“Stub wasn’t anywhere near him. Got thirty white supremacists to vouch for that.”
Drum stares at Chaz. “Thought Hawk would be under the same protection?”
Bull shakes his head. “His beliefs might be the same, but no one fucking liked the arrogant dick. Stub, on the other hand, knows he’s in for life and tries not to make waves.”
Wise man.
“I just wish it had been me and that I’d made him hurt,” I grumble.
Bull grins widely. “Oh, he hurt. Would you believe he tried cutting his wrists first, then had a couple of attempts at slicing his throat? He fell over a few times too, cracked his ribs and broke his nose Stupid man couldn’t even kill himself properly.”
Giving Bull a nod of satisfaction, I grin at last, hoping Stub’s hands aren’t too sore today. “Pass my thanks on.”
A raised chin back.
“With Hawk dead, it will work well having your woman with us tonight, Rock.”
Chaz’s suggestion makes me sit up straight. I’d thought we could discuss that again and I’d get him to change his mind. I’d rather she was well away from danger. Especially now. “No fuckin’ way.” Chaz sits back, and I wonder whether having a hard, steely stare is a pre-requisite for being president of a club. “Look, I know I initially agreed to it, but she hates that fuckin’ place. Girl’s just recovering, I don’t want to set her back.”
Drummer is staring at me, his own steely eyes narrowed. “Not so fuckin’ hasty, Rock. Let’s talk about this.” He points to Chaz. “Presumably you’re thinking she can identify this fella, White?”
“Hate to ask her, but if he’s a member of the church I’d put money on it she would.”
“Prez,” I start pleading. “Yeah, she can identify White. But if Butcher’s the man we saw the other night, we don’t need her with us. For a start she’ll see her fuckin’ parents…” I’d been thinking it over. It’s why I hadn’t mentioned it to her last night. It’s my job to protect her from any unpleasantness.
Wraith’s also giving me a hard stare. “She’ll have us at her back,” he assures me. “And you by her side.”
Chaz is nodding. “The grieving widow wanting solace from her church. What better excuse for her to be there? Dress her in fucking black. She can discuss the funeral arrangements or whatever with the new pastor.”
My head goes from side to side. “That’s a whole fuckin’ lot to put on her, Prez.” I don’t like the idea at all.
Chaz doesn’t give an inch. “She gets upset, all the better. It will persuade them she’s missing her husband.” He breaks off and grins. “The kind of money Hawk was dealing with? Wouldn’t be surprised if he was fucking loaded. Unless he’s made a will that says different, all that comes to her now. Best she comes out of hiding if she wants to get her hands on the dough.”
I’m still shaking my head. Becca wouldn’t be swayed by money. Hell, she’s never had any to spend herself.
“She’s entitled.” Drum seems to read my mind. “Whether she wants it or not, it’s rightfully hers. Payback for all she had to put up with. Rock, I like that little girl. I think she’s braver than you give her credit for. She volunteered to go back to the Riders to make sure you were safe. She’ll do anything for you and, I suspect, for the club.”
My lips purse as I think he’s probably right. But at what cost to herself?
“I’ll bring Sam along,” Drummer offers. “Those two get along well. Sam will help keep her grounded.”
There’s a time for discussion and a time to shut up. As I look around the table I see no support for my assertion Becca should stay behind. Raising my hands in a gesture of defeat, I then sit back and fold my arms. Everyone knows I don’t like it, but I won’t argue further. If it’s for the good of the club, my feelings need putting to one side.
There’s not much else we have to talk about except for agreeing on a time and place to meet up later. Chaz and Bull go off on their way, I go back to my woman.
As I walk up the path I kick stones out of the way. Fuck knows how she’s going to take it. I don’t know which is best to tell her first. That she’s now a grieving widow, or that tonight she’ll most likely be confronted by her parents. How’s she going to react? She didn’t like Hawk, but gentle soul that she is, she might be shocked.
I open the door to my suite, hold out my hands, and she comes straight over. For a second I allow myself to enjoy the feeling of how well she seems to fit. With her in my arms I feel complete. And now there’s nothing stopping me making her mine. Not that a piece of legal paper would have held me back, but she’d never have given me all of herself if, in her mind, she was sinning.
