by Kate Wendley
These days most people still worried he’d reach out and get in their head anytime he was close enough too, so they stayed far away. He’d grown used to that distance after all these years, so when a stranger was in his personal space, it quickly sent him right to the edge of freaking out.
He tried to calm down as he gruffed out a little harshly, “I’m sorry for what happened.”
Kaia flinched at his words and it pissed him off. He got even more pissed as he stood there in the growing silence and waited for someone to say something. This was his job and no one ever liked it. Did they think he did either?
He stilled when Kaia looked straight at him with her wide, red rimmed eyes, and he got confused for a minute because in his mind he was her, though the feeling kept overlapping with his sense of himself.
She broke his train of thought when she said, “I accept your apology. You aren’t going to do that all the time, though, are you?”
He quietly spat in frustration, “No! I just do it when new people come here.” He frowned and was pissed at himself for being pissed at her because he knew it wasn’t her fault, but he was too confused to know who to be pissed at. Mostly he was pissed at himself, but that just made him pissed, too. God he was confused.
“Ok. I mean, unless you go around talking about everything you saw.”
He gruffed with less oomph, “I don’t do that. Only if there’s something to do with trying to hurt someone in this family, but there wasn’t anything like that.”
She looked uncertainly at him and he had to look away from her. He gruffed again, “I’m sorry,” and was startled by her touching his arm. He froze, then finally looked into her eyes, thought he had no idea what to say.
Anthony broke the silence. “I’m taking Kaia home now. I’ll be back in a while.”
He felt himself frowning at Anthony, but wasn’t sure why he was so upset at him. Sebastian looked uncertainly at Kaia, who watched him with just as much apprehension.
After an awkward silence between them, she said, “It was strange to meet the way we did, but I’m glad to get to know Anthony’s friends. I’ll see you again sometime Sebastian.”
He nodded once as she gave his arm a little squeeze, her hand trembling just a little, then left with Anthony. He stared after them, unbelieving that she just willingly touched him after what he’d done to her. But then, of course she would. He intimately knew what she was like now, probably better than Anthony did. He knew how she thought, what she valued, what she hated and what she loved. He might not have consciously been able to make sense of everything he’d absorbed from her, but subconsciously he’d sorted it out.
And it pissed him off. He’d taken information from her against her will and he felt like he’d raped her for it. He had, in a sense. He’d purposely gone deeper into her mind than he’d ever gone into anyone’s head before, and it happened faster and easier than he’d expected. He got way more from her than he thought he would, and he felt like shit for it.
But it also comforted him. Her soul was as broken and pieced randomly back together as his was, except she had love in her life now. She might not trust in the stability of her relationship with Anthony, but Sebastian did. He knew Anthony in a way she didn’t since he’d also been in his head, and Sebastian was now confident that those two would make it.
Probably.
He growled to himself and kept mopping. He needed to stay distracted to keep from going crazy tonight. He hated this emotional bullshit and silently begged his wolf, yet again, to help him keep his mind distracted.
He wheeled the mop bucket back to the utility room and dumped out the dirty water before putting away all the supplies he’d pulled out. He finally sat down with a bowl of chili, the coyote restaurant staff all studiously leaving him be at his back corner table.
Anthony came back and went to his office in the meantime, and sometime during that time Torin walked up and said something snide to him, but for the life of him he didn’t know what. His head was such a mess right now he couldn’t even think straight.
Torin’s mouth moved as he said some other things that didn’t sound all that nice, his usually short, thick hair looking a little long and unkempt. The coyote alpha, Suzanne, finally pulled him away. Sebastian stared after them, having no idea why they’d come over.
He zoned out the rest of the night and early morning, his mind and memories drifting to strange places that somehow felt familiar, but all with confusing twists. Around four in the morning Anthony came out of his office and sat down at the table Sebastian belatedly realized he was still sitting at. Dread filled him when Anthony put a sound barrier around them. He no doubt wanted to talk about what Sebastian read from Kaia’s mind.
They stared at each other for a time before Anthony calmly asked, “Have you ever read a human before?”
Sebastian couldn’t tell by Anthony’s tone if he was pissed off or not. Both he and his wolf hated it when Anthony was so calm about touchy subjects. Anthony was the one person that was too fast, strong, and ruthlessly vicious for them to ever feel safe around.
He cautiously said, “Gina, but she was always coked up.”
Anthony was nearly motionless. “You’ve been sitting here for hours. What’s the matter?”
He wasn’t sure how to answer that. He was too focused on times remembered of Anthony’s quiet demeanor betraying his building rage and eventual attack, except it’d only been against Sebastian twice, years ago now. He’d seen memories in Anthony’s head of the many times it’d been against others, though.
But there was another side of him that saw Anthony’s calmness as intriguing, comforting, even sexy. Sebastian jerked in shock and turned away. He rested his forearms on his thighs as he stared at the floor and took some deep breaths. He focused on separating Kaia’s thoughts from his again.
His voice was harsh when he finally said, “I hate this fucking job.”
