“You move in much different circles, son. You always have. She’s common. She wouldn’t know how to behave.”
“Maybe I’m tired of women who know how to behave,” he countered.
“You’d better not be. Not if you want to maintain your position in the Senate. Not if you ever dream to aspire to a higher calling.”
He’d never win. Not with Arlene. So he shut his mouth and drove them home knowing he’d just do whatever he damn well pleased and let her fret about it later.
Chapter 15
He sat astride one horse and led the other along behind. He smiled, relaxed. Julie had woke in the night. To their mother’s horror they had Julie on suicide watch in the psychiatric wing and would not let anyone see her. Not even family. A fact Arlene could not fathom. So she’d left first thing this morning for the hospital to argue with them. The way JD saw it the doctors probably knew best and Julie probably needed to be away from anyone who would pressure her. Like her mother. But he’d wished Arlene luck before she’d left anyway.
“Where the hell are you off to?” Josh asked, watching his brother ride across the barnyard.
“As if you don’t know.” JD didn’t stop his horse.
“Mom will have a cow. No. Two cows. This would definitely qualify as a two cow moment.”
“It’s good for her once in a while,” JD told him with a grin. “Besides, she’s busy trying to rewrite hospital policy today.”
“She probably will too. They’ll do it just to get rid of her.” Josh leaned on the fence rail. “Do you think Lizzie came back to Katy’s last night?”
“She did,” was all JD said before giving his gelding some heel and taking off at a slow lope down the driveway.
“Not gonna ask how you know that,” Josh muttered to his brother’s receding form.
JD knew a lot about Lizzie and one thing he remembered with utter clarity was how much she loved to ride horses. Offering to take her for a ride, he knew, would set the stage for getting her to warm back up to him. If he could just get her alone, just get her to listen to him, he was sure he could get her to trust him again. At least enough to help him. The rest would come later.
And he wanted more. He already knew he wanted more from her. He wanted what he should have had so long ago.
Fat flakes of snow fell from the sky, lazy without any wind. It was cool out, but not cold. Pleasant enough for a ride through the woods, he thought with a smile as a memory snuck up on him. He vividly recalled sneaking off the ranch with a horse in tow just like this so many times. But one time in particular stuck with him. The hot summer day he’d finally convinced Lizzie to let him show her just how much he wanted her. It was with images of her tangled up with him on the bank of the river that he approached the tiny house on the hill.
Something had told her he would come to her this morning. Maybe a premonition. Or maybe it was just the fact she knew how tenacious he could be. So she wasn’t surprised when she heard the snort of a horse coming up the driveway. Nor was she surprised when she saw him round the last bend astride a big palomino with a chestnut mare in tow. She knew him. Or had. And he knew her. The horse, she knew he figured, would be his way in. Fear traced up her spine. Because she knew she would let him in. And she knew she would have to tell him something she’d kept from him for over twelve years. It was unavoidable. And looking at him now, looking into his eyes, she knew Brian was right. The man had a right to know his son. And his son had a right to know the man who was his father. What JD would do once she told him was anyone’s guess.
She’d cried last night when she’d told Brian what had happened at the hospital. When she’d told Brian of Arlene’s threats he’d sworn vehemently and assured her the woman could not swoop in and take Sean away from her. Shared custody with JD… probably. Even likely. But not permanent. Lizzie didn’t know what to believe right now. Because JD was not the young college boy she’d made a child with. He’d grown. Into what, she still had to determine. She had to know what he would do before she could tell him he had a son. If you’re waiting for the time to be right you’re copping out, she told herself.
“Got a cup of coffee for me?” he asked, stopping his horse at the bottom step and looking over at her with a twinkle in his eyes.
She knew that twinkle well. Just like she knew what his body felt like pressed up against her own. Just like she knew what his hands felt like when they ran possessively over her skin. Stop it! She commanded herself. Don’t go there. Just don’t. “What? Josh doesn’t stock coffee at his place?”
“He does, but he’s not very good company this morning. He needs his beauty rest and he didn’t get it last night.”
She watched him climb down from the horse all lean muscles and smiles and felt her stomach tremble. Dear God, she thought, you idiot! You can’t love him. You can’t love a man you can’t trust! And trusting him again was out of the question. Especially, she thought grimly, considering his chosen profession as a politician. “I suppose I could spare a cup.” She looked to the horse he’d had in tow. “You have something else in mind, senator?”
“Actually, I do,” he told her as he tied the reins of both horses off to the porch railing. His gaze locked with hers and a corner of his mouth lifted. “The moment I laid eyes on you last night all kinds of things came to mind.”
She didn’t miss his meaning but decided to shove it to the side. “About my sister,” she guessed.
“For starts,” he answered, coming up the steps.
“There can’t be any more than that.”
Again, with that same crooked smile he told her, “We’ll see about that.”
There he went again, making her stomach flutter. In the interest of her own safety she turned and headed into the house, leaving him to follow along behind. When she heard the door shut softly behind him she turned back to him. “I was going to catch up to you today anyway. I forgot to tell you something important last night.”