“Gotta tell you something, Becca.” As her eyes stare trustingly into mine, I tell her, what for me at least, is the best fucking news I could have got. “Hawk committed suicide last night.” She doesn’t need any more details.
“Hawk’s dead?” Her beautiful eyes widen. “Oh my God.” She covers her mouth with her hands and I wait for her reaction, fucking hoping she doesn’t waste one tear on him. Fucker doesn’t deserve an ounce of compassion for what he put her through. Her face shows a myriad of expressions, pale with shock, eyes wide as she tries to digest the news, then her cheeks flush as her teeth worry her lip. When she finally speaks I’m surprised to hear her say, “Am I wrong to feel like a weight’s been lifted off me?”
Hugging her close, I give her absolution. “Not at all, darlin’. Not at fuckin’ all. He was an all-around bastard. Doubt there’ll be many upset that he’s dead.”
“Suicide?”
Yeah, well that’s the official version. “That’s what they’re saying. He probably couldn’t stand being locked up.”
She’s still biting her lip. “It goes against the teaching of the church. I can’t understand it. I never thought Hawk would do that. Even when I was chained up in the basement, I never would have taken my own life. It’s a sin.”
Resting my chin on her head, I reassure her. “Clearly Hawk wasn’t as fuckin’ brave as you, sweetheart. Man was a bully. Not unusual they turn out to be the weakest.”
“I just never suspected…”
“Don’t waste your time on him, Becca. He’s gone. He’s not coming back.” Placing my fingers under her jaw, I turn her to face me. “Just concentrate on our future instead. You’re mine now, no one can challenge that.”
Smiling up at me, she agrees. “I’m yours.”
I want to make sure she knows what I’m saying. “This is me claimin’ you, Becca. You’re my woman now.”
I don’t know how she’s going to take it. She’s just heard she’s out of one relationship, and I’m asking her to commit to another. I can’t read her face, it’s gone blank. Her eyes are flicking backward and forward, her mouth opens and shuts. Then, when I’m wishing I waited longer to ask her, she suddenly squeals.
“I can be yours, now, Rock, can’t I? I never have to worry about him anymore.”
She was mine from the moment I saw her, chained up in the cellar. But I hold that back. “Sure can, sweetheart.”
“I love you, Rock.” Her eyes stare into mine, creasing as a smile transforms her face. “I can’t tell you how much I love you.”
“Love you, too, Becca.”
With the affirmations of our feelings, I can’t resist stealing a kiss. But don’t let myself be distracted, and pull away after a few seconds. While I’d prefer to avoid it, she needs to be forewarned of the other topic for today. Attendance at this evening’s church service. It doesn’t come as any surprise when the blood drains from her face for the second time, and I immediately regret my part in it. Then once again her verbal reaction surprises me, and I see a little of the backbone Drummer’s convinced she has, when she draws her shoulders back.
“Yes, I know White and we all saw the other man the other day. Of course I’ll come with you. It would be better than just giving you a description.” She’s saying one thing, her expression showing she’s thinking something else as she draw
s her eyes away from mine, looking down at the floor.
“Sweetheart?” I prompt.
“Rock, I admit that I’m scared. My parents are likely to be there too. What if they try to take me away from you? The congregation will have their back if they make a fuss.”
Try to take her back? Over my dead body. “Whoa, sweetheart, hang on a second. Do you think for one moment I’m going to let you move from my side? Fuck, if they say one word to upset you I’ll get you out of there fast. You trust me, don’t you? Sam will be there, she’ll take no shit either. As well as Drummer and Wraith.”
Her lips thin briefly. “I hear what you say, but they will put pressure on me. I’m their only child, remember. And now I’m a widow who’s in need of a man to look after her. A man they’ll want to choose.”
I curl my hand around her neck and pull her toward me. “Not gonna happen, darlin’. You’ve already got a man. Me. Ain’t no room for anyone else.”