Anthony quietly said, “I know.”
The confusing hurricane of thoughts and emotions calmed some, and Sebastian eventually sat back up. “You better not ever break up with her again because this is the only time I’m ever doing this for you.”
Anthony sat just as motionless and composed, though now he looked confused. “Doing what for me?”
Sebastian grumbled, “Goddammit.” He ran his hand through his hair and said, “She and Ethan are only friends. Nothing else is going on with them.”
Anthony put his hand up and said, “It’s all right. I’m willing to let time−”
“But if you don’t talk to her about your jealousy of him, and soon, you guys are going to have some trouble.”
Anthony looked startled. “What?”
“She really likes you man, loves you, but you still haven’t talked to her about that night Winston attacked her. It makes her think you can’t control your jealousy and it’s nagging her. You promised…” He looked curiously at Anthony, his heart suddenly hurting.
In a shakier voice he said, “You promised to be there for her for any vampire questions she had, but when she needed you most, you wouldn’t talk to her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone else, either, so she suffered alone. She was in a lot of pain and felt humiliated and alone after the attack, and now… she’s afraid to even bring it up because she knows you don’t like to talk about Ethan, but he was the one to at least keep checking on her bites and bruises and see how she was doing. He wasn’t the one she wanted to talk to, though. You were.”
Anguish filled Anthony’s face and he looked away with a deepening frown. Sebastian realized he was letting Kaia’s emotions get to him again, so he turned away, too. He needed to get a grip on himself and push her thoughts out of his head, but he didn’t know how except to keep himself distracted until they faded on their own.
Anthony finally said, “It’s a wonder she even wants to be around me.”
He smirked. “No it’s not. You have lots of good qualities in her eyes. She thinks you… dammit. I shouldn’t be telling you all this.
”
Anthony sat silently watching him in that too still way of his.
He sighed. “What the hell. She loves you. Like, a lot. She likes your personality, you guys have fun together, you laugh together… and she feels safe with you. Emotionally and physically.”
Sebastian eyed Anthony, looking at his scar, then his sharp features, then those eyes that always started to glow when they kissed and touched each other.
“Shit!” He jumped out of his chair and sent it tumbling to the ground while he looked anywhere but at Anthony. He more quietly spat out, “Shit. Goddammit!”
He huffed as he paced around in a small circle, then said, “Look, I could feel that you claimed her tonight, in your soul, so you need to fix this with her before she decides it’s unfixable. Talk to her about that night. She doesn’t blame you for the attack, but she wants to be able to trust you. With you being so jealous of Ethan, in her eyes, it makes her wonder when you’ll snap next.”
Anthony was quiet for a time before saying, “Thank you Sebastian. I’ll make amends with her.”
He looked cautiously at Anthony, not sure what he expected to see, then was immediately overcome with Kaia’s emotions again. She wanted him to always be there for her, and she always wanted to be there for him. She loved him.
He turned his back on Anthony as he tried to put up a wall in his mind.
Anthony said, “I’ve never seen you so different after reading someone.”
He grumbled, “She’ll fade from my head. I just need time.”
Anthony sighed. “You spent more time in Kaia’s head than anyone I’ve ever seen you read.”
Sebastian didn’t say anything as he turned back around and carefully looked at him.
Anthony said more as a matter of fact than a question, “You went deeper into her mind and further back in time than you’ve ever done before, didn’t you?”
Sebastian went still. They stared at each other for a few moments before he slowly said, “I’ve got two friends in this world and you’re one of them.”
Anthony was silent for a handful of tense moments before saying a little more light heartedly, “So she feels safe around me?”
He sat back down and reluctantly smirked. “From what I can tell from her head, and listening to you talk about her, you two have a real connection. The safety thing is just an added bonus in her mind. You’re strong and all that.” He chuckled when Anthony almost blushed.
“A while ago you were suspicious because she seemed to take so many shocking things in stride. Believe me, she’s shocked by everything she’s learned about our kind, but how she deals with that is to push down the scary stuff and focus on safety first.”
Anthony looked like he was thinking through a lot of things in his head as he watched Sebastian. He finally said, “Thank you. I know your… ability… is not something you would ever have chosen for yourself, but you’re the right man to have it. I’m sorry for the pain it’s caused you in your life, though. And… I thank you for looking out for me.”
“Please don’t tell her I told you any of this.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.” He paused. “But I do thank you for telling me. I’m not exactly an expert at personal relationships. It appears I was in need of some help, yet again.”
Sebastian shook his head and playfully smirked. “One of your redeeming qualities.”
“What?”
He started to feel much more relaxed. “You’re not a player or all full of yourself. She likes that.” Anthony actually did blush, then, and it made Sebastian happily laugh as he gazed lovingly into his eyes.
Anthony gave him a confused look a second before Sebastian jumped out of his chair again and snapped, “Goddammit! Fucking son of a bitch! There’s too much in my head!” He panted as he looked around with wide eyes at anything except Anthony. “I’m going to the ranch. Right now.”
