by Kate Wendley
Torin closed his eyes as the knife twisted deeper in his guts. He’d abandoned Sebastian, too, and at the time Sebastian needed his alpha most. He’d left him to fend for himself in every possible way. The reality of the cruelty he’d heaped on him back then, and continued to heap on him as the years went by, was finally seeping into his thick skull.
He stood up and stepped closer. “I know it doesn’t make up for all the shit I put you through, but I’m being honest when I say I want to fix things. And I’m trying to get over my jealousy, I really am, but it’s hard for me. I’m trying, though.”
Sebastian scoffed as he stared up at the night sky. He mumbled, “Jealousy. Fuck. You can have this fucking, fucked up power. Anyone can have it because I don’t want it.”
**
When the sun finally came up, Torin was forced to look at the bodies again. He’d been avoiding it since he first saw them, but now he had to help keep an eye on things.
He watched with a sick stomach as they slowly started smoldering, then finally caught on fire. Sebastian’s emotions were surprisingly calm as he watched to make sure no sparks got anywhere near any greenery. Torin was amazed at his strength and realized he himself wasn’t as hard ass as he’d always thought he was.
That thought came right before he rushed away and threw up. God this was bullshit, and this was nothing compared to what Sebastian had apparently seen before. Fuck. Thinking about that made Torin’s imagination play tricks on him and quadruple the scene in his mind until he threw up again.
He shakily got up after a time and rejoined Sebastian. They didn’t look at each other as Sebastian flatly asked, “You ok?”
He frowned as he stared at the growing flames.
Sebastian said, “Grab a shovel and a fire extinguisher and keep an eye on the perimeter. I’ll watch the fire, you make sure no sparks fly out beyond this clearing.”
He was thankful for the distraction and focused whole heartedly on watching their surroundings, though his stomach was still touchy. Christ he had no idea how he was going to deal with this kind of stuff if this was what Sebastian did on a regular basis.
He called out, “This stuff happen a lot?”
Sebastian took a moment to answer. “Not like this, if that’s what you mean. Usually they’re still alive when Anthony’s done with them.”
His stomach turned and he immediately threw up again.
**
Torin felt wrung out by the time Sebastian said it was all done. They packed the truck back up and he tried really hard not to look at the area where the bodies had been, but of course he did. As soon as he glanced over there, his stomach immediately lurched.
Sebastian grabbed his arm and jerked him away from the scene and away from the truck. “Let’s go. Run.”
Torin didn’t have the energy to care where they were going, but also wasn’t sure he was ready for the run that Sebastian wanted out of him.
“Pick it up, lard ass. Let’s go.”
He tiredly gruffed and jogged after Sebastian into the woods. The smells of everything in the trees made his mind confused as he focused on his surroundings. They stopped after only a couple minutes and he felt disappointed because he’d been starting to finally calm down.
“Strip.” Sebastian was already taking his own clothes off.
Torin tiredly said, “I don’t think I can, man. Not today.”
Sebastian repeated, “Strip.”
Torin shook his head and sat down on a stump while Sebastian kept flinging clothes away from himself.
“I hope you’re not too fond of that outfit, then.”
“What?” Torin felt… weird. His muscles got tight and felt like… “Shit!” He jumped off the stump while Sebastian growled at him. He was using his alpha power to make Torin shift. “Fuck! Wait a minute goddammit! Shit!”
He flung his clothes off as fast as he could. His muscles jerked and throbbed and it felt good, but also not what he’d expected to be doing right now. He was too tired for the change, but it was happening anyway. He was still pulling his jeans and underwear off, and barely yanked them away about a second before his arms snapped and popped and became his wolf legs, then his back legs soon after. This was the fastest he’d ever shifted.
He jerked and spasmed while his body transformed, and when he looked up, Sebastian was just finishing his own shift. He poked his head at Torin and darted off, then came charging back when Torin didn’t give chase.
Seeing Sebastian barreling towards him made him run. They took off, Sebastian chasing Torin at first, then when he immediately overtook him and tackled him, they just ran together. Sebastian didn’t fight with him, he just prodded him to keep going. They ran hard for a time, but Torin’s energy was zapped. He slowed down and Sebastian purposely knocked into him, prodding him on at an easier pace.
They trotted for a while, Sebastian stopping Torin occasionally as they smelled the air and poked their noses around. They some other animals were around, but they weren’t sure where. After what seemed like a really long time, Torin finally couldn’t take it anymore and laid down. Sebastian nudged him, but he couldn’t move.
Sebastian bit the scruff of his neck and yanked hard, and Torin somehow got to his feet again. They walked, Sebastian prodding him more than once, and he finally realized they were heading back toward their things.
When they found their clothes, Torin laid down and quickly felt his shift take him again. He glanced up to see Sebastian staring intensely at him, using his alpha power to make him shift back to human. If he wasn’t so exhausted he’d be pretty damn impressed.