She smiles briefly, then her brow creases. “Sam? She’s going?”
“Yeah. She is.”
Now she winces. “Rock, you don’t know what that church is like. It’s brainwashing, pure and simple. Twisting their view of religion to suit their own ends. Sam’s going to hate it.” She goes to sit on the bed, her head in her hands. “I’ve worked so hard to wipe my head of all the seeds they planted, but going back? I’m afraid they’ll suck me in all over again.”
“They’re not going to do that,” I tell her firmly. “I won’t allow it. We’ll all be there to keep your head in the right place. If you don’t even want to talk to your parents, you don’t have to.” I take a deep breath. “Hawk’s dead. You’re free. As his widow you should get everything he left, unless he made other provisions. You need to come out of hiding in order to claim it.”
“I’m not interested in money,” she throws back at me without hesitation.
“I know you’re not. But what he had should now rightfully be yours. We’ll get the club lawyer onto it. You can do what you like with anything you get, hell, give it to charity if that’s what you want.”
She goes quiet for a moment, and again her facial expressions change swiftly as she thinks everything through. I give her time. Processing that she’s now an independent woman, not a possession of Hawk’s, clearly has many implications. “I owe you and the club, don’t I, Rock? I’ve not paid for a thing since I’ve been here. Oh no. I do, don’t I?”
Stunned that’s the first thing she vocalises, I put her straight. “You owe us fuck all, Becca. You came here with nothing. I certainly didn’t mind spendin’ for both of us, and I know my brothers and their old ladies didn’t either. As for the future? Well, you’re going to be my old lady. I’ll look after you for the rest of your life. It will be my fuckin’ pleasure.”
“I’ll give any money to you. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.”
“No, you won’t,” I say, equally firmly. “You’ve still lots to learn, babe. I’ll be happy to teach you. You take your time to decide what you want.” I put my arm around her. “As long as you don’t decide you want a fresh start away from me. Don’t think I could live with that. Fuckin’ love you, babe. I’m yours for life.”
Her eyes widen. “Rock, I’m going nowhere. I’ve got the man that I love. How could I even think of leaving you?”
I kiss her, a brief meeting of our lips. “We’ll figure everything out. Together, darlin’. Always together.”
My phone rings. A glance shows she’s again deep in thought, so I turn away to answer it. Immediately wishing I hadn’t. What Drummer has to say isn’t something I want to hear. “Fuck, Drum.” My fist smashes into the wall. “Fuck, yeah. Okay.” I end the call, but it’s impossible to hide my distress.
Becca’s quick on the uptake, sensing something is wrong. “Rock?”
How do I tell her? But she can already read me. As her hands reach out to rest on my chest, I’m sure she can feel my increased heartbeat. Christ, I can hardly get my head around it. After everything I’ve laid on her today, how is she going to react? Placing my fingers around hers, I ease her hands away from my shirt, but still the pain throbs through me.
She’s watching me carefully, her eyebrow raised as she waits for me to explain. Her face has paled for the third time today, and she hasn’t even heard what I have to tell her yet. With my arm around her, I lead her to the bed and gently encourage her to sit. Then, without letting go of her, park my ass beside her. I try to find the words, but for a few moments my mouth works, but I can’t speak. Almost refusing to say it aloud. If I don’t voice it, it might not be true. But it is. Delaying the news won’t make the hearing of it any easier.
“Becca. Darlin’.” I pause only to wipe my own watering eye.
Her brow is furrowed, her eyes lidded. “Rock, you’re scaring me. Rock?”
I open my mouth, still nothing comes out. I swallow a couple of times.
“Rock? Is it Slick?”
My voice hitches when I finally get it working. “Not Slick, no. It’s Beef. He’s, he’s taken a turn for the worse. Becca, he’s slipped into a coma.”
“Beef? No!” She gasps while studying my face as if trying to read some optimism there, before asking hesitantly, “Will he be alright?” But I can’t give her that hope, she’s sees that. A tear leaking down her cheek reveals she’s intuited what’s behind my words.