He shoved his gloves into his coat pockets and hung the coat on a peg by the front door. “You didn’t stick around long enough to tell me much last night. You ran like a rabbit the minute my mother walked up to us.” Again, his gaze delved into hers, probing for answers. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing. I… I was just overwhelmed, seeing you so unexpectedly.”
He frowned, not really buying her reply, but he decided to let it go for the moment.
“C’mon, I’ll get you some coffee.”
He followed her through the small living room, his eyes traveling the place. He’d not stepped foot in it in thirteen or so years. Not since the last day he’d seen Lizzie. The memory of that day was etched into his mind. As was the pain.
“In an effort to help find whoever tried to kill my sister I told Matt I felt she’d been up to something shady the day she disappeared,” Lizzie told him, reaching into the cupboard for another coffee mug. She inspected it carefully before pouring coffee into it. Katy, she’d discovered, was not the best at washing her dishes.
JD pulled a chair out from under the tiny kitchen table and turned it around to straddle it. “When did you tell him this?”
“The day she showed up on the back porch.” She turned to bring him his coffee and hesitated ever so briefly, seeing him sitting there that way, his eyes on her every move. “He was pretty pissed I hadn’t told him sooner.” She handed over the mug, making sure not to let her fingers brush his. “He’ll be even more pissed when he finds out we’re hiding more information from him.”
“You worried about upsetting Matt?”
She detected the jealously and it elated her. Stupid! She chastised herself. Stupid! “Not as long as I’m not breaking any laws and will get thrown in jail. I’ve no intention of keeping a cot in a jail cell warm. Katy did enough of that for the both of us.”
The law thing was iffy and he knew it. “As far as he’s concerned you don’t know about the blackmail.”
“Blackmail,” she repeated quietly. “Such an ugly word.”
“An even uglier deed,” JD told her, sipping his coffee. He sighed. “That’s not what you wanted to tell me though, is it?”
“No.” Leaning back against the counter she held her own coffee mug between the two of them like a shield. “Matt told me something last night which honestly has me a little worried. He told me that Grady Summers has disappeared.”
JD’s hand froze with the mug partway to the table. A coldness settled over his features and his lips thinned. “Grady,” he ground out between clenched teeth. “What could he have to do with any of this?”
“That’s what I’m wondering.”
“If he’s back, if he has anything to do with this, he has more balls than he has brains.”
“I think we established that fact a lot of years ago. Matt seems to think maybe Grady and Katy were working together.”
“What do you think, Lizzie?”
She shook her head and shrugged helplessly. “I wouldn’t think Katy would have anything to do with him. But I can’t swear to it. I mean, she did some pretty stupid things when it came to making a few bucks. And she made this sound like a big score for her. She might have worked with Grady if the price was right.”
“Would a quarter of a million dollars make her lower her already slithering standards?” Suddenly the coffee tasted bitter. He set the cup down carefully.
“A quarter… Oh. God.”
He nodded. “Is she still out of it?”
“Yes. I called this morning. There’s been no change.”
“And Matt hasn’t found any trace of where she might have been left after she was attacked?”
“None that he’s told me about.”
JD rose. “Then our ride today will serve a dual purpose.”
“If the police couldn’t find where she came from what makes you think we can?”
He shrugged. “Maybe dumb luck will prevail. In any event, I want to look around.”
“And if we find something?” she wanted to know.
“If we find something we’ll figure out our next move from there.”
Chapter 16
“Let’s take a little break and warm up with some of that hot chocolate you brought along,” JD suggested. He saw her gaze drift to the river and saw her hesitate. He also saw the light of a memory flit through her eyes.
“You would pick here,” she grumbled, stopping her horse to dig in the saddle bag for the thermos.
“We made a lot of memories here,” he told her.
“Yes. And that’s just what they are. Memories. As in, in the past. History.” Her fingers shook a little as she unscrewed the lid of the thermos. God, they’d made more than a few memories here. They’d made a child.
“Lizzie,” he began, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I never, ever meant to do that.”
She looked into his eyes as she handed over the lid of the thermos which served double duty as a cup. The liquid inside steamed. “What’s done is done, senator.”
“I know that. Can’t we leave it in the past?”
“I have,” she told him, raising her chin. She hoped she sounded resolute because she sure as hell didn’t feel it. Anything but. Old feelings were churning in her fast enough to make her dizzy. “And I will again when Katy is well and I go back home to Seattle. Don’t confuse my helping you with any feelings I may have for you. I won’t repeat the past. The seasons may have changed but I won’t have a casual affair with you. I can’t. I have a son to think of.” And my own heart to think of.
“Who said anything about repeating the past? Who said anything about casual affairs? Maybe that’s not what I want either. Maybe I want what we missed out on before.”
If she could only believe that.
“I’m not married this time, Lizzie.”
The reminder was like a slap in the face. God, how stupid she’d been. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” She took the cup back from him when he handed it across, avoiding his touch again because she knew it would damn her.
“It does to me.” How she did what she did to him he’d never figured out. But he’d get down on his knees for her if he had to. “I still love you.”