Anthony hurriedly agreed with him. “Yes, yes. Go. Now.”
They gave each other an uncomfortable look before Sebastian bolted across the club and left.
Chapter 4
Sebastian drove to the ranch on autopilot while Kaia’s memories played out nonstop in his head. He hated that so many of them still felt like they were thoughts of his life when they were obviously hers. He rolled down the window to distract himself with the sounds of the road and the wind whipping through his beat up truck.
He pulled off the highway and took a right onto an unpaved road, then drove his Land Cruiser over some rough trail that not a lot of people used until he finally found his favorite spot. He parked and quickly jumped out, anxious now that he was here.
He jogged for a few minutes to get his blood pumping and to find the copse of trees he liked to store his clothes by. He wished he’d changed into old sweats and a t-shirt like he wore on full moon nights. He didn’t care as much if those got lost or ruined.
The air was brisk and it was still dark out, but he could see just fine, as well as feel his way around. He’d been here enough times by himself over the years that it felt like home to him.
He took a deep breath through his nose to get a scent for what was around him, which was nothing but trees and the usual smells of the forest. No people. Good.
He quickly threw his jacket aside, then pulled off his shirt as he jerkily tried to nudge one of his shoes off at the same time. He finally bent down and took them both off, followed by his socks, then stripped out of his jeans and boxer briefs. He wasn’t as careful with his clothes as he usually was and ended up balling them up and stuffing them in a nook created between a tree’s split trunk. Once he had them stored off the dewy ground, he closed his eyes and opened his senses, letting the feel of the woods fill him.
Goosebumps washed over him from the cool morning air, his arms hanging relaxed at his sides. He took in a big breath and listened to the sounds of the light breeze through the trees, the sounds of birds starting to wake, and the sounds of his own heart. His body twitched, aching to become his animal and run around his home… his wolf’s home.
He slowly opened his eyes and crouched down, burying first his fingers and then his palms in the cool, welcoming earth. A thrum of energy pulsed through him and he went to his knees, watching the openings in the trees as his wolf came forward in his mind.
Energy built as he nudged his senses wide open, the force of feeling inside him creating an intense pressure that he used to fight against, always afraid it would one day be too much and make him explode. Now he knew it for what it was. Alpha Wolf. The alpha was powerful and when he wanted out, he wasn’t delicate about it. Sebastian had learned to trust his wolf, that his wolf would rather die himself than bring harm to Sebastian, and since then they’d had peace between them.
This morning he begged his wolf to help him purge Kaia’s memories from his head. He needed to not be human right now. He needed refuge from this onslaught of confusing thoughts and emotions that weren’t his own.
His wolf responded with such force that Sebastian gasped out loud and nearly doubled over as his muscles transformed faster than they’d ever done before. Magic rippled through him at an alarming pace, but he knew he’d be fine. His wolf knew he’d be fine, so Sebastian grit his teeth while the change took him.
When he was finally wolf, he shook himself off and set his sights on the woods in front of him, then took off running as fast as he could.
**
Sebastian ran all day. He ran to his usual places, frightened the usual deer and other animals he came across, gave chase to some, but always broke off before the kill. He didn’t want to stop running. His wolf knew what his human self needed… smells, sensations, and the excitement of being free to be his animal.
He ran and ran, sometimes looping around in circles to make sure he still knew where he was, until he finally started to tire. He trotted back around to the path he knew well and looped towards where his human things were, but they were a long ways away.
He felt good, but with daylight fading, he picked up the pa
ce and tiredly trotted the rest of the way.
**
He stopped at a tree and stood on his hind legs while he sniffed at the familiar smelling things that he knew were his. He bit them and pulled them to the ground. They smelled like him, except not the wolf him. It smelled like the other him.
He laid down on top of everything and buried his nose while he closed his eyes and thought about the other him. He focused with his ears, too, listening for others that might want to sneak up on him, but he didn’t hear anyone. The more he thought about who else might be out here, the more he started seeing them in his mind. He saw his friends. One had long dark hair, the other had short dark hair. They were pack even though they weren’t wolf. That was ok.
Then he thought about what he looked like when he wasn’t wolf. He had light hair, dark eyes, and felt like he should have a mate. Why didn’t he? He remembered his power that not everyone had. The others didn’t like what he could do.
He huffed and kept smelling his other scent until he finally felt the shift happen. The magic that held his wolf intact slowly receded while his muscles and joints changed shape. Sebastian quietly grunted as his body contorted until he finally lay on the ground on top of his clothes, naked and sweating.
He was tired, his muscles were tight and twitching, and he was hungry. All those things thankfully kept his mind distracted from lingering memories that weren’t his.
He yawned as he put his clothes on, having to try twice to get his briefs on the right direction, and then his pants, but he finally got himself back together. He nearly walked into a tree on his way to his truck and wished he’d thought to bring coffee along.
He left the ranch in a daze, intending to make a pit stop at his favorite diner, but by the time he remembered, he’d already passed the exit. He drove on home, finally ready to turn his brain off for some much needed sleep.
