The color drained from his face and he leaned back in the chair heavily. “What?” he whispered. “What did you say?”
“Sean is your son, not Brian’s.”
“My…?” He raked his fingers through his hair as the color began to come back to his face. “My son? You’re sure?”
“Of course I’m sure, JD. You’re the only man I’d ever slept with.”
“But how… you married Castellanos. Moved to Seattle with him.”
“Yes.” Closing her eyes and sighing, she said, “I did.”
“You knew you were pregnant with my child when you married him?”
“Yes. I did.”
Red crept up his neck and jaw. Anger flashed in eyes which had been soft with love only moments ago. “Does he know? Castellanos?”
“He’s known all along,” she admitted quietly. When she saw cold fury replace anger, she put up a hand. “This is not Brian’s fault. He did what he did for me and Sean. I explained my situation to him and he offered to help me, as my friend.”
“Fuck that,” JD growled thunderously.
“I’m sorry, JD. I’m so sorry.”
“Fuck that too.” He stood suddenly, shoving the leather chair back where it slammed against the wall behind him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he bellowed, his voice overwhelming in the confines of the study.
She’d known he would explode but still she shrank back from his fury. “There were a lot of reasons, JD. Starting with the fact that you were married at the time.”
“Barely.”
Now she found some of her own anger. “You were married to another woman, JD! And you had an affair with me! I had to find out the truth from Grady Summers, of all people!”
He absorbed this in silence, turning his back on her to look at the pictures on the wall.
“I didn’t find out I was pregnant until you’d been gone again for a month. I… At first I didn’t know what to do. You’d gone back to finish school. You’d gone back to your wife.”
“You still should have told me, Lizzie,” he said without turning around.
She knew he could not bear to look at her and it broke her heart. But now the damage was done and she had to forge ahead. “What would you have done, JD? Left her for me because I was pregnant with your child?”
He whirled around, his eyes stormy. “Yes!”
“Yes, I think you would have. Exactly what your mother was afraid of.”
“My mother?” Some of his fury turned to a cold dread. “She knew?”
Lizzie nodded sadly. “I went to the hospital for the tests. She’d seen me there at the gynecologist and put two and two together. She managed to get the pregnancy test results from the doctor even before I had them.”
JD felt his stomach drop. Looking at the top of her bowed head he felt a mix of fury and sadness.
“She invited me out to her house. Her new house.” Looking up at JD she somehow managed a wry smile. “She told me she wanted to have me out for coffee and a visit. Stupid me, I thought she was finally trying to accept me. She took me into her sun room and poured coffee for me and offered me the most delicate little chocolate covered cookies I’d ever seen in my life. She asked me how I was feeling and how Katy and I were getting along since Grady had left town. She asked after my mother too. And then… And then she asked how my child was doing.” Shivering, Lizzie wrapped her arms around herself. “Just like that she asked. I can still see her sitting there in the sunshine, smiling sweetly at me with a cookie in her hand. I was too terrified to answer her. She explained how she’d found out and she asked me outright if the child was yours.”
He wanted to be furious with her but was finding it difficult now. In her eyes he could see a frightened young woman. Still, he held himself back from her. The frightened girl was no more. A confident woman stood before him. One that could have told him the truth years ago.
“I told her the child was yours. Pleasantly, as she sipped her coffee, she asked me if I had considered aborting the child. When I told her no she offered me the money to do so. I was floored that she could discuss killing her own grandchild over coffee and cookies. She told me she supposed she understood why I would want to keep the child. Then she just smiled at me and offered me another cookie as she told me how things were going to be. She told me I was not to tell you about the child. Ever.” She looked at him now, forcing herself to hold the tears. “I told her to kiss my ass. I’d been thinking about it and was ready to tell you. She just smiled. Then she told me what she would do if I went to you.”
Chapter 23
JD’s fury found a new target. His mother. He knew she was ruthless. But this… Restlessly, he turned and paced the back wall. A child. He had a child. And he also had the mother of his child huddled miserably in a chair before him. He loved her so much… and yet he was so angry with her he wanted nothing more than to throttle her senseless. “What did she threaten you with, Lizzie?”
“The only thing I truly loved. My baby.”
“But how? How could she threaten you?”
“She told me she’d have him taken from me. She’d have him given to you and your wife so that he could have a family.”
He frowned at her. “That’s utter nonsense, Lizzie. She couldn’t have done that.”
She rolled her eyes and let out a sigh of disgust. “I lived with my alcoholic mother and thieving sister, JD. My stepfather had tried to rape me and then ran off to God knows where. Who do you think the judges around here would have sided with? Me or your mother?”
“Still…”
“I was nineteen years old and I believed she could follow through on her threats!” she shouted at him.
“You believed she could take your child from you?” he asked incredulously.
“Of course I did. Your mother was the most powerful woman in the county. And she wasn’t known for her kind heart or for making idle threats.”
The pain he felt, the loss, was nearly physical. “You should have come to me, Lizzie. I wouldn’t have let her do that. We would have found a way.”
She shook her head. “Don’t you see, JD? I couldn’t trust you either.”