She jerked and splashed hot chocolate over her hand, not even feeling the burn. Shocked, her eyes widened. “That’s ludicrous. We’ve only spent a few hours together. You’re confusing love and lust again, senator. It’s a bad habit of yours.”
He let her jab go. “It’s like time stopped while you were away, Lizzie. I feel just as deeply for you as I did the day you walked out of my life.”
“Did you put something in this when I wasn’t looking?” she asked, lifting the thermos.
“Tell me you don’t feel it too,” he pressed, leaning across the space between them. “Go ahead and tell me you don’t.”
She bit her lower lip. “I feel… something,” she admitted slowly, stupidly. “Of course I do. But as I said, it can never be. What you did to me, I’ll never be able to forgive.” And I have a feeling once I tell you what I kept from you you’ll never be able to forgive me either. The thought filled her with misery. But it would be for the best, wouldn’t it? It would end it once and for all.
His gaze never wavered. “We fell in love in high school.”
“We were children. And you left me to go to college. You dumped me.”
“For your own good. I couldn’t tie you to me like that, knowing you were thinking of going to a different state for your own schooling.”
She lifted a corner of her mouth. “How noble of you,” she said dryly, even though after the initial hurt she’d known he’d been right.
“When we saw each other again a few summers later…”
She waved a hand in the air and cut him off. “I remember what happened. You’ll only romanticize it. What happened was you decided to cheat on your wife with me. A wife I had no idea existed. Do you know what it felt like to find out you were having an affair with me? That I was the other woman?”
His jaw hardened. He’d nearly killed Grady Summers that day for what he’d done.
She pointed an accusing finger at him. “I know, I know. You and Darlene were separated. You were thinking of divorce. Blah, blah, blah. The point is you were still married to her and you didn’t have the decency to tell me before you seduced me back into your bed!”
He let her get it all out. “Things are different this time.”
“Yes, they are. I’m not an infatuated little girl anymore. I have enough sense to stay the hell away from you!” God, she hoped she did anyway.
He smiled patiently, counting on being able to wear her down if he didn’t fight with her. “You weren’t a little girl, Lizzie. No. Far from it.” His eyes darkened at the memory of her skin, hot and wild, under his hands. “Would it make any difference if I told you I left Darlene for good shortly after and that I came looking for you?”
She felt her heart thud in her chest. She wanted to tell him it didn’t matter. But it would be a lie.
“I followed you to Seattle a few months later because I just couldn’t stand the thought of being without you, Lizzie.” He shoved his fingers through his dark hair before he put his glove back on. “But you were already married to Castellanos.”
“You came there?” she asked, nearly breathless. He’d been so close. So close to the truth.
His mood darkened along with his eyes. “So I have to ask. Were you seeing him that summer, Lizzie? Were you cheating on him with me?”
“I… No. Brian and I didn’t get together until later.”
“Not much later,” he pointed out temperamentally.
Tears wanted to come as she remembered the pain she’d felt. “No. I was devastated, JD.” And pregnant with your child. The child of another woman’s husband! She wanted to scream at him. But it hadn’t been his fault. Not Sean. They’d both made him. And she’d kept him for herself.
He looked into her eyes and saw it there. How badly he’d hurt her. “God, Lizzie, if I could take it all back, I would. Hurting you was the last thing I e
ver wanted to do.” Still leaning close to her he put a gloved hand to her face. “I won’t let it happen again.”
“No. I won’t,” she corrected carefully, very aware of his touch, even through the soft leather glove.
“You think you can push me away. But you’re wrong, Lizzie. I mean to keep you this time. I knew it the minute I looked into your eyes at the hospital. I’m not letting you go. I’m not going through that hell again.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. Fought back the bitter tears. She could see he wanted to kiss her. And God help her, she wanted him to kiss her. “Oh, you’ll let me go, senator. When this is over, you’ll want nothing more than to be rid of me.”
He tilted his head, his gaze becoming all the more intense. “Never.”
Now wasn’t the time. Backing her horse away and out of his touch she shoved the thermos back into the saddle bag. “It’s time to go back. There’s nothing here.” And she meant to keep it that way.
Chapter 17
Still there had been no change in Katy’s condition. Lizzie had spent the better part of the afternoon sitting by her side and telling her all the things she could not and would not tell JD. “Like the fact that I’m still madly in love with him,” she’d confided to her sleeping sister. “And God help me, he loves me too. He told me so. Can you believe it?” She was still reeling from his words, from his touch. She’d never doubted JD’s love. But it was a love that was not meant to be. How many times had she told herself that? “Too many to count,” she told the darkening living room.
So far she’d been able to keep the ghosts of her past at bay. She’d been able to keep the tiny house she’d grown up in from getting into her head. But no more. JD’s presence was tearing down all the walls she’d worked so hard to build over the years. Sipping from a glass of sweet white wine she stared into the fireplace. How many logs had she and Katy slogged in from the woods while her mother lay drunk on the couch and Grady swore at them while ordering them to move faster, to stack better, to quit whining? But the forced labor wasn’t the worst of it. Hell no it wasn’t.
Hearts On Fire Page 8
