“Did she not tell ye?” When he shook his head, his mother continued. “Upon arriving, she was in a horrible state, crying and very upset. Esme asked where she’d been, and Ava admitted to being at Mackenzie Keep after escaping being abducted.” His mother sighed. “I cannot imagine what she’s been through. Although I must agree in part with Esme. This was all of her own doing.”
He already knew that part. What he didn’t know was what else she was hiding. He touched his mother’s shoulder. “I must go inside.”
“I will help ye.” His mother tried to help him but, in the end, two guards hurried over and helped him to the great room.
“Mother, will ye find Ava and tell her to come speak to me in Father’s study?” Lady Fraser nodded and went up the steps, her gaze moving back to him one last time before she disappeared.
He managed his way alone to his father’s empty study and moments later, Ava entered.
“Yer mother says to remove yer stitches.” She neared. “I can do it in our bedchamber later, after last meal.”
“That will be fine,” he replied. “We must talk.”
Her nod was hesitant. “Very well.”
“Ava, tell me what happed when ye were abducted? Mother told me ye admitted to it happening.”
For a moment, he thought she was going to faint. All blood left her face, she paled, and her right hand lifted and lowered without reason. Ava’s eyelids fluttered and closed for a moment, but she quickly recovered and turned away.
“There is nothing to tell. I escaped and found my way back.”
Keithen wanted to shake her. Instead, he closed the distance between them and lifted her face. “Tell me the truth. Every detail. I need to hear it.”
“What does it matter?” Ava snapped and took a step back. “I wish to forget about it.”
“Something happened.”
Despite the silence that followed, Keithen refused to relent. Whatever had happened, his wife would tell him. They were not going to leave the room until she did.
Seeming to sense he would not yield, Ava sat down and slumped forward onto the table, her face in her hands.
“After riding to Ross Keep all night, on the way to Mackenzie Keep, I could no longer keep up. Exhausted, I found what I thought was a safe place to sleep for a couple of hours.”
Her voice was hollow as she continued. “I had fallen asleep. It was still dark when I heard Gallant making noise. They tried to take him, but yer horse is not exactly docile. Then one of them saw me. They stopped struggling with Gallant and came to me instead.” She lifted her face and stared forward with an unfocused expression.
“I fought, but the two men overpowered me easily. One groped me, tore open my top. The other reached between my legs. But in the end, they did not do more than that. They had decided to sell me.” Her eyes flickered to him. “They did not rape me, I was bleeding.”
She took a long breath and Keithen remained silent, not wishing to stop her.
“For days, I was in a cramped wooden crate, gagged and tied. Relieved myself, bled and threw up. I must have looked and smelled horrible, because they decided to abandon the crate, with me in it, on the docks.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “An old woman found me, took me to a man, who then I paid to bring me back.”
The chair creaked when she stood and walked to the hearth. Visibly shaking, Ava held her hands out to the fire. “My captors were obviously inept to not have thought to search me for coin.”
Taking everything in, Keithen sensed she was still withholding something. “I am grateful ye were not hurt worse. I do not blame ye for what happened, Ava.”
She stood very still and let out a long breath. As much as he wanted to go to her, Keithen felt it had to be her decision. “I do not wish to be forgiven or accepted. I do not expect to be treated kindly. I do not deserve it.”
“Why do ye feel so strongly about it?”
“Ye came close to death. It was my fault that ye were hung and continue to suffer. It is my fault my brother is dead.” Ava’s voice trembled as she spoke, her shoulders shaking. “I killed our child.”
Her knees seemed to buckle, and she crumbled to the floor. Keithen remained standing as, with his injuries, he could not lower.
Instead, he moved closer and stood next to her. “Ye lost a bairn?”
“Because I had to go. Because I went to see if my mother and brother were injured. They would have never done the same for me. They were not appreciative and acted as if I was there to spy for yer father.” She wasn’t crying. It was more as if she’d given up. “I was not going to return. However, I realize that I deserve every mistreatment from Clan Fraser. I deserve the worst.”
“Ye are not going to be mistreated, Ava.” Keithen had yet to absorb the reality of what she’d disclosed. He was going to be a father. If she’d not gone to her family, then he would not have been captured, and she’d not have gone through the abduction.
“Laird Mackenzie was intent on blaming the death of those guards on a Fraser. They would have captured me or another Fraser eventually. Catriona’s attack...” he began.
“Ye and she should have been who married. If only my father had not intervened,” she interrupted.
“Ava...”
“No.” Ava jumped to her feet and ran from the room.
“What happened?” His father entered the room.
Keithen told him everything. Mostly because repeating it helped him understand it himself. “I am not sure how I feel in this moment.”
Laird Fraser poured two glasses of whisky and handed him one. “The only thing ye can do is allow time to pass. Ye need to heal and yer wife does as well.”
“She blames herself for everything, and although it is partially true, I am to blame as well for my continued quest of revenge.”
“Rebelliousness is not without consequences,” his father said, and Keithen realized the deep truth. He’d rebelled against his father and sought to get revenge and now his own child had paid the price.