God how it hurt to hear her say those words. Though his anger still simmered he found a way to speak gently. “You knew me. You knew you could trust me. Christ, we grew up together. We spent that entire summer together.”
“I thought I knew you. But you’d lied to me all summer long!” Now she jumped out of her chair too, stopping herself just short of pointing an accusing finger at his chest. “The only thing I knew with any certainty was I was not going to lose my baby! I was not going to let that bitch steal my child from me!”
His heart wrenched. Stoically he reminded himself that this woman had kept his child from him. For twelve years he’d been denied being a father to his boy. “Surely there came a point in time when you realized my mother was no longer a threat. I mean, you’re a doctor now, Lizzie, with a thriving practice. You’ve made your way.”
“I was afraid for so long I didn’t know how to not be anymore, JD.” She twisted her hands together in front of her. “There’s no way I can make you understand.”
“No. You can’t.”
“I knew the fear was irrational. But it was there. And not just of your mother. I had you to be afraid of too.”
He took a step back as though she’d struck him. Hell, she might as well have. Never, ever would he want her to fear him. “Me?”
“Yes. You were making a name for yourself. People loved you. The ‘cowboy district attorney’, they called you. I thought, what if you’re so angry with me you decide to punish me by taking Sean away from me? The public would sympathize with you, not me. I’d be this horrible bitch who’d stolen your son and hidden him away from you.”
His jaw hardened, a muscle working furiously in the corner. “That’s exactly what you did, Lizzie. Right or wrong and for whatever reasons you had, you left the state when you found out you were pregnant with my child. And then for twel
ve years you kept him a secret from me.”
Her chin lifted defiantly. “I did what I had to do to protect my son.”
“From me,” he seethed. Because his anger needed an outlet he slammed a fist down on the desk. “You could have told me at some point! And don’t tell me you couldn’t! You could have told me that first night in the hospital! Or any time over the last years!”
“No.”
“Yes!” He saw the tears in her eyes and did not allow himself to be affected by them. Not this time. “Is this why you slept with me this morning? Did you figure I’d soften up this way?”
“What? No… I… I had no intentions of sleeping with you, JD. I told you last night there was too much between us.”
“Another opportunity you had and tossed away,” he growled.
“I was exhausted last night.”
He shrugged a shoulder at her. “Does Sean know?”
Her heart thudded in her chest. “He knows Brian isn’t his real dad. He doesn’t know about you. I plan on telling him—”
“We. We, Lizzie. I start being a part of his life as of right now.” His gaze drilled into her, leaving absolutely no room for debate.
Raw fear choked her words. “Of course.”
He still had a million questions flying around in his head. He wanted to strangle her. He wanted to hold her. He loved her. He hated her. “God damnit!” With a shake of his head he pushed past her and swung the door open.
“JD? Where are you going?”
He turned to her, his face crimson with anger, his hands balled into fists. “Out. I’m going out. I need to get away from you for a while.”
She’d expected the anger and the coldness, but the hurt she’d seen in his eyes, the humiliation and the misery, were nearly too much to bear. Sinking into the chair she buried her face in her hands. God but she’d made a mess of things. And to top it off JD now thought she’d had some devious motive for sleeping with him. “I love you, damnit,” she grumbled as she heard his voice raise from somewhere else in the house before hearing a door slam shut.
She’d braced herself for this. Or so she’d thought. What she had not counted on was losing the fight to stay away from him. To not let herself fall for him again. And she’d fallen hard. Again. She’d fallen right back in love with the son of a bitch. Oh, she’d known she still loved him and that she always would, but to be in love with him, to be unable to resist handing her heart over to him again… “Damnit!” she repeated, exploding from the chair just in time to run right into Josh’s chest.
“Hey,” he soothed, taking her by the shoulders. His troubled blue eyes met hers. With a lopsided smile he said, “Jeeze, I don’t know what the hell happened in here but you sure got JD all fired up.”
“I imagine so,” she murmured.
“I offered him a cup of coffee and he told me to fuck off. Then he stormed out of here like he had Lucifer himself on his heels. And he looked to have murder on his mind. You know anything about that?” he asked rhetorically.
She sure in the hell did. And it didn’t matter who knew any longer. “I just informed him that he’s the father of my twelve year old son.”
Josh’s hands dropped from her shoulders and he rocked back on his heels. “What?”
She closed her eyes wearily. “I need you to take me to Katy’s. I want to pick up my things and my car.”
“I… JD is the father of your kid?”
“Yes. Are you going to give me a ride up the hill or make me walk?”
“I’ll give you a ride, sure.” He blinked and shook his head as though trying to clear it. “I’m assuming you knew all along it was his kid.”
“I did.”
“Well no wonder he’s fit to be tied.”
Chapter 24
“You’ll see to it you send someone competent the next time,” Arlene fumed at the small man standing before her. “I will not tolerate losing one of my orchids to an inexperienced gardener.”
The man twisted his hat in his hands and nodded furiously. “Yes, of course, Mrs. MacGreggor. Had I realized Leo lacked experience with the more delicate of the flowers I would never have sent him. If any ill should come to your orchids I will make it right with you.”
