, I’m sorry. I’ve never…”
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