Once they were both back to their human forms and starting to dress, Torin tiredly said, “Thanks for that. That really cleared my head of those−”
“Don’t talk about it. You won’t be able to stop thinking about it if you keep talking about it. It’s just a job. You do it, then sometimes you’ve got to run the shit out of your head as your wolf. It’s what the job is.”
He stared blankly at him. “What if I don’t want this to be my job?”
Sebastian snapped, “Then what the fuck have you been so goddamn jealous about all these years? You wanted to be alpha again so goddamn bad. If you have the power, then you’ve got to take care of shit sometimes. Jesus, I never knew you were such a fucking pussy.”
“Fuck you.”
Sebastian chuckled light heartedly, and Torin gruffed and rolled his eyes.
**
Once they were finally on the road headed back home, Torin asked, “So is that why you were always going to the ranch back then? To run the shit out of your head?”
Sebastian’s mood went pensive and Torin almost wished he hadn’t asked such a personal question.
“That’s part of it.”
Torin suddenly felt like he was walking on egg shells, but he was the one who’d stupidly started this conversation and it felt like he’d better continue it. So he just as cautiously asked, “And the other part?”
He could feel Sebastian tense up, and his own wolf went still. Sebastian was pissed. After a strained silence, Sebastian finally said, “Some days I came out here because it was the only place where I could be myself. A place where no one was repulsed by me. Other days I came here to find some prey to tear into. The more I tore into something, the more I wanted to. The more pissed I was at home, the bigger the prey I wanted to find out here, and once I found something, well, it wasn’t long before I craved more of it.”
He turned and looked at Torin. “I craved it so much that I started imagining doing it at home. To the family. I didn’t see much difference between the flesh and bone of an animal and the flesh and bone of the people that pissed me off. At least there was a reason for me to tear a person who treated me like shit to shreds, there wasn’t much reason for me to go psycho on the animals except that I needed an outlet for my fucked up life.”
Sebastian looked back at the road and Torin felt sick all over again. He didn’t know what to say to make any of this better.
Sebastian took a right at the next stop.
“Where are we going?”
“I need something to eat. You hungry?”
Torin looked at him like he’d sprouted an extra head. Sebastian’s moods changed so fast it was crazy. He was almost totally calm now after just being completely pissed off and telling him how he’d nearly become homicidal. Torin hadn’t known any of that, and was glad he hadn’t known it at the time, either.
His stomach surprised him by growling. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
They went to a diner and both ordered huge breakfasts, though he wasn’t sure if he could actually eat after throwing up so much this morning. By the time the food got there, though, he decided he was just fine. The shock of the morning must have worn off, or else he was just too tired to care. He downed another cup of coffee.
“You come here a lot? I’ve never been here before. Never even knew this was here. This place is good.”
Sebastian nodded but didn’t look at him. Torin got the feeling something was on his mind.
He quietly said, “Sorry I brought you out here. I’m so used to this shit, I don’t realize how it affects other people.” He looked at him, then, and Torin knew this was a pivotal moment. Torin was either with him or forever on the outside.
“I’ll get over it. I’m your second and it’s time I figured out what that means.”
They locked eyes for a heartbeat before Sebastian nodded and took another bite of food.
After eating in silence for a time, Torin said, “Thanks for pushing me while we were running around. I’m surprised we didn’t find any animals this morning. You’d think some might still be sleeping.”
Sebastian gave him a look like he had no idea what he was talking about.
“Wait, you don’t remember things as your wolf, do you?”
Sebastian shrugged. “No. When I’m wolf, I’m wolf.”
Torin’s eyes went wide. “You’re completely wolf when you shift. H-o-l-y f-u-c-k.”
Sebastian frowned at him.
“I mean, shit. So when we were running around just now… that was just your wolf?”
Sebastian nodded once, still frowning at him.
Torin was in shock. “But that means…”
Sebastian narrowed his eyes and flatly said, “It means my wolf is free to do what he wants.”
Torin thought it also meant Sebastian still wanted to be part of the pack, and his wolf wanted it, too. His wolf cared about Torin. He was frankly speechless. If Torin had been in his shoes… he wasn’t sure what he would’ve done, but he wouldn’t have cared enough to help him through today’s horror. Sebastian was a better man than Torin, that was for sure.
**
They walked out of the diner mostly in silence and pulled themselves into the truck. As Sebastian turned back onto the highway, Torin said, “You know about the embezzlement?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you think of it?”
“Don’t care.”
Torin looked curiously at him. “You don’t care that the office stole money from Anthony?”
“I don’t care if Anthony withdraws his financial support of the wolves.”
Torin’s eyes went wide. “Really? Why not?”
“Told you. They’re not my family.”
Torin rubbed his hands together and adjusted the heater. “That’s hard core.”
“Is it?”
He watched the cars in traffic for a time. “So Anthony says it’s up to me to convince him to continue to support the family. He’s putting me in charge of the office.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Will you support me?”
Sebastian finally looked at him. “I already said I would. At least, as long as this truce lasts.”