His father placed a hand on Keithen’s shoulder. “Learn this, my son. There is a time and a place for everything. The first reaction is not always the right one.”
Keithen nodded. He slogged out of the room and, upon noting the long corridor in front, he motioned a servant over. “Help me get to Miss Catriona’s room.”
***
“Keithen,” Catriona hurried to help him into the room. The door remained open as she helped him to sit and then brought a stool to rest his leg on. She studied him. “Ye look unwell.”
“Bring some mead and ask Eileen to make some meat broth.” When the servant hurried away, she turned back to him. “Ye should not be about so much.”
He studied his friend and, as always, his heart broke at considering what she’d endured at the hands of the Mackenzie’s guardsmen. Months later, scars on her neck remained. Since her return, she wore a high collar on her gowns, which made him aware there had to be many others hidden.
“Why are ye here?” Catriona asked. “Do ye need to talk?”
He nodded. “I need to ask ye some things.”
“Very well.” Catriona lowered to a second chair. “What is it?”
“Years ago, Esme told me ye were in love with me. Because I knew I was destined to marry someone my father chose, I made every effort to not give ye hope.”
Catriona’s expression barely changed. She waited for him to continue.
“I wish that I could say I felt the same way. I have always loved ye dearly, but only as a sister,” Keithen continued. “And now I question it. Mainly because I brought so much pain and disaster to our door because I was driven mad with the need to avenge what happened to ye. I have been killing every man that touched ye.”
This time, Catriona reacted, her eyes widening. She knew this but was still surprised by his admission. “Oh...” she hesitated and swallowed. “Oh, Keithen.” Her eyes filled with sadness.
“I went against my father’s orders and now I learn Ava lost our child becaus
e she rode so far to try to save my life.” He hung his head, defeated. “I am not sure what to do or how to feel. What should I feel?” He fought to keep tears from spilling.
Catriona met his gaze. “Angry, hurt and betrayed. Ye acted out of love. Ye would have done the same if it were Esme who was mistreated.”
He acknowledged it was true. For Esme, he would have killed them all.
She hesitated and took his hand. “Darling, what Esme said was true. Ye have always been the man I loved. Ye are the bravest man I have ever known.”
Footsteps sounded, probably the servant, but no one entered.
Catriona continued. “Despite how I felt about ye, now when I see ye and Ava together, I understand the true meaning of fate.”
“Why would fate bring us together? To what end?” Keithen asked, too angry to keep his voice down.
“Because there is no ye without her in yer life now. Admit it.”
Ava walked down the corridor holding two glasses of mead. She’d intercepted a servant heading for Catriona’s room and taken the drinks as an excuse to speak to her. Upon reaching the doorway, she’d stopped at hearing Catriona’s voice. She’d been professing her love to Keithen.
What she’d said was not meant for anyone other than Keithen’s ears.
“Take these to Miss Catriona,” she told the confused servant she’d taken the glasses from just moments ago.
Chapter Twenty
Ava’s chest expanded almost to a painful point with each breath. Her child was gone. For days, she’d kept the thought at bay, blocking out what had occurred, the true reason for all the blood. But now that she’d spoken the words, it was as if a knife had been thrust into her chest and sliced it open.
Life had always been cruel to her and she’d accepted it. However, for things to go so far, losing a child was more than she could bear.
“Ava.” Lady Fraser walked out and upon seeing her crying neared. “Did Keithen do something?”
Ava shook her head. “I admitted everything to him.” Exhausted, she leaned on the short wall that surrounded the area. “Have ye ever felt as if ye cannot possible go on?”
“I think everyone does at some point. There are so many things that can happen. But ye know, it is best at times not to think on it too much.”
As much as Ava liked the woman, Lady Fraser seemed to never dwell on things. The lady expertly avoided situations that she considered “not a woman’s concern”.
“I think what we need is a distraction. Now that Keithen is better, we will go visit the Frasers across the river. Spend a few weeks there before it becomes too cold to travel.”
“Visit?” Ava was shocked. “Ye are going away?”
“We are. Ye and I will go. Perhaps Catriona as well. I hope ye will help me convince her.” Lady Fraser looked up at the cloudy sky. “Once winter arrives, we will be stuck indoors for days on end.”
“I do not believe they will wish to have me visit.” Ava had to admit the woman had managed to distract her from self-pity.
Lady Fraser gave a halfhearted wave. “The invitation was address to us both.”
For a moment, Ava was stunned. The Frasers acted as if she was, indeed, one of them. As much as she wanted to turn down the invitation, her curiosity was piqued. “I will have to speak to Keithen. Although at the moment, he is probably too angry with me to hear what I have to say.”
“Keithen is very patient.”
“I lost our bairn. When I was taken.”
“Oh, dear.” Lady Fraser came to her and hugged her. “I am so truly sorry.”
The woman’s lack of judgment and the fact she actually hugged her was foreign to Ava. The feeling was like being surrounded by sunshine.
“Now,” Lady Fraser said moving away. “Wipe yer tears and see about asking yer husband. I am sure Keithen will agree that ye need a distraction.”
“I need a few moments to compose myself. I will consider yer invitation. Thank ye.”