“Good. See to it you investigate you’re employees more carefully next time, Mr. Stasiss. These flowers are award winning and they mean the world to me. To lose one…” She shuddered. “Unacceptable. They are precious to me.”
“Unlike your own grandchild.”
Arlene stiffed at the roughness in her son’s voice. She had not heard him enter the house nor had anyone announced him to her. Another blunder on this day. Would it ever end? Turning from the gardener she watched JD very carefully as he stalked toward her. His words and their potential meaning had not been lost on her. “You’re dismissed, Mr. Stasiss.” Her smile was strained. “I don’t think you’ll want to be here for this.”
The man must have taken her at her word. With one worried glance to JD he scurried from the room, looking for the nearest exit.
“My, God, Jeremiah, what’s gotten into you?” She took in the casual jeans and sweater, but more importantly the murderous look in his eyes. “Have you no manners at all?”
He rammed his fists into his pockets so he would not grab her and shake her. “You show more concern for a flower than your own family.”
“What on earth are you—” She stopped herself and her eyes lit. “Oh, for Pete’s sake. She’s gathered her courage and come to you with her sob story, I see.” Wishing for a cup of tea, she clasped her hands demurely in front of her stomach. She’d been expecting this, hadn’t she? Ever since she’d seen the girl at the hospital. But she’d thought she’d done a better job of reminding her just what was a stake in the matter.
“Lizzie and I had a talk this morning. She informed me I have a twelve year old son. Her son.” He cocked his head at her inquisitively, deciding to give her enough rope to hang herself with if she chose. “You don’t seem too shocked by this revelation.”
Sighing deeply, as though inconvenienced, Arlene pressed her lips together and ran her neatly manicured finger tips over her peach colored slacks. “I learned a long time ago not be shocked by anything you boys got up to.”
She was good, he’d give her that. “How long have you known?”
Her coal black eyes delved deeply into his. “You’re a good lawyer, son, but I’m a better mother.” She waved a hand at him. “What does it matter how long I’ve known?”
“I asked.”
“I’ve known all along,” she admitted, holding her head high.
He dipped his head. A very large part of him had hoped Lizzie had lied to him about his mother’s involvement. But that same part had known the truth. Though his father had been a kind, gentle hearted man his mother had never been. And she’d ruled the MacGreggor home with an iron will. “You threatened her. You told her she could never tell me about the boy.”
“Yes. I did what I felt best for you and your new wife. I will not apologize for it either, if that’s what you’re looking for. That girl was nothing but gold digging trash. Girls like her are only after one thing. A man’s money. They’re good enough to go to on a cold lonely night but they are not good enough to become family. So I knew just what to do to insure her silence in the matter. And look where that’s gotten me. Money down the drain.”
His breath caught. “Money?” he asked, his blood running cold.
Arlene flinched, though it was barely noticeable. “I’d assumed she’d told you. I paid her to leave.”
Lizzie had accepted money to leave? But what about her claims of being threatened? “How much?” he asked miserably. “How much did she take?”
Inwardly Arlene smiled to herself. This had worked out even better than she could have planned. She would turn her son against that white trash girl without even lifting a finger. “She wanted to attend medical school. I paid for it, along with all of the medical bills associated with the pregnancy.”
“Dr. Waring, can I get you anything? A cup of coffee? Something to eat?”
Lizzie looked up to Annie, Katy’s daytime nurse and smiled. “No thanks, Annie. I’ve had enough coffee for the day and I’m not feeling particularly hungry this morning.” As a matter of fact her stomach was still turning from what she’d had to tell JD that morning.
“Well, all right,” Annie told her, seeming unconvinced. “You just ring me if you need anything.”
Squeezing Katy’s hand between her own, Lizzie leaned toward her as the nurse left. “Well, I told JD about Sean this morning,” she whispered to her. “And boy, is he pissed off. I expected as much though.” A single tear slid down her cheek and she swiped at it almost frantically. “What’s worse is that I think he hates me now. I knew he would. I knew that. But what I didn’t know was that I’d fall back in love with him again first. Or that I’d allow him to fall in love with me again. God, I’ve done worse than piss him off, Katy, I’ve hurt him. I’ve hurt him so badly I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.”
She picked Katy’s hand up and kissed it gently. “Damn you, why won’t you wake up? I need you right now.”
“Still no change?”
Jumping, Lizzie turned to find Matt standing in the doorway. He was in his uniform and had a palm resting casually on the butt of his sidearm. Leather squeaked as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” His smile was soft. “Or interrupt. I was just here to see about Julie and thought I’d swing by.”
Lizzie wondered if his interest in either of the women was personal or professional. Standing, she brushed her palms on her jeans. “Still no change,” she confirmed. “And still no real idea of why she’s still out like this.”
Matt frowned. “You’d think they’d know.”
Lizzie shrugged. “Doctors don’t know everything.” Her smile turned rueful. “Trust me on that one.”
Hearts On Fire Page 12