Torin frowned, then finally nodded. “As long as the truce lasts.”
**
Sebastian pulled into the parking garage and neither of them were moving at top speed as they slowly got out of the truck.
Torin opened the back and started reaching for the tools they brought.
Sebastian yawned and finger combed his hair out of his eyes. “We can get that stuff out later.”
He nodded and closed the truck back up. “Why do you drive this beat up thing, anyway?”
Sebastian looked tiredly at him. “Because it doesn’t matter how many door dings and scratches it gets.”
He smirked. “You have a habit of hitting things?”
Sebastian’s mood instantly went sour. “No, people here have a habit of fucking with my things. It seems to be a hobby.”
Torin’s guts dropped. His encouragement of others to join him in his hatred of Sebastian over the years had obviously taken on a life of its own. “That will stop.”
Sebastian looked like he was about to roll his eyes, but turned to walk away instead. Before he left, though, he more genuinely said, “Thanks for your help today.”
Torin said mostly to himself, “Yeah, anytime.”
Chapter 29
It was nearly noon and Sebastian was tired. But before he went to bed, he texted Jade that he’d probably still be sleeping when she got home tonight. He told her she could come down to his place if she wanted, but he secretly doubted she would.
She’d never been to his apartment before and he wondered why not, then sighed and tried not to think about it. They’d been dating for weeks now, and he always went to her place, the club, or out somewhere. She obviously didn’t care to see his personal space. It didn’t even matter why she’d never wanted to come down here, or why she didn’t want to mark him as hers. She was making it pretty damn clear she didn’t want to be a serious part of his world.
He kicked his shoes off and quickly stripped before falling into his cozy, comfortable bed. He was asleep almost as soon as he pulled the covers over himself.
**
Jade stared at her text message conversation with Sebastian. What was he doing that he’d been up until noon? He probably wouldn’t tell her and it made her feel bad. She was still on the outside of his world when in reality, if she was his girlfriend, shouldn’t she know more about his life?
He sent another text telling her she could come down to his place when she got home. She stared at her phone in confusion. She’d never been to his apartment. He’d never invited her and she’d never pushed it on him. She just thought he wanted his privacy and wasn’t ready to totally share himself with her. Was he changing his mind about her now, or was he just so tired he was talking gibberish?
She texted back, ‘Ok. Get some sleep honey.’
He sent her a smiley face back and her heart felt a little better. She spent the rest of the day at work wondering why she was trying so hard to fit in with humans since she obviously wasn’t one of them. Would it be so bad to embrace her animal? Other people did and they still seemed like decent people. At least some of them, anyway.
**
Jade felt self-conscious as she went through her normal after work routine of changing her clothes, then going down to the club.
She stared hard at the vampire hall. She’d never gone down there before and was afraid of who might be at the other end. Sebastian had said to come on down, but he didn’t say how safe it was. Vampires slept down there. Were any still there? There could be…
This was her world, too, though, and she was sick of being scared of it. She belonged here. Her family was here. Her friends were here.
Sebastian was here.
She forced herself to enter the hallway, and had barely gone two steps when she had to move aside as a shifter walked towards her from the other direction. He just nodded and said, “Hey,” as if it were normal for shifters to be coming and going down the vampire hall. She supposed it was, except she wasn’t here to let vampires feed on her.
She shivered at the thought, hoping no one mistook her for that kind of girl, then chastised herself. What if she was? Wasn’t that ok, too? She looked behind her to see if anyone was staring, but no one seemed to be, so she turned back around and focused on getting to Sebastian. She wanted to be more for him in lots of ways, but mostly she wanted to be more for herself. She was sick of being Jade the scaredy cat.
She rounded the corner and was surprised to see a couple guards standing there. They were no nonsense with her.
“Can I help you?”
She stared up at the big man. “I’m, uh, going to see Sebastian.”
The man looked her over and sniffed the air. “He didn’t tell us he was having visitors, ma’am.”
Her heart dropped. She wasn’t important enough to be able to see him.
The other guard stepped forward. “Hey, aren’t you his new girlfriend? What’s your name?”
Her heart calmed. “Jade. Yeah, he, um, texted me around noon and said I should come by after work.”
“Do you have the text on you?”
She nodded and pulled out her phone to show him.
“Thank you ma’am. For security purposes, would you mind showing me the phone number those texts came from?”
She stared at the guard for a moment, never realizing how hard core the security around here was. “Sure, sure. Here.” She’d put Sebastian’s name in for his phone number, so all the texts just said Sebastian rather than showing his number. She pulled the contact page up and showed the guard.
He nodded and nudged the other guy. “I’ll take you down to him, ma’am.”
“Thank you.”
He opened the door and there was dim lighting in the stairwell. It made her think of a horror movie and she almost told the guard to forget it, that she didn’t really want to go down there, but she forced herself not to chicken out. He looked back at her and she focused on staying calm as she followed him downstairs.