When she was finally alone, Ava considered everything that had happened. She doubted that Keithen would forgive her for what happened. Winter was approaching and like Lady Fraser had said, they would be forced to spend many days indoors. She wondered what she should do. On one hand, to leave would be a good distraction, but Keithen was still recovering and needed help to complete tasks.
She opened a gate and went through it carrying a bucket. It hadn’t rained in several days, so she decided to water her herb garden. At the well, several women were gathered and, for a moment, Ava hesitated.
As the laird’s son’s wife, they would not openly do or say anything, but that would not stop them from glaring. Ava took a breath and walked to the well.
“Lady Ava,” one woman said as she approached and lowered her head in a slight bow in greeting. “How fare’s yer husband from the injuries caused by yer family?”
“He is recovering well,” Ava answered, looking to the other women. “Thank ye for yer concern.”
An older woman met her gaze. “Yer clan has been to blame for many a death. We wish to ensure that we don’t lose our laird’s son as well.”
It would have been better if they had remained silent as there were heavy implications in every word.
“I, too, do not wish to lose my husband and am doing everything I possibly can to ensure he recovers.” Ava turned the crank bringing up water and then reached for the bucket to pour into hers.
A woman about her age pretended to stumble and kicked it out of the way just as she poured water into it.
“I do apologize,” she said in a flat voice and, along with the other women, she walked away murmuring not so softly.
“Why did she bother to return?”
“Hopefully, she will leave again and not return,” said another.
Flora hurried over. “That group is nothing but a bunch of gossips. Do not pay them any heed.”
Ava straightened her bucket and then drew more water from the well. “I do not plan to leave. I will remain and care for Keithen and fulfill all my duties.”
“Lady Fraser said she invited ye to go with her to visit the other Frasers,” Flora said. “Will ye not go then?”
As they walked back to her herb garden, Flora explained that Catriona was not going. “She does not feel up to traveling yet. Although she has made good progress, she cannot fathom traveling as yet.”
Upon seeing that she carried a bucket, a young guard hurried over and took it from her. “Miss Ava, ye can ask for our help for things like this.” He whistled while carrying the bucket and then placed it on the ground next to her garden patch.
The guard left to continue whatever tasks he had to do, and Ava wondered if it was only the women that did not want her there.
“Flora, do ye think the men are more forgiving of me?”
“I think the women are angrier that ye married Keithen and use yer family as a good excuse to express their disappointment.”
There were so many questions Ava wanted to ask, but she was not sure Flora would tell her. As she had no one else to ask, she decided it was best to take a chance.
“I must ask, were there plans for Keithen to marry someone else before his father and mine interceded?”
Flora shrugged. “It was common knowledge his marriage would be an arranged one. However, like most men, he did have a few entanglements here and there.”
“With the woman who kicked my bucket?”
“Gracious, that would explain her ire.” Flora giggled. “I am not sure. I doubt it.”
Ava took a breath. “What about Catriona?”
At the question, Flora’s eyes widened. She looked to the doorway as if she expected to be overheard. “Why would ye ask that?”
“Because I know she has deep feelings for him.”
Flora frowned. “He and Catriona have been very close since they were children. It was rare to see one without the other. When they became older, Catriona then became closer with Esme. She and Keithen, however, have always been confidantes.”
“Where they ever more than friends?” Ava pushed, hoping Flora could somehow clarify what she’d heard earlier.
“I do not know. It may be best that ye ask her directly. As his wife, ye have a right to.”
Ava considered it. “I do not wish to cause her any undue anxiousness. It is just that I wish to know because of things I have heard.”
Thankfully, Flora didn’t ask what she’d heard or where. The woman was not only kind, but wise. “I understand,” she said.
“I must find Lady Fraser and tell her I will not be traveling with her. Do ye think she will be cross?”
Flora shook her head. “I am sure she will find someone else to travel with her. The laird’s brother’s wife likes to go with her.”
When Flora turned to the bucket, Ava stopped her with a hand to her upper arm. “Thank ye for being so kind to me. If anyone has reason not to care for me, it is ye. I can only hope to be able to repay ye.”
“What happened is not yer fault. Although I understand the bitterness of people who’ve lost loved ones through battles between our clans, I do not agree with blaming ye. Yer father’s decisions were not yers.”
Ava nodded. “Ye, Catriona and Lady Fraser have made my living here bearable. I hate that she is leaving because I am not sure the staff will obey me when I oversee her tasks. It will definitely be a task just to get them to do as they are told.”
“Ye should talk to Lady Fraser and ensure she speaks to them before leaving,” Flora said and took her hand. “Come, let us go find her now. I wager she is with Catriona.”
Ava was glad that Keithen was not in Catriona’s bedchamber when they arrived.
Lady Fraser turned to them as they walked in. “I am sure we can convince Flora to come and then ye will have company. The ride across the river is delightful.”
It felt strange to be in Catriona’s bedchamber after having heard her profess her love to her husband. Ava hovered near the doorway. “I have decided not to go,” she blurted.
A Fearless Rebel (Clan Ross Book 5) Page 17