I explain the rest, trying to find my own comfort. “They’re still treating him aggressively, but he’s gone into septic shock. It’s bad, Becca. He fought the bacterial infection off, but his weakened immune system means he’s succumbed to the viral type.”
She stands, her hands curling and uncurling at her sides. “He’s strong, Rock. He’ll fight this. He’ll be fine. I want to go see him.” She sounds so determined it’s as though she’s going to fight this typically fatal condition by herself.
Me too. Brother, if I could be fighting alongside you, as I have so often before, I would. But I can’t fucking help. This is one battle you’ve got to take on by yourself. Fuck it, Beef, I was just talking to you yesterday. You’ve got this if you try. And you better fucking try, else I’ll beat your ass.
“I want to go to him,” she repeats firmly, seeming to think I’d missed hearing her the first time.
“That’s what Drum said, Becca. Most of the club is getting ready to leave to go visit him. You ready to go now?” To say our goodbyes. But that, I sensibly keep to myself.
She stands, putting her hand trustingly in mine, both of us stunned and shocked. Becca trying to deny that the man who became her friend might be losing his life to infection. Drum’s words, something else I don’t tell her, echo in my head like a death knell, there are signs his organs are shutting down.
Beef. No. It’s impossible, I can’t lose him. We can’t lose him.
Chapter 36
Becca
Matt and Truck are the only ones left on the compound. Even the sweet butts are coming along, Allie’s driving them in her car. The old ladies are up behind their men.
When we arrive we take over the parking lot, the thunderous roar as bikes back into a line probably waking half the patients. Kickstands down, old ladies off, the men leave their rides unattended while we pile inside, going directly to the ICU. As the others peel off to the waiting room Rock and I follow Drummer, who, as appointed next of kin for all the brothers, persuades the medical staff to let the three of us into Beef’s room together. Gowned up and masked, we go in to visit him.
It’s hard to see the big man still and unmoving. His face is so pale it’s almost translucent, even more tubes than were there yesterday are running into his arms. Behind me Drummer’s speaking quietly with the doctor, but I pay them no mind as, without a thought to Rock’s feelings, I climb up on the bed and gently cuddle up to Beef’s side. The doctor starts shaking his head as if he’s going to protest, then shrugs as if it’s now too late to give anything to Beef except comfort. It’s only then I see Rock’s nod of approval, and he walks opposite me and t
akes hold of his other hand.
“Beef, Brother. What you doing? You’ve been sleepin’ too fuckin’ long. Gotta wake up, Brother. Time to go for a ride.” Rock tries to rouse him, but there’s no sign Beef’s heard.
I force myself to be upbeat. Talk as I would normally, as though he can hear every word. “Beef, I got some news this morning. Hawk’s dead. Killed himself apparently. I’m free and I’m going to be Rock’s old lady. He’s even said he’ll marry me. Hey, I’ll take bets he’s going to ask you to be his best man. Sooner you can get out of here, the sooner I can get a ring on my finger. You gonna wake up so you can stand up beside him? Hear us take our vows?”
Rock glances over. “Yeah, right. The vows. I know what you’d be telling me, Brother. I won’t be asking her to obey.”
“You were right, Beef.” I take over again. “I didn’t dare hope, but you were right. Rock and I do belong together. Just as you said.”
“You told me the same, Brother. Now I’m fed up seeing you sleeping like the dead. Wake the fuck up. Can you squeeze my hand, Beef? No need to crush my bones just yet, just a simple handshake to congratulate me. She’s right, you’ll be my best man, Brother. Can’t think of anyone I’d like better. You reckon she’ll want us in tuxes? Can you fuckin’ imagine that?”
I give a weak smile. “I’d give a lot to see you both all dressed up. But doubt I’ll get you out of your cuts for long enough.”
“See? She fuckin’ knows us already, Beef.”
But Beef lies still and unmoving, only the shallow rise and fall of his chest shows he’s even alive.
Drummer doesn’t crack a smile at our banter as he comes across. “Beef, you’ve got work to do, Brother. Time to wake up.” But even his best prez voice doesn’t work.
“What did the doctor say?” Rock quietly asks.
